Troubled Youth

You know how people say, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade?" Well, those people are idiots because lemons alone don't make a lemonade. You at the very least need some sugar to balance all that sour.

LIfe is such a thing. The bad needs a little good to make existence worth living. It doesn't take much, really. But an undeniable fact is that some people get a bit more sugar than others. Was this fair? Of course not. Life was never meant to be fair, and anyone who complains about it needs a good slap to the face.

I, for one, have long since stopped whining about the unfairness of the world. You get what you get. Rather than bitch meaninglessly over your misfortunes, it's better to keep them all bottled up inside until you either get past that shitty stage in your life or decide you can't be bothered and just kill yourself.

Hell, I won't shame a person for wanting to check out early. Not everyone is willing to put up with life's bullshit. Personally, I live for the small pleasures.

"What has you in such thoughtful silence?" My homeroom teacher, Arakawa Ryoko, appeared at my side.

I blew out a stream of smoke before answering. "Just contemplating the vicissitudes of life." Which was just a convoluted way of saying a change in fortune. Often unwelcome.

The woman leaned against the guardrail, taking a position to my right. She offered a light snort. "You're too young to be thinking about such dreary things."

I cut her a glance. For a woman nearing her thirties, she was rather fit. Long legs, tight buttocks, and a slim waist. She certainly didn't lack in appeal, this one. Even her large red-framed glasses were rather cute on her. I'd never thought that way about her glasses before, now that I think about it. I wondered if she was giving me a new fetish.  

"It's not the years, but the mileage," I replied smoothly. That was often the case, wasn't it? You didn't have to be old to feel the weight of your years. Some people just had more baggage to carry.

"Leave the cynicism to the adults, please." Ryoko brushed back a lock of black hair that shone with a faint purple sheen in the sun's light. "And I told you to stop smoking, didn't I?"

"You told me to stop smoking in class." I calmly corrected her. "You said nothing about the rooftop."

She sighed. "I hate semantics." And I had to agree. Everyone did when they weren't the ones using them. "These things will kill you, you know."

"Everything kills us, sensei," The word I so rarely used felt weird in my mouth. " The air can kill us. This can just kill us a little faster, with the added benefit of a satisfying nicotine addiction."

"This is my fault. I shouldn't be trying to reason with a guy like you." She tsked. "Well, whatever. Give me one." Ryoko all but demanded. Naturally, I obliged. I'm nothing if not a gentleman.

"Light." She leaned closer. The faint fragrance of mango tickled my nose, replaced soon by he scent of a newly lit cigarette.

"One of these days you're going to have to bring your own."

"I have you, so why should I?"

I offered a laugh that was entirely mocking. "Aren't you ashamed as a teacher? Bumming a smoke from your own student like this."

"This idiot student of mine is a lost cause anyway," She replied carelessly. "Besides, when did I ever want to be a teacher? Also, you're the one who started me on these. Take responsibility."

Her words were not untrue. Any of them.

"So, anything new?" She asked, blowing a stream of smoke into the air.

I considered telling the truth. But when people asked these sorts of things they usually didn't really want an answer. The proper, polite thing to do is lie.

"Nothing in particular." It wasn't like we were close enough to share our troubles. And who wanted to share another person's troubles anyway? Everyone had their own to deal with already. Hence, the lie.

"You're so full of shit," The woman replied bluntly. "Even if it's only in name, I am a proper sensei. You sure you don't have something you need to unpack? I'm all ears." She persisted.

"Are you insisting because you really care, or because you think you're supposed to care?"

"Good point," She answered, no hesitation at all. "Alright, I'll shut up." See? Maybe it would be different if we were actually friends, but I didn't have many of those. Not really due to a lack of social skills, though maybe that was true now.

Rather, people just found it best if they didn't associate with me. Rumors can do that to a guy.

"And you?" I questioned back, not really caring or expecting a reply. "Anything new on your end?"

Ryoko put her weight on the rail. "We've got a transfer coming." She shrugged. "One more brat to take care of."

"Poor you."

"Right?" She gave a sardonic smile. "Fuck me."

I raised a brow. "Is that an invitation?" I earned myself another of her snorts.

"My, aren't you eager. At least buy a girl dinner first." Not really to my surprise, my comment was met with good humor instead of anger. 

It's why I like Ryoko. If nothing else, she didn't take much too seriously. 

"Too expensive," I refused, flicking the butt of my smoke out into the world. "What would a melon bread get me?"

"You can kiss my ass, that's what." I opened my mouth, but she beat me to it. "Don't." She seemed slightly annoyed. 

"I wasn't going to say anything."

"Weren't going to try and accept the deal, were you?"

