Two Weeks Between Love and Hate

The two slept peacefully through most of the night. Jason had rolled onto his back while asleep, and Jillian had tossed and turned as she said she would, ending up with her arms wrapped back around him. Her head found its way to rest on his firm chest, although it wasn’t the most comfortable pillow. But the warmth and the rhythm of his heartbeat kept her sound asleep. Around five in the morning, one of them stirred slightly.

“Mmmmghh,” the redhead mumbled softly. Breathing deeply, Jillian let out a contented sigh as she inhaled his intoxicating scent once again. “Mmmmng. . . god papi.” Jillian mumbled in her sleep.

Wrapping a leg over his, her hand began to trace down Jason’s abs under the blanket they shared that was barely covering him. Her fingers glided over the front of his boxer briefs. Finding his bulge there, she gently caressed it. He breathed deeply as his arm moved to rest on her back, holding her slim waist. The two lay there together, still recovering from their late-night. She was obviously more out of it due to the copious amounts of alcohol she’d consumed, as she continued to stroke the flaccid length over the thin fabric.

“Mmm... please,” she whimpered almost sadly as she continued to touch the unconscious man.

Jason turned his head, his lips curling into a slight frown in his sleep. His arm moved from her around her waist to behind his pillow to support his head better, and his frown vanished and he continued to snore softly. Jillian’s hands didn’t stop, though. Her body craved affection, closeness, warmth. She needed it all. Her small fingers slid under his waistband, brushing against the bare flesh of his growing manhood. Her hips rocked back and forth, crotch grinding against the outside of his thigh, letting out another desperate whimper.

“Oh, Papi...”

Jason was just a man, with a body bound to the laws of nature like every other man. It took little for his dick to grow without conscious input many mornings. Jillian’s hand wrapped around the hardening shaft, and her whimpers became even more intense.

“Ahhn. . . fuck. . . So big.” Her breath quickened, and as she lay on his chest, she could hear the intensity of his heartbeat rise against her ear.

Soon, Jason’s hard-on was straining against his snug boxer briefs. He let out a groan from the discomfort, and Jillian’s mostly asleep brain seemed to sense it. Moving her hand back, she pushed the underwear down, unleashing his cock to stand at full attention. His expression relaxed as soon as he was free.

Jillian’s slender fingers slowly wrapped around Jason’s shaft, “You’re so hard for me, baby...“

She slowly slid her hand up but stopped halfway. Her subconscious seemed confused, holding it there for a moment half-lidded eyes stared at his cock. The throbbing in her hand became the disturbance in her fantasy that brought her back to reality. He let out a small groan wriggling a little, trying to get comfortable. She groaned as well, feeling the first pulse of a headache from her impending hangover.

“Ugh, fuck...my head,“ she whined softly, nuzzling her face into Jason’s chest.

“Mmm, Papi, I love it when you are still here in the morning. I had the strangest dream last night. I went back to my old house and ran into this guy I used to know.” She whispered softly, giving Jason’s chest a few gentle kisses.

“Can I give you a good morning blowjob? I promise to make you cum quick.”

Still very groggy and her blurred vision unable to make sense of what she was seeing. All the while she was caught up in some past memory of another man. She turned her head, her eyes opened a bit more as her hand began to stroke up from the base of Jason’s erection.

“Wow… you’re so big this morning. You must be really excited to…” the rest of her words died in her throat. Blinking several times to clear her vision while mesmerized by the impressive length and a girth in her hand.

The world slowly came into focus, accompanied by an intense pounding in her head. This wasn’t the situation she thought she was in. The chest she was resting her head on felt firmer than the one she remembered. As the outline of Jason’s erection became more visible in the dim morning light, Jillian quickly let go of his length. Watching it fall, her eyes followed and bounced with its movement.

“Oh… oh no, no, no, no” she whispered, feeling a sense of panic wash over her.

"What have I done..." Her fuzzy memories slowly returned with the headache.

“… I asked him.. to forgive me for a fucking blowjob?! What the fuck is wrong with me?!” She looked down at his exposed penis again. “But..we went to bed together…and now his dick is hanging out?” She could still feel the remnants of his warmth. “Did I pull his dick out in my sleep?” her thoughts racing wildly.

A sudden fear gripped her. What if he woke up and found them like this? Would he be angry that she had touched him like that? Would he understand if she explained what happened? Would this be what made them devolve into another shouting match? After all the progress they’d made last night? At least she thought they made some progress, she was in his bed wasn’t she?

Jillian didn’t want any of that. She didn’t want to face angry Jason again; the hurtful words, the awful bickering, and the back-and-forth. Her heart raced, and panic began to overwhelm her.

“I gotta put this monster away… but seriously, good for you, Jason.” She reached back down to the man’s underwear, her shaky hand moving slowly and carefully to his waistband. There was no way she could put it away with it fully erect like this.

