Transmigration Into The Beginning After The End

CHAPTER 2 -ETERNAL GUILT-

It had been almost a year since my soul was brought here into this world. 

In that year, I tried to do the most important thing that every reincarnation does after being sent to another world. Learning how to crawl. During this time, I would spend it doing small exercises like moving in a crawling position but failed due to my body always being in a fatigue mode. 

It was exhausting to even breathe yet harder to keep my eyes open to take in all the surroundings of this new world. Truth to be told, I was excited every time I would wake up here. There was a time where in the first few months, I would try anything to wake up from this 'fantasy' dream for every novel enjoyer. 

I had to accept that I was in another world–as a reincarnation–as reality. Yet, somewhere on the back of my mind a small piece of me told me that this was all a game. 

It told me that if I were to believe this then I would be no better than a fool, it was right. But there was nothing with me believing the opposite, right?

So I did what any other person would do. Information. Information about this world and along with many other things. Which is the reason why I would learn how to crawl to find some sort of library here in this house, just like in the Leywin's old house before Arthur blew it up with his mana core. 

I learned many things in that novel, for instance, the need to learn from your mistakes and to learn to move forward with them. Fighting for one, is not something I could learn on earth. Trying to obtain knowledge about swordsmanship was different from learning how to use it on a sword. 

Trying to use a sword where an era is about the future and technology was a pain, being called weird from wanting to learn things from the past was going through the limit of exhaustion. That was the thing though, I never resented that life or world, instead I embraced it because thanks to that I was able to learn about The Beginning After The End. 

The sole thing that kept me from wanting to give up on everything and die. Regrets and mistakes.

However, this time it was going to be different. I was going to live this life to the fullest. Whether I had the power to destroy nations or a power level where I couldn't even hold a sword, it wouldn't matter to me. 

I opened the doors in the single narrow hallway. Three doors on each side, making it six doors all together with some interesting things inside. Is what I wanted to say but I was still an infant, so opening doors wasn't the best option here. 

It appeared that I had to wait for someone to open them or perhaps leave them opened for me to enter. 

But before I could even try my plan, a set of gentle hands picked me up. As I was being brought up, in the corner of my eyes I noticed white long strands of hair and I already knew who it was. "Luke Hodges, what are you doing here alone in the hallway?" Said my mother in a cheerful tone. 

White silky long hair and red crimson eyes, her pale skin tone as she was only a housewife. Her name was Mia Hodges. Another voice came from the other end of the hallway, tall–around six feet–holding a sword on his waist while taking off his training armor. Upon taking out his helmet, I was able to see his short black hair along with his blue crystal eyes. 

"Oh, you two seem to be having fun." Pointed out the tall man walking towards us a little faster than a walk. Still, he was holding onto his sword, something I found amusing for some time. "You've come from work I predict?" 

The black haired man gave my mother a smile that reached his eyes in excitement. Both of his hands retracted away from me–like he was going to pick me up from my mother–and pulled out an envelope with a crest emblem. 

My mother gasped when she saw the crest emblem and hurried to my father's side, she hugged him with me in between. It appeared that both didn't seem to remember that I was there because I was being crushed by both sides. 

Moments later I let out a small cry to let them know, and surprisingly they backed off their lewd hug. Mia apologized to me for not noticing my presence in her arms, to which I responded by looking away to the door next to us. 

She knew for so long that I wanted to enter that room. It was a small goal for now but I really needed information about this medieval world. And James Hodges–my father–confirmed it to me when I constantly saw his sword when he would leave for work. 

Complying with my wishes, my mother opened the door next to us three and walked in. 

Being dark as hell my eyes couldn't keep track of anything in here. Whether I was having my eyes closed or not, it was difficult knowing which one. Until, a flash of fire–what seemed like a lighter or a torch–lit up the room. 

