The Villainess Is An SS+ Rank Adventurer

Coppelia skipped merrily ahead, her hair bouncing behind her as she went.

“This is the emergency binding department,” she said, gesturing to the left without stopping. “It’s where we repair books which have specifically broken at the spines. Don’t mind the buzzing. Those are from the killer bee hives. We use a special honey as adhesive to repair the binding.”

I leaned away from my left.

“I … I see …”

“This is the review department,” she said, gesturing to the right. “We have a panel of expert judges who issue feedback when requested by publishers. You need to skip over the ash and soot spilling out. We have a fire elemental as our head critic. His reviews are always a bit heated.”  

I leaned away from the right.

“I see …”

“This is the ethics department,” she said, gesturing above. “It’s where our pelican lives. He watches over the guests and makes sure they’re abiding by the rule of never skipping ahead to the ending. If anyone breaks it, he’ll squawk in their ear until they write a 1,500 word apology.”

I cautiously sent my gaze upwards.

There, peeking out from a hole in the ceiling, was the orange beak of a very large pelican.

I paused … and then gave the pelican an approving nod as I passed.

The only member of staff not to horrify me in some shape or fashion. Yet none of them came quite as close as my tour guide. Her smile was the most alarming thing here.

But the next most alarming thing?

Why, that was everything else. 

All at the same time.

The more I was led through these corridors, the less I saw a library and the more a workshop. And I wasn’t wholly certain everything was to do with books.

Left, right, backwards and under. No matter where I went, I found myself careening so much that were the nobility to see it, it would instantly become the most vogue dance in my father’s court. 

Sadly for her and happily for me, all impromptu tours came to an end. 

I knew it the moment we stopped before a door so plain it simply had to contain the showpiece horror behind it. And I especially knew it when my other chaperone began fidgeting like a poodle moments before diving for the porcelain.

“This is the last stop,” said Flo … Fiore …  Fleur. “From here, you can make your way out of the Hidden Library … but before you do so, there’s something important we have to discuss.” 

She swallowed a deep breath.

Suddenly, her smile wore a serious hue. A sombre expression to clash with her vibrant pink hair

“Despite the nobleness of your cause, none who enter the Hidden Library are exempt from the obligations they carry for having walked these halls. And so before you leave, we must ensure that–”

“Stop.”

I held out my hand, drawing a puzzled look.

Indeed, I knew well what she wished to broach.

This was no common library. In fact, it wasn’t like a library at all, but a menagerie where everything within was something which had escaped from somewhere else. 

Regardless, it’s clear that only the most purposeful, curious and academically minded like myself were ever permitted to lean away from its walls. It was natural that they wished to ensure those leaving promised not to spill the secrets of their hallowed shelves.

“You’ve little to fear,” I said with a reassuring smile. “After all, I’m hardly some freshly raised baroness from a barn. I would never be so tactless as to reveal this library’s existence or the killer bee hives you keep within. Indeed, I’ve no intention of speaking about Ouzelia at all. Ever. Even under heavy duress and threat of life and limb, I swear that I will ensure nobody under any circumstances knows that I have any connection to this place whatsoever.”

The girl blinked at me.

“Oh no! That’s absolutely fine. You can speak about the Hidden Library.”

“Excuse me?”

“A library is not a vault. Our books are housed to be read.”

“... I see? But is it not a hidden library?”

“Yes. But we still need readers. Just not too many. If you just accidentally mention the Hidden Library without ever providing context, that’s all we need. Passing rumours ensures that only the most curious ever reach here. And that is why–”

She stepped past me, before gently placing her hand upon the plain door.

“–here is where we ensure the greatest of our secrets are kept, to leave a lasting impression on those who leave. The final hall. Although you’ve not come for our books or our knowledge, I ask still that you take due consideration to what you are about to see.”

I raised a brow, my curiosity piqued.

Not only by the thought of a treasure saved to the very last, but at Coppelia’s rare look of seriousness. That in itself was rarer than any lost tome.

“Very well,” I said, steeling my resolve. “Then you may show me.”

“... Are you certain?”

“Yes. I am ready.”

“Good.” 

The librarian nodded … just as she slowly pushed the door open. 

Despite her care, it creaked like the dislocated jaws of some wounded leviathan, grinding and pained. 