“Go down, go down, please, please,” she begged, hoping if nothing touched it, his erection would fade quickly. She waited for several moments, simply holding his waistband out, waiting for it to soften.

“Mmmm, what’s going on?”

Jillian, was startled by Jason’s voice, quickly yanking her hand back from his underwear. Unfortunately, the waistband of the boxer briefs snapped down right on his balls. He immediately let out a pained groan, his hands quickly moving down to his crotch.

Jillian let out a startled, “Oh shit!” and brought a hand to her mouth.

She quickly pushed herself up and off of his chest. Instinctively, she reached out to him, as if she could help soothe the pain she’d caused, but stopped herself half way.

“Oh god, fuck I’m so sorry!” she sounded like she was about to cry as she sat there on her knees. The only silver lining was that his erection went down much quicker due to the pain.

“Ahggh, what the hell is going on?” Jason’s tone was between anger and the pain-filled rasp of someone who had just taken a blow to the crotch first thing in the morning.

“I-I-I.” Jillian stammered, her hands shaking as she watched the man quickly remove the waistband from his most sensitive of areas and pull his underwear back up. He winced slightly, then sat up against his headboard, blinking and rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palms.

“Jillian? What the hell?” he asked, looking at her in the dim light, unable to see her full expression.

She lowered her head, long curls hiding her face. Jason frowned as he picked up on her guilt.

“Jillian...why was my underwear down?”

The conversation from the night before came back to him then. He remembered her begging for him to use her mouth, but then before falling asleep she had promised not to bug him. Trying to do it anyway, after he had already said no, was definitely bugging him.

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” Jason’s voice was low and cold. She quickly looked back up at him with fear in her eyes.

“I... I just,“ trying to explain what had actually happened would be pointless. The truth wouldn’t help her case. He watched her frown deepen as she looked away. She shook her head slowly, unable to say anything in her defense. She had no excuses for him. “I’m sorry, Jason.”

Jason scrunched up his face as her apology only confirmed his suspicion. After a moment of thought, he pulled the blanket over his lower half.

“You should probably leave...” his words stung so badly, even though it wasn’t a curse. Somehow, him calmly dismissing her was almost worse than yelling. Jillian could only nod in agreement.

“Y-yeah,” she said, her voice catching slightly. Sniffling a bit, she moved to the edge of the bed, making sure Jason couldn’t see her face. Tears blurred her vision, dripping down her cheeks as she grabbed her yoga pants. She hurriedly pulled her pants on and slipped on her shoes.

Jillian tried so hard not to make a sound, but her quiet sobs were all that could be heard in the small room. She wondered why she always ended up in the same awful situations. Messed up every possible good thing that came her way. It was like she couldn’t control herself. The sobs made him feel worse and worse, like each one was a punch to the gut. His brain told him he should be angry and annoyed with her, but the rest of him cringed with each sound she made. Grabbing her bra, she hurried over to the door, pausing before she left.

“I’m truly sorry,” she said, leaving the room right after.

Jason wasn’t sure why, but he got out of bed and went to his window to look out at the front yard. The front door opened and closed quietly. He watched her as she darted towards the sidewalk… then stopped and turned back to face the front door again. It was almost like she was waiting for him to come out and stop her from leaving. The morning fog made the world look gray. With each passing moment, her face twisted into a more distressed and pained expression until it was that same devastated look he saw that first night. She finally turned and sprinted away into the distant fog.

Jason felt a sudden pain in his hands. Only then he noticed his fists were clenched so tightly his knuckles had turned white. Relaxing his hands, he opened them to reveal small red marks on his palms, some of them slowly beading up with blood where his nails had dug into the skin.

“Damn it. . .” he grumbled with a deep frown. Why was he the one feeling guilty again when she was in the wrong? He had technically known Jillian for nearly twelve years now, but honestly, he couldn’t say that any of the days spent with her were great, or even good.

Jason put all this time and energy into hating the woman. But when they actually talked like civil adults, it was like they had a genuine connection…surprisingly. She was kind of funny, and when they weren’t fighting, she was sort of sweet..in her own way. It didn’t feel like he was being nice to her, but she kept showing up anyway, defying his expectations of her. He stared out at the empty road for a few minutes more. Then came a knock.

“Jason? I heard the front door close. Did you just get home?”

He hesitated a moment before replying.

“Um, no mom. I was up and needed to get something from my car. Sorry if I woke you.” He hated lying to his mom, and he was awful at it, but with the door between them, it seemed to work this time. There was no way he could tell her the truth. It was far too absurd.

Jillian ran down the sidewalk in the chilly morning fog, holding her bra tightly in her hand. Tears were still falling from her eyes, and she couldn’t figure out why she was crying so much. He just asked a simple question and told her to leave - she should be fine, right? But for some reason, she felt this intense pain that was tearing her apart inside. She ran home, grabbed the spare key from the fake rock by the bushes, and quietly let herself in. She went straight to her room, laid down on her bed, still fully dressed, shoes and all.

