True Education: I Have a Life Simulator

Karuizawa Kei curled up alone by the door to Kitagawa Ryo's room. Sitting on the carpeted floor, she hugged her knees. Thanks to the soft rug beneath her, the chill didn't seep through. She absentmindedly ran her fingers through the plush fibers, marveling at how she managed to keep a straight face after hearing the word "engagement" — how she hadn't lashed out or broken down, but had instead wandered aimlessly out of the restaurant, and eventually dragged herself back here in silence.

Half a year ago, she would have gone straight to Ryo to confront him, demanding an explanation for why he said it was just "a friend's sister," or why he hadn't admitted the truth when she questioned him. She could have hurled a thousand accusations at him. But now, Kei had simply walked away.

She realized she was afraid. Afraid of the truth. Afraid to confront it. Deep inside, she was still waiting for Ryo to come to her and explain everything. All she wanted to do was believe in him. To nod and say, "It's okay, I understand. You don't need to worry about me, Ryo."

Just like she said to him last night as they parted:

"I'm really glad you came back to find me."

Yes, she truly was glad. Ryo was still protecting her like before. Still treating her gently. Still staying by her side. As if those things could magically erase the fact that he would leave again soon. As if they could blot out the sudden, unfamiliar word: engagement.

Kei clutched at her chest, her fingers digging into the fabric of her shirt. Then she tore open the packaging that held the black dress they'd bought earlier that day. Hugging it tightly to her chest, she pressed her face into the soft fabric. The scent of a brand-new dress filled her nostrils. The hem cascaded down her knees like flowing water. In that moment, she could see Ryo's dark eyes filled with rare urgency and sincerity.

He truly did love how she looked in this dress.

Kei stood and spun in place, holding the dress in front of her like she was trying it on. The polished hallway wall reflected her faint silhouette like a mirror. Her lips pursed into a bashful smile. For a moment, she looked like a bride-to-be.

Bride.

The word floated into her mind, a natural extension of the word "engagement."

She suddenly remembered an event from first grade. The teacher had asked each student to share their dream job. A boy said he wanted to be a scientist — not that he knew what scientists actually did, but the image of swirling potions in test tubes seemed cool. Another boy said he wanted to be a pro baseball player, just because hitting a ball far looked heroic.

When it was Kei's turn, she stammered and couldn't think of anything. Thankfully, the teacher let her off the hook. But right after her, a girl stood up boldly and declared she wanted to become a princess — to marry a prince.

That answer instantly stole the spotlight. Kids who had already answered regretted not saying it, and those who hadn't yet started copying. Suddenly, the whole class was filled with princes, princesses, grooms, and brides.

Now at fourteen, Kei tried answering that question again.

Seven or eight years had passed, but she still had no answer.

Idol? Writer? Actress? Though this was the age for wild dreams, Kei realized with frustration that she didn't have any.

But the word "bride"... that, at least, stirred something real.

So maybe, she did have a desire after all. A dream.

"Ryo..."

Clutching the dress, she crouched again, hugging it tightly. Just whispering his name made her heart beat faster. She wanted to call out to him. The feeling was warm and itchy all at once.

As long as Ryo was there, she felt safe.

Was that what "liking someone" meant?

In that empty hallway, Kei calmed herself.

"Then why... why did I only remember Ryo after being bullied?"

Truthfully, during the first three months after losing contact with Ryo, Kei enjoyed her role as the center of the class. She hadn't noticed any immediate fallout from his absence. She thought she could survive on her own.

But when he showed up yesterday, when he pulled her away from the scalding coffee, she had clearly, vividly felt that sense of safety again. So much that she clung to him and cried. So much that she kissed his neck.

Now, she no longer knew what was real.

Was it love? Or just dependence? Was she tricking herself into thinking she liked him because she wanted someone to lean on?

"Liar..."

Kei murmured to herself. She'd once read about the "suspension bridge effect." When someone crosses a shaky bridge and their heart races from fear, they might mistake that sensation for attraction if they meet someone at that moment. It's often cited as the reason behind cliché "hero saves girl" romances.

"It's so messed up..."

She had every reason to love Ryo — he saved her, after all. That should be enough.

But Kei shook her head in frustration and bit her lip. She tried desperately to find proof that her feelings were genuine. That it wasn't just about needing protection. That she wasn't some helpless girl clinging to the first hand offered to her.

She couldn't admit it. If she did, she wouldn't be able to face him anymore.

