Toxin

I visited the Byeolwon warehouse early in the morning. It was at Naro’s request, who had become the new Chief Painter, to find the list of court painters. The well-maintained warehouse was lined with various books and painting supplies.

The previous Chief Painter had packed up and left without even teaching his successor how to manage Byeolwon. The court painters whose fingers had been severed by the guards were forced to leave the imperial palace. Even the remaining painters were holed up in their rooms with no sign of coming out. I was so busy helping the frantic Naro that I didn’t have a moment to sit down. After searching the wooden shelves for a while, I finally found the list of painters.

At that moment, the warehouse door suddenly flew open, and a man and woman rushed in. The man was Dongha, the warehouse keeper and a painter, and the woman was Ara, a maid from Central Hall. Startled, I hid behind one of the wooden shelves.

After closing the door, Dongha led Ara to a corner.

“I told you to meet after sunset. What if the other painters find out…?!”

Ara shook off Dongha’s hand with a sulky expression.

“So what if they find out? You keep the warehouse spotless, but can’t you see our marriage prospects are gathering cobwebs?”

“How are we supposed to marry with nothing? You know we can barely save any of our wages with all the bribes we have to give to the palace officials.”

“That’s why I told you to side with Imae Painter! If you had listened to me, we could’ve at least bought a plot of land by now.”

“How was I supposed to know he’d last this long?”

What had started as a casual gamble had now become a way for the palace officials to grow their wealth. The topics of the bets were as ridiculous as they were varied—whether Garon would kill someone that day or how many hours my moans would be heard from Central Hall’s chambers. None of it was funny.

Dongha’s face darkened with worry.

“Even with money, we’re still tied to the palace. We need to lie low for a while since things are so tense at Byeolwon.”

Except for the royal family and officials, all court servants were considered property of the palace and needed the emperor’s approval even for marriage. Breaking palace laws could result in being beaten to the brink of death or worse—execution.

Ara crossed her arms and glared at Dongha.

“Why don’t you bribe the new Chief Painter and ask for permission? If His Majesty himself selected him, his connections must be something.”

“I don’t have wealthy parents to back me up, and do you really think a few coins will be enough? People who come from the bottom are usually even greedier when it comes to money.”

Ara pouted.

“Well, Chief Painter Naro may seem innocent, but he’s not to be underestimated. He managed to survive by cozying up to Veronjubille and look at him now. He sweet-talked his way into the Chief Painter position by flattering Imae Painter. Poor Imae, too. He doesn’t even realize how much he’s being used.”

“You seem pretty concerned about it. Byeolwon may be in mourning because of the new Chief Painter, but it sounds like Central Hall’s having a celebration.”

“Compared to when I served the Madams, this is paradise. Back then, all we heard were wails, but now, there’s nothing but laughter.”

What bothered me more than their breaking palace rules was the way they were bad-mouthing Naro. Suddenly, Ara and Dongha began pulling at each other’s clothes. I sighed internally and pressed my palms hard against my ears. I came here looking for the painters’ list, and instead, I was witnessing someone else’s affair.

As they tussled and laughed, they knocked into the wooden shelves. The impact caused the paint jars to topple over and hit me on the head.

“Ow…”

The sound I made startled the warehouse keeper and the maid, who hastily began pulling their clothes back on. Now that I had been caught, this was my chance to escape. Leaving the frozen pair behind, I quickly slipped out.

***

“It’s no wonder this place is a mess when you don’t even keep up with the daily records!”

When I returned to Byeolwon, I found Naro, looking gaunt, lamenting over a pile of books. On one side of the veranda, Pungbaek sat like a stone with his eyes closed. He spent more time lounging around Byeolwon than guarding the emperor and his brothers. Since he wasn’t in the way, Naro simply regarded him as part of the furniture.

The courtyard was desolate, with all the painters protesting by locking themselves in their rooms. For any artist, working as an imperial painter was the most coveted position. Even after surviving the fierce competition to enter the palace, the path to success only opened for the sons of noble families. To see someone like Naro, whom they had looked down upon, become their superior overnight must have been devastating for them.

Just then, the disgruntled painters burst out of their rooms, luggage in hand.

“There’s nothing more to see here! The Chief Painter was unjustly dismissed, so there’s no reason for us to stay!”

