This S.O.B. System

“Helios bathroom!” Tiff yelled, waking Asher. 

 

Slowly he remembered where they were. “Helion bathroom,” Asher groaned. The seamless door slid up revealing it. Asher ignored the sound coming from the smaller room until he heard the splash of the shower head. With a big yawn he slowly got up. Tiff stood under the stream of water that fell from the ceiling. The nozzle he noticed before must have been some sort of sensor. 

 

“It’s perfect,” Tiff said as the water soaked her. Asher pulled out some of their toiletries. With nowhere else to put them he set them on the shower floor. Quickly they were lathered up in soap and starting their day off right. As the water poured down their skin Asher thrust into her from the back. Her ass jiggled with every thrust. The soup on her chest made his hands glide over her nipples smoothly. Mid-way through their fun the water stopped. 

 

“Helion shower,” Tiff groaned. Nothing happened. She yelled again, but no response. 

 

“Guess we need to make this quick,” Asher said. The soap had been washed away already, what was left was the climax. With a sigh Tiff began pushing back into him. It didn’t take long for her bad mood to change as she got into it again. 

 

When they were done they put on clothes and left the room. “Which way was the mess hall?” Asher asked. Heading away from the room. Tiff took the other way. 

 

“Pretty sure it was-” Tiff stopped outside a door. It was the furthest from them. “Someones doing it,” she hissed, waving him back. 

 

Curious, Asher walked over to her. Maybe some of them stayed out and met the crew. As he got closer he knew the answer to the question and stopped. “That's my parent’s room,” he admitted. “Come on.” 

 

Walking away, Tiff soon ran after him. “Didn’t know they still had it in em,” she confessed in a whisper. 

 

“Don’t remind me,” Ash said, rolling his eyes. “I made the mistake of going to their room once. Now I throw stuff at their door if I need something.”

 

Tiff laughed. “Think that’s why your dads so tired in the morning?”

 

“Gonna pretend you didn’t ask me that,” he said as they came into a large open dome room with a circular table at the center. Some elves sat at the table. Their very feminine demeanor told him all he needed to know, elves were a bitch to tell apart. With blonde hair, bright eyes, and smooth skin; the only real difference between them were the clothes they wore and the shape of their ears. 

 

“Hello. I’m Asher,” he said to the trio of new elves. 

 

“Ah yes. The Champion,” one said. They were a little older with thin pointed ears. “I’m the night captain, and this is my crew. We were just about to head to our room. I apologize if I am not as enthused as I would like to be. It has simply been a long night,” he said. 

 

“No problem. How can we get food?” Asher asked as he looked around. The night captain walked them through the process. Of course Helion was needed to open the correct wall. They were then given bowls and served what looked like salads. There were some gray chunks inside that resembled meat. The leaves were green at least, but more round than what Ash was used to. Before long the couple was left in the room alone. Ash finished his salad but was left wanting.

 

Tiff was in the same boat. “I need coffee. Drop your drawers,” she ordered putting her hair in a ponytail. 

 

“You know there’s no caffeine in me right?” He asked, unmoving. 

 

“Decaf it is,” Tiff said as she got on her knees. 

 

“Cough-Cough,” Batman said from the hallway. The couple turned. 

 

“Carl, what’s up? Why no suit?” Tiff asked as she stood. No blush on her face, they had been caught doing something they probably shouldn’t where they shouldn’t more than once. If a woman happened upon them Tiff would often offer them a turn, but most of the time the offer was declined.  

 

Carl Newman in his normal street clothes wasn’t the imposing figure he was in the Batsuit. He had his head shaved, and was 6’-3”. With a deep baritone voice he answered, “Might as well get over breaking my identity to everyone so I can start getting the multiplier again.” 

 

“Ah I forgot about that,” Asher said as the man sat at the opposite end of the table. “How does that work anyway? Do you..” They chitchatted for a little while. Slowly people started to wake up. Eventually all 11 of them were around the 20 seat table. 

 

“No! You’re wrong!” Tiff yelled at Abby. “Hello Kitty could be a System. I heard it from a friend who heard it from their friend. It made them super cute and cuddly.” 

