NOVEL WEB Chapter 23
Disclaimer: If you recognise it, surprise, I don't own it.
Chapter 23– Long Road Ahead.
Is this what they call heaven? I can think of no other way to adequately describe just how unique this moment is for me. If this were indeed what heaven is like, then I would have had no qualms with entirely skipping being turned into Gilderoy Lockhart and going straight to heaven.
And to think this incredible sensation is so powerful, and she is not even kissing me back. While I had given Andromeda ample time to turn away from my lips and avoid it, she did not. However, she does not reciprocate either. My hand is placed gently on her knee, and my other hand is lightly holding her chin in my direction, but in no way am I being forceful.
She could easily pull away, but she doesn't. I am not pushing it. I am not devouring her face or anything. My lips are merely pressed against hers, a light kiss that has only lasted for an instant, but I am memorising it down to the most minute detail. Finally, deciding that any longer would be too much and would worsen our relationship if it wasn't already devolving, I separated from her and moved backwards.
I then watch her face with hidden anticipation to see her reaction, knowing that the outcome would probably be bad, but I still can't crush the hope inside me that she will grab me by the collar and pull me back in. I figure that such a possibility is very minimal as, by the expression on her face, I can tell she is stunned and shocked, she looks conflicted as well, but it is definitely not the face of someone who wants more.
She seems to shake from her state, but instead of doing anything, she silently stares at me, and I stare right back, waiting for her to talk or say something. With nothing but silence, I only have time to think about my actions just now. I saw an opportunity, and knowing what I wanted, I took it. However, instead of going all in, I pulled away. Objectively I probably made a mistake twice over. I shouldn't have kissed her when she was telling me about her issues as she might see it as me purposely taking advantage of her, and since I did kiss her, I should have gone all in and made the most of it since I might not get another chance.
"That was..." Andromeda seems to regain her bearings and starts to speak before stopping, not knowing how to continue. I gather together that she is very confused right now and has trailed off, not knowing what to say, expecting me to pick it up from there. But I don't, knowing that if I was to speak now, that would set the tone, and she would go off of it, and no matter what I say right now, there is no good outcome for me, so I want to let her dictate how this finished.
She doesn't know how to feel right now, or how to process this or how to react, so she is waiting for me to act. If I were to apologise for my bold actions, she would roll with it and berate me before ultimately deciding to forget the whole thing. On the other hand, if I were to be unrepentant, then she would most likely turn frosty and cold to me for the rest of our working relationship. Just because we work together does not mean we have to be on good terms.
Of course, I don't know any of this for sure, and I am just spitballing because my mind is racing. I don't want to ruin my relationship with Andromeda because she is an excellent and independent employee, which she has proved over the past few months. I really don't want to mess this up, but I also really want to advance my relationship with her, which is why I made an impulsive decision. And now I am so worried about making the wrong step that I am just waiting for her to speak. I am being a coward, aren't I?
"I think that-" Andromeda opens her mouth, seeing that I wouldn't and seems to have decided on a course of action. Too bad that I opened my mouth and interrupted her before she could go through with it.
"I like you, Andromeda." Pushing past my insecurity and hating the fact that I was being a coward, I plainly said it, not wanting to be so pathetic anymore. Worse comes to worst, she will somehow find a way to work through all the conditions to escape her contract and leave my employment, and while anybody else will not be as competent or qualified as her, I can always build them up over time.
"W-What?" She stutters, having just gotten her bearings and then been completely thrown off wack once again. She looks absolutely bewildered. For some reason, she looks to be having issues with believing that what I just said could actually be feasible. Even though I am constantly trying to flirt with her, purposely performing sexual acts with other women in front of her and teasing her while also continually complimenting her.
This should not have been a surprise. At the very least, Andromeda should have surmised that I at least found her very attractive and desirable and would have pursued her just for her appearance. But, instead, she seems incredibly shocked at all that I would have any intention towards her in the first place. So confused, I trace the surface of her mind since she is pretty sidetracked.
Merely scanning the surface, I learn she is very much in doubt of her allure and attractiveness given her husband's inadequacy and distance, as well as my own promiscuous ways, and yet I never properly hit on her. She is convinced she is no longer the same beautiful woman she was as if anyone desiring her is an impossibility and one of the reasons her husband is freezing her out.