Other painters followed closely behind the one leading the charge. Seeing these arrogant fools, who relied solely on their family names, get what was coming to them felt as satisfying as pulling a bad tooth. But unlike me, Naro hung his head low.

“Should I teach them a lesson?”

Pungbaek placed his hand on the sword at his waist, and Naro panicked.

“N-no! Please don’t get involved in Byeolwon affairs, sir. If I were them, I’d want to quit too.”

It seemed this wasn’t a matter I could easily shrug off. If Naro continued to be cornered, he might just give up entirely, given his temperament. The thought of him trying to survive alone in the palace made me uneasy. I turned to the painters heading toward the gate and warned them.

“If you cross that threshold, you’ll regret it.”

The painter leading the group sneered at me.

“You’re threatening us because you’re scared, aren’t you? Then step down as Chief Painter! We’d rather break our brushes than serve under someone like him!”

I knew they were fools, but I hadn’t realized they were this foolish.

“The ones who should be trembling in fear are those defying the emperor’s orders right now. I’ll make sure to inform His Majesty that you’ve packed up and left.”

The painters, finally realizing the gravity of the situation, became panicked and uneasy. It seemed their fear of the emperor far outweighed their sense of defeat at having to submit to someone of lower status. The most vocal painter, terrified, hurried back to his room, and the others followed suit, gathering their belongings and returning inside.

Once the chaos had subsided, I handed the list of painters to Naro.

“Are you all right?”

Instead of taking the list, Naro grabbed my hand tightly.

“You know you’re the only one I trust, right? If you run away, I’ll bite my tongue and end it all!”

“Why would I run? If I ever want to leave, I’ll walk out of here on my own two feet.”

Naro, who had looked half-dead just moments ago, suddenly glared at me.

“You’d better not go anywhere! We’re burying our bones in the royal court, understand? You weren’t seriously thinking of something like that, were you?”

“Where would I even go right now? But Chief Painter… you really should rest. Your eyes are completely unfocused.”

“I’m fine. His Majesty entrusted me with a critical duty, so I have to stay sharp. At times like this, I envy His Majesty’s ability to make even the mere act of breathing enough to make the officials tremble.”

“You’re envious of the strangest things.”

Naro seemed to barely register my teasing, as if he was on the verge of losing his mind under the weight of a responsibility he couldn’t handle.

It was rare for Garon to appoint anyone to a position so directly. Everyone in the court, especially those who disapproved of Naro, had been shocked by the decision, leading to rampant speculation about Garon’s true intentions.

But to me, it seemed like a mischievous child poking a frog with a stick. Bored with palace life, Garon was probably using Naro, the person closest to me, as a tool to stir things up. It was a far more sophisticated method of torment than the low-level bullying from the other painters.

As Naro skimmed through the list of painters, a thought seemed to occur to him, and he looked up.

“Ah, by the way, would you be willing to take on a task?”

“What kind of task?”

“The Grand Chamberlain requested a portrait, but no one listens to me, so I can’t even bring it up. You’ve painted portraits in Imae village, and you’ve even done His Majesty’s portrait, so I was hoping you could take care of it…”

It was my first real assignment as an official painter, so I had no reason to refuse.

“I’ll do it. From now on, just assign me the task without asking.”

“You’ve saved my life! Even if the Grand Chamberlain says something harsh, just let it go in one ear and out the other.”

“I’ll be fine. Worry about yourself, Chief Painter.”

“‘Chief Painter’? Let’s not be so formal when we’re alone.”

“At least maintain your dignity in front of others. They’ll look for any weakness to exploit, and I can’t stand to see you treated like that again.”

“Roha, you’re truly…”

Naro’s eyes welled up with tears, his voice trembling with emotion.

At that moment, a young attendant in oversized robes came running into the courtyard.

“His Majesty is asking for the painter.”

“What for? It’s not even lunchtime yet.”

“I was only told to bring you… and this time, it’s not to Central Hall but to Grand Hall.”

Grand Hall was the area where the emperor and his officials conducted most of their business. Near there was the head of the suryeong.

With curiosity, I left Byeolwon. The young attendant kept glancing back to check if I was following, his eyes full of fascination, occasionally stealing glances at my horns. Whether in the city or the palace, a child was still a child.

