This Is Where I Want To Be

1. Notice

Juliet

I walked down the road away from our house with one destination in mind, although no one could see me because I was invisible. My ability allows me to do almost anything I want. My parents weren’t home, so they didn’t know about my ‘extracurricular’ activity. It had been a few years since we left the compound, and I enjoyed being out in the real world. It left me with no choice but to keep some things to myself.

Like most days when I had nothing to do, I went back to school. My one destination was Chris’s classroom, one of our teachers. I also knew his schedule and routine by heart; even that late in the day, he would still be behind his desk, working, avoiding going home. I didn’t really feel guilty about what I was doing. It was only this one thing I gave myself. He was married, but it didn’t stop me or make me feel like I was abusing my powers. It did, however, give me insight into his life, and following him around meant I knew nothing was going on between Chris and his wife.

At first, I peeked around the corner, slowly going to stand in the doorway. I knew he couldn’t see me, but I always felt somebody would eventually figure it out. I spoke and said, “Hi.” He didn’t hear me either. I smiled, thinking how funny and absurd the whole situation had become. The little rituals I had made up for us. I slowly walked over to his desk. Chris seemed gloomy as he peered out the window. One hand raked through his hair and stayed there, propping up his weary head. The sad picture he painted, together with lips that naturally curved down at the corners, made him seem unhappier than usual. It didn’t help that he never smiled or was stuck in his thoughts. The only time I saw him sort of relaxed was when he was with his one friend, my geography teacher.

I went to sit on top of one of the student tables, facing his desk, watching him as he marked papers and worked on his laptop. The phone at his elbow dinged. Chris scanned the message, his eyes closed slowly, bringing down creases between his brows. He made low muttering sounds. I chuckled and hurriedly got up to check the screen over his shoulder while he had his little meltdown. The message was from Sita—his wife. He threw the phone on the table, complaining, “Can my life not change?” I reached out to tuck some of his hair in behind an ear. His eyes closed again; however, at that moment, it was for a different reason. Chris’s head tilted slightly, relishing in the feel as I stroked his worries away. After a moment of bliss, I came to my senses, realizing what happened. He could feel my touch, and his hair had moved under my fingers.

Chris didn’t move, waiting. How was that possible? I was able to touch him while I was invisible. Usually, I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t go through things or budge them. Neither did people have a sense that I was there… until him. Chris kept still for a long moment. Didn’t he feel it? No, he did, but why wasn’t he saying anything or reacting? Chris sighed and opened his eyes, “Can the love of my life please step up?” One corner of my lips rose at his plea. He was married but lonely.

Probably more than I was.

Why wouldn’t he get divorced? No one would try anything with him with that kind of baggage, not in our small town. And with baggage, I meant Sita… They worked together, for crying out loud. The only thing he could do was make a clean break and cut his losses. Sita, also a teacher at the school… was… a little stuck up. Luckily not teaching anything I was interested in. We’d lived in that small town for a few years, and as far as I knew, Chris had never cheated.

He swung the swivel chair to the door, stretching out his legs in front of him, leaning back, letting the breeze blow over him. Heavy eyes stared out over the courtyard. That day, he wore a plaid shirt tucked into light beige chinos. Unkept hair that was getting too long. I took a step forward. I wanted to know if he really could feel me or if it was a fluke of persistent intent on my part. Could I develop my power? Hesitantly, I stretched out my hand and ran bent fingers over his cheek. His hand reacted quickly, but so did mine. Chris scratched his cheek. “I think I’m going crazy,” he whispered, rubbing both hands over his face.

He packed his things, and we walked side by side to his car. I always followed him to watch him drive off. He opened the back door and put his bag on the seat. Whenever I was invisible, I had a split second to decide if I would get into a car.

“Get in,” he said softly. The words startled me, so I hopped in. I couldn’t help myself anyway.

First, Chris stopped at a liquor store and drove to the outskirts of town. There were no houses, buildings, or anything, only open fields all around us. He parked and took a beer from the plastic bag on the passenger seat. After opening the driver-side door, he swung his feet out and let them drop to the ground. There was a shallow valley in front of us, filled with a gentle stream flowing at the bottom. It followed the main roads all through town. That was his view. He never talked to himself, which was frustrating because I didn’t know what he was thinking.

He took the last sip and stood to open the back door. “Thank You, so polite.” It was why I couldn’t get into a car. There was no way out unless someone let me out. He picked up his work bag and rummaged through it. “That’s the box of the phone I gave you for your birthday,” I was intrigued. “What are you still doing with it?” There were a bunch of tiny, folded papers inside I didn’t recognize. The little green note I did remember. It was the one I left for him. “Is that what you’re going to look at?”

