Theseus

I stood over top of the open core chamber, my paper robe discarded, and stared down into the hemisphere of clear goop beneath me "What even is this stuff anyway?" I asked idly, attempting to delay the inevitable. As much as I wanted to finish mapping out the ship in my mind, I was still anxious about what I was doing. I was not a risk-taker. I never had been. So why was I so keen to throw myself into something that had killed every other person that had attempted it on the off chance that my previous survival hadn't been a freak accident?

"Standard core lubricant." Doc explained, scribbling something on a data pad "Self-cleaning, oxygenized, stabilizing fluid. Negates the ability to feel temperature, gravity, all of the physical senses. A core usually doesn't need any of their senses, and that's more of their brain they can focus on controlling the ship if they don't sense anything at all. Well... except pain."

"I noticed that." I mumbled "Anything I should know about this before I go back in? Health-wise?"

"Frankly, I don't know. This is new territory. For... science in general." He sounded uncertain "I want to see this succeed. Not just for our survival, but for the implications for humanity. I'd never heard of Arthausen Syndrome before, but it may very well be a boon for transhumanism, if that is what allowed you to do this. I'll certainly be downloading any material I can find on it at next port."

I sat down and poked my feet into the liquid. It was so thick. I didn't have to take my first breath of it while conscious last time, and I knew that the first few lungfuls going back into it would be an ordeal "Say... don't take this the wrong way or anything, but... in this crew, you seem... out of place."

Doc carried himself more properly than the others, and seemed more keen on keeping himself clean and well-mannered.

"Not all outlaws are born to poverty." He said simply, going quiet as he stepped behind me. It must have been a sensitive subject. I could feel him waiting impatiently for me to climb inside so that he could close the lid.

I obliged, prefering to escape his judgemental stare over my possible impending doom. I plunged down into the fluid and crouched to make sure I was out of the way of the mechanically closing lid.

For a moment, I was just inside of a half-filled goopy dark sphere. In another, it began to rise. I instinctually held my breath as it climbed to my neck. And as the last bit of open space filled and I became immersed, the fluid began to feel comfortable again.

The air in my lungs was growing stale, and it didn't take me long before I let it out, watching the bubbles float up and disappear at the top of the chamber. Sucking in my first breath didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped. It felt like I was choking. Drowning. It wasn't until I got the first lungful to stay down that I breathed it heavily, sucking it in and out as my body slowly became accustomed to breathing again, and I was able to calm down.

Without the contrast of the open air, it just felt like a comfortable emptiness. I floated onto my back, and when the interior lights flashed on, I blinked once and I was immediately back. That empty void. The fluid was doing its work. I could see nothing besides myself. Sense nothing. Because there was nothing. It felt right.

I closed my eyes and reached out once more to my mental console. The core room. My heart. There was Doc, right where I had last seen him. I looked at the data pad in his hands. I reached out for it. It had a text file open. It read 'Can you see me?'

It would be much easier to communicate using technology that was intended for user input. I accesses the file and appended 'yes' on a fresh line

'Can you hear me?' Was the next question.

I couldn't say. Doc was certainly saying something. I just wasn't sure how to parse that data correctly. 'No.' I replied this time 'I can hear something, the sound is strange.'

He replied again 'At least we can communicate. Continue the grafting process, I'll monitor your vitals and ping you if I need your attention. If something goes critical, I'll pull you out immediately.'

I nodded, then realized he couldn't see me and wrote out 'Okay.' Before I turned to project myself out of the room in my mental map.

It felt bizarre, as if I was floating through the ship myself, an invisible spirit with a presence in the halls. I moved to the stairs down to the mess hall that I'd explored in the flesh, and as the sensor data flowed in, I began feeling more comfortable with the image overlapping with my physical memory.

I watched as Mouse came into view, still eating the slop that passed for food outside of corporate cities. It was nutritious, I'd been told in our brief meal together, but the taste was awful. I grimaced and hoped I wouldn't have to endure too much more of it myself.

I felt like a voyeur. Here I was, watching someone without them knowing I was staring. Sure, I was just taking in sensory data to synchronize with the room, but it still felt like I could potentially end up invading someone's privacy. I would, after all, be becoming part of the more intimate environments of the ship as well if I was going to be able to control it.

I started to look around at the room's electronics. Perhaps I could at least alert the boy to my presence. Most of what I sensed blurred into the background: plumbing monitors, electrical boxes, gravity control, life support... I was starting to filter out the systems that were able to operate basically autonomously, and there wasn't much left. This wasn't a terribly sophisticated starship, it seemed. Still, there was something I could use. A PA system. Primitive, but effective. I could feel the electronics snaking through the ship, and I wondered what was on the other ends of parts of it that I hadn't explored yet.

I tapped into the system and switched it on, only to realize that I had no idea how to use it in such a state. I certainly couldn't speak. I wondered if it would be as simple as thinking of the words to send. I tried just that and watched as Mouse jolted back, looking alarmed and shouting some sort of expletive. I cringed and cut my connection quickly. Seemed that data didn't translate well directly into speech. Mouse stood up and stomped quickly to the intercom, where I heard his small voice come through, shouting angrily over the electronics "What the FUCK was that?!"

I was shocked myself this time. While data to sound was less simple, it seemed that I was able to understand the voice transmitted through the intercom perfectly clearly. "Probably Meryll." replied Aisling's voice. I pictured myself up at the helm and in an instant, I was looking at her, leaning back in her chair to press her end of the intercom, still staring at the loading screen. At least this time, at Doc's recommendation, no doubt, there was a blank text file open.

