The Villainess Wants Her Prince to Live!

There were many things that Regina had hoped her family would congratulate her for.

Throwing a temper tantrum was not one of them.

Yet as Regina tucked into breakfast the next morning as though she were a hibernating bear, she found herself being showered in parental praise about how she had handled herself during what she had thought was a life-ending humiliation.

In fact, after insisting her family return from the palace to the Sheridan townhouse, she had fled into her bedroom to avoid talking to her family about her real reason for throwing all the expensive engagement presents she had received out the bloody window.

At the very least, she had gone to bed hungry and horrified at the scolding her father would soon give about the money she had wasted – money that could have been recycled back into Sheridan pockets.

Instead, she found her father staring at her with something akin to awe before he proudly said, “I cannot believe I gave birth to such a brilliant young woman.”

Regina almost died choking on her pancakes while her mother hissed and replied, “Excuse me? Did you say you were the one to give birth to her? I would like to know when this miracle occurred, since I was the one pushing her enormous head out of my body!”

As Regina wondered whether her head really was abnormally large, her father replied, “I was speaking metaphorically, not literally. It is not as though Regina’s genius could come from anyone but me given how masterfully she handled the nobles last night.”

As Regina stared in shock, her mother slapped the table and said, “While you are a pompous idiot, you are right about Regina’s brilliance. I wish I could have painted a portrait of every pompous noble last night as she stuck it right in their eyes!”

“Stuck what?” Regina asked, lost and feeling her pancake stick in her throat. “What are you two talking about?!”

“Oh, do not be so modest,” her mother said, now grinning from ear to ear. “You know just what you did and how well you did it.”

Regina, who had no idea what her mother was speaking of, took a look at her father – who was, to her utter shock, nodding wildly.

“Absolutely,” her father said, looking so happy Regina was unnerved. “You handled yourself so well – and you have that second prince eating out of the palm of your hand. I admit I was not sure if swapping princes was for the best – but you have done damn well so far!”

Finally, deciding she had to respond even if she had no idea what was going on, Regina awkwardly smiled and said, “I… am thrilled that you both approve of all that I did. I had… feared you might believe me unfit for marrying into the royal family after all that I had done.”

Indeed, Regina was still flabbergasted that her insane move of throwing all the presents out of the window because one of them was coated with poison would be thought of as praise-worthy by anyone. She had even been so terrified of being labeled as a crazy woman and thrown back into the Sheridan estate to be “dealt with” that she had not gotten a wink of sleep last night – which also kept her from any visions.

Yet if her parents somehow approved of her bizarre actions – well, Regina was not about to look a gift-horse in the mouth.

In fact, as Regina chewed on her pancakes and stared at her beaming parents, she began to feel actual hope filling her heart.

‘Perhaps,’ she cautiously hoped, ‘I behaved so bizarrely last night that even my assassins will stop coming after me! After all, how could they think of me as any kind of threat when nobody sane would let Artem or myself near any form of power?’

Relaxing as she watched her parents continue to heap praise on her while bickering with one another, Regina continued to hope that perhaps the insanity of yesterday would lead to a better tomorrow.

I imagine,’ she thought, ‘that Artem and I have behaved so strangely that even if my parents and family approve, the Alpins will want us to leave the Capital as soon as we are married. With luck, we will be quickly wed and be shuffled off to some remote estate far from any assassins. Soon, my life of being menaced by nothing more than geese may begin. Perhaps that is why I did not have another vision last night!’

Buoyed by that cheerful thought, she began stuffing another pancake into her mouth – only to choke when Artem burst in from the windows.

“My love!” Artem cried as his love struggled not to die. “I come bearing astounding news for you!”

Finally, after she managed to choke down her last bite, Regina weakly smiled and said, “I could not imagine anything more delightful.”

“I could,” Regina’s father said, fire in his eyes. “For instance, a future son-in-law who did not like to burst through my townhouse’s expensive glass.”

One tragic look from Artem and sharp elbow from her mother later, Regina’s father harrumphed and said, “Never mind, Prince Artem. Feel free to burst in and… break whatever you must… as long as it allows you to see our daughter.”

“After all,” Regina’s mother said with a sly smile, “we are going to be family.”

‘Ah,’ Regina thought as enlightenment dawned on her and an eager Artem took an eager seat by her side. ‘This is why my parents are so happy with me. It does not matter if Artem and I are seen as idiots – what matters is that our future marriage will make them close to the royal Alpins.’

She could only shake her head, even as Artem gazed lovingly at her – obviously oblivious to her parents’ schemes.

‘Even if Artem and I are thrown into the countryside, my parents can still continue their deals with the royals who actually matter – the King and Crown Prince. So all I need to do is play along, act like a lovestruck idiot, and keep Artem besotted with me.’

Feeling proud of her perfect understanding of the situation, Regina nodded and turned to offer her sweet Artem a bite of her own pancake – only to stop when she met his strangely serious gaze.

“What?” she asked, already bracing herself for a blow. “Why do you suddenly look unhappy?”

“My gracious goose,” Artem mournfully said, “I could never be unhappy in your presence. Yet I must admit to being concerned about news that I have recently received.”

With all Sheridan eyes fixed on him, Artem clenched his fist and cried, “After your perfect announcement last night – your exquisite declaration that I would be the only one you would receive gifts from again – other nobles were spurred on by the challenge!”