I tried to turn my head to it but it was blocked by my mothers body. I cursed but instead looked at the bright side, everything in this room was as I expected. Filled with books, wooden containers also with books and not only that but a mirror that was around seven feet tall and three feet wide. 

It had already been picking at my interest, knowing how I, Luke Hodges, looked like. After hearing it from the nurses and other people who would visit the house to praise and congratulate my parents for having me, it made me wonder who I looked too. 

For all that, in this past year not a single time have I ever seen myself because of the mirrors being tucked away, the problem being none other than me. My parents thought that I was going to be a troublesome child that would be curious about everything–and they are not wrong, after all I was a reincarnation–in another world. 

Enough about that past crap. I thought. Motioning to my mother that I wanted to be on the floor, of course she hesitated. In her mind I was a one year old child physically, but mentally I was older than my own father.

I felt as the excitement rushed through my veins moments before crawling in front of the mirror. Having my eyes closed while crawling was hard since I didn't know if I was in front of it or not. 

When I was in front of it, I slowly opened my eyes. 

Huh?

What is this? Am I some sort of freak? 

Looking at myself up and down getting closer to the mirror, was I able to finally see something different in my new body. 

Black short hair while having blood-color eyes and pale skin. 

I looked like some baby who is going to be a killer for a living when I grow up. 

But it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. I have some charms here and there but not enough to make two princesses fall for me. I angrily said in my mind while the sentence in the novel said that Arthur Leywin had made two kingdom princesses fall for him, if they were to know that, a civil war would break out. 

Knowing that, I let it go with a sigh of defeat. Saying that I would just like it if one girl in the future likes me back. 

Hopefully…

"Lu, come over here." Said Mia, motioning with her hand to go towards her. I, for sure thought that I was in trouble for looking at myself. 

Hesitating, I crawled but to my father. Without knowing if I showed fear in my face or in my movements but James noticed this and spoke up making me unable to crawl to him. "Little Lu, are you fearing your mom?"

I stood there, motionless, until I was picked up by Mia. Her white stunning hair brought some calm in me but the sole Idea of being in trouble because of some unknown tradition in the Hodges family scared me to death. 

What if, just what if I couldn't know my own features because of some demonic or sacrificial tradition in this family. 

The lady of the house spoke in a calm but cheerful way and at the same time it sounded like she was hurt, "Lu, are you really scared of your mother?" 

"My own son is scared of me, because of my appearance." 

Slowly I turned my head to face her. Hearing those words leave her mouth in her tone, something inside me broke. My chest felt tight and empty of feeling but one, guilt. I raised my hands when I saw my own mother in this life cry with her precious crimson eyes. 

Mother no, I didn't mean it like that but it was… 

I tried speaking but all that came out were groans and mumbled sounds that a child makes. I had hoped that someone in this room, whether it be my father or my mother, would hear my own voice and the pleas of sorrys that I conveyed. 

Is there anything I can do? 

Dammit Luke Hodges, you are an idiot of a son! 

As if screaming to myself was enough to atone for this, it was a sin to make my mother cry for whatever small incident that I would make sure I would atone for. Death or sacrifice, whatever it was to make her not cry again I would do without hesitation.

I raised my small little hands, aiming at her beautiful face. I was able to wipe her hot tears with some gentle movements. 

Mia had closed her eyes to then open them when she felt my small fingers, trying to end her streams of tears with so little that I had. "M–a…Ma." Her eyes widened when she heard what I was trying to say. 

Being optimistic, I put everything I had into saying the next unreadable words that tried to come out perfect but failed in a sense. "Y–ou…ar–e…bea–u–tiful…" 

Saying only those unconnected words was tough that I needed a breather. Nevertheless, I didn't stop, I had to do this for the woman who gave me birth into this world. 

The force of the muscles in my face struggled enough that I was sure it had gone through every facial expression there was before landing on the correct one. A small smile that tried to reach my eyes, yet, behind it was an unbearable amount of guilt for this result.

An eternal guilt if someone were to say it.