Theseus

I sat across from Dr. Reese, watching as he stared down at his small terminal, silently poring over the data it was receiving from the ports in my neck, a gentle smile on his face as he stayed transfixed on the computer. It felt strange how quiet the man was being. When I heard that a bunch of scientists wanted to examine me, I did not expect that I would be bored.

I closed my eyes and tapped into his terminal to read along with him. It wasn't well-protected, at least as far as just looking went. He was reading slowly through all the event logs, of which there were hundreds marked as warnings. "Huh. Guess it doesn't like me." I mused.

"Hmm?" The man sounded puzzled, his focus broken momentarily as I heard him shifting around to look up at me.

"Nothing, just… lot of warnings… couple errors there, that anything to worry about?" I asked, momentarily breaking into an old habit of pointing along with my physical body to the invisible points of data I saw in my head.

There was a short pause before he stammered out a perplexed "It was expecting a return it didn't get, that's all. Are you somehow-?"

"I can see the data stream, yeah." I opened my eyes and smiled when I saw his bewildered expression. I knew I was showing off, but I just really wanted something to do in that moment. "Well, I tapped your console anyway. For a tech guy, you sure don't have much in the way of security on that thing."

"You… hacked my terminal? Mentally? Through a data cord?" He glanced to the cable running between me and the machine and sounded amazed.

"No, I did it ad hoc." I explained, reaching up and tapping on my neural implant. The data cable was too crowded with activity for me to really get much past it, and it always just seemed easier for me to tap electronics wirelessly. "Psychic network."

The man let out a good-natured chuckle, genuine interest washing over him as he saw the possibilities of what I could do. "Oh! You can really connect to electronics psychically, just like a machine core. What an absolutely astonishing thing you are. You must have quite a story to tell."

"Maybe when it's over. There's still a lot of that story up in the air right now." I admitted. As much as I wanted to vent in that moment, there were too many hostile elements that might take advantage of the gritty details being out there with even more people. "I-I don't wanna say too much yet, it might come back to bite me."

"I'm sure you have your reasons. Hmm… can you tap into any electronics?" He asked curiously, leaning forward and smiling again.

Glad to see that the subject of my nature had been dropped so quickly when I showed discomfort, I began to feel that this man really was safe to speak to. It couldn’t hurt to show off a little more of what I could do, I supposed. "If it has network components, I can at least try." The only thing that I'd failed to get at least some kind of access to was the stolen Skulls ship that had boarded us, but even then I'd at least managed to perform one small but significant action on its network through great concerted effort. On matters of computing itself, standard cores still had me firmly beat.

"Can you see my cybernetics then?" He asked.

I hadn't been able to tell at a glance that the man had any implants at all, but I supposed it made sense that a cybernetics specialist would dabble in some of his own art. I pinged his body and received a singular response. It was a medical device for regulating hormones. Beyond what it told me, I didn’t know what it might be for, medically.

I expected that the man would be full of hidden electronics, but there was only one device "I can see one." I noted uncertainly. I wasn’t sure if he had some kind of shielding preventing me from detecting others, if they weren’t networked, or if he really only had one little bit of cybernetics in him.

The man seemed to light up talking about it. "There's only one. A lot of my peers are radical trans-humanists, trying their best to merge man and machine. They improve themselves with implant after implant and make themselves more than human. Personally, I only ever wanted to change one thing about myself. I made that change, and that's enough for me. Now I just make devices to help other people feel comfortable in their skin."

I nodded slowly, wondering just exactly what the man meant by that. "It's a medical device. Do you need it to live or something?"

He gave another quick laugh, staring back down at the logs again. "You could say that." Was all he offered. "Tell me, do your implants make you more comfortable in your body? Would not having them be a loss?"

I thought about it for a few moments and glanced to Mouse, who had been listening in. He stared at the floor with an unsettled expression on his face. This conversation was hitting too close to home for him.

Trying to keep the focus off of the teenager, I turned my attention back to Reese and continued. "Truth be told, I'm not sure." I admitted both to him and to myself "I have memory issues. I can't remember a time where I didn't have some kind of starship grade neural implant. I briefly remember not being grafted to Theseus, and I do know that I wouldn’t be me without it. Being a ship core is… it's nearly everything to me. Being able to feel Theseus like it was a part of me, protecting and working with my crew, the wonderful clarity and comfort that comes from the core module…"

The man was smiling. I felt like he knew exactly what I was talking about somehow. "It feels right, right?"

"Yeah." I nodded, smiling back. I didn't completely follow how what I was saying related to his situation, but it was clear that both of us felt far more at home in our bodies because of our tech.

"What about you, young man?" I frowned as he suddenly turned to look at Mouse "Pretty easy to miss your arms at a glance, but I see it. I can’t imagine that it was something you wanted before you had them, but I’d bet you would feel pretty lost without those."