There was a moment of perfect silence before Regina’s mother asked, on everyone’s behalf, “What the hell does that mean?”

“My sweet second mother,” Artem said, even as Regina’s mother made an involuntary face at the title, “it means that the flies have sensed the honey and have come around buzzing!”

“I think,” Regina’s father dryly said after all the Sheridans exchanged another look, “that Your Highness needs to use fewer metaphors among simple people like us.”

“After all,” Regina’s mother snidely said, “we are just a few generations removed from commoners.”

As Regina’s father elbowed Regina’s mother to hush her about their ignoble origins, Artem ignored them to take Regina’s hand in his own.

“Forgive me,” Artem said, “for speaking too poetically where my regal Regina is concerned. What I mean to say is that after her magnificent display of passionate love last night, all the nobles in the room realized how perfect and amazing she was – and even worse, even shared the news with other nobles in the room!”

‘In other words,’ Regina privately translated to herself, ‘the nobles who saw me toss their gifts out the window spoke of my insanity to every other noble they could meet. So now everyone of any importance in the capital thinks I am crazy!’

“What’s more,” Artem gravely continued, “these nobles are now determined to meet Regina in person. It is not enough to simply see her in a crowded ballroom as she dances with me and a few other notables. They want to spend as much time as possible with her!’

‘Wonderful,’ Regina mentally sighed. ‘It is not enough to see me act like a jester in public – the nobles want to see me put on face paint and juggle some balls right in front of them.’

“This of course worries me!” Artem cried, even as he moved close to a resigned Regina’s side. “I am terrified that all these single noblemen – like that bloody Duke Kuzey and that Lord Robin Buren – are going to encroach on my bride. After all, we are not yet married!”

All the Sheridans in the room shared a wry look before Regina said, “My lovely… honeybee, surely you do not believe I will betray you, do you?”

“Of course not,” Artem exclaimed. “I know you are as loyal as you are loving! Yet you never know what tricks and schemes these nobles may have up their sleeves. Oh, if only you and I could wed immediately!”

Regina perked up at that, suddenly seeing an immediate solution to all remaining problems.

“Why do we not do that?!” she cried. “I – I would marry you today, if it could be arranged! Mother, father – do you think we could hold the ceremony right here?”

Yet before her parents could say anything, Artem shook his head and said, “Unfortunately, the wedding of a member of the royal family must be approved by the royal family. However, when I asked my older brother if we could wed today…”

“Yes?!” Regina asked, grabbing Artem by the lapels in her haste.

“Aaron said,” Artem replied, even as much of him went pink, “that if I asked again, he would add two weeks to the normal six-month waiting period from the engagement party to the wedding.”

Regina let go of Artem’s lapels and silently cursed the crown prince who was determined to vex her even when she had escaped their engagement.

“Even so,” Artem soothingly added, as he gently guided Regina’s limp hands to his lapels once more, “I will not allow this minor delay to destroy our happiness… and I will not let other noble families – or their eligible bachelors – steal your attention.”

“What do you mean?” Regina asked, confused at his odd words.

“I mean,” Artem responded, something oddly… intense lurking beneath his usually sweet tone, “that I would love to escort you to the theater so these encroaching nobles have little time to approach you individually.”

Regina paused, worried about the implications of Artem’s statement regarding her rising ‘popularity.’

Artem,’ she thought, ‘is so infatuated by me that he has no idea that other nobles actually just want another chance to gawk at whatever stupidity I commit next. But while I will bear it in order to save my skin, I do not want to be constantly scrutinized for signs of insanity!’

Yet before Regina could find a tactful way to turn down Artem’s theater invitation – perhaps she could say she could not bear to see other men at all pale next to Artem’s perfection? – her parents leaped in to accept on her behalf.

“Of course our adorable Regina would love to attend the theater with you!” her father joyfully cried, before he added, “Also, pay no attention to the poleaxed look on Regina’s face. That is just how she gets when she wants something dearly.”

Regina was almost angry enough to protest – before one look into her father’s narrowed eyes warned her that she had better play along while she was still his property.

(Once she married, she would belong to Artem – but she had faith he would make for a far less murderous master).

So Regina plastered a smile and said, “I would love to go to the theater with you, Artem. I might not even be the biggest spectacle that people line up to see.”

After Artem reassured her that was impossible, Regina’s smile stiffened and she said, “Still, I have to spend the rest of this day getting ready for my audience… which means I have to take a very long bath.”

For a moment, Artem blushed beet red and opened his mouth, looking ready to ask if he could join her.

But after a very loud harrumph from Regina’s father – and a casual display of knife-wielding skills from Regina’s mother – Artem smiled and said, “Please take all the time you need, my lovely lamprey. I will return for you at seven in the evening.”

Then, as theatrically as he had appeared, Artem burst out another window – leaving Regina’s father cradling his face in his hands.

“That boy,” Regina’s father muttered, “is going to cost us a fortune in glass repairs alone.”

“Think of it,” Regina’s mother replied, “as the price of business.”

“While you are thinking of that,” Regina dryly added, “someone should probably go make sure Artem is not splattered outside of that window he just shattered. However… that someone will not be me.”

Regina regally stood, ready to make her exit.

“Pray excuse me, sir and madam. I have a full face of clown makeup to apply before the events of this evening.”