He picked up mine and opened it.

Me

{ I see you

I think about you

And I’m always there even if you can’t see me }

He rubbed his thumb over the few words I put on paper. I had no idea something so small could mean so much. I desperately wanted to know about the other letters in there. To oblige me, Chris rested back against the car and slowly unfolded one, blocking my view. I was too curious to help myself and leaned in, more or less making our shoulders touch.

“Dear invisible,” he read. I laughed, my body shaking slightly. He was clearly not a romantic. “You think that’s funny?” He asked. I bobbed my head against him.

Chris

{ Even if I can’t see you,

I feel you.

I think about you too }

After he finished reading, he rested his head on mine. I pulled out from under the feel of him. I had to be careful, even though I wanted to stay like that a little longer… No, I wanted a lot of things. To reveal myself. Talk to him. Sit there with him in silence, having a beer, thinking about how much our lives sucked. I sighed as I turned away. It would never be easy for me. The vacancy my body left made him falter a bit. He folded the note and put it back into the box.

***

It had been a year since that day. I lay on my bed, waiting for my friend so we could walk to school. That particular afternoon’s memory haunted me that morning. I had dreamt about Chris the previous night. It led to daydreaming of what could’ve been. I thought about Chris a lot—understatement. Obsessed about him. Still followed him, although I had kept my distance from his… person. A year later, I wished I wasn’t so responsible.

In the background, our front doorbell rang and brought me out of my musings. I jumped up from my bed, grabbed my bag, flung it over my shoulder, and quickly walked down the hall. “I’m leaving now. Charlene is here,” I yelled as I opened the big wooden front doors. Beyond that, big black gates cordoned off a little courtyard.

“Hey, Charlene.” Her long blond hair was smoothed tightly back onto her head with a high ponytail. She wore a little makeup, but no one would even know. It wasn’t allowed. She’s shorter than me. Not as skinny as I am, but beautiful and rounder in the right places. We hugged, not having seen each other for months.

“How are you?” I asked and put my arm through hers.

“Good, and you?”

“Okay! Bye, Mom!”

“See you later, Julie! Remember, we need to buy your father a birthday present after school.”

“Yeah, I remember!” I yelled back. Just a normal family.

We began our short trek to school, “We couldn’t speak over the phone last night. Tell me all. How was your holiday?” Charlene asked excitedly.

“You know. Clubbing, beaching, surfers, lifeguards, and late nights. The beach parties were insane… But tell me about Benjamin? The Italian guy you met.”

“Argh, you know… Holiday romance. Lots of kissing and some other stuff. But that’s all there is to it. I’m here. He lives on another continent. But...”

Charlene’s heart-shaped face rounded even more on her cheeks as the smile reached her eyes. “But what?”

Charlene skipped in place, jostling us, “I… might see him again over New Year.” She bit her top lip, smiling.

“You’re so lucky your parents took you to Europe. A whole summer vacation! You must’ve had the best time. Having a father that travels that much has its perks.”

We talked and laughed till we reached a blue steel bridge separating my neighborhood from the schools. It crossed the same stream Chris and I had been at that day. At the time, I didn’t understand why he was so on my mind that morning. Little did I know the universe had other plans for the rest of my life.

“Hello, ladies. And how are thy fair maidens today?” Carl said, splitting us up by wedging himself between our bodies and linking his arms into ours. We didn’t mind and hugged him together, squashing him from both sides. Carl made some grunting noises in a weak attempt to protest.

My regular human friends.

“Someone’s been reading Shakespeare.” Carl is our best friend. Well, guy friend. The three of us were and are still inseparable. From the start of high school, the homeroom teacher seated us together. We were from different middle schools and relocated late in the year for various reasons, and we bonded in that regard. The best thing about them was that we all had an open outlook on life with similar personalities, which made our weird friendship easier. Neither of them knew my secret. Well, the biggest one of my secrets… Because I had many.

When we entered the school, I kicked my shoes on the pavement to get most of the dust off. We wore uniforms consisting of ugly blue dresses over short white-sleeved shirts, dark blue socks that reached our ankles, and black shoes. “What’s the point of cleaning them every day? If they’re only going to get dirty on the way to school?” I muttered.