Why did she trick Jason into letting her into his bed? Did her drunk self really think he would give in and have sex with her? The answer was not surprising - yeah, she expected him to be like every other guy. Just pretending to be that one man that was not like those other guys. She expected he would show his true colors when they were alone together. But he never even laid a finger on her. All she wanted was to get laid and prove to herself that Jason was just another man who would take what he wanted and leave. She was wrong, and she messed up, big time. Instead of proving anything, she showed him she was just another whore, desperate for attention.

As Jillian laid there on her pillow facing the wall, she smacked her forehead with a fist.

“Why. . . why are you still like this?” she whispered to herself, smacking herself several times. Six months had passed, and she was still the pathetic girl she’d fought so hard to leave behind. If she couldn’t live a normal life, maybe she should go back. It was like a bad itch that wouldn’t go away. All it would take was one call, and she’d be back in that compound. At least she knew what she was there.

Jillian laid there, her pounding headache keeping her from doing the one thing she wanted to do more than anything. Sleep. She just stared at the wall of her room. No, this wasn’t her room anymore - it belonged to June now. She didn’t belong there. She’d abandoned this family a long time ago. Gave up her right to this life, but she was back anyway as damaged goods.

When Jillian randomly showed up at her parents’ doorstep months ago, she barely understood what she was doing. She was extremely malnourished, skin and bones, in her attempt to please someone who used her for his own entertainment and twisted desires. When her mother opened the front door with a toddler in her arms, Jillian almost bolted. Ginny must have seen the panic in her eyes because at that moment she grabbed her, holding onto her tight with Calvin in between them. The sobs that her mother cried that day still haunted Jillian. They simply stood on the front walkway, Jillian’s own tears quickly joined her mother’s. Together they cried for what seemed like an eternity.

The rest of the family soon joined them. Her brothers, June..her father. It was the only time she had ever seen her dad shed a tear, even a little bit. But those small tears meant everything to Jillian. Still, she couldn’t help the awful desire to go back to that personal prison, back to where she felt she at least belonged. Where she would be treated like how she felt, like a broken toy, just a moment away from being tossed in the trash.

Jillian didn’t know when she stopped crying, but after June had left the room, she let herself cry even harder. On the verge of passing out from exhaustion, she heard her mom calling from outside the door.

“Jillybean, Mika’s here. She has your phone and wants to talk. Can you come down?”

Jillian lifted her head from her tear-soaked pillow and called back to her.

“Be-“ Jillian’s first attempt came out quiet and hoarse, but she cleared her throat and tried again. “Be right there,” with that she heard her mother’s footsteps fade away down the stairs.

Slowly pushing herself up, she sat on the edge of the bed for a moment. She took several moments to try to motivate herself to get up. Finally, she forced herself to her feet and made her way to the door. She crept down the stairs slowly, gripping the handrail tightly to steady herself on shaky legs.

Walking over to the front door, Mika was standing in the entrance looking at some pictures while she waited for Jillian.

“Hey,” Jillian spoke up softly, and Mika turned to look at her.

“Yo, I just wanted to -- oh god,” Mika blurted, seeing her friend’s red and puffy face.

“Mika, would you like to stay for lunch, dear?” Ginny called out from the kitchen.

“Uhhhhhh, no thanks, Mrs. L. can’t stay long. I do need to steal your daughter for a bit, though.” Mika said, grabbing Jillian’s arm and pulling her outside. Once the door was shut behind them, Mika nearly screamed, “What the fuck happened to your face?!”

“N-nothing.”

Mika dragged the redhead away from the house, towards her parked car. Jillian didn’t understand, but she trusted her friend, trying to keep up. Once they were inside Mika’s car, she shoved a half empty water bottle into Jillian’s chest.

“Drink that right fucking now,” she demanded.

“What in the wide world of fucked up sports happened to you?! Did Jason say something again?! I swear I’ll cut off his fucking d--“

“No, he didn’t do anything,” Jillian tried to explain gently.

Taking a long drink from the bottle she was given, Jillian coughed slightly as the lukewarm car water went down her parched throat. Flipping down the sun visor and looking in the mirror, she frowned deeply at her appearance. Her eyes were super bloodshot and her face was red and puffy, while her cheeks were sunken like she was dehydrated.

“It wasn’t anything he said or did... I fucked up,” Jillian continued her explanation, but all she got from her best friend was an eye roll and a scoff.

“Jesus Christ. When are you going to stop blaming yourself for everything?” Mika growled, scowling at her friend, but was with a harsh look in return. Left a bit stunned when she wasn’t met with her friend’s usual humor. Instead, it seemed Jillian was serious this time. “Whoa...okay, well...What happened then?” She asked, now more concerned than angry.

“Can we...go get coffee? I feel like I can barely function,” Mika nodded to her.

“Sure babe, anything you want.” Starting her car, the two headed off to find a fix of caffeine.