 

“Was it Penny?” Abby scoffed at Tiff's reaction. “She’s a liar. Literally gets a multiplier if she tells a lie and isn’t caught.”

 

“A buddy of mine got the Hogwarts System,” Carl interjected. There were a few conversations going on around them.

 

“Cool,” Asher said as Tiff continued her tirade, now she was calling Abby the liar. “They get any neat power?”

“Just new magic every few levels. Lives in London now, gets laid all the time.” 

 

The room got a little quiet with the reminder of Earth. Asher’s dad was dead to the world as usual in the morning. His mom was alert like always, Asher ignored the thought of what they were doing. 

 

Vincent broke the silence, “So are you Batman?” He and Ming had been sitting quietly after finishing their salads.

 

“Ah yes sorry,” Carl said standing. “I have the Batman System,” he added. “Why don’t we all go around and introduce ourselves? Maybe our Systems too?”

 

“Let’s wait on that a little,” Tyranis suggested as he stepped into the room. With him was an actual old elf. Wrinkles on his face and graying hair he was the first non-feminine Roktai elf Asher had seen. “We have the Initialization and report submission to go through.” He pointed to the elder elf next to him. “This is the captain of Helion, Ental. I wanted to introduce you to him, as well as begin all of your upgrades.”

 

“Upgrades?” Asher asked. “What kind?” Asher pictured cyborg limb attachments. 

 

“Follow me,” Tyranis said as he went down another corridor.

 

They were soon rushing to follow. The place was way bigger than it looked from the outside, and everyone was afraid of getting lost. “Ental, what can you tell us about the ship?” Nadir asked as they walked in silence. 

 

“She is the newest model out of our planet,” Ental said. His face was older, but there was plenty of strength in the voice. “Our world is a Tier III so she is made from the finest material we can harvest. Her engine is top of the line Ether Drive and Majoris Drive, and every corner is enchanted with Spatial and Gravity Mana. This permanently increases the size on the interior, as well as ensures we don’t go floating around the room.” 

 

“Neat. How can we get our own spaceship?” Asher asked. 

 

“You can build one. A high enough level Merchant should give you access to plans for some, or you can buy one.” Ental finished. 

 

“How much does one like this cost?” Asher asked. 

 

“25,000 Syscos,” he said without missing a beat. “Not including the blueprints to have it built, furnishings, or provisions.”

 

“Jeez. That’s a lot,” Asher said, trying to think. “....Tell me, is there anything super rare that sells for a lot of Syscos?” He asked. Tiffany caught his eyes, a devilish grin split her face. She knew what he was up to.

 

“I’d uh, have to think on that,” Ental said. 

 

“Here we are,” Tyranis said as a white door opened. 

 

Inside appeared to be a storage closet. Metal cube shaped chests lined the walls and extended far into the room. At the center of the room was a purple glowing orb that hovered a few feet in the air. 

 

“A save point?” Asher asked as he stared at it. Keera at least laughed, but no one else. 

 

“No, this is an Upgrade Orb,” Tyranis explained as he walked them up to it. By his reaction Asher wondered if Save Points were real, he would have to ask later. “I received this Orb along with the quest to find you some weeks ago. Because you will not be on your planet for Initialization you will have to be given the same skills as everyone else. You should all receive Identify, Group Formation, and Shop skills.”

 

“Shit-crap,” Asher corrected while catching his mother’s eye, “more skills?” Asher asked. “My status screen is already full with them. How do I hide some?”

 

“What type of skills?” Tyranis asked intrigued. 

 

“I have one for an instrument, one for a language,” He said looking it over. 

 

“Ah yes. Simply think about it, and the skill will disappear. It is odd that it would show up on your screen. Typically screens are only for System granted skills,” he said. “But we all have plenty of skills that we do not see on your screens such as walking or speaking our native language.”

 

Asher looked down the list and quickly made the unimportant ones disappear. It made sense now, he didn’t have a skill for English, but he still spoke it. Thinking hard, the English Skill popped up on his screen. “What the hell, my level with English is 8,” he whispered. 