Who would call such twisted feelings "love"?

Kei stared hatefully at her reflection on the wall. She had a cute face, sure. But she knew how many scars lay beneath it — some healed by time, others etched deep into her heart. They made her loathe herself even more. Cute, yet talentless. Gentle, yet weak. Always needing someone else to survive.

If only she could...

Kei touched her own reflection, wishing she could start over.

She wanted to grow stronger. To live without fear. To never be bullied again. And then— fall in love, normally, healthily.

But that too was just another form of escapism. Kei wasn't even trying to change from this moment onward.

In the end, she stood up.

Whether this feeling was real or not, whether her love was valid or not, there was only one thing she could do now:

Stay by Kitagawa Ryo's side.

Because she had long since become someone who couldn't stand on her own.

-------------------------------------

"In the blink of an eye, you were gone. Turns out you went to change into your new outfit," Kitagawa Ryo said as he returned to the morning's clothing store, following the map on his phone, just in time to see Karuizawa Kei step out in her black dress.

"Since Ryo said I look good in it, I thought I'd let you look a little longer," Kei replied playfully, picking up where he left off. Compared to her earlier reluctance, she now looked confident, twirling before him proudly. "It's the same color as your eyes."

"Now that you mention it, you're right."

Ryo was slightly surprised that Kei didn't bring up the lunch meeting with Horikita Suzune. He clearly remembered how she reacted the moment the word "engagement" was brought up—shocked, at the very least—but after that, there was nothing more.

Not that Ryo had anything to hide. He had immediately told Horikita his thoughts: the engagement was an arrangement between their parents and meant nothing if neither party was interested. Horikita only had to make her stance clear, and Ryo would handle the rest.

What surprised him, though, was Horikita's reaction. She didn't reject it outright. Instead, she said that since Ryo was Manabu's friend, she wanted to understand him better—as a way to understand her brother.

After a brief exchange of views and a few thoughts on literature, sparked by the book "Crime and Punishment," Ryo considered the lunch duty fulfilled on both his parents' and Manabu's behalf.

Maybe it was the mental strain from that conversation—or just a lack of sleep—but after browsing a couple of shops, even Ryo began to lose interest. Kei, sensing this, suggested a break. They found a bench near a bus stop and sat down. Ryo started reading the bus route schedule, counting stations to pass the time.

Suddenly, his eyes lit up at a familiar name. He pointed it out to Kei.

"Do you remember this park?"

Kei leaned in, brushing her head lightly against his to see.

"Seems familiar... Did we go there before?"

"I think so. There's a temple on the hillside there—I remember you took me. Honestly, it was my first time taking a bus that far. I thought we'd never get back."

"You? Scared of that back then?" Kei giggled.

"In my mind, you were always my all-capable childhood friend."

"Come on, nobody's all-capable. Everyone has things they can't do alone," Ryo said, unzipping his jacket and reversing it to show the back zipper.

"Look, you can't zip this up alone."

He tried demonstrating, but his arm got stuck halfway.

"You look ridiculous…" Kei laughed, glancing nervously at the attention he was attracting. "Just turn it back around."

Once Ryo zipped it back normally, he grinned. "That's why I made Horikita try it at lunch. She insisted she could survive on her own without anyone else."

"And?"

Ryo shrugged, recalling how Horikita's face turned red in frustration as she struggled to prove her point.

"Hey, let's go to the pet store," he said suddenly.

"Thinking about getting a cat or a dog? I can stock up food in advance. I even know a vet. That way, even after I leave, you won't be alone."

Kei saw through him instantly—but she played along.

"Sounds great. I really do like cats and dogs."

What she wanted was to accept everything Ryo gave her. She wanted their lives to intertwine so completely that no matter how far Ryo ran, she'd be able to pull him back.

Half an hour later, Kei laid eyes on a beautiful white cat with glowing firefly-colored eyes. The cat rubbed its sleepy eyes and tail against Ryo's finger affectionately.

"How about naming it Hotaru?" Ryo asked, placing the cat in her arms.

"I love it," Kei said gently.

She played with the cat's paws. It wasn't fierce at all.

"Then Hotaru is your cat now."

"I think it should be our cat," Kei lifted Hotaru's paw and waved it at Ryo cutely. "Don't you think so?"

Her eyes were full of laughter.

I don't need to lie. Why lie?

[CG Scene: Lies — End of Reading.]