“Would you like to touch them?”

At my question, the boy sheepishly nodded, muttering so softly it was almost inaudible.

“Can I tell the palace attendants I touched your horns?”

“Is there a bet riding on this?”

“N-no, not at all!”

The boy frantically shook his head. I had become so suspicious that any unusual behavior now made me think another strange bet was taking place. I bent down to let him reach more easily and added,

“But if you touch them, you’ll turn into an Imae, and no one will recognize you. I used to be human too, you know, but I touched an Imae’s horns and ended up like this.”

The boy gasped and hurried off without looking back.

We arrived at the clearing in front of Grand Hall. Several soldiers were moving a large cart equipped with a massive pulley, while palace attendants rushed about carrying water buckets. Among them, I spotted Ara. The moment she saw me, she dropped her bucket.

“What’s gotten into you?”

The female official scolded her, but Ara just stood there, pale and trembling. Perhaps it was because I had caught her in the act earlier—her face had gone ashen in just a short time.

“Chief Painter Naro isn’t that kind of person.”

I muttered the words I hadn’t managed to say earlier, then turned and walked away. Behind me, I heard Ara begin to sob, prompting the female official to scold her even more.

In the distance, I could see Garon standing with his back toward me. The elderly officials nearby were clearly anxious, stealing glances at the emperor’s face.

As I followed Garon’s gaze, my breath caught in my throat. The once-majestic head of the suryeong, which had stood proudly until yesterday, now lay shattered on the ground.

***

The Grand Chamberlain was furiously shouting at the soldiers, gesturing wildly.

“Our emperor cherishes this suryeong above all! Who did this?! If you don’t find the culprit and bring them here immediately, I’ll have your heads too!”

Watching the dragon being loaded onto the cart, I felt as though I were sending off a wounded child. The dragon’s iron face was dented and battered as if struck by a blunt weapon.

I approached Garon, but the atmosphere around him was impenetrable. Having been involved from the design to the completion of the suryeong, he must have been feeling something similar to what I was.

“Did the guards not see anything?”

When I spoke, Garon slowly turned to look at me.

He slowly turned around at the sound of my voice.

“I heard you couldn’t see anything because you were asleep all night.”

“If this big thing was destroyed, someone must have heard the noise. I want to hear the details, but where are the other sentinels?”

“You won’t get an answer if you meet them now. They all lost their heads.”

The unexpected words left my mind blank.

“…Have they already been executed? We don’t even know who the culprit is, and they might have fallen due to the weight of their own guilt without any verification…!”

“Is this also not acceptable?”

Garon muttered as he observed my agitation.

“Follow me.”

He turned and headed somewhere. The second son, Usaga, shook his head while looking at Garon.

“You seem quite bored, given the frequent lack of humor. He has postponed the treatment of the sentinels until you arrive.”

“Oh…”

I couldn’t tell if Garon was testing me, genuinely unaware of right and wrong, or if he simply enjoyed seeing my reaction. I followed Garon, casting a sideways glance at the back of his head.

“Where are we going?”

“Just walk slowly near the castle.”

Garon slowed his pace to match mine.

“By the way, you haven’t been riding the dragon lately. Are you feeling unwell?”

“I’ve confined it to the pen because it’s in heat. When it’s like that, it doesn’t see anyone, owner or otherwise.”

“If it’s that tough, why not have it mate?”

“Having offspring would be a hassle to deal with. I’m thinking of hunting another dragon and training it.”

It seemed that Garon’s empathy didn’t extend to creatures. I was glad that he had stopped his recreational killing, but it made me feel that his sense of responsibility was stronger than his affection.

“If you’re going to discard it, please give it to me. It reminds me of someone who can’t see anything when distracted, and I’d like to raise it.”

I shook off the gaze fixed on my cheek and walked forward. Even the impregnable palace walls couldn’t prevent spring from arriving. Young leaves sprouted on the thorny bushes covering the castle walls, and birds nested.

After walking around the castle walls for a while, we arrived at a wide river behind the Naragaon Fortress. When we reached the riverbank, I couldn’t help but gasp.

The flowers and grass, which should have been vibrant, lay dried out, and schools of fish floated belly-up. The stench of decaying life filled the air.