 

“Haha you dumb,” Tiff said. “Mine are level 10.” Asher rolled his eyes as he cleaned up the rest of his screen. 

 

“Children,” his mother chided, shutting them up.

 

“Sorry, please continue,” Asher said.
 

“Anyway, simply set your hand on it, and you will be upgraded,” Tyranis said. 

 

Looking around Asher noticed they all expected him to do it. Cautiously he stepped over next to Tyranis. Moving to the side so everyone could see he set his hand on the purple orb. 

INITIALIZATION IN PROGRESS

................................................................

 

The purple light began to pulse a few times. Brighter and brighter then when it reached what he guessed was the peak illumination he began to yell and shake. This of course caused some of the others to yell in turn. He began laughing as the screens popped up.  

 

IDENTIFICATION (LVL 1)

There's a lot of weird stuff out there. This will at least give you a more educated guess on what it is.

 

SYSTEM STORE (LVL 1)

The System wants it's Syscos back. Be sure to come back any time.

 

GROUP FORMATION (LVL 1)

No one likes the guy that steals a kill. Make sure you're in a group so everyone can share.

 

“You jerk,” Tiff said to the side calming down from his overreaction. 

 

He was brought back to the group. Laughing he admitted, “I couldn’t help it.” A few of the others gave him the evil eye but he ignored it as Atalanta stepped forward. He cast Identification on everything around him. All the boxes lining the walls provided ??? over them. The people around him at least said Human or Saiyan above their heads. No levels or anything, but he expected them to show up as he leveled the skill.

 

He knew that Gamers had this skill. They were able to see levels, Systems, even dungeon levels of their skill level was high enough. As the next person approached he brought up the shop.  

 

SYSTEM STORE

Food

 

Asher pushed Food, and saw that there was literally just bread and water there. At least people won’t starve during Initialization, he thought. From what Anthony said he would have to buy from himself to level the skill up too. Though water and bread cost 1 Sysco each, he would have to do that later. 

 

Keera was the last one to be upgraded, so as soon as she finished he used Group Formation. Sending it to everyone from Earth he said, “Just testing.” As people clicked their invisible screens a yellow light glowed around them for a moment. “That’s new,” he said as the popup screen came. 

 

GROUP FORMATION COMPLETE
Type	Raid
Members	11/11

 

You have (1) Shareable Quest

Share Quest with your raid members?

Y/N

 

Surprised, Asher pushed Y. More screens appeared as people around him clicked invisible screens. 

 

Your Quest "Champion Representation" has been completed

Current Member: 11/??

Time Limit: 1:22:46:07

Quest Rewards:

Syscos

Omniauris Skill

Omnivox Skill

Experience

Random Champion Gear

 

He had received the quest all those days ago after accepting Tyranis’ offer. In all the excitement Asher had forgotten about it. The Time Limit coincided with the Countdown ending, and it looked like all of his raid members also completed the quest. For some reason he doubted the others got Champion Gear, but as lights appeared in their hands they received some items. 

Rewards:
System Coins	x 500
Experience	x 5,000
Omniauris	x 1
Omnivox	x 1
Champion Necklace	x 1

 

A white light appeared in his hand giving him the necklace. It was a golden sword mounted on the front of a shield, hanging from a golden chain. Asher was extremely happy he didn’t receive his own System specific items, it would probably be a golden dick or something. 

 

“What is Omniauris and Omnivox?” Atalanta asked. Apparently her finger hovered over the quest acceptance screen. 

 

“Ah good, I wasn’t sure if you would receive the skills. Not everyone does,” Tyranis said. “Those skills allow you to understand other languages, and let others understand you. As the Champions there are aspects of the Trials that will be broadcast to other Systems, so it is often good to have those skills.”

 

“Cool,” Asher said with a smile.

 

He cast Identification on the necklace in his hand. 

 

Champion Necklace
Cost	Quest Reward
Enchant	5+% experience

 

SKILL LEVEL UP

IDENTIFICATION (LVL 2)

 

Putting it on he looked at his screen with a smile. Annoyed by his screen filled again with the 5 new skills he willed them away for now. 