A dark premonition of what awaited. Yet as I cautiously stepped through, it wasn’t to the sight of some cursed relic, tortured magic or peasant with a pitchfork.

No, not at all.

This was far worse. 

A cramped hall barely enough to host the attendants to a soirée. But what it lacked in size, it made up for in shamelessness. All of it spelled out by a wooden sign haphazardly balancing against a stool.

 

The Hidden Library Gift Shop!

NOW OPEN!

Last chance to commemorate your visit! 

Limited edition cups, door mats and scarves! 50%-75% discounts year round! 

Exclusive memorabilia not sold elsewhere!

(ITEMS SOLD AS IS. NO REFUNDS.)

 

I covered my mouth with both hands.

It was so … tacky!

Ensuring no opportunity for the eye to escape, every inch of this hall was filled … with junk! 

To my left … junk!

To my right … junk!

Right before me … more junk!

Gone was the carefully curated library, lined with columns of gleaming spines with the organised façade of a brick wall! In its place were waist high tables, pyramid displays and shelves laden with cutlery, tableware, hats and scarves!

I was appalled. 

Why, even a glance was too much. The dullness of the ceramics and the threads of the loose knitting was blinding. Yet no matter where I turned, my innocent eyes were waylaid from almost all angles.

Almost.

Because as it was … only a single thing on offer boasted even the slightest bit of use.

A horse.

In defiance of the surrounding barrier of worthless trinkets, this most out-of-place of horses was chewing on his own sale sign in the corner.

Specifically, a draft horse with a very shaggy mane and equipped with both a saddle and a dedicated bakery bag. He looked up as I entered the gift shop, gave a familiar snort, then idly returned to nibbling on his sale sign. 

I pursed my lips.

And then–

“... Why is Apple being sold?!”

I paused, then leaned in to study the sign.

“Why is Apple being sold at 97% off?!”

This … This was outrageous!

It was one thing to pretend that a gift shop was a hall of secrets! But to sell my own horse at such a heavy discount was the height of egregiousness!

“Ah, I see you’re already interested in the horse!” said the pink haired librarian, her smile changing so rapidly that even trolls would nod in respect. “That’s quite the unique memento!”

“A memento?!”

“Yes, we don’t often stock horses–oh, but before that, I’d like to formally welcome you to the exclusive gift shop! Here is where the true magic of the library happens!”

I was aghast. Nor was I the only one. 

Why, even Coppelia’s shock at seeing my loyal steed being illegally fenced at 97% off was so great she couldn’t even look!

In fact, she was simply making weird noises with her back turned!

“Heeeeeeeeeeee~”

I threw up my arms in outrage.

“What is the meaning of this?! This is so brazen that even Coppelia can only make strange wheezing sounds! Why is Apple being sold?! … Furthermore, why is he being sold at such a low price?!”

“Apple?” The librarian blinked in puzzlement, then clapped her hands together. “Ah! You’ve already named the horse? That’s good. What made you decide that?”

“Decide?! Apple is my horse!”

“Yes, of course. And all for the low price of … ah, only 8 copper crowns!”

“8 copper crowns?! That is patently absurd! My crêpes cost less than that!”

“Quite the bargain, isn’t it?”

“No! It is an unacceptable insult! Does this look like a horse whose cost can be measured in coppers?!”

“Well–”

“Exactly! This is a loyal steed who has braved the heart of common towns and all the odour they gather! Such loyalty means he won’t go for anything less than … however much horses usually cost! I demand you sell him at a higher price immediately!”

The librarian gasped.

“Gosh, that’s very generous … however, it’d be inappropriate to raise the price. Especially since the horse is large and takes up inventory space. In truth, I was actually considering lowering the price.”

I could scarcely believe it.

Here was Apple, a horse who had willingly braved darkness and peasants … and he was being practically given away! … Again!

“You have no right to lower the price! Furthermore, you have no right to even sell him! I am already his owner! This is my horse!”

“Oh? Really?”

“Yes!”

The girl regarded Apple with a look of puzzlement. One she should have displayed before immediately seeking to hoist him away. 

“Goodness, how strange! I was told by a staff member that the horse was found wandering in one of the corridors. The mandrakes were trying to hide from him.”

“So they should! He has followed me through even the darkness to be here! That is deserving of the respect and fear of all shrieking plants!”