Near the river, the eldest son Unsa was talking with an elderly man in tattered clothes. The old man’s voice was so loud that it could be heard from afar.

“It must be the work of goblins that the river is sick! That evil goblin has taken up residence in Central Hall and is casting curses on the country. We need to drive it away before things get worse!”

Unsa, seeing me, egged the old man on.

“I don’t know about the entire country, but it’s true that curses have been cast on His Majesty. His Majesty hasn’t come out of Central Hall because of the goblins. Even so, we need evidence that the Imae Tribe made the river this way before we can deal with them.”

The clueless old man chattered excitedly.

“Last night, I saw it clearly! Who else but the Imae Tribe would be wandering around at that hour? My grandchild almost got eaten by goblins while trying to catch tadpoles.”

There had been no sign of the Imae Tribe near the river. Although I had heard all kinds of ridiculous rumors about them, seeing it firsthand only made me smile wryly.

“Were the children you missed back then the old man’s grandchildren? It still makes my mouth water.”

“Eek—!!”

The old man stumbled backward in terror when he saw me. The nearly toothless old man trembled and bowed his head.

“Please spare my grandchild! Take me instead!!”

“Then I’ll be at a loss. It would be fair to trade ten old men for one child.”

Seeing the old man’s pale face, it seemed like he might truly become a corpse if things continued this way. I signaled to Unsa, and he sent the old man home.

Usaga, who had inspected the river, ran to Garon. Judging by his expression, the situation seemed serious.

“There has been an increase in people suffering from stomachaches and vomiting after drinking the river water. For now, we have blocked the waterway leading into Naragaon Fortress.”

“I haven’t heard that an epidemic is spreading.”

“They say only those who drank the river water are suffering from stomachaches, so it might be rust on the iron. We need to withdraw immediately before it gets worse.”

“What about my Suryeong? It’s supposed to be at its best in the water.”

Garon’s forehead was filled with frustration. It seemed more like he was concerned about his masterpiece being tainted rather than the suffering of the people. His concern and praise for Naro were increasingly unsettling.

I turned my gaze toward the river. Whether Suryeong’s head was shattered or the river was sickened… the series of ominous events made me anxious.

If the river were left as is, the entire village would suffer from stomach illnesses. I was most worried about Naro’s younger siblings and his mother, who had injured her leg.

An idea suddenly came to me, and I approached Garon. I wasn’t sure if the country of Baedal would accept the wisdom of a rural village.

“What about adding charcoal to the river? In Imae village, we used to add sacks of charcoal every year to keep the well water clean.”

“Charcoal?”

Garon showed interest. However, as expected, the elderly officials looked doubtful.

“I’ve never heard of purifying water with charcoal. Smoke from burning wood can even be deadly; how can it be considered good? Moreover, if charcoal powder turns the water black, isn’t that ink instead of river water? Who would put that in their mouth….”

“It doesn’t make the water as black as you might think. In fact, it makes it clearer.”

The high officials exchanged glances and laughed at me. The official in charge of disease management, Joga, spoke up.

“Your Majesty, using an unproven method hastily might bring about a greater calamity. Please leave this matter to the experts and focus on preserving your health.”

The atmosphere had turned against my suggestion, but then Grand Chamberlain, with a nonchalant expression, stroked his beard.

“Charcoal is indeed used to treat infected wounds, so it’s not entirely baseless. Well, uncertainty is something I also share.”

It was surprising that Grand Chamberlain, who usually scowled at me, was supporting my idea. His attitude towards me had improved today. He cleared his throat and replied.

“Even if we concede that it might be correct, where would we get enough charcoal to fill this vast river?”

“We could issue a national notice and request it from the feudal states. Oh, why are the officials nitpicking when His Majesty hasn’t said anything?”

When Grand Chamberlain threw a tantrum, the other officials seemed uninterested in arguing further. They all looked at Garon, waiting for his decision. After a moment of contemplation, Garon spoke.

“Send the notice. We protected the river to cooperate in such times.”

***

By lunchtime, I headed to Grand Chamberlain’s office in the Central Hall. It was already the third day since I started painting the portrait. The vast and complex interior of the castle made it still unfamiliar for me to navigate alone. This complexity also prevented spies or assassins from easily infiltrating the Naragaon Fortress.