Mouse grunted quietly, still conflicted about this man "Don't want to talk about it." He muttered. Dr. Reese looked concerned at the response as Mouse silently stood up and walked toward the front of the workshop, watching from a distance so he could avoid the conversation.

Reese whispered back to me "Did I touch a nerve?"

"Several, actually." I gave a concerned glance back toward Mouse. I had really hoped that Mouse’s cybernetics wouldn’t be brought up at all because I knew how much he hated them. "But it's not my story to tell."

He nodded to himself. "Poor boy. Whatever happened to him, he's far too young to live with a chip like that on his shoulder. I was going to ask if I could examine those arms, but I suppose that's a poor idea?"

I nodded, understanding his curiosity, but thankful he asked me before he approached the teenager about it. "Leave him be, he's not part of this deal."

"Perhaps when he's older." He nodded back in agreement and thankfully dropped the subject. "For you, I'm happy you've found some peace thanks to your devices. Too many people get lost in replacing themselves rather than augmenting themselves when it comes to cybernetics. They try to add more and more to chase some sort of perfection of self."

"They didn’t exactly give me a choice." I shrugged it off and took note that the downloads had completed while we were talking. "But yeah, I'm really glad for it. Were the logs really all you needed?"

“It's more than enough to keep my job interesting for a while, but I wouldn't say no if you wanted to let me tinker around with the firmware a little bit.” The man offered with a smile, an obvious note of pity in his voice. “You were definitely right that it doesn’t seem to like you. It’s expecting certain automated responses from a machine core that you’re not giving it. It’s not a catastrophic problem, but I imagine it’s taxing on your system… which would be your brain in this case.”

“Yeah, it can be a little distressing sometimes. I just need to spend some time in the sensory deprivation tank, though.” I reasoned. I was fine depending on the core module. There was no place I would rather be, anyway.

“I could just put in a bypass for the irrelevant events if you want.” He offered.

“No offense, doctor, you seem really nice, and I honestly want to trust you to do that, but I can’t afford trusting too far outside of my crew right now.” I really wanted to take him up on the offer. The thought of lessening the irritation that came from being outside of the core module was more than a little inviting, but as much as I had a good feeling about Dr. Reese, I couldn’t completely trust him not to put something malicious into my systems.

“Well, it’s your body.” He shrugged it off, but I could tell he was a little disappointed. I guess I couldn’t blame him, I was kind of a unique subject if he had gotten the chance to work on me. “Then I suppose that’s all I could really ask for. Thank you for your time, Meryll, I’ll be sure to put in that I’m very satisfied with our transaction.” He smiled at me and motioned to the cable in my neck, which I promptly removed. “It was very nice to meet you, and I hope we can keep in touch.”

I smiled back, genuinely happy with the interaction “You know, when I heard I’d have to get examined by a bunch of doctors, I was really nervous, but if it’s all simple data transfers and nice conversations like this, I think I’ll be okay with it.”

“I hate to ruin your expectations, but not all of my colleagues are… well, they’re not the best socialites.” Dr. Reese warned. “Seeing as you have your escort and your wits about you though, I don’t think they’ll cause you too much trouble.”

I nodded and closed my eyes momentarily to dig into his terminal, lifting his messaging credentials. I figured he was right, we should keep in touch. Opening my eyes again, I called out “Hey Mouse, time to head out.” To which he nodded and came back over to stand by me as I got up.

We left the workshop together and Mouse breathed a sigh of relief the moment we were outside, a heavy weight lifting from his shoulders the moment he was out of sight of the man with the least trustworthy profession there was, in his eyes. “Sorry he brought it up.” I tried to sound comforting. I could tell he needed to get something off his chest.

“Not his fault.” He muttered. It was an unexpectedly mature response. “He seems okay.” he continued, and I had to wonder what was going on in his head.

“Surprised to hear you say that.” I admitted, wondering if maybe he’d been inspired by the conversation somehow. “I figured you’d be at odds with everyone on this colony.”

“Me too. Him being an alright person makes me feel… unsettled.” He admitted. Mouse looked conflicted as he walked, paying less attention to the people around him and more to himself for the moment. “Maybe I’ve been judging people like him too hard.”

“No one’s blaming you for protecting yourself, Mouse.” I tried to reassure him. “It’s alright if you’re not ready to let it go.” I kept it to myself, but I hoped Mouse could face some of the anger he felt about his past while we were here.

He kept his rifle at ease, but now he was looking down at his hand as we walked, staring at the exposed steel pads with subtle signs of conflict on his face. The doctor’s words had reinforced my philosophy toward my cybernetics, but they had left Mouse at odds with his own. I didn’t envy the introspection he had ahead of him tonight.