To Me, Who Doesn’t Love You

“Then let’s wrap up today’s meeting here.”It was a peaceful weekday morning. The clock had just struck 11:30, and lunch was about to begin a bit earlier than usual. Suhan suddenly realized that the colleagues in the meeting room were looking at him with some kind of expectation. What is this? They couldn’t be hoping for a lunch gathering now, could they? For a moment, Suhan felt confused by the unusually focused gazes, but before he could think further, everyone cleared their throats and quickly turned their attention elsewhere.“Alright, enjoy your meal, and let’s reconvene at 2. Thank you for your hard work.”The moment Suhan uttered the words signaling the end of the meeting, everyone’s expressions shifted to disappointment. What is this really? Suhan narrowed his brows in confusion and stood up. As soon as he left the meeting room, one of the younger employees quickly pulled out their phone’s notepad and, with a confident smile, spoke.“Alright, for those who are going to ‘Mamma,’ it’s Manager Hwang, Supervisor Kim, and Supervisor Song. For those who are not, it’ll be me, Manager Park, and Assistant Manager Lee. The people going to ‘Mamma’ will buy a coffee after the meal.”The whispered explanation was brief and to the point, as if they feared the words might spill out of the meeting room. Suhan’s return from his minimum paternity leave had certainly brought a more relaxed atmosphere than before his leave, and someone had made a lighthearted joke that set off the playful bet.‘You’re in the middle of child care, aren’t you? Even a director like you must make a mistake once in a while, right?’Perhaps after seeing a post online about a usually stern, reserved boss using baby talk after returning from paternity leave, they had expected Suhan to be no different. In any case, with mixed curiosity and mild hope, a joke was made when the lunch meeting came around. The bet had three for “not doing it” and three for “doing it,” and whichever way it turned out, the result would hardly matter. However, to the people who had hoped to see a softer side of Suhan, the outcome was, tragically, “not doing it.”“A bit disappointing. I guess Manager Jo is taking on more of the child care, so the Director is probably focusing just on work.”“Yeah, he doesn’t really seem the type to take care of kids…”No matter what the staff whispered, Suhan and Yeonseo each continued their respective struggles.The sea, and now it had already been more than four months since Suyeon came into the world. The baby, once just covered in soft baby hair, now had a full head of hair. She could crawl around, swinging her chubby arms, and even flip herself over. The things Suyeon could do—meeting her father’s eyes and crying, then gradually doing more—made Yeonseo fall deeper into the role of a proud and smitten father.‘Hyung, Suyeon just grabbed onto me! Oh no, she probably doesn’t want to be away from me…!’‘How can I even go to work with Suyeon here? She’s still at the age where she only knows me, so of course, I should extend my leave!’‘Oh my god, did you just see? Suyeon sat up all by herself! She must be a genius!’No matter how much Suhan tried to stay objective, noting how developmentally appropriate these milestones were for her age, Yeonseo, seeing each small achievement, went wild in excitement, proclaiming they had a genius in the family. Was it really that impressive? Of course, Suyeon was adorable, staring at him while babbling “ababa,” making his heart swell, but whether she was a genius? That was still uncertain.Anyway, Suhan also didn’t feel comfortable leaving a baby who hadn’t even been weaned yet with someone else. So, he was grateful when Yeonseo readily offered to extend his leave. It seemed that the company was trying to project a family-friendly image, and it wouldn’t be a bad thing for the leadership to set an example. Honestly, though, Suhan knew that, at the moment, the company needed him more than Yeonseo. So, it made sense for him to be the one to stay.Although the baby was undeniably cute, Suhan was unsure if he was ready to take on the role of a good parent. On the other hand, Yeonseo, despite never having done it before, was stepping up in ways Suhan couldn’t even have imagined. Despite never thinking of Yeonseo as a reliable person, Suhan found himself increasingly sure that Yeonseo was the one who could handle the parenting role. Every time Suyeon even whimpered or shifted in bed, Yeonseo was up in an instant, rushing to comfort her. Suhan couldn’t help but feel that, even if he had doubted Yeonseo before, the love and care Suyeon was getting made him certain of something: Yeonseo truly was a devoted father.‘Still, being too much of a doting parent could come across as over-the-top to others… I should hold back a little.’The only person who could genuinely match Suhan’s enthusiasm for Yeonseo’s diligent research—watching parenting YouTube videos, reading childcare books, and constantly trying to do the best for Suyeon—was himself. As Suhan looked at the latest photos Yeonseo had sent, he smiled, as always.