This Isn't Canon! (Or that time I reincarnated into an AU-Naruto)

Orange nails slowly tapped on a desk filled with an assortment of paperwork as cerulean eyes slowly trailed across the last bit of paper Naruko had wanted to read.

"This is all of your class's recent results?" Looking at Oshawa-Sensei she'd query towards him. He nodded,

"Yes. Uzumaki-sama." Humming, a finger would reach out and tap on a name.

"She needs remedial training, but besides that, it appears that all the changes have worked quite nicely. How have you found the course load?"

Oshawa would nod enthusiastically before grimacing. "I'd like to request more Assistants being brought on. It's a bit much." Naruko sighed.

"That has been a relatively consistent theme. I'll fill in the request to Gramps but I expect it'll only be temporary fill-ins from the Genin or Chunin corps when they have spare time. But that should be enough for your needs?"

His body slumped slightly in relief. "Anything would help. Thank you." She hummed perusing over everything once more before asking,

"It's not something we track, but maybe we should one day, what students are best at adapting mid-spar?" He seemed surprised for a moment before closing his eyes and thinking it through. She could see his eyes darting around behind his eyelids as he employed one of the numerous techniques ninjas had to clear up their memory.

Eyes snapping open he reported, "Asda, Iomida, and Furean are the best."

Naruko smiled. "Thank you, I'll adjust how I spar with them then. You're dismissed Oshawa-Sensei." As the man left her office she stared at the paperwork for a moment before snorting. "Screw that. I'm going shopping. All this money is gonna really bulk out my wardrobe. Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu." 

As she stood up to leave a knock would come from the door. She'd sigh dispelling her clones giving the chakra back to her, and sat back down. "Come in."

Coming into her office an Assistant Sensei would peek her head in. "Uzumaki-sama student Arabi would like to see you about Early Graduation."

"Call him in then." Rolling her neck she'd wish she could kick her feet up to the table... but this damn dress! 'No it's not because I'm too short, don't you even START snickering you damn fluffball!' There was no snickering in the first place, but she wasn't going to risk it!

A moment later Sai disguising himself as Arabi would come in closing the door. "Alright, sit down, make yourself comfortable." As he did so with a plastic smile on his face Naruko would sigh. "Alright, Sai so Danzo wants you to graduate?"

His plastic smile turned neutral. "Danzo-sama had informed me that you would more than likely realize I was one of his ROOT. I was not informed you'd be able to know my name. Yes, he would like me to graduate." She didn't need to pick up his report card or records, she had them memorized. Steepling her hands on the desk she'd stare at him for a moment.

"Are you asking to be graduated to be stationed on the war front, go on a Jonin-led squad, or become a trainee ANBU?"

"No. Danzo-sama says he wishes for me to be your Secretary, in exchange all he wants you to do is make sure my training is upkept." She blinked. Then blinked again. A third time.

"So Danzo wants me to train the person spying on me?" He didn't respond. "Sure, whatever. Not the most insane thing I've done, y'know." 'Luckily it appears he hasn't read that friendship book.' 

"Thank you, pigtails." 'Fuck. You. IN THE ASS. I wear them OCASSIONALLY! That is not a defining fucking feature!' 

"Of course paintsniffer. Now don't pass out." Before he could react she flooded the room not with her Killing Intent, but K-chans.

Mainly because if she sent her particular brand of Killing Intent, she didn't know what it would do to the Chibi-Proto-Robot.

He didn't die, but he did spasm and foam at the mouth a little. 'Eh, I'll take it.' He was like 10 he wasn't meant to be able to take the most pure killing intent in the world yet, even if it was just a tiny bit of it focused on him.

"He makes funny noises. Send him to me later again." Oh. Maybe it was a bit more than a tiny bit, that explains the foaming at the mouth. Bad news about having a better relationship with K-chan, is that she didn't cure his hatred like canon Naruto did. Instead, she was just pseudo-friend/family/enemy/frenemy/jailer with what could kindly be called the being with the biggest hate boner in the Universe. 

"Hey, he's not waking up. You think I should poke him with a stick?" Dropping down from the ceiling was her second primary clone at the Academy, one focused on doing Wind Manipulation training and just miscellaneous tasks. "No, I don't think you should poke him with a sti- aah screw it, I can't control myself."

Wind Naruko proceeded to repeatedly poke child Sai with a stick. "Right, well, I'm gonna go shopping. You do... whatever the fuck it is you're doing now."

"Cool, cool. I think a beard would look good on him, y'know?"

"No, no you don't. Because I don't. We hate facial hair on most people. We hate body hair in general dumbass."

"True. Unless it's fur! Cause fur is soft and fuzzy!" Rolling her eyes Naruko flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked out of the office leaving poor Sai at the hands of well, herself.