 

Name:	Asher Whitmore		Skills:
Alias:	Quinten Hardly		Acting	LVL MAX
System:	PORN STAR		STD Immunity	LVL MAX
Level:	30		Roleplaying	LVL MAX
Experience	10,250/120,000	5+%	Prop Manifestation	LVL MAX
Title:	Lawful Good		Relationship Screen	LVL 10
Guild:	Community		Ahegao	LVL 7
Syscos:	9,152		Survival	LVL 12
			Tracking	LVL 10
HP:	150	/150 (9)	Brawling	LVL 10
MP:	81	/81	Policing	LVL 9
			Battleshout	LVL 11
Stats:	0		Intimidation	LVL 11
Strength:	50		Powerstrike	LVL 9
Dexterity:	40		Justice	LVL 5
Endurance:	50		Regal Presence	LVL 7
Agility:	40		Battle Instincts	LVL 13
Wisdom:	27		Weapon Throw	LVL 10
Intelligence:	27		Gun Fighting	LVL 9
Luck:	28		Full Body Control	LVL MAX
Charm:	27		Mesmerizing Gaze	LVL 2
			Massage	LVL 7
Custom Stats:			Healing Touch	LVL 2
Dick Length	9 Inches		More To Love	LVL MAX
Dick Diameter	2 Inches		Smooth Talker	LVL 2
Fertility	Off
Pheromones	20
Libido	10

 

His new skills Smooth Talker and Healing Touch had leveled up lately. With all the sex and talking he had been doing, they better have. All the experience he got from the quest was a drop in the bucket. It didn’t seem so long ago that 5,000 experience was a whole level. 

 

“Why didn’t you say anything about the quest?” Vincent asked. 

 

“Uhhhh I forgot?” Asher admitted. “But hey, free Syscos and experience for you guys.” Asher looked around, the room felt like people were in a better mood with the free stuff. “Anything else?” Asher asked Tyranis. 

 

“Of course,” he said looking at the Upgrade Orb. “Now the official submittal of all Status Screens. With this the System will be able to track your progress throughout the trials, and give accurate probabilities on the winners.” 

 

The group stared up at the orb as the status screens began to appear above it. “This stupid System,” Asher whispered. Angry that his secrets would be out there. Others cursed as well as their information was displayed for all to see. It wasn’t too loud yet with cursing, most everyone tried to scan through the skills of others while they could. 

 

Name:	Tiffany Tyler		Skills:
Alias:	N/A		STD Immunity	LVL 12
System:	NYMPHOMANIAC		Fertility Control	LVL 10
Level:	16		Muscle Control	LVL 9
Experience	8,252/35,000		Body Control	LVL 9
Title:	Crusader		Nerve Control	LVL 9
Guild:	Community		Lust Aura	LVL 5
Syscos:	324		Empowerment	LVL 10
			Flight	LVL 10
HP:	48	/48	Lubrication	LVL 3
MP:	90	/90	Omniauris	LVL 1
			Omnivox	LVL 1
Stats:	0
Strength:	16
Dexterity:	16
Endurance:	16
Agility:	16
Wisdom:	30
Intelligence:	30
Luck:	30 (+10)
Charm:	26
Custom Stats:
N/A	N/A

 

Damn, she has a lust aura too? And what was the Nerve Control? Gonna have to ask her about that and Empowerment. He thought as he focused to remember it all and move to the next one. 

 

Name:	Bishop Whitmore		Skills:
Alias:	N/A		Strengthening	LVL 3
System:	FAITH		Blessing	LVL 3
Level:	19		Divine Justice	LVL 3
Experience	2,463/50,000		Holy Spirit	LVL 8
Title:	Early Riser		Holy Handgrenade	LVL 2
Guild:	Community		Panacea	LVL 7
Syscos:	2,574		Trustfall	LVL 1
			Trust but Verify	LVL 1
HP:	45	/45	Congregation	LVL 1
MP:	139	/135
Stats:	0
Strength:	15
Dexterity:	15
Endurance:	15
Agility:	15
Wisdom:	47
Intelligence:	46
Luck:	20
Charm:	20
Custom Stats:
N/A	N/A

 

Holy Handgrenade? I’m gonna have to see that. Looks like basic Paladin skills with a twist, he thought. 