There were no direction markers on the castle walls from the Central Hall to Central Hall. I wanted to avoid defacing the beautiful and sturdy castle.

I took out paper and charcoal from the portable drawing kit on my shoulder and sketched a rough map as I saw it. The kit, made from trees thousands of years old, had a deep scent of sandalwood. Garon had made this drawing kit himself, and Naro had envied it greatly.

A few days ago, the former Chief Painter, who had been dismissed, visited Byeolwon. He had returned briefly to teach Naro how to manage Byeolwon. I was sure that Garon had called him after hearing about me. His concern for Naro had become more pronounced.

Passing through the support building, I saw the separate office of Grand Chamberlain. Just as I reached the main gate, Grand Chamberlain was seen seeing off Joga in the courtyard. The intricate palace was well-suited for secret conversations but also for eavesdropping.

“Stop pestering me now that I’m leaving. Grand Chamberlain, don’t you find the Imae Tribe tiresome?”

“Joga, you haven’t had a drop of water and are also sick with fever. Relying on fruits and plant juices can only last a day or two. How can you be so stubborn?”

Grand Chamberlain’s rebuke made Joga smooth down his scruffy beard.

“I’m uneasy about the Imae Tribe’s methods. I worry that even the ignorant commoners might suffer from some disaster…”

After issuing the national notice to procure charcoal, a large amount was sent by dragon from all over the country. The feudal states eager to learn Suryeong’s techniques also contributed. A few days after adding charcoal to the river, the water began to clear up.

Grand Chamberlain scoffed.

“Common folk are as tough as weeds; what’s the big deal? Even if they acted as spies, they wouldn’t be the type to make nonsensical claims, so let’s wait and see.”

“Why do you suddenly support them when you used to be eager to catch them?”

“Support someone who is fair and impartial, not biased like me? The Imae Tribe is making His Majesty’s blood pressure rise every day…”

Grand Chamberlain suddenly looked up at the sky with moist eyes.

“However, seeing His Majesty so affectionate, what can I say…? Have I ever seen His Majesty so relaxed? Before, you would sit in the office all night, and I worried endlessly about your health. But now you return to your chamber as soon as the sun sets. I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. That alone is a blessing.”

“A blessing from a spy? What nonsense…”

Joga muttered and subtly inquired of Grand Chamberlain.

“When do you think the portrait will be finished?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I was thinking of getting a portrait done once Grand Chamberlain’s is finished…”

“Why bother when there are plenty of painters in the palace?”

“Because you are so skilled in painting His Majesty’s likeness, I’d like to see it with my own eyes… Haha…”

As Joga stammered, Grand Chamberlain cleared his throat with an uncomfortable expression.

“Are you trying to curry favor with the Imae painter, who has His Majesty’s favor? I heard Joga has bet that you’ll be dismissed within three months. Be ashamed of yourself.”

“You were the one who boasted that you would be dismissed within a month, only to change your mind at the last moment.”

“It’s time for the painter to arrive, so I’ll take my leave. Take care.”

Even when Garon wasn’t around, Grand Chamberlain remained consistently obsequious. It was surprising that he had bet against me enduring. If he was so keen to root for me, perhaps the stakes were quite high.

After the guest left the annex, I entered Grand Chamberlain’s office.

***

“Please make the shoulders broader and show more veins in the forearms. I’d also like the double chin to be slimmed down, and if possible, remove the scar on the forehead… Ah, and please make the hair thicker.”

While I was sketching, the Grand Chamberlain made various demands. If I tried to meet all of them, it seemed like there would be no end. I sighed and put down the charcoal.

“No, that’s not how the Grand Chamberlain looks.”

“Isn’t it natural to want to pass on a figure that will serve as a model for future generations? Please consider this, painter.”

“It is my duty to capture the true likeness of the portrait’s subject. I have no intention of painting falsehoods, so please come back with the appearance the Grand Chamberlain desires.”

“Well, when am I supposed to lose all this weight? It would take days just for the veins to show!”

“I will wait as long as necessary.”

Of course, that is if I am still attached to the royal court by then. Ignoring the irate Grand Chamberlain, I took up the charcoal again. It seemed that the day when I would be completely free of his annoyance was still far off.