"It's a fine ass," I shrugged. 

She frowned at this. "I know that," She spoke with a calm arrogance. "But you have quite some cheek, talking this way to your teacher."

"You've got quite some cheek too, Ryoko-sensei. Cheeks."

"Do you want detention?" 

"What, so you can take advantage of me away from prying eyes? No thanks."

She rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I really don't know how your parents raised you, for you to end up so irritating."

I nearly laughed at that. The answer would be a resounding not well. But, as always, I wasn't about to complain. Everyone's parents fuck them up. Mine just did slightly better at that than some.

Ah, forget it." She threw her cigarette away. "Lunch is almost over, get to class already."

I gave a noncommittal wave of the hand.   

As she walked away, I heard her grumble," What 17-year-old talks that way? Honestly. Disrespectful little..."

And that one did make me laugh.

***

In my second year of junior high, I had something of a crush on a girl. She was kind and pretty, someone easy to talk to. I wasn't so blind as to think her kindness meant she liked me back. She had a boyfriend, for one thing. I was already quite jaded by then, for another.

I respected that she was in a relationship so I never tried anything. At that age, maybe I wouldn't even know what to try given the chance. But regardless, my feelings and her relationship status did not get in the way of us becoming friends.

Eguchi Asami was her name. Very sweet, cheerful. She had this kind of purity that instantly attracted me to her. Or maybe that was just the delusions of youth. Either way, she truly was a very good girl.

Her boyfriend, on the other hand, was scum. It was not in anything he did or said in particular. He was a popular guy with many friends, so he couldn't have been all bad. But the reason I say scum is because he was not a one-woman man.

I won't bother to explain how I found out this sordid detail, but suffice it to say I wasn't very happy about the guy cheating on a girl like Asami. My own feelings aside, I loathed such acts. Of course, i did confront him about it and he seemed truly regretful.

I thought that would have been the end of it. It wasn't. Instead, as soon as I'd let him go the bastard and the girl started to spread lies. Talking about how I'd tried to molest her or some such nonsense, and how he'd rescued her.

They were pretty good actors. Of course, given his popularity and the bitch's tears everyone was quick to believe them. I had never been the friendliest of classmates, so it's not like there was anyone who could vouch for me.

In a matter of days, the entire school had turned against me and there were even talks of expulsion.

Asami, the dear girl, was the only one hesitant to believe the rumors. The thing that turned her against me? The truth.

I'd long since gathered evidence to show her, and everyone, that the asshole was just talking shit. I was ready to expose his lies. My mistake was two-fold. The first was misjudging Asami. She was not a kind girl, she was a fragile one. She was not nice out of kindness, she was nice out of fear. Necessity.

She had known she was being cheated on. She knew that girl hadn't been the first one, even. But she "loved" him and loved the friends she had made because of him.

Asami had always been nice, but she had not been overly popular until that bastard had picked her out. I'd seen her change from a quite, reserved girl to a more confident, outgoing one during the course of her relationship. She became friends with so many more people and had reached a high status not just among their class, but their school.

Honestly, before all that drama began I thought maybe the boyfriend had been a good influence on her. She seemed happier to me, and I, in turn, was happy for her. She enjoyed being accepted and liked by so many, and that was fine.

But there it was. My mistake. See, her weak mentality made the thought of returning to her previous self a dreadful one. And so the moment I showed her the pictures I'd gathered, she didn't even hesitate to throw my phone into the nearby riverbank.

That was the second mistake right there: Not having backups. By that point, I was thoroughly disgusted with Asami. But I did understand her and didn't resent the girl. Instead, I resented my own failures. Without those pictures, my words were meaningless. I'd never convince people I was innocent.

And even though at that point I didnt hate Asami, I still couldn't stand her. Not that it would have made a difference. She distanced herself, too. Then more rumors started up, about her and I. Everyone knew she had taken my side during that time and they questioned why she suddenly turned away from me.

The story that was weaved? I tried to molest her, too. All I could think of as she stood in front of the whole class, accusing me through teary eyes, was how much more I hoped that boyfriend would break her.

It was petty and mean. But that's what I wanted. I hated that about myself.

Naturally this time the school did get involved. After telling my side of things, and both parties lacking evidence, it was decided I would take time away. Not an expulsion, but it may well have been better if that had been the case.

I did learn from this experience, however. First, people are complicated and shitty. Second, always keep a goddamn backup.

This was not the first major misfortune of my life. It damn well wasn't the last. But the reason I remembered something so insipid on a clear, bright day like this?

"It's been a while, Shuu. Are you doing well?"

Another fucking lemon coming my way, huh.