[Suyeon ate and is napping now!] – 12:02 PM[(Photo)] – 12:02 PM[She says she hopes Daddy comes home soon!] – 12:02 PM[(Photo)] – 12:03 PM[(Photo)] – 12:03 PMIn the photos Yeonseo sent in quick succession, Suyeon wore baby clothes that looked like pajamas, flailing her little arms and beaming at the camera. Of course, the baby wasn’t looking at the lens but at Yeonseo, who stood behind it. Her eyes, filled with love and a deep trust—This person won’t hurt me. This person won’t endanger me—showed how well Yeonseo was taking care of her.Happiness swelled in Suhan’s chest, along with thoughts so sentimental they made him cringe. Even though his absence had delayed several major projects, leaving him with an overwhelming workload that would only grow until his return, and even though he couldn’t pull late nights at the office without leaving Yeonseo and Suyeon alone all day and into the night, he was undeniably happy.When Suyeon grows older, starts walking on her own, and can eat a variety of meals, when she steps outside and experiences the wider world, the challenges will undoubtedly increase. But so will the happy moments. Without realizing it, Suhan’s lips curved into a soft smile.[She’s adorable.] – 12:04 PMStill incapable of saying overly sweet things without feeling embarrassed, Suhan wrapped up his reply with a simple sentence. If he wanted to leave the office on time, he couldn’t afford to waste a second. He had to finish today’s tasks quickly so he could go home and soak in the sight of the real Yeonseo and Suyeon. Suhan turned back to his monitor.It was as if the world refused to function without him. Emails piled up like a mountain—not just from his own department but from external contacts too. Suhan tackled the urgent ones first, handling them one by one while nibbling on a sandwich he’d ordered from a nearby café.Just then, another message notification popped up on his phone.‘Yeonseo again?’Yeonseo typically sent updates once in the morning, once around lunchtime, and once before Suhan left work. Maybe Suyeon had started pronouncing proper words again, prompting an excited update. With possible scenarios in mind, Suhan unlocked his phone, only to find a surprising sender.[It’s been a while, Suhan! ^^] – 12:30 PM“……”Suhan’s expression stiffened instinctively. Of course, he’d expected this sooner or later. When Suyeon was born, this person had sent a congratulatory message, stating they’d be in touch about broadcasting projects once Suhan returned to work.‘…….’He couldn’t deny that Jo PD had been helpful to him—both during his memory loss and after he’d returned to being the original Lee Suhan. Jo PD wasn’t someone who did favors without expecting something in return, and Suhan had always been prepared to pay that debt someday. The only question was what form that repayment would take.‘Hmm….’The most likely request was to appear on a new food and beverage competition show, but given the finalized seasonal lineup, there didn’t seem to be an opening for him now. Perhaps they wanted him as a guest judge or to contribute to the program’s overall structure. Either way, it wouldn’t be a simple, straightforward request. Jo PD wouldn’t miss a chance to ask for something challenging.Suhan sighed briefly and turned off the phone screen. Jo PD probably wasn’t expecting an immediate reply; if it had been urgent, they would have called. Deciding to push the troublesome matter aside for now, Suhan focused on clearing the easier tasks from his overflowing inbox.Only after reducing the mountain of emails by half did Suhan check his phone again.[I know you’ve seen this. Stop pretending you haven’t!] – 12:45 PMWorking with someone for so long had its downsides—Jo PD knew Suhan’s habits too well. Clearly, they hadn’t expected an immediate response in the first place. Stifling another sigh, Suhan picked up his phone and typed out a curt reply.[I’m busy with work right now.] – 12:55 PMAs if they had been waiting on standby or logged into a PC messenger the entire time, a reply came back instantly.[Suhan, when have you ever not been busy? Please make some time for me soon. You know we have a lot to talk about, right?] 12:55 PMSuhan thought it was the most spine-chilling message he’d seen recently. Sure, there was plenty to talk about. He had a strong urge to criticize the unnecessary comments made during the time he’d lost his memories, but that ship had sailed long ago. If there were ever a moment to voice such complaints, it would have been before he successfully “reunited” with Yeonseo. At this point, asking why they’d meddled so unnecessarily would just make him sound arrogant.That only solidified one thing: Jo PD had a firm grip on Suhan’s vulnerabilities.Sighing, Suhan stretched his stiff body from having been glued to the monitor and replied to Jo PD.