“It would help if you didn’t drag your feet or kick at every stone that existed,” Carl admonished. I stuck my tongue out at him. He shook his head and waved at us. Carl was making his way over to some of his guy friends. “So mature.” I heard him say. Charlene also stuck out her tongue. He did give us a smile before he turned around. Charlene patted my shoulder. I let my bag slip off into her hand. She walked off toward the lockers, knowing I took that time to check in on Chris. They both knew I liked him. That I was in love with a teacher.

I had to find my way around some school buildings to get to where he parked his black BMW. I was disappointed when I didn’t see his car. Every day was a mess of anticipation. Chris would, at some point, leave his wife and resign. He could just disappear out of my life. My thoughts escalated my emotions in the wrong direction, which brought about the constant nagging fear that I would lose control and manifest. Being a teenager was hard. Being a Vampire and a teenager was almost impossible. The fact that I had not killed or sucked on the neck of someone there... “I should get a prize,” I whispered to myself. I took a moment to get my act together and headed to assembly. The next half hour would be torture if Chris wasn’t there to fill my thoughts.

When I walked through the doors, the familiar smell of musty drapes and old wooden floors accosted me. Small windows high up on the wall lined one side of the place. It didn’t give much ventilation in the old building. I wanted to sit close to a door so that if I needed to run, my exit was close. There wasn’t space in our usual spot, which left us with only one option; the middle of the floor somewhere. No chairs for us. We didn’t go to private school. The auditorium was the only indoor area where we could gather as a high school and listen to our principal rattle on every Monday morning.

***

Chris

It was another day… Another year. My diary lay open on my lap. I checked the list of things I had to do that day and wrote the date- 6 September 2021. In five minutes, the hall would fill up fast. The assembly period would start, and the boring principal would begin his speech. Sure, he rehearsed that stuff in the mirror the whole weekend long. Kids began pouring into the building, filling the doors and taking seats all over the floor around me. Thinking about teaching, I could say, “I enjoy my job,” but I simply didn’t want to do it for the rest of my life. I was turning thirty that year. If I wanted to make a move, I had to do it soon, or else I would be stuck there forever.

I aimlessly stared at the book on my lap, daydreaming about getting out, away from all my troubles, when a smell wafted in the air and pulled me back to reality. Against the backdrop of sweaty teenagers and outdated surroundings, it was out of place and refreshing. As gentle as it was, it struck a cord in me. A sophisticated perfume. It was a scent an adult would use. I liked it immediately. I glanced around, thinking a teacher had sat down next to me. There was no one but students. Some kid must have stolen some of her mom’s. A dimple formed on my cheek, thinking about the kids in the school; everyone wanted to grow up so quickly. The source of the awakening soon wiped the smirk off my face. A girl walked past me, right in front of me, not noticing me at all, too engrossed in a conversation with a friend. She didn’t steal some of her mother’s perfume either. It suited her, and all I could do was stare. The smell became more potent as they passed me, and I could only catch a glimpse. Even in that small school… that was the first time I noticed her.

Like me, most of the boys around her were gawking, although their thoughts were clearly demonstrated by pointing and gesturing crudely. I didn’t like it. My thoughts wandered as she scanned the crowd, staring down some horny teenagers who withered away at her intense death stare. It made me shudder. If a woman glared at me like that, I would cower, too. There was something in her manner. Confidence, maybe? Poooor schoolboys! You should wait a few years and go for younger girls. Don’t try to date your age in high school. It’s a waste of time. Girls liked older men… It was my experience of school anyway.

Interested in what she was searching for or for whom, I kept my eyes on her. She began in the front and scanned the hall as she sat down, maybe looking for a boyfriend. Disappointed, she shrugged her shoulders in a kind of fun way. The three of them seemed like they were good friends. I was just out of her line of sight. The guy with them pointed with his thumb in my direction. She had to slightly turn her body to see what he was gesturing at. When she did, she looked right at me. I was waiting for her eyes to narrow and tell me to stuff off. Our gazes locked. Even in those few seconds… What her eyes told me was the total opposite. I sucked in a breath as my core reacted to the unfamiliar feelings... of her appreciation. Eyes; a snare of dreamy, icy blue enticements. She was even more stunning than the glances I caught from the side. Our entanglement was brief. She shifted uncomfortably, averting her gaze. Her friends shook their heads at her. She fisted the guy’s shoulder. I laughed softly and kept my eyes on them. There was an inside joke going on.