Having gotten a good look at her frame of mind, I quickly evacuate it in case she decides to bolster her Occlumency to help calm and order herself in this situation, and then we return to silence. Again we are just staring at each other in utter silence, and again I am waiting for her to speak first. But this time, I am not being pathetic or cowardly. I said what I wanted to and didn't hide away. To be honest, I am not used to being so open and straightforward, usually preferring subterfuge and keeping everything hidden.
"Gilderoy, I... We should forget about this. I am a married woman." She says, having found her voice and the courage to speak, and at the exact moment crushing my approach. To be honest, I expected such an answer, but I still couldn't help but feel very upset about her response because I was still holding out some hope. I am very aware of who I am, on top of all the merging, because taking Occlumency to the level that I have means that you are intimately familiar with who you are and how you work, even if you decide to ignore that sometimes.
I am aware that I am an attention-starved love craving, insecure idiot, as well as, at the same time being, a selfish, greedy, vain attention whore. Making the whole love and attention-seeking rise to sky-high levels and realising that I used my Occlumency to tamper with it and make it tamer, but the tendencies are still there. I am both scared to put myself out there and yet want to be accepted to an almost harmful degree.
It is why I sleep with so many random women and then wipe their memories of our encounters afterwards, both because I don't want to deal with the hassle and any manipulations and plans they have in mind. I also don't want to have them actually try and have a relationship with me either since I would probably go along with it and then have it fail inevitably down the road.
It is also why I don't use my mind magic skill and Legilimency to affect others and use them for my own sexual means, which I could very quickly do. It is not because I am a nice guy and because it would be wrong. I don't give a shit about that. It is the simple fact that it would be fake, that those emotions would not be genuine, and what would be the point of it all if I just made it all up. I would use my skills for my benefit with no qualms at all if they were to benefit me, but using them in a sexual manner would ultimately not give me what I want.
"An unhappily married woman. You just told me that." Still, just because she says no doesn't mean I am going to give up and just accept that. Another side effect of my being so desperate for affection and so cautious of actually going for it is that when I actually do so, I am not going to take no for an answer and won't stop till I get it. I will use any means possible to get it as well, and I am not afraid of being underhand as long as actual mind-manipulation does not occur.
This means I can scan the thoughts, inspect the mind and analyse them, but I won't actually alter the mind in any way when it comes to these matters. At least not using magic, because as long as it is natural and done through my own effort, I am more than willing to slowly and properly pursue someone.
Just like now, with Andromeda. I know she is having problems at home, and her relationship with her husband is practically nonexistent, as well as the fact that she hasn't had sex in a few years due to her husband being overworked and she herself thinking she is unattractive. I am more than willing to use these facts to my advantage to make this woman mine. Even if it will take some time, I am more than willing to wait for the eventual dividends.
Quickly leaving my introspection and getting back to the here and now, I can see that my comment had obviously been taken negatively by Andromeda in spite of being the truth. She is an unhappily married woman, and she thinks she is unattractive for some bizarre reason. The only reason Andi is rejecting my advances is that she is a good woman and refuses to betray her marriage, even if it is a failing one.
"But, yeah, okay. We don't have to mention this again, and I won't try again if you don't want me to. But I want you to know that I don't regret it, and I would do it again." I talk again before she can reply, giving her a little bit to get her to cool down. But I also make it clear that I am attracted to her and that I want her, which I know will press the right buttons.
"G-Gilderoy... I thought you wanted to settle down and have a family. I am already old and have a fully grown daughter." She tries to put me down by siting my own goals and wishes, but it again comes back to the fact that she doesn't see herself as beautiful, and her confidence and self-esteem are really low. All these months of her husband freezing her out have really put her down, and that is on top of their sex life that stopped pretty much after her daughter was born.
"That doesn't matter to me, and you are not old. On the contrary, you are still in the prime of your life, vibrant and full of radiance. Although, of course, I do want those things, but it doesn't have to be right now, and I don't see why it can't be with you." A lot of people may say that just because we have magic, we are not better than those without it, but they are just lying. With magic, we can do anything, and it keeps us alive and youthful for much longer than ordinary muggles. Andromeda is easily still in her prime. I don't even think magical women have menopause and are fertile no matter how old they are.