***

As the sun set, I finally completed the Grand Chamberlain’s sketch. The Grand Chamberlain’s constant interference had drained me even more than when I painted Garon’s portrait. I just wanted to finish the coloring quickly and get out of there. I hurried towards Central Hall as it was getting late.

“Where was it?”

Even in daylight, I was lost, and with the darkness setting in, I was completely disoriented. I took out the rough map I had drawn during the day and held it up to the torchlight.

Suddenly, I made eye contact with a guard standing in the watchtower. The guard straightened his spear and bowed to me respectfully. It seemed like a scene full of misunderstandings, so I folded the map and put it back in my pocket.

“I’m still unfamiliar with the palace layout. I just roughly sketched the directions.”

“I sometimes get lost myself. There have been cases where officials from vassal states were found as skeletons years later after losing their way in this castle.”

Whether the guard’s words were true or not, it was a chilling story. I was eager to get back to Central Hall.

“Which way should I go to reach Central Hall?”

“Follow the grayish-brown castle walls.”

Looking more closely, I noticed that the color of the castle walls varied slightly. I would need to examine them again during the day tomorrow. I walked in the direction the guard had indicated.

After walking for a while along the castle walls, I finally saw the roof of Central Hall with its crescent moon shape. I caught a glimpse of Naro across the bridge leading to the garden. If Naro had come to Central Hall at this time, it would have been to see me. But despite calling out several times, Naro seemed preoccupied and ran towards the back of the garden.

Judging by his expression, it seemed like the painters had been causing trouble in my absence. Concerned, I hurried after him.

When I reached the courtyard behind Central Hall, Naro had disappeared. I caught a familiar scent of tobacco from somewhere and went towards it. As I passed a few trees, I stopped. Under the dark pavilion, Naro was meeting someone. It was Garon.

Garon, holding a long pipe in his mouth, stared at Naro. His gaze was as intense as when he was hunting or devising weapons. Now, he listened to Naro’s story with the same focused expression.

Naro, with a frightened look, hunched his shoulders. He appeared to be nervously twisting his body. It was hard to believe that Naro, who had shivered at Garon’s shadow, was standing so calmly.

The distance made it so that I could only faintly hear their conversation.

“W-wasn’t it my fault… It’s just that the child was so insistent on having the Grand Chamberlain’s portrait painted… Once he gets stubborn, sometimes even I can’t handle him. I’ll handle the matter properly, so don’t worry!”

From the tone of the conversation, it seemed like ‘the child’ referred to me. Naro swallowed and continued speaking softly.

“And, people are gossiping strangely. They say that the child who smashed Suryeong’s head… There seem to be many who have seen someone roaming the castle possessed by a spirit. I’m not saying that the child harmed Suryeong, but it might be good for you to be aware of the rumors circulating.”

I was taken aback to hear that I was being mentioned as a suspect. Shouldn’t I have been informed of this first?

“You don’t need to worry; I follow closely and there’s no chance of that happening.”

Garon, with a dry expression, blew cigarette smoke into Naro’s face. Naro coughed lightly and replied,

“Yes, yes! You’re absolutely right! However, it’s possible that the child might have sneaked out while His Majesty was asleep… He’s quite unpredictable at times… That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?”

Naro gave a sly smile. The smile, which once made others feel uplifted, now looked scheming. Garon seemed pleased with it.

“That fellow is clumsy and often causes trouble, but you’re quite perceptive.”

“I’m honored…”

Naro’s cheeks flushed red from the Emperor’s praise.

“To meet His Majesty again, where should…”

“Here, at this time.”

From the tone of their conversation, it seemed that this wasn’t their first meeting. As it looked like they were concluding their conversation, I quickly left. When I reached Central Hall Bridge, I clutched my pounding chest.

Had Naro’s previous friendliness really been just a means to use me?

If I heard correctly, Naro was pushing the blame for Suryeong’s destruction onto me. The person I had just seen made me doubt if he was really the Naro I knew.

Along with my disappointment in Naro, another feeling began to surface. The more I thought about the scene of them together, the more I was overtaken by this strange sensation rather than just disappointment.

