Usurper of Fire

Through the green hills of Hoburast, A tall slender man named Teavis traveled down an old road. In his heart, the flame of excitement burned as he had come up with a rather clever plan. A plan that would set in motion, things he couldn’t possibly predict. Much better than the time he had tried to train a child to fly. His very soul insisted on singing a song to share what was inside his heart.

Oh, look at these tiny little fuckers

You’d have to be crazy not to love them all

Oh, look at these tiny little fuckers

There’s always there, when you have to call

I might come from a land, where everyone can

Reach the top shelf, be it rice or meat

Oh I come from a world where you can’t find a girl

Who can your suck your dick on her two feet

Oh, look at these tiny little fuckers

You’d have to be crazy to not love them all

Oh, look at these tiny little fuckers

It’s like having a rabbit cupping your balls

I can’t wait to—

“Shut up!” a crabby old woman yelled at him from her stoop.

He entered through her fence, grabbed her by the shirt and guided her into her home to have a chat about the necessity of manners. A short while after, he left with a smile. The sun kissed his gaunt face, and he readjusted his headband to hold back his short, dark auburn hair.

The desire to sing had left him. There was serious work to do after all. A plan so long in the making, that it could not possibly fail.

Teavis skipped along the path, humming his melody. As he approached the center of town he caught evil glares from the smalls who dwelled there. He smiled and waved as he approached a very special door indeed. Behind this particular door was his greatest friend in the whole wide world. One he hadn’t seen in years.

He used both of his hands to knock rhythmically.

“Coming!” a voice called from inside.

He continued knocking, getting lost in the beat he was creating.

“I said I’m coming!” the voice said, anger rising in his tone.

Teavis only increased the speed of his knocking.

“Stop!” the voice screamed as a short man opened the door. He gazed straight into the crotch of the tall man, his body eclipsing the afternoon sun. The short man had messy blond hair that wrapped into an unkempt beard. Years away from adventure had caused him to put on more than a few pounds.

“Hello Drobo! I’ve returned!” Teavis said as he got on all fours and pushed his way inside. The home was large enough for him to stand in, but somehow, he felt this more polite.

“This house hasn’t changed one bit!”

“You’ve never been here before…How did you find this place?” Drobo closed the door as Teavis sprawled across a couch, causing it to fall to pieces.

“Put that on an IOU,” he said as he piled up all the pieces to sit on.

“Teavis…what are you doing here?” Teavis saw the lowered brow and tightened lips of Drobo and was already thinking of ways to politely decline being “roommates”.

“I haven’t seen you since…Oh no.”

“Yes, my dear friend. This is indeed about that. The call of adventure nips at your ears once more my below-average height friend. We have another quest to complete.”

“Adventure? Like the time you kidnapped me and held me for ransom? I believe you traded me for a three-legged dog if I remember correctly.” Drobo left the room to pour some tea.

“True. Probably could have held off for a four legged one but in my defense I felt bad for that enslaver. He told me his mother was sick and his horse was hungry, so I had to give him something so he could get home quickly.”

He returned and handed Teavis a small tea cup that he had to carefully grip with his fingers. As he took a sip of the steaming tea, Teavis threw the cup into his mouth and swallowed it whole.

“Oh my…” he muttered.

“Taste a bit cuppy if you ask me.” He pressed two fingers down on his adam's apple.

“So, I suppose you're here about the—”

“Yes indeed, I’m here for the orb. Hand it over to me.” Teavis held out his hand.

“You know I have no idea where it is.” Drobo’s hands shook as he took another sip of his tea.

“Nonsense. I had you hide it!”

“Yes, that’s true except you drugged me and pushed me into a raft heading down the Many Rivers. It was a week before I could have a sober thought. I haven’t any idea where it lay.”

Teavis sat up and stared into the small man’s eyes. He placed a finger on his shoulder.

“The answers are here, inside your heart. I’m well aware of the circumstances, which is why I thought this would be a fantastic call to adventure.” He stood hunched over, for no discernible reason, and held up a fist. “I know you long for the thrill of the road, the rush of a fight, and the treatment for sores on your shaft after a questionable night out. There is glory out there! Waiting for you. Waiting for you to grab the small of its back and rub your dirty little finger on the outside of its exit tunnel. Children will scream your name as they throw rocks at the weird kid in town. Women will throw themselves at you for a twenty percent discount. Why, by this time next month you’ll be the most famous small to ever exist.” Teavis clenched his fist and his cheeks, not wanting to spoil the moment with misplaced flatulence.

Drobo’s thoughts ran with ways to get out of this. How could he convince this psycho to leave peacefully?

Teavis’s eyes shifted from friendly to malicious as a pendulum on a grandfather’s clock.