“Oh, goodness, in that case, I’m so sorry! I had no idea. We don’t usually permit horses to roam the library.”

A look of apology met me. It should have been aimed towards Apple.

Even so, I magnanimously allowed my ire to ebb away … if only because Apple had likely licked half the gifts in this shop.

“Yes, well, I can fix that. If you would kindly show me the exit, I can immediately take Apple away.”

“Ah, of course!” 

The pink haired librarian nodded. 

All while gesturing towards a shelf of cups.

“But before I do–”

“No.”

“A commemorative, special edition cup! Only 2 silver crowns!”

“... Why is the cup more expensive than a horse?!”

“These cups are more limited than a horse!”

She duly scooped up a cup before me. I bemoaned that even when giving away my help, those I tried to lift from the throes of despair were my greatest obstacles.

“Excuse me! While it’s only appropriate to try to profiteer off my obvious wealth, there is a time and a place! That is not when I’m trying to rescue a dragon! Your dragon!” 

The girl looked crestfallen. Coppelia patted her on the shoulder, then sent a pout my way.

I wasn’t the least bit moved. Not least because she was supposed to be defending our finances, not encouraging it all away.

“You’re right, of course,” said the pink haired girl, recalling a more appreciative expression. “I apologise. I can be too excited with the shop. But as wonderful as our range of seasonal, limited edition merchandise is, it’s in poor taste to offer them when there are more pressing concerns. I can do it when you return.”

“You certainly may,” I said with no intention to return.

I received an enthusiastic smile. One which had little to do with rescuing her employer. 

Still, the clockwork doll remembered her role enough to walk over to one of the curtained windows. 

With a flourish, she swept it aside. Yet rather than sunlight streaming through, it was a door even less impressive than the one to this hidden gift shop. I feared for the worse. And not because some three-headed hellhound was lying in wait.

No … it was something far worse instead.

Ouzelia.

“This is the employee entrance,” she said, nodding as she creaked the door ajar. “Our local staff from Witschblume use it to hike to work each morning. It’s not necessarily a gentle path, but it’s considerably easier than the one used by our guests. That one twists and turns so much that most find themselves stumbling back to the beginning while thinking it’s the end.” 

“Witschblume?”

I was startled. And surprisingly, not because anything exploded.

While I endeavoured to know as little about Ouzelia as possible, the fruits grown by the town of Witschblume were such a popular export that Reitzlake’s nobility practically used it as currency.

Why, had I known that this library was so close to it, I would have … well, no, I would still never have come. But I’d at least groan less. Maybe.

“Witschblume,” repeated the librarian. “One of our central towns under the purview of Duchess Cadence Loventeidt. I’ve sent a letter to the local heroine amongst others, but I expect she’s very busy. If you could directly petition for her assistance, it might be enough to earn her immediate attention.”

Hmm.

A trip to Witschblume. Hardly the visit I was expecting. But considering that I believed I’d be trudging through a succession of bear caves, it was a morsel of reprieve. 

Indeed, as the librarian pulled aside the door to reveal a spray of sunlight and the whistling of songbirds amidst the rustling of leaves, I even dared to have a single hope. 

That maybe, just maybe, this trip wouldn’t be so–

BrruMmumUmmuMmuMmuMmmm.

Suddenly, I was almost thrown off my feet.

A noise like the end of the world shook the very ground. Dust fell from the ceiling as plates, cups and scarves dropped from their tables and shelves, sending tableware rolling in every direction. A snort came from Apple as the sign he was chewing on collapsed.

And then just like that–it was over.

A few, brief seconds of pandemonium.

I steadied myself for a few moments, bracing for the next bout. Seeing that it didn’t come, I brushed down my shoulders and nodded towards the open door.

“Very well,” I said idly. “To the town of Witschblume, then. To requisition a heroine.”

Two clockwork dolls regarded my unflustered state with shared looks of admiration.

“Huh, that’s new,” said Coppelia. “Most fresh arrivals usually get jumpy after their first earthquake.” 

“Hm? And why should an earthquake concern me?”

“Well, they are pretty rough. And this one was definitely bigger than average.”

“... Is that so? Good.”

“Eh?”

I made my way past the exit, all the while gifting the sunlight with my smile.

“After all, it just proves that no matter how much I fear to be in Ouzelia, Ouzelia fears me more.”