***

On the surface, things appeared peaceful, but hidden, intense rivalries were still at play. Naro, with many dependents, must have needed a foothold. Unless one were a fool, it would be more advantageous to align with the Emperor of the Delivery Kingdom than with painter Imae Tribe.

Despite understanding Naro’s situation better than anyone, my emotions remained unsettled and my mind kept heating up. It was a messy feeling, similar to anger but not quite defined as such.

After wandering around alone, I returned to Central Hall. Someone lightly touched my shoulder. I turned around absentmindedly and saw a female officer with a worried expression. She withdrew her hand and bowed.

“I apologize. I called out but received no response…”

“Oh, what’s wrong?”

I hadn’t heard her calling as I was lost in thought. The officer dismissed her attendants and led me to a quiet place.

“What will be done about Ara?”

“What do you mean by ‘done’?”

“That child has confessed to working with the painter. You saw them together, didn’t you…”

“Isn’t it up to the parties involved to handle such matters?”

“According to royal protocol, weddings within the palace should be overseen by the Empress. When there is no formal Empress, it falls to the lady of Central Hall to decide.”

The officer continued speaking in terms I didn’t fully grasp.

“Also, every year around this time, we hold a gathering with the wives of officials. When and where would be suitable?”

“Why are you asking me?”

“If I don’t ask the lady of Central Hall, whom should I consult?”

“I’m neither the Empress nor the lady of Central Hall, so handle it as you see fit.”

“In that case, I will postpone the gathering and ask His Majesty to decide on Ara’s fate.”

“……”

I was at a loss for words. Although Garon seemed quiet lately, his true nature was unchanged. He was quite capable of issuing extreme punishments out of boredom for Ara and Dongha. It was maddening that someone who disdained royal protocol held the reins of power.

So what was I supposed to do? Transform the bloodthirsty Emperor into a paragon of virtue overnight? It seemed ridiculous to attempt to reform someone in my uncertain future. Even the royal court, treating me as a mere amusement, was frustrating.

“How much is at stake this time? Do you think I’ll permit Ara’s marriage or oppose it?”

I retorted coldly and entered Central Hall.

***

When I entered my chambers, the golden silk bedding was empty. I changed clothes and went into the studio filled with painting tools. I needed to prepare for coloring tomorrow, but I found myself lost in thought.

Sometimes, when signs of a breakdown appeared, I would calm myself by smelling pigments and paper. The room was well-soundproofed, with no noise escaping or intrusion possible.

The space, filled with the art materials and precious books I had desired, offered no room for hatred or guilt. Yet, even this room seemed of no help now.

I spread a long sheet of paper on the floor. To prevent the colors from bleeding, I applied a thin layer of glue to the portrait sketch. Forcing myself to move my hands, I eventually immersed myself in the work.

“I was thinking of coming to get you if you didn’t show up within half an hour.”

I nearly screamed at the voice that came from behind. At some point, Garon had been standing there. His unfamiliar scent made me tense. It was clearly Naro’s scent, likely from their recent encounter. Heat surged from the top of my head, making me irrational.

“Why do you always sneak around and eavesdrop? It’s not the first time you’ve startled me.”

“Sneak around?”

Garon, who had exhaled through his mouth, asked with amusement.

“Should I have played some festive music?”

“If we’re sharing a room, we should maintain proper etiquette when coming and going.”

“I didn’t realize etiquette was required for entering my room.”

No matter how much I bristled, Garon’s expression didn’t change. He tossed aside his heavy, long robe and sat next to me in lighter attire. This time, his hands were bothersome.

“Don’t touch the paper with your bare hands. Oil from your fingers can affect the pigments.”

“But you’ve been touching it with your hands. Here, and here.”

He pointed to the spots where my hand marks were left.

“I… I washed my hands, so it’s fine.”

“I did too.”

Seeing my expression sour, Garon finally withdrew his hands from the paper. I tried to act nonchalant as I manipulated the brush covered in glue, testing him subtly.

“Why are you late today, of all days, when you’re usually so punctual?”

“And where have you been rolling around?”

Garon reached out and removed something from my hair. It was a leaf. It seemed to have gotten stuck on me while I was spying on the two of them earlier. Feeling embarrassed, I snatched the leaf from his hand and crushed it.

