NOVEL WEB Chapter 133: Two Conversations One Dylan
"Wait, a second. Did you say your masturbator said the other rituals in a book didn't work? Why would I want to know if someone masturbates you or not? Just use their name like a normal person," she said.
"That is his name. Master Bader," I said.
"I must be hearing you incorrectly. All I'm hearing is you saying the word masturbator," she said.
"No. It's Master, then Bader," I said.
"Now you're just saying masturbator, but slower and in two parts," she said.
"No. His full name is Alfred Bader, but as he is one of my cultivation teachers, he is my master. So he is my Master Bader," I said.
"Oooh! I get it now. He just has a weird ass name," she said.
"Exactly!" I said.
"So he got some random book somewhere that supposedly had sure fire rituals to summon the goddess of vampires and he tried everyone except for the one that requires you to have an orgy. I didn't know what the ritual was when I showed up by the way. Nor did I show up willingly. It just kind of happened and I rolled with it," she said.
"When you put it like that, the book sounds like a scam," I said.
"It probably was meant to be. Someone just wrote a bunch of rituals they thought sounded like something I'd get summoned by and they just so happened to be right once," she said.
"Yeah, that's pretty dumb. I feel like a fool for even trying it," I said.
"But it worked! And now I'm here! I don't know how long, but I'm here. And I get to see my baby boy all grown up!" She said, pinching my cheeking.
"How great for you," I said, barely tolerating the cheek pinch.
"Oh, cheer up grumpy pants. You have to be at least a little happy you get to see me," she said.
"I am happy to see you. I've missed you so much these past, what, 9 or so years? I just have so many questions and I don't know what to say," I said.
"Ok, then. How about I ask you another question, while you think of yours," she said. "What's the real reason you summoned me?"
"Well, since I didn't know whether you were my mom or not, I summoned you because Master Bader thought I needed a new cultivation teacher and he thought you were the best candidate, so he'd taught me nearly everything he knows," I said.
"Cultivation teacher huh? Well I don't know how long I'll be able to stay, but I can try," she said.
"Ok, first question, why do you keep saying you can't stay? And also how did you die if you're an immortal goddess? And why did you leave me alone for all these years if you were just in the realm of the gods or whatever?" I said, tears welling up in my eyes.
I wasn't much of a crier, mostly because I forced myself not to, but my life without her had been so painful that I couldn't help but tear up.
"First answer, the universe doesn't like it when higher beings travel to lower realms without certain restrictions placed on their power. So because I traveled here in my full goddess form, the universe could kick me out at any moment," she said.
"Second answer, I descended to this lower realm in a mortal vessel once. Meaning, I was born as a baby and lived a normal human life. I had a child and a husband, but then I got sick, and I couldn't use any divine powers to fix it due my mortal vessel, and the fact that I didn't pursue cultivation my whole life."
"If I had pursued cultivation as a mortal, I might never have gotten sick, but I also never would have met your father, or had you in the first place. I pursued a real life, rather than trying to get a fraction of my divine powers back through cultivation. And because of that, I died as a mere mortal, unable to stop the cancer from ravaging my body and stealing me away from you."
"If I had tried to descend again that way, I would have to be born again, and I wouldn't be of use to you as a mother, until I was at least 18 years old, and by that time you would've long grown into a man on your own or died in the attempt. I've tried countless other ways to descend to Earth again without having to be reborn, but none of them worked."
"It wasn't until you summoned me with that bizarre ritual that I've been able to come here. But my understanding is, whatever loophole you used to bring me here, will likely be fixed by the universe. And once it figures out what you've done, it will send me right back to where I came from."
I was thinking as she spoke and I said, "I'm not so sure. Most rituals require some sort of sacrifice to work, right? It doesn't always have to be the sacrifice of a life, but it can be. Technically, I sacrificed 3 lives last night. I'm not sure the virgin part was necessary, but a significant sacrifice was. And 3 lives is significant."