[This week’s tough. Let’s meet during lunch sometime next week.] 12:57 PMThe ominous thought of what kind of request might justify an unannounced in-person meeting didn’t leave Suhan’s mind. Soon, Jo PD sent back a list of available dates for the following week in rapid succession. Pretending not to see them, Suhan averted his gaze back to the monitor.* * *By the time Suhan finished the day’s work, he had unfortunately missed his chance for an on-time departure. Not wanting to continue working on his laptop at home, he clung to the idea of finishing “just one more thing,” which inevitably turned into staying until 7 PM.Although Suhan’s house was relatively close to the office, the roads were gridlocked at this hour, turning them into a parking lot. Under normal circumstances, Suhan might have opted to eat dinner at the office and work late until traffic cleared, but now, a family awaited him at home.Considering Yeonseo’s personality, Suyeon was likely fed on time without issue, but Yeonseo himself had probably delayed eating until Suhan returned. Yeonseo always insisted otherwise, but Suhan knew his soft-hearted partner wouldn’t let him come home to find an exhausted young spouse left hungry all day. Hastening to the parking lot, Suhan was greeted by a pleasantly bright sky, as warm spring weather had extended the daylight hours. Steering through the roads carefully, he managed to reach home within the expected time.“I’m home.”Suhan opened the door, expecting to be greeted by the sound of Suyeon’s giggles and Yeonseo’s warm smile. Instead, he found the inner door—which was typically left ajar around this time—firmly shut.What’s going on? Did they step out for a bit?Curious, Suhan opened the door, and what he saw inside was…“…?”On the soft mattress spread across the floor, Suyeon and Yeonseo were sound asleep. Like a scene out of Sleeping Beauty, Yeonseo, with his pale features and faint scent of formula lingering in the air, had dozed off with his long eyelashes casting shadows over his cheeks.Guess Suyeon was extra tiring today, Suhan mused, stepping cautiously into the living room. Yeonseo always joked that maybe childcare was his true calling and that it was easier than working at the office, but Suhan knew better. A month ago, they’d still been waking every 2-3 hours to feed Suyeon formula. Now, while Suyeon had grown enough to not wake as frequently, taking care of an infant remained no easy task.Suppressing a soft chuckle, Suhan carefully hung his jacket on the coat rack and sat down near the two sleeping figures. The gentle rise and fall of their chests, perfectly synchronized, brought a comforting warmth to his heart. He watched them for a while until, as if sensing his familiar pheromones, Yeonseo’s eyes fluttered open.“Ah! H-hyung, when did you get here? I’m so sorry; I must’ve dozed off…”Flustered, Yeonseo instinctively wiped the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand, as if worried he might have drooled in his sleep. The sight was so foolishly endearing that Suhan couldn’t help but find it charming.“I just got here. Work took longer than I thought. Did you eat dinner yet?”Suhan gently smoothed Yeonseo’s disheveled hair as he asked. Yeonseo quickly shook his head.“No, I was waiting to eat with you. Everything’s ready—just needs reheating! Go change and come back out.”Cradling the still-sleeping Suyeon carefully in his arms, Yeonseo patted his back lightly to keep him from waking and placed him in the crib in their bedroom. He then headed to the kitchen. By the time Suhan had washed his hands and changed into comfortable indoor clothes, the dining table was set with a feast: intricate braised side dishes, a rich soybean paste stew, and perfectly crispy shrimp tempura, clearly freshly fried.Looking at the spread, Suhan’s first thought was, You didn’t have to make this much. He wanted to tell Yeonseo there was no need to prepare such an extravagant meal, but past experiences reminded him to hold his tongue.“This is all I can do for you, hyung. If I could, I’d take cooking classes. So please don’t reject what I’ve made for you.”Suhan remembered how hurt Yeonseo had looked when he’d said that. While it was a relief Yeonseo didn’t seem burdened by catering to Suhan’s picky palate, the sheer enthusiasm with which Yeonseo prepared meals for him often felt a bit overwhelming. It was as if Yeonseo derived immense satisfaction from watching Suhan eat his food, his gaze almost uncomfortably intense. Suhan diverted his own eyes downward, trying not to dwell on it.Though shy and easily flustered in most situations, when seated at the dining table across from Suhan, Yeonseo’s unwavering attention was surprisingly tenacious.Anyway, a delicious meal, a peaceful evening, and his sweet young husband looking only at him—Suhan couldn’t think of a moment in his life more stable and happy than now. It was such a drastic change from how he used to shoulder everything alone and endure it all by himself.Not long after they finished eating, it was time for Suyeon’s last bottle before putting her down for a full night’s sleep. Suhan personally prepared the formula for Suyeon. “Prepared” was a bit of an overstatement since modern parenting was all about gadgets—thanks to a machine that perfectly mixed the formula at the touch of a button, it wasn’t much of a chore. Holding Suyeon in one arm, something he had grown quite accustomed to by now, Suhan looked into her eyes, marveling again at how this tiny being had once been inside him.