-Hokage's Office- 

"How was the mission Danzo?" His friend had no obvious wounds on him - most likely because of Hashirama-sama's cells, but the exhaustion that lined his form was obvious.

"Both repelled, Darui will be out of commission for a week, Samui will be out for a couple, and will be off high-end combat for even longer. 12 of their Special Jonin are dead as well." Hiruzen raised an eyebrow, that would certainly explain the exhaustion. He didn't think his old friend had it in him anymore.

"I admit, I'm getting... old." There was clear distaste in those words from Danzo. "If I was a decade or two younger both of those upstarts would be dead." He snorted. "It's disgusting what we call 'Kage-level' Shinobi nowadays. Back in our day, we'd have entire squads roaming around of Shinobi on the level of those brats."

Hiruzen would sigh leaning back in his chair. "We both know that once the war breaks out, all of these younger generation brats will quickly grow in strength Danzo."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm just saying they weren't that impressive. The girl's Lightning-Style was subpar at best, and the Third Raikage would be rolling in his grave at such horrendous use of Black Lightning, let alone that failure of a Kekkei Genkai usage."

Hiruzen groaned. "Danzo you think everyone has sub-par everything. You mastered the 3rd Step of Windstyle when you were 23." Danzo snorted in response.

"You had mastered the 3rd step of your second Element when you were 23, and all five by thirty. Don't act like that - we both know that this new generation doesn't have that special factor yet that ours did." A sentence that would cause the entire Shinobi World to shudder, something not dared to be thought of, and something no one alive could even begin to fathom, except of course, for the long-dead Hanzo the Salamander, and perhaps the new Leader of Amegakure.

From the lips of Danzo Shimura himself, admitting that Hiruzen Sarutobi didn't just master, but had complete and utter control of the Five Elements. Something even the Five Kage could only do their best to strive for in their main element. Hiruzen stood up and faced his window.

"Our Generation was special. It takes time generation after generation to grow. You aren't meant to surpass the old in one generation, but a dozen or dozens. But sometimes a fluke - an anomaly of the situation happens. You know this Danzo. Our generation has greats to look upon. The Goddess of Shinobi Hashirama Senju. The Demon of War Madara Uchiha. The Monkey Sage Sasuke Sarutobi. The Water Kami Byakuren. Ishikawa the King of Earth. Then there were people like the Kinkaku & Ginkaku Squad, Tobirama-sensei, Mu of the Particle Style, and Gengetsu the founder of the Hozuki Clan. We had these greats. So greats came out. Hanzo. Yourself. Kagami Uchiha. The Third Raikage. Myself. More and more Shinobi flourished, and we all clashed growing ourselves stronger and stronger in wars that got larger and larger." Hiruzen took a breath.

"This generation only has one figure - Nagato. Sure, my students exist, and they are strong - don't get me wrong. They are horrifyingly strong. But the current generation didn't see these titanic figures clashing. They didn't clash with them, and then themselves. So they aren't special, not yet." A smile would appear on his face.

"But I think they can be, don't you?"

Danzo stared for a few moments not responding before snorting. "I suppose a few of them are interesting enough." Hiruzen's eye would spasm.

-Naruko- 

Knocking on the window Naruko would stare in at the two old men chattering, the seals on the window making it so that she was unable to read their lips. A moment passed before Gramps opened it up. "Oh thank Kami! I thought you two were about to start kissing. I was gonna have to find someone to clean my eyes out!"

A hand grabbed her by the scruff of her neck. "Hey! No grandaughter abuseeeeeeeeeee!" She went flying through the air towards a chair. Making a peace sign towards Danzo she'd slam butt-first into chair. "Ooph!" 

A sigh escaped from both of the old bags of bones. 'Really! I'm just coming into the talks with style!' "Fine, fine! I'll be serious. Yeesh, it's like you two are so stuck up 'cause you're only firing dust anymore, y'know!" While sitting in the seat she ducked both the cane coming to thwap her on her head, and the inkbrush thrown at her. "Fine! I'll stop. Ugh." Rolling her eyes she'd say, "I've got the report on the academy finalized. I just so happen to have a copy for you too femboy." With that, she'd chuck a scroll towards both of them.

"Fem... boy?" The confusion and also distaste in the question were hilarious, just like usual.

"Yeah, you're a femboy. Cause you grafted a woman's cells onto you, duh!" Oh. Why did the atmosphere get so serious all of a sudden? Oh right. Hashirama Cells. "Yeesh, calm down! It's blatantly obvious to my senses. I didn't ROOT into any of his labs or Orochimaru's secrets, y'know."

Ignoring the tension and the looks passed between the two she'd start kicking her feet. "Now c'mon, read the scrolls so you can ask your questions. I'm jealous of the clone that gets to be shopping, or the ones training right now. Oh right, Danzo I passed your little artist. I'll train him a bit as long as he's not a bad secretary."