 

Name:	Alexandria Whitmore		Skills:
Alias:	N/A		Binding	LVL 1
System:	CHASTITY		Intervention	LVL 3
Level:	19		Divine Justice	LVL 2
Experience	2,746/50,000		Virtue	LVL 1
Title:	Early Riser		Holy Light	LVL 4
Guild:	Community		Judgment	LVL 2
Syscos:	2,674		Emotion Sense	LVL 6
			Holy Cast	LVL 2
HP:	80	/80	Flash	LVL 2
MP:	60	/60	Omnivauris	LVL 1
			Omnivox	LVL 1
Stats:	0
Strength:	28
Dexterity:	26
Endurance:	26
Agility:	25
Wisdom:	20
Intelligence:	20
Luck:	20
Charm:	20
Custom Stats:
N/A	N/A

 

Where the hell did my folks get a title? He thought. 

 

Name:	Carl Newman		Skills:
Alias:	Batman		Detective	LVL 10
System:	BATMAN		Martial Arts	LVL 8
Level:	18		Transformation	LVL 5
Experience	14,200/45,000		Peak Condition	LVL 10
Title:	Crusader		Shadow walk	LVL 8
Guild:	Community		Operation	LVL 6
Syscos:	355		Danger Sense	LVL 2
HP:	74	/74
MP:	75	/75
Stats:	0
Strength:	26
Dexterity:	25
Endurance:	24
Agility:	25
Wisdom:	25
Intelligence:	25
Luck:	20
Charm:	20
Custom Stats:
N/A	N/A

 

Batman was a little more balanced than Asher would have thought. The Shadow Walk skill sounded cool, and how do you get a skill called ‘Martial Arts’? All in all it sounded fun. Asher also knew a few of Carl’s level ups gave him Batman gear. 

 

Name:	Abby Fitzgerald		Skills:
Alias:	N/A		Saiyan Blood	LVL 19
System:	SAIYAN		Ki Control	LVL9
Level:	19		Keen Senses	LVL 5
Experience	43,132/50,000		Self Healing	LVL 8
Title:	Crusader		Telekinesis	LVL 3
Guild:	Community		Martial Arts	LVL 6
Syscos:	244		Omniauris	LVL 1
			Omnivox	LVL 1
HP:	100	/100
MP:	45	/45
Stats:	0
Strength:	40
Dexterity:	25
Endurance:	30
Agility:	30
Wisdom:	15
Intelligence:	15
Luck:	15
Charm:	10
Custom Stats:
N/A	N/A

 

Abby had martial Arts too. At least Asher now had confirmation that he had more in strength. She really stacked it on there, but with her System it was expected. 

 

Name:	Alice Campbell		Skills:
Alias:	Atalanta		Flight	LVL 14
System:	MATRIX		Telekinesis	LVL 10
Level:	23		Invulnerability	LVL 4
Experience	13,267/70,000		1s and 0s	LVL 6
Title:	N/A		Kinetic Control	LVL 8
Guild:	N/A		Time Pause	LVL 3
Syscos:	1,055		Omniauris	LVL 1
			Omnivox	LVL 1
HP:	80	/80
MP:	93	/93
Stats:	0
Strength:	30
Dexterity:	25
Endurance:	25
Agility:	25
Wisdom:	33
Intelligence:	30
Luck:	15
Charm:	10
Custom Stats:
N/A	N/A

 

She really was the strongest Earth System User after him. He had guessed when Tyranis had said the highest level was 23 so far, but now he had confirmation. Asher was curious what the 1s and 0s skill entailed, and the Time Pause. Did it affect everyone? 