“Ah-buh, ah-boo-ah-woo!”He couldn’t quite tell what she was trying to say, but the little one, smelling faintly of milk, grinned brightly and reached her tiny hand toward him.“Mm, Daddy’s giving you your bottle now, Suyeon,” Suhan said softly.As he alternated glances between Yeonseo and Suyeon, it was impossible not to notice how much they looked alike, their striking resemblance unmistakable to anyone who saw them together. Suhan smiled and held the bottle to Suyeon’s eager mouth. She drank without a fuss, happily finishing the bottle as if she had inherited her excellent appetite from both parents. After she emptied it in no time, Suhan gently patted her back to coax a burp, which she promptly let out—truly, a perfect baby.Having fed her the last bottle of the day, all that remained was to lay her in her crib. Once Suyeon was asleep, the fleeting moment of peace left would belong solely to Suhan and Yeonseo.* * *Time flew faster than he realized, and by the time Suhan returned to the living room after putting Suyeon to bed, it was already close to ten o’clock. As he settled down, Yeonseo, as if suddenly recalling something, spoke up.“Oh, right. About Suyeon—they said it’s about time to start her on solid foods. Apparently, her development is ahead of other babies her age.”He must have heard this from the babysitter who had visited earlier in the day. Suhan nodded lightly. It wasn’t hard to notice, even without a professional’s input. While Suyeon’s physical development wasn’t dramatically advanced, her limbs were already longer than most babies her age. It wasn’t just her chubby baby fat that stood out—her proportions hinted at her rapidly growing frame.Well, with parents as tall as both of them, it made sense. Suhan briefly wondered what he had been like as a baby. He recalled being fairly average, though he was often among the tallest in his class growing up, consistently assigned to seats at the back of the classroom. Suhan stole a glance at Yeonseo, who was sitting quietly on the sofa.“Is that so? I was always on the taller side growing up,” Suhan remarked.“I wouldn’t know much. I was homeschooled most of the time….”It made sense. That explained Yeonseo’s somewhat naïve demeanor, as though he had been spared the harsh edges of the world. What Suhan once found irritating now seemed endearing—a realization that caught even himself off guard.“You brought a lot of stuff from your family home when you moved in, didn’t you? I think there was an album or two in there,” Suhan suggested.When they first moved into their home, Yeonseo’s parents had sent an overwhelming number of items, turning the veranda and storage room into a maze of boxes for weeks. In contrast, Suhan’s belongings fit neatly into a single spare room, underscoring the difference. Even now, the storage room walls were decorated with framed photos of Yeonseo as a child.At Suhan’s mention of the album, Yeonseo let out a small exclamation. “Wait a moment. I’ll go grab it. I’m not sure if there are any pictures from when I was a baby, though….”He disappeared into the storage room and rummaged through a box still sealed shut. A few moments later, he emerged with several large photo albums in his arms.“……”Suhan was momentarily speechless, having underestimated just how extensive the collection would be.“H-here!”Yeonseo’s ears turned bright red, betraying his embarrassment at the sheer volume of photos. Suhan cleared his throat and opened one of the albums, only to be greeted by a Polaroid of a swaddled newborn with a slightly flushed face. The resemblance to Suyeon just a few months ago was uncanny, bringing a smile to Suhan’s lips.“There’s not much. A lot of them are from the same day….”Contrary to his self-deprecating words, the photos captured Yeonseo in various places, smiling at the camera with the unmistakable warmth of a child who had been loved deeply.Then, a picture of Yeonseo crying caught Suhan’s eye. In the photo, he looked to be about two or three years old, sobbing with a sorrowful expression. Next to him stood a boy, likely in his preteens, with a mischievous smile and cake frosting on his hand.“Ah….”The boy bore a striking resemblance to Yeonseo but had subtly different features—a mix of their parents’ appearances. Even though Suhan had never met him, he could easily guess who it was. After a brief hesitation, Yeonseo explained to ease the awkwardness.“That’s my Hyung. He used to play with me a lot, but sometimes he’d pull pranks like that….”