"Don't fool around, Gilderoy. I know you. I know who you are. I have spent the last few months with you, if you have forgotten, and I know just how you live your life. You have a different woman on your arm every night, and somehow you never seem to tire. I was once stuck outside your office for an entire two hours before you finished, and that was only because your partner for the night passed out. Can you honestly say that you would only be with me?" She references my frequent use of potions to amplify my sex life but doesn't actually know I am using them.
"I will be honest with you, Andromeda. No, I wouldn't. I crave affection and love, so much so that I find it very hard to reject it, and I am unsatiable. I would be with other women, multiple women and very often. But I wouldn't forget about you, I couldn't. I might be with a lot of women, but there are no true feelings there. It is purely physical and pleasures of the flesh." I know who I am, and I know what I want. Sure, I could lie and bag Andromeda now just once before losing her forever, but I want her for life. I want her forever, and I know I am greedy, and I will still want others as well.
"You really expect me to just roll over and accept that? That I would be with you, and you would be with whoever you want. That I would have no complaints and happily go along with it? Do you really think me so needy and weak-willed that I would accept such a life?" Obviously, I don't, but in a world as magical and bizarre as this, I don't see a reason why such a reality can't come to fruition. It is possible. I know it is. People in my own world had their own weird things going on, and that was very mundane compared to this.
"No, I don't. What I would like is for you to have faith in my feelings for you, to know that no matter how many women I sleep with or how many times I am with someone else, I will always want you and would push those women over a cliff in a heartbeat for you. They a merely a solution to a problem, one I wish I did not have, but I have no proper answer for." So I say, having come up with a reason for my horniness that will work well into the future. As I stated before, I am not above lying and underhanded tactics.
"I had an accident with dragon blood, a known aphrodisiac which is poisonous to humans when taken directly. Due to an accident, I nearly died, but I survived. However, the aphrodisiac aspect was so powerful that it had affected me severely. My libido is now so powerful that it edges on the point of being harmful, and it is the reason I sleep with so many women. It is also the main reason I have stopped my adventures and come back to Britain. I can't exactly tend to my needs on my adventures into the wilds sometimes without civilisation in sight for miles." Technically I was poisoned with dragon blood, and there was an unexpected side effect, which was me taking over this body.
"I- I suppose that is- Wait, I don't even know why we are talking about this. It is not going to happen. I am married. I sympathise with your problem Gilderoy, and I will be more understanding in the future. Now, I am going home for the day, and when I come back tomorrow, we will forget this ever happened." Andromeda sadly comes back to her senses before I can push any further and shuts this conversation down. She gets up and moves towards the door, ready to leave.
She wants to get away as quickly as possible and not think about this confusing situation any longer. The only thing holding her back is a small string tied to the sanctity of her marriage because she refuses to be that kind of woman. Such loyalty entices me even more, and I want that loyalty to belong to me. Before she leaves, I want to leave her with one last thing to ponder over, so I speak as she reaches for the door handle.
"Okay, that's fine. So tomorrow, we can act like none of this happened. But I want you to know, Andi. I want you. I want you more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. You were willing to give up your whole world and lifestyle, your family, for him, a man that doesn't appreciate you. Can't you be willing to do the same for me? To accept my faults and embrace them?" She gave up the pureblood life for him, which must have been quite an adjustment. But she is capable of it, and she could quite easily accept polygamy.
"I-I will see you tomorrow, Gilderoy." She finishes but stays there, frozen with her hand on the door. I don't say anything, giving her some time before her hand finally turns the knob, and she leaves the room, gently closing the door behind her. I sit there for a moment, take it all in, and realise my situation.
I have said what I said, and there is no putting it back in the box. so I am all in now, and I will get what I want.
Andromeda will be mine, completely and utterly. No matter how long that takes.
"Assume your duelling pose." Following the order, I position myself with my legs apart, my left hand by my side with my hand fully stretched out, and my wand held at the waist pointed in front of me.
