The World Goddess Only Knows

"Haruto-kuuun!" Sang a familiar and cheerful voice. "Time to wake up, Haruto-kuuun!" 

The young teenage boy rolled over in his sleep, his eyes twitching. "Mmmm…Five more minutes…" 

The older woman, about 27, standing over him sighed. She had long, red hair and violet eyes and currently wore a red, long-sleeved shirt along with a black dress as well as a frilly, pink apron that could either make or break the outfit depending on how you look at it. She sighed.

"Well I tried the easy way." She then raised her leg high up into the air. "Haruto…WAKE UP, YOU LAZY ASS! Naruko SUPER DROP KICK!" She brought her leg down right on the sleeping occupant of the bed. Judging from the gasping and sputtering (not to mention the groans of pain), her 'wake-up method' was effective.

A young teen shot upright with a look of outrage on his face. "What the Hell, Sis!?" 

Namikaze Naruko took a stance like a bowing martial artist. "Such is the fate of those who defy the great Namikaze Naruko's will." Naruko's expression changed to a smirk. "I did give you a chance to take the easy way. Your fault for not taking it." 

"SO YOU DROP KICK ME!?" Haruto ran a hand through his spiky, red hair, mumbling something.

Naruko gained a cat-like smile. "How else do I wake up a lazy ass like you?" Haruto clenched his fists and Naruko seemed to ready herself for what appeared to be a fight that was about to break out between the two. "So you wish to challenge the superiority of your dear big sis, do you, Haruto-kun?" 

"DAMN STRAIGHT! DIE!" Haruto raised his clenched fists and the two siblings leaped at each other.

Everything disappeared in a mass of destructive violence that tore the room apart. Neither let their familial bond (?) interfere with their clash for superiority. The fight seemed to go on for several hours (give or take a couple minutes if anyone other than Haruto spoke of this situation). It finally ended when Naruko managed to get Haruto pressed against the ground, stuck in a headlock, Haruto desperately trying to scratch at her arms, trying to find some way to break free.

Naruko smirked. "Do you surrender?" 

Haruto glared at her defiantly. "Neveeeee-GAK!" Naruko took that opportunity to tighten her hold around Haruto's neck, causing him to wince in pain. He sighed, slamming his hand against the floor, tapping out. "ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! I give." Naruko released her hold on Haruto, both of them getting up.

Naruko pointed one finger into the air. "BWAHAHAHA! Naruko-sama wins once more!" Haruto's sweat dropped.

I wonder if she could be arrested for child abuse.

"Whatever floats your boat." He didn't even want to bother. "Now can you get out? I gotta get ready for class." 

***

I came downstairs, clean dressed in my Kuoh Academy uniform and still drying my hair with a towel.

While I desperately wanted to get Naru-nee back, I knew there was no beating her. Even when I won, I somehow lost. Don't ask how. Naruko just works like that.

Now that I was dressed in his uniform and not covered by a blanket, it was incredibly easy to see my spiky hair the same color as my sister's and my golden eyes. I wasn't a CRAZY muscular 16-year-old, but I was rather in-shape for someone my age.

"Oh Harutoooo!" Sang Naru-nee cheerfully. "I made breakfast!" I paled considerably. There were only two things I feared in this world:

The first was Naru-nee when she got pissed (HEY! YOU DON'T KNOW, MAN! YOU DON'T KNOW!).

The second was Naru-nee's cooking. Having to ingest such a meal was a fate worse than death.

Even from my position on the stairs I could smell the vomit-inducing stench of that… substance Naru-nee called food. I deeply considered running back up the stairs and trying to leave through the window. I weighed my options.

I noticed Naru-nee standing by the bottom of the stairs, waiting patiently with one hand on her hip and the other holding a plate of…whatever the HELL that was on the plate.

Every step I took closer brought me closer to the substance that reeked with the stench of DEATH.

It was black and purple and there was a strange-colored smoke rising off of it. I wasn't quite sure what strange things Naruko put into that 'meal,' but I knew that she hadn't killed it properly if I had to judge by the tentacles sticking out of the shapeless mush on the plate. The tentacles were still moving.

My pale skin turned a light shade of green.

I swallowed the bile that was rising in my throat and managed to chuckle.

"Ahaha… A-Actually, Naru-nee, I-I was planning on catching a quick bite to eat at Issei's house since I was going there anyway o-on my way to school." I quickly spat out the most believable excuse. Naru-nee stared at me with eyes that were full of suspicion. I began sweating bullets.

Please buy it. Please buy it. Please—FOR THE LOVE OF GOD—buy it.

Naru-nee then shrugged. "Mmkay then." 

I let out a sigh of relief, grateful that Naru-nee bought my lie…well. It was a partial lie/excuse to get out of eating her poison/cooking.

I walked past Naru-nee, shoving my hands in my pockets as I made my way to the door, stopping right at the door frame.

"Oh yeah," I said. "I might end up hanging out with my friends after school, so I'll probably be home later than normal." Of course, it didn't really matter whether or not I mentioned it because Naru-nee never got home until around midnight or sometime afterward, doing whatever job she has that keeps a roof over our heads… I honestly have NO idea what she does every day, really.

"Just don't let those perverts get you involved in their usual mischief." Naru-nee replied, returning to the kitchen.

"Yeah yeah. I know, I know." I waved as I opened the door and walked outside. "See you later, Naru-nee." 

And then I was off…