At that exact moment, the principal made his appearance. I murmured under my breath. I wish I could say I was able to concentrate for the rest of the half-hour, but it was futile as my thoughts turned dark rather than control themselves. They were rewarded minutes later when our eyes met again. I knew she was looking at me… That she had searched the hall for me. The hot-blooded energy oozing from her was alluring under hooded eyelids; I didn’t think she realized she possessed- it - because there was no flirting in her manner. Only honest interest. She didn’t seem that young, either. The dimmed light behind her eyes said… she had been through a lot and was all grown up. It didn’t help that she glanced back several times and caught me still fixated on her. She didn’t want to blatantly stare me down. Questions bombarded me; Who is she? Why have I never noticed her? Is she a senior… Will she have a class with me that year? The thought of seeing her every day, having her so close, made me shift around in my seat.

Unfortunately, the one time I did raise my eyes off the irresistibility in front of me, I saw my wife. The sight drew a groan from me, and my stomach twisted. My heart hardened instantly. I hated that feeling of resentment. Walls I erected out of necessity. I didn’t even want to think about Sita, let alone how she made me feel... I would rather… My eyes drifted back to fix on the girl. There is no feeling like the one where you know someone’s eyes are on you without looking. Your body filled with pulses of anticipation, making it impossible to finish the thoughts I had about my wife. And then, to be sure, she was waiting for me. One look broke down all my defenses.

The first period was agony for me; scared she would walk into my homeroom class. I wanted her to run through the door, but I also didn’t. That one moment changed my whole outlook on life. It made me feel alive again, thinking that someone saw me! For the rest of the week, during breaks, I caught myself searching the grounds for her, watching the halls just to see her again, hoping she would appear in front of me as she did that Monday morning and make my day a little better. A lot better. But I couldn’t find her. It was as if she disappeared. Of course, catching myself thinking about a student made me uneasy, but not enough, and I couldn’t help myself. Feelings I thought I would never have again- surfaced- and hit me like a wave, plummeting me into the relief I had long forgotten about. I assured myself I would probably see her in assembly the following Monday. I couldn’t wait.

***

Juliet

I avoided Chris for the rest of the week. Like most days, it was as if I didn’t exist. I never wanted him to know about me. Being invisible around him was one thing. Him looking at me like that… was a whole other story. I had to give myself some space. A way to control my emotions so I didn’t manifest at school or do something stupid that could put him in danger. The following Monday, I was so nervous I didn’t want to enter the auditorium. I waited in the back of the hall, leaning against the doorframe. If all else failed, I would stand right there… so I could run if I needed to or disappear behind a door like I had been doing most of my life.

I was only anxious because I wanted to see where he would sit, wondering if the last week really happened. I was happy to see him in his new seat, not in his usual place where he had no view out over the hall. That was my past time… fantasizing about Chris. Carl and Charlene thought I was crazy. They said I would fall flat on my face at some point. It was probably true. They also believed I would have my heart broken, leaving me disappointed. What they didn’t know was I had no expectations. I was cruelly aware of my situation. How devastating reality could be. Chris is human… I’m a vampire. My friends also didn’t know that since I manifested and started sucking people dry, I’d killed nearly 300 humans. Besides that, I could boast of my one long-term boyfriend, if you could call -one year- a long-term relationship. In high school, it was probably a big deal. It ended in me already with a broken heart. He had meant something to me. That idiot was probably up on the balcony. So I might be a romantic, my thoughts might be in the clouds, but naïve and ignorant… not so much. It was harder for me to contain my vampire lust as I got older, and together with all of this and much more, it left me challenged to fit into the adolescent scene.

Chris was searching the hall, probably for me. Suddenly aware of me. I had seen him come out of his shell that week, out of his class, and smiling. Just out… Present. It did feel good to be the cause of such a sudden change in him. He’s handsome with his light brown hair. A full head of hair I wanted to run my fingers through… again… at some point… He wore it longer than other men his age. He seemed the arty type with his brooding demeanor and the way he dressed. Chris wasn’t at all creative. He played men’s hockey, taught computer science at school, and was into everything IT. So, basically, it made him an average guy.

I was happy when I thought about him, but it brought me back to my mom and dad and our activities over the weekend. I constantly had to compare his mundane human life to mine. Hunting and killing people was a part of my routine. Urgh, I always bummed myself out, getting so moody about how different I was. I lifted my arm to see how many scratches I had picked up. I went a little overboard. There was some complication with our “hunt.” My wounds would soon heal.

Chris couldn’t find me, and he wouldn’t if I didn’t want him to. I had years of practice in observing from a distance. I also left Carl and Charlene to sit alone on the floor. I wanted to be able to enjoy my view and not have Chris interfere with my fantasies of what could be.