I typed quickly 'Sorry. Trying to figure out how to talk.'

I heard her say something, but after I didn't respond, she typed back 'You're a spaceship, why do you need to talk?'

I grimaced. Was she really going to stop treating me like a person now that I'd agreed to be locked back into the core? 'I'm a person! People talk!'

'You can be a person all you want once you're back in your cozy house with your nice job and high society life or whatever. For now, you're a ship.' she typed impatiently.

I furrowed my brow, angry that I was being dehumanized, but helpless to do anything about it. I was just as stranded as they were if I refused to act out my part here. What had happened to the comforting and gentle Aisling that helped me down the stairs earlier?

Looking at the loading bar, I saw it was nearing 70%. I could feel my consciousness seeping further outward into the ship, feeling some of the sensors on the armor plating of the exterior now. It wouldn't be long before I really was actually a spaceship. At least until I got us to a port.

I frowned as I wondered, would she uphold her end of the deal? She could just leave me in here. Of course, then I could just abscond with the ship when they landed if I wanted. And then... And then I could... what could I actually do?

If I showed up at a Foundation port, sure I could communicate through text and log files, and they would probably get me out, but then what?

My eyes went wide with realization. I was an anomaly. A biological miracle. The implications of a human being able to bond with a starship was revolutionary. And I knew all too well that if I showed up at a corporate port, they wouldn't see me as a person either. They'd see an opportunity to exploit. I didn't have connections high up with anyone who could vouch for me. I would become an experiment. I had to keep what happened here a secret from them at all costs.

Could I keep it a secret? It was one thing, being able to walk through a scanner and explain that I was emitting psychic waves because of my documented condition, but now I had actual ship data shoved into my neurology. I also couldn't release myself from the core module. They certainly wouldn't overlook me climbing out of this thing without an investigation. I wasn't going to get back to Titan without getting scanned either. I'd be trapped there if I even could.

I came back to my senses when I saw Aisling tapping her hand up against the sensor array above her, as if trying to get my attention. Looking up, I saw that she'd typed 'Why did you stop?' Sure enough, the loading bar hadn't moved since I had gotten lost in the thought. My hesitation was causing the process to seize up.

I couldn't tell if I was crying, but my eyes certainly felt heavy. Could I cry anymore? Was I even really human? I was starting to panic as I reached out for some kind of comfort, even if it was with her. I typed out the truth I had to face, hoping for some sympathy 'I can't go home, can I?'

Aisling saw my text and turned back to the console, just staring at the question for a few minutes. There was conflict on her face. I just wanted to hear something from her, anything that could make me feel real again in that moment. Finally, I saw her release a sigh and put her hands on the keyboard 'Probably not.'

Sobbing within the lubricant was a strange experience. It was silent, and the sensation of my diaphragm contracting felt alien while it was full of fluid. I had to open my eyes. It was yet another bizarre sensation that I was only able to shut out my senses and ignore the world by keeping my eyes open rather than closed. I stared at the empty void surrounding me and I wrapped my arms around my legs, holding myself tight. At least I could feel myself.

This was all too much. It had been too much since I first woke up here, but it was finally coming down on me. My life as I knew it was over. I wondered if maybe it would be easier if I'd just been a regular ship core. Life as a zombified living processor must be simpler than this, right? More comfortable. I couldn't believe I was envious of a starship component in that moment.

I blinked and saw more words on the screen, so I sighed and closed my eyes again to read 'Full disclosure, I was just going to let you go home and let the corpos do whatever they want with you. But you know, new cores are expensive. If this works, we might need you a little longer than I thought we would. Hope you won't be too mad if we don't drop you off at the first port.'

I stared at the words for a few minutes, taking in the implications. It was quite a turn from how she'd just been treating me moments before. Maybe she'd been trying to keep me distant for the sake of her own conscience. On one hand, this wasn't the deal we had made. She was breaking a promise, but it also meant that she wanted me to stay. I wasn't sure how I felt about her wanting to maintain her tough stance and making it look like she was giving me orders, but in a way, it was thoughtful.

I had to make a hard choice, here and now, before I could continue grafting the machine. My mind wouldn't settle if I didn't face the problem now. Should I face the people that I'd once called coworkers, bosses, and friends, who would surely treat me as just a thing. I couldn't even imagine what they would do to me to try to extract the secrets of what laid in my mind that allowed me to do such a thing. I could hope that they would keep treating me like a person despite it, but I knew them too well. They wouldn't. I would become an asset.

Or I could stay in this sphere. Maybe for good. A tool. A mechanism. A part of this greater thing, at the whim of pirates to do god knows what. I didn't think that I could trust Aisling, but who was I supposed to trust? I couldn't just flee at an independent port, then where would I be? Trapped with no one. I'd rather be in the company of criminals than to be alone in a strange place with nothing and no prospects.

I reached for the console again and typed 'I have a condition.' I swallowed, wondering if I really had any bargaining power here. I watched her with her arms folded as she read it, and then typed out 'Go on.'

'I'm not just your ship. I'm part of your crew too. I'm a person. And I'll be treated as such.' I typed out slowly, letting her read along and process my request 'If you agree, I'll be your ship.'

She tried to hide a smile on her face, but I was getting better at reading expressions through the sensor arrays. She didn't hesitate for a moment before she typed 'Deal.'