He placed one hand on the floor and admired the painting. Apparently displeased, he frowned.

“Does a portrait usually take this long? Just finish it quickly.”

“The portrait of Your Majesty took even longer.”

His gaze, sliding back to me, soon returned to the paper with indifference.

“Is that so.”

Despite hearing his voice often, today it seemed to resonate deeply within my ears. For a moment, I was captivated by Garon’s reflection in the lamp light. He was the kind of person who made you want to capture him on canvas just by sitting still.

Garon’s expression while listening to Naro’s stories lingered in my mind. It was the first time I had seen him so engrossed in someone other than me.

Garon suddenly turned his head towards me without warning. Startled, I fumbled with my brush. He examined me with a vague look and then spoke.

“I’ll take care of dinner, so come out.”

Garon never mentioned that he had met with Naro. I didn’t want to force it out of him, nor did the two need my permission to meet. However, contrary to my expectations, I found myself becoming increasingly petty. I needed time to calm this boiling emotion alone.

“I need to finish my work, so you go ahead and eat first.”

No matter how much I tried to hide it, it seemed I couldn’t deceive Garon’s eyes. Noticing something off, his gaze sharpened.

“What’s wrong? You haven’t made eye contact since earlier, and you seem distracted.”

“I’m just tired from dealing with Byeolwon’s work lately.”

“I thought you were fidgeting because you were tempted. You used to act like this when you were eager to spend the night with me.”

There had been a time when I was desperate to kill Garon with Imae’s poison. Sometimes, that day felt like someone else’s story. His hand suddenly touched my cheek.

“I should give the new Chief Painter some work.”

My heart tightened the moment Garon mentioned Naro. Did this mean they would meet again? The image of them meeting under the moonlight flashed through my mind. This made me clearly understand why I had been so angry.

It wasn’t about being hurt by a friend’s betrayal. It was because Garon was focusing on someone else and paying attention to their words. I was overwhelmed with anxiety. The source of my discomfort was jealousy.

As a mixed-blood, I had been denied existence even among the Imae Tribe. I had long given up hope of finding a lifelong partner. Whether someone came or left, I was ready to let them go without regret. Being attached to anyone was not in my nature. For the first time, I felt naked from the jealousy I was experiencing.

Seeing me frozen, Garon slowly withdrew his hand.

“Have I become someone you don’t want to see today?”

Whenever I showed signs of a breakdown, Garon would often ask in that manner. I jumped up from my seat and rummaged through the innocent shelves. It was as surprising to me as anyone else that I was jealous of others because of Garon, and I spoke incoherently.

“It’s really just because I’m busy. I have a lot of preparation to do for tomorrow’s preliminary coloring.”

Garon quickly caught up to me and grabbed my wrist, turning it around. His eyes were devoid of warmth.

“Rather than hitting or cursing me, just don’t drive me crazy while you’re brooding alone.”

I didn’t have the mental energy to calmly explain to him the misunderstanding. I twisted my hand and pulled away from Garon.

“It’s not like that at all. I’m just going to the storage room for some supplies.”

I fled the chamber and dashed out into the front yard of Central Hall, but couldn’t bring myself to cross the bridge. Leaning against the bridge, I let the cold wind cool my head.

From across the stone bridge, I saw the palace ladies out for a nighttime stroll. One of them was holding Garon’s ceremonial robe with care.

“It’s been a long time since I touched a clean robe. When it’s spread out, it fills up the whole room with its grandeur. How does His Majesty manage to excel in both knowledge and martial arts?”

“Before, just hearing His Majesty’s footsteps would make my stomach churn, but now I’m just feeling a bit uneasy.”

“Such nonsense!”

The palace ladies laughed and disappeared into the darkness. Garon, once a terrifying presence, had transformed into a perfect monarch who stirred others’ hearts.

When Garon became a person capable of warmth, I had thought I would willingly leave if he truly found someone he loved. But I realized that it was a delusion of arrogance.

I had forgiven a murderer who killed my mother to save myself. I felt a sense of responsibility seeing that murderer being reformed through me. Forgiveness and responsibility were the emotions that suited me best now. Jealousy was perhaps something that only passed between ordinary partners. Sitting in the darkness, I couldn’t cast away or embrace this forbidden feeling.