"Did you read the books I recommended because your pose is full of flaws? Show me all the forms." Flitwick demands, assuming that I had done the reading because otherwise, we would not be meeting up. I had done the reading, several times, actually, and I quickly performed the other poses in the recommended reading, no doubt with some mistakes, but the basic form is correct.
"See, you are capable and know the forms. So why did you completely disregard that information and make up your own?" Flitwick asks, standing across from me, his miniature form looking remarkably daunting. Flitwick, though relatively easygoing and all-around nice fellow, is very strict when it comes to one on one teaching. Probably because he can't be this demanding with an entire class of children, and I am an adult with reportedly tremendous power.
"None of the forms was comfortable, and I was unable to move properly using them, so I decided on this," I tell him, feeling remarkedly stupid under his unmoving gaze. I can't help the feeling of being back in school again, with the teachers constantly eyeing you like you are a fucking nitwit and no doubt talking shit about you after they have gone home for the day. Thankfully, I don't think Flitwick would do that, though he is looking at me a little strangely.
"Gilderoy, I admit that you are well versed when it comes to writing stories and defence against the dark arts due to your adventures, but don't make assumptions on things you are uneducated on. Just like how I would not question your expertise on dark creatures and methods to deal with them or how to properly structure a book, please do not take the things I am teaching lightly or disregard them." So he tells me, and I can tell that if I were to give the incorrect response right now, then this would be the end of his teaching me.
"I understand. It was admittedly short-sighted of me to try and make my own stance with no actual fundamental understanding of the sport or any experience. Could you please instruct me further and aid me with this." I say, covering all my bases. I admitted wrongdoing, I apologised, I explained what I was apologising for, and then I asked for help. If he doesn't accept it, then that is that because I don't see what else I could have done.
To be honest, I have been a bit out of whack since the incident with Andromeda. Literally, the day afterwards, we went back to business as usual, just like she said, and though I did get a surface scan and saw that things were not quite as clear cut as that. But I also noticed that I had a long road cut out in front of me. Even the fact that I had not been with another woman and let her into my office after she knocked managed to take her off guard, there was some fluctuation, but she didn't show anything on her face. With things back to normal, I concentrated back on my activities, but maybe I was not focused enough.
"Good. Now, the books I recommended for you were specifically tailored with your height and body structure in mind. All the stances you just performed are all suited to your body type, and it is up to you to choose one. It is natural that you would be uncomfortable in the positions as you are not used to them. However, familiarity will come in time." I nod, showing my understanding and that I am listening attentively. I really should have clicked on and understood this, but I guess I got a bit ahead of myself in trying to create my own form.
"Okay, so the form you pick will be based on what type of duelist you would like to be as well as how such a style suits you and how talented you are in the role. Since you are still inexperienced, I will help you choose the form, we can try it for a while, and if it doesn't work, we can choose another. So, what type of duelist would you like to be?" He asks me, and once again, I feel like that stupid kid back in school that has been asked a question on a subject he is less than stellar in. I am not sure what types of duelists there are, and Flitwick realises this after a second.
"Right, I guess you would not know that. Well, there are multiple types of duelists. Offensive, defensive, strategic and illusive. Each of those has more sub-categories, such as quick attacker, overwhelming attacker, mobile defender, evasive defender, misdirectional duelist and more. So, what type would you be leaning towards?" He says, really opening my eyes to what kind of world I am getting involved in. I thought it would just be a bunch of guys slinging spells at each other while acting all high and mighty and adhering to a set of stupid rules, but clearly not.
"I want to be an overwhelming attacker, constantly on the move and keeping my opponent on the defensive, not even giving them a chance to strike back." I don't even have to think about it because I know exactly the style I want. The best defence is a good offence, as the saying goes. The faster my opponents are dead and six feet in the ground, the safer I will be. I want to kill them before they can even manage to use a Protego, and if they are quick enough, then I just want to overpower them to death. I am not willing to allow them to get an attack in if I can help it, all or nothing seems to be a new theme I am going with.
"Alright, I think I have the perfect form for you," Flitwick says, using a spell to conjure a long stick, which he begins to use to alter my stance.
I have a good feeling about this.
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