 

Name:	Vincent Gordon		Skills:
Alias:	N/A		Limit Break	LVL 12
System:	STRIFE		Materia Junction	LVL 1
Level:	17		Omniauris	LVL 1
Experience	18,554/40,000		Omnivox	LVL 1
Title:	N/A
Guild:	N/A
Syscos:	5,622
HP:	80	/80
MP:	60	/60
Stats:	0
			Materia:
Strength:	30		Ice	LVL 1
Dexterity:	20		Lightning	LVL 1
Endurance:	25		Restore	LVL 1
Agility:	22
Wisdom:	20
Intelligence:	20
Luck:	15
Charm:	15
Custom Stats:
N/A	N/A

 

Strife System? Moving over to skills and then down to Materia Asher’s heart began to pound. As in Cloud Strife??? He asked. The fan boy in him began to pound on his chest cavity, but he had to move on. 

 

Name:	Ming Khan		Skills:
Alias:	N/A		Cultivation	LVL 10
System:	JADE		Wind Mana	LVL 9
Level:	18		Water Mana	LVL 8
Experience	18,554/45,000		Earth Mana	LVL 7
Title:	N/A		Fire Mana	LVL 5
Guild:	N/A		Light Step	LVL 4
Syscos:	8,766
HP:	75	/75
MP:	75	/75
Stats:	0
Strength:	25
Dexterity:	26
Endurance:	25
Agility:	20
Wisdom:	25
Intelligence:	25
Luck:	15
Charm:	15
Custom Stats:
N/A	N/A

 

Asher didn’t have a guess on the System name, but in skills Cultivation and messing with the elements was a common Chinese theme. He would have to ask her about that later. 

 

Name:	Nadir Chopra		Skills:
Alias:	Prince		Beauty Control	LVL 10
System:	ADONIS		Illusionist	LVL 12
Level:	18		Body Control	LVL 10
Experience	33,444/45,000		God Tamer	LVL 6
Title:	N/A		Smooth Talker	LVL 5
Guild:	N/A		Eternal Youth	LVL 5
Syscos:	1,725		Omniauris	LVL 1
			Omnivox	LVL 1
HP:	80	/80
MP:	60	/60
Stats:	0
Strength:	30
Dexterity:	25
Endurance:	25
Agility:	25
Wisdom:	20
Intelligence:	20
Luck:	24
Custom Stats:
Charm	30

 

So he really was a Prince. Looking at the skills he was surprised by most. He had Body Control, though still low level, but Beauty Control was new. Looking down he noticed that his Charm was a custom Stat. It was a stat he would never have to put into, which made Asher very jealous. 

 

Name:	Keera Munst		Skills:
Alias:	l2film123		POV	LVL 10
System:	RECORD		Image Generator	LVL 8
Level:	16		Story Sense	LVL 6
Experience	4,412/35,000		Direction	LVL 4
Title:	N/A		Omniauris	LVL 1
Guild:	Community		Omnivox	LVL 1
Syscos:	1,164
HP:	45	/45
MP:	90	/90
Stats:	0
Strength:	15
Dexterity:	15
Endurance:	15
Agility:	15
Wisdom:	30
Intelligence:	30
Luck:	18
Charm:	20
Custom Stats:
N/A	N/A

 

Keera’s wasn’t as cool as the others. He was sure she was filming now, so he might have to talk to her about blurring out some information, especially about Tiff. Last but not least was his own. 

 

Name:	Asher Whitmore		Skills:
Alias:	Quinten Hardly		Acting	???
System:	PORN STAR		STD Immunity	???
Level:	???		Roleplaying	???
Experience	???	???	Prop Manifestation	???
Title:	Lawful Good		Relationship Screen	???
Guild:	Community		Ahegao	???
Syscos:	9,152		Survival	???
			Tracking	???
HP:	???	???	Brawling	???
MP:	???	???	Policing	???
			Battleshout	???
Stats:	0		Intimidation	???
Strength:	???		Powerstrike	???
Dexterity:	???		Justice	???
Endurance:	???		Regal Presence	???
Agility:	???		Battle Instincts	???
Wisdom:	???		Weapon Throw	???
Intelligence:	???		Gun Fighting	???
Luck:	???		Full Body Control	???
Charm:	???		Mesmerizing Gaze	???
			Massage	???
Custom Stats:			Healing Touch	???
???	???		More To Love	???
???	???		Smooth Talker	???
???	???
???	???
???	???

 

“What the shit?” He asked going down all the question marks.