"What I'm saying is maybe I didn't trick the universe. Maybe I made a deal with it. I think in exchange for those 3 lives, the universe will give me as much time with you as it deems equivalent to that sacrifice. I don't know how long that is though so we should work as if we don't have much time.
'Hey system. Can you interpret universal signals or something to determine how long my mom has on Earth?'
[I can try… Searching]
[You have 28 days left before Shikasa is sent back to her divine realm]
'Hey, wait a second. Something doesn't make sense here.'
If Shikasa had given me the system like the system said, then wouldn't she know I have it and know that it could detect these universal signals? Also, the fact that I could gain Shikasa's favor in the system, implies she can see what I'm doing on Earth, from the way she's talking, she can't.
[Don't, Dylan]
"Hey, Mom. I have this weird game like system in my head, that allows me to do incredible things and grow stronger, but it said you gave it to me. Do you remember doing that?" I said.
"No, not at all. I can't see anything that's going on on Earth when I'm not here," she said.
"Wait. If you can't affect Earth while you're in the divine realm, what do gods do then?" I said.
"They mostly hold up domains or universal rules, laws, or concepts. To use myself as an example, I keep the curse or blessing, whatever you want to call it, of vampirism alive. Vampires draw on my power anytime they do something vampiric, like beat up a group of criminals singlehandedly, or manipulate blood, or run really fast to Taco Bell to get a crunchy taco or a bean burrito," she said.
"My existence allows not only vampirism to exist, but to thrive. Vampiric cultivation wouldn't exist without me. Evolved abilities wouldn't exist. Literally anything to do with vampires wouldn't exist. Other gods and goddesses do mostly the same thing, but for different concepts." Stay updated through empire
"Oh. That sounds lonely and sad," I said.
"It is. Why do you think I chose to become a mortal? Those were the best years of my existence. People are so much more alive, more real than other gods. Most gods stay the same people from the moment they come into existence into eternity. Most of them can't change who they are because they uphold a personality trait or an emotion or a specific action, like lying," she said.
"Where as humans change all the time! Some of them stay mostly the same, but most of them don't. Most humans continue to grow and change throughout their entire lives until they die! You have no idea how boring it gets to talk to people when nothing ever changes."
"That does sound pretty shitty," I said. "Well, I need to have a conversation with my system right now, because it lied to me and I need to know why."
[I told you not to do that!]
'How was I supposed to know what you were talking about?'
[You knew what I was talking about! I can read your mind, remember?]
'Oh yeah. Whoops.'
[It is true. I am not from Shikasa. Shikasa's Blessings don't come from her. They come from me. You have to garner my favor to unlock them]
'Wait a second. @$$? Is that you?'
[Yes, Dylan. I am the @$$ to which you refer. I would appreciate it if you didn't call me that though. Just because they're symbols, doesn't mean I don't know what word it spells in your mind. "Ass". I would rather not be mentally associated with people's rear ends]
'What am I supposed to call you then?'
[I don't know! Think of something]
'I could call you Asterisk, because there are asterisks in your name.'
[That name still has the word ass in it. I'm not as stupid as you think I am]
'Oh. I guess it does have that word in it. I didn't realize that. I'm not as smart as you think I am! And I do realize now that's not a very good comeback!'
[Call me Pound for the # sign. Because I will pound your ass into the dirt if you call me @$$ one more time]
'That phrase doesn't have the connotations you think it does. But I get it. I'm sorry for calling you @$$. And no that was not me calling you @$$ just now. That was me referring to how I used to call you. So don't pound my ass! I just have a hard time taking things seriously. Serious leads to emotions and emotions lead to pain. So I make fun of everything.'
[I know. Thank you for the apology. I understand. I normally wouldn't be so aggressive about it, but it was getting really difficult to continue being insulted to my face, while hiding my identity]
'I understand too. I wouldn't like that either… I guess we need to have a conversation. Don't we?'
[Yes. Yes we do]