“Teavis, I would love to accompany you but…but I’m afraid I have far too many duties here. And well, I can’t leave behind all my friends and family so easily.” Which was true. He had been running for mayor. He had just hoped Teavis didn’t mess it up since it’d be easy to convince the other smalls to send him away. “On top of the matter, this really seems like the kind of thing you should bring Esby for. Not me” Esby was the last person Drobo had seen in Teavis’s orbit. The two were peas in a pod or a knife in the sheath in this circumstance.

He lowered his head.

“Well, nay to that. Esby died.” He said with an uncomfortable lack of emotion.

“Still, my previous point stands.”

“I see…”

Drobo watched Teavis, watching as his shoulders and head relaxed. Then he looked down with a smirk, and Drobo’s heart sank into his stomach.

“I thought you might say that, so I prepared a little surprise to perhaps… convince you.” He crawled over to Drobo, turned him toward the door, and put his hands over his eyes. “Are you ready?” He asked with great excitement in his voice.

“All right…Let’s hear it…”

With Drobo’s eyes still covered, they walked outside. Teavis then lowered his hands.

Drobo's breath fell out in a gasp. On his front lawn the smalls from the village were gathered. Their bloodied corpses stacked as tall as his own home, and their dead eyes penetrated his soul as his blood ran cold. The terror that coursed through him caused his body to stiffen. He fell to his knees, sobbing.

“I know! Isn't it great?” Teavis patted him on the back. Pride filled his voice. “Now you don’t have to worry about leaving behind friends and family! Because they're all dead! It’s great right?”

“You’re a monster!” Drobo cried, pushing his face into the dirt and trying to catch his breath.

“Haha. Yeah… The important thing is that we can get moving soon, I’ll go pack some things for you while you say goodbye.” Teavis knelt and pointed at a small woman with blond hair on the top right of the pile. “She was a cute one eh? We’ll have to find another one like that for ya on the road!”

Drobo looked at the woman he had been planning to marry. Her neck was cut deep and the dress he had bought her was stained red.

As a whistling Teavis walked inside his home, Drobo looked at the flower garden that wrapped around his home to his right, spotting his sharpened trowel sticking out of the dirt. He slowed his breathing and gripped it in his hand.

“Oh wow! It’s like packing for a small child!” Teavis said as he placed various clothing and food into a bag. “What do you normally wear at a beach? I was thinking we might want to go on vacation after this. Drobo?” Floorboards creak behind him, and he turned.

There stood Drobo with his hands behind his back.

“Ah, there you are my friend. I’m almost done here. We should probably bring some of your valuables to sell. Where’s your stash?”

Yet he stood still.

Teavis approached him and kneeled. “Are you still mourning? That was like minutes ago…It’s time to let go, my friend”

Drobo roared as he stabbed the trowel into Teavis’s neck. He wiggled it to pull it out. Teavis fell onto his back, grabbing at the wound. He got on top of him and stabbed him in the chest over and over. Rage overtook every fiber of his being. Teavis could only gurgle as his body fell still.

Drobo rolled off him, and lay on his back, his chest heaving. A wave of loneliness washed over him, and he sobbed once more. He berated himself for not spending more time with the townsfolk, his friends and his family. He sat up, placed the pointed edge of the trowel to his wrist and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Before he could push down a hand grabbed his wrist.

“There, there my boy.” Teavis said with a smile. “It seems you accidentally and repeatedly stabbed me, but as you can see…I’m fine!” He lifted his shirt, no remaining wounds could be seen.

“How are you…?” Drobo asked.

“I suppose I never did tell you what I am. For that, I apologize.”

“That’s what you apologize for!” he screamed.

“Well, it was rather rude of me…So yes.”

“You’re one of them, one of the hybrids…”

Teavis nodded. The hybrids were relics from the Great War. People fused with the essence of something ethereal, that some considered gods. Others…thought them demons.

“Why…Why me?” Drobo dropped the trowel and put his head into his hands. “Why did you drag me into all of this? I never wanted this.”

“Drobo, you might not believe me, but I don’t have many true friends despite how well I dance or how cool I am. I trust you now, as I trusted you then. For one very simple reason.”

He looked up to meet Teavis’s eyes.

“And what reason is that?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“I flipped a coin.”

He stared at Teavis in disbelief. Then without thinking, he jumped on him, swinging and kicking.

Yet Teavis held him up with his arms and legs outstretched. “That’s it you little rascal! Nothing like a spot of exercise in the morning!” Teavis smiled as he swung Drobo through the air. “Weee!”

Drobo quickly ran out of energy and Teavis dropped him onto the floor.

“Alright, take a quick nap while I go bury the bodies. When you wake up, we’ll be ready to start our journey!”

He had no idea why, but at that moment he felt compelled to join him. If only for the chance to learn how to kill him.

“I can promise you one thing about this journey, Drobo.”

“What could you possibly promise me?”

“If you join me, you will get what you want most in this world.”

Their eyes shared an unspoken agreement.