Chapter 438: I WANT TO HUG YOU
Knox didn't know how to break this matter to July. He knew that he was being unfair to her and had dragged this matter for so long.
In the past, the first time he saw her, when they first met, he thought it wouldn't be a big problem. He thought it would be solved by time, he thought they would be together for as long as they lived.
He could watch her grow old and would always be by her side, no matter what happened, no matter what the reason, there was nothing that could make them apart.
Yet, the problem that he initially thought was nothing became bigger than he could ever imagine.
Their purposes in life were very different, they were not coming from the same state of mind and Knox couldn't give her what she wanted the most. Something that he thought would never bother them, but in the end, this was the thing that drove them apart.
"Let's end this."
It was a simple phrase, but it was hard for him to say it. He couldn't bring himself to look at July when he said those words, because he was not able to see her break apart.
He didn't want to see her like that, but it was important for them to end this when there was still love between them, when their hatred and resentment had not yet grown widely and before they could hurt each other further than this.
He wanted nothing for her but happiness, yet he could give her anything, but that….
"Let's end this."
"What do you mean?" July lifted her head to look at Knox, she tried to figure out what he was talking about. What did he mean by ending this?
July knew that what she had done was wrong, it was completely wrong and she wouldn't defend herself for that, since she was well aware how crucial the shattered souls were for Chaos. She was ashamed of what she had done, but she didn't regret her actions to keep Flo safe.
But…
"What do you mean you want to end this?" July asked. She could feel her throat becoming dry as her breathing became heavier, she pushed herself up from the floor and then approached Knox. "Tell me what do you mean by that?"
July tried to look him in the eyes, but he refused to look back at her. He avoided her eyes and didn't want to be touched by her.
Knox took a step back when she tried to move closer and this made her frown. "What is this? I understand that you are upset about what I have done… I understand that and I am sorry, but you didn't need to avoid me," July still tried to talk to him.
However, Knox didn't look like he wanted to hear anything from her anymore, thus he walked toward the bed and then laid down there, he felt so tired.
"Knox…" July immediately approached him because she didn't want him to start talking about ending things with her again. "Knox, I am so sorry… I know what I have done is unforgivable…"
Yet, Knox raised one of his arms to cover his eyes, he was exhausted and the light from the morning sun started to illuminate the whole room.
"The windows…" he said in a small voice.
Fortunately, July heard that, thus she immediately walked toward the windows and pulled the curtains to block the sunlight, so Knox could take some rest.
"… I know what happened between you and Sebastian," Knox said, before July could approach him again and this made her freeze in her place, with her back still facing him. "I know what happened between you and Sebastian at the border of East Draghar."
July felt as if someone had just thrown a bucket of cold water at her, as she started to shiver. That was the only thing that she didn't want Knox to know, but in the end, somehow, he found it.
"You don't know the details," July said, her voice sounded like a whisper, but it didn't matter, because Knox could hear her just fine. "I did not willingly accept the kiss. He did it all of a sudden and I couldn't avoid it." Fuck, she didn't even see that coming…
"I know," Knox said calmly.
"You know?" July turned around, her eyes fixed on Knox, who didn't move from his position yet. "You know and this is your reaction?"
Knox didn't answer that. He only closed his eyes, he didn't even move at all, or even tried to look at her.
"Another man kissed me and this is your reaction?" July didn't know when they started to drift apart and when they became like this. In the past, Knox would have killed any man who would do such a thing to her, but now, he looked so calm, he didn't even bother to look at her.
"That man was Sebastian." That was the best answer that Knox could give to her, after such a long moment of silence.
Knox could hear how she breathed raggedly and how she grinded her teeth, the anger that robbed off of her because of what he said, yet he still refused to look at her, because it would make him weak. Most importantly, he didn't want to take back what he had said.
"So, it's fine since that was Sebastian?" July hated the way her voice sounded, filled with anger and hopelessness.
"Do you want me to kill him?" Knox asked.
Yes, he wanted to kill Sebastian the second he learned about what had happened. If it was him ten years ago when he met her for the first time, he would have killed him. He wouldn't care even if Sebastian was the man who had been following him for almost two decades.
But then, he could see it…
He could see all the things that July wanted. She could get it from him. Only if she stopped loving him and accepted Sebastian, she would be happier. Sebastian would be able to give whatever she wanted.
With that thought, Knox managed to swallow his anger, he could face Sebastian calmly again. He suppressed his desire to kill him right there and then for what he had done to July.
She just needed time to understand that and she would understand eventually…
However, what July said next had shattered Knox's determination.
"Yes, kill him," July said. She was trembling when she said this, but she didn't know what else she had to say to make him hear her point.
How could he still not understand how deep her feelings for him were? Why couldn't he understand that?
"I will rather have you kill him than to see you give up on me," July stated. She was telling the truth. Saying what else did she have to make him understand?
She had waited years for him to return, built her own forces to protect this manor and had arranged everything amidst the chaotic situation when this city had fallen.
Everything she did, all the gruesome nights and horrifying sights that she had to endure, she did that all for him. She was willing to give up on everything, but now he wanted to give up on her?
What a ridiculous thought.
"If you think you can get away from me, you need to think again," July said. Her tone was full of warning when she said that and when Knox finally put down his arm, he could see the determination in her eyes.
The same level of determination that he had mustered up to let her go and let her find her own happiness.
How could he withhold something that she really wanted?
Knox watched as July approached him and then laid down beside him, as she hugged his body so tightly. She snuggled closer to him, while hiding her face.
"I will never let you go, don't you ever dare to say that this is over. I have bet my whole youth on you, don't you dare to turn your back against me and shun me away." July choked on her own voice, she was trying so hard to not cry.
She was not a child, she didn't need to cry when she dealt with this overwhelming emotion, she was a thirty eight year old woman and she could hold herself fine, but the thought of Knox wanting to end things with her made her feel suffocated.
"July…" Knox rubbed her back, as her body trembled, he knew she was crying right now.
"Don't talk to me, I want to sleep." July hugged him even tighter.
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"Knox said he has something for you in the library," Zuri told Chaos, once he opened his eyes. "I have checked and it's your shattered soul."
Zuri was laying down on the bed next to him, it was almost noon, but Chaos had just woken up now. His eyes became even darker if it was even possible and this made Zuri uncomfortable, because she felt like he was already on the verge of losing it.
"I have made you breakfast, but I think it's gone cold, I will warm it for you." Zuri was about to get off the bed when Chaos reached out for her waist and hugged her from behind.
"No, stay like this. I want to hold you like this," Chaos said, as he buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent that he loved. "I want to hug you for a little bit longer."
And Zuri let him hug her.
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*Read my new book: KISSED BY THE DARK ALPHA*
Alpha Micah Donovan's second chance mate.