The TS Memoir of a Misogynistic Novelist

“Hey! You didn’t say that person, or rather that gentleman, was coming!”

“I said I would bring some older sisters, didn’t I?”

“Damn, you wouldn’t normally include that person among the older sisters…!”

It seems like they’re speaking quietly, but I can hear everything.

By the time I returned to the villa, everyone else was already back except for the couple. Soon after, the couples who returned were indeed the unhealthy kids from earlier.

The guy from the couple, Han Si-woo, was fuming as if he wanted to pick a fight with Ji Kang-hyeon. To be honest, I would also feel awkward if I had to be there while they were bringing along girls I roughly knew. It’s not about body type; it’s because of gender.

And as for the girl… well, what can I say?

“Ah, hello!!”

She was half-clinging to me.

“…Yeah, hi.”

No matter how I looked at her, she seemed innocent and pure, the type to be shy around strangers, and I felt that was true. For some reason, it made me uncomfortable that she was approaching me so readily. I hadn’t trembled like this when I greeted Eun-a or Mira.

“I’m a real fan…!”

“You seem like one. Do you want an autograph?”

“Um, I didn’t bring a book with me… Ah, could you sign my T-shirt instead?”

“I can, but I’m not good at signing. I’ll just scrawl my name awkwardly. Is that okay?”

“Yes! Of course!!”

…I thought she might genuinely like my book, and it seems she really does. It’s hard for girls to like my stuff, yet most of the readers who talk to me are women. I can’t tell if she liked it from the beginning or if she only started after, though.

After all, the male readers who would typically enjoy my book might not know how to approach girls.

Could it be that women feel some maternal affection for me because of the image I have from the broadcasting? It’s a bit awkward to say, but I am indeed cute and pitiful in a way.

After signing, seeing the girl mumble that she would never wash it made me feel a bit creeped out. It’s fine since it’s a merchandise-looking shirt anyway.

“By the way, what’s your name?”

“My name is Yeon-seo. Seo Yeon-seo. You can read it backward and it’s still Seo Yeon-seo.”

It sounds similar to Eun-a. Their tastes seem to be entirely different, though.

“Can you tell me which part of my book you liked?”

“Um… Can I speak frankly?”

Do you want me to wish for a lie in your feedback?

“Yeah, it’s okay.”

“Actually, I’m not a reader who has been following you for long…”

Hmm, she must have started reading after I became like this. There are many people like that. You’re not particularly strange.

“So, um… I read a bit, but ‘The Boy’s Uterus’ was too pedantic and full of aesthetic descriptions, so it was hard to read. ‘The Womb’ felt more down to earth, so I could read it better. If I had to pick which one I liked more, I think I preferred ‘The Boy’s Uterus’.”

Oh? This was unexpected. I thought women would prefer ‘The Womb’ over ‘The Boy’s Uterus’. Even in market research, ‘The Womb’ had more female readers.

“Um, I felt a bit, how should I say this? Sorry for the boy. It was sadder, and that might be why I liked it more.”

“Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed it, even though it wasn’t well written.”

It was a polite question, but I was surprised at how solid her response was. Still, it seemed like it was difficult for her to express her thoughts, and I was so impressed that I was about to end it there when Seo Yeon-seo… pulled out a bomb.

“Ah! And I’m really enjoying the series you’re currently writing, ‘The Girl Who Stole the Name, Séne’…!”

“Shh…!”

…Fortunately, it didn’t seem like anyone around heard. So Hwa-won in the room probably didn’t catch that either? I was really caught off guard since I hadn’t expected to meet a reader of Séne, even though it had been a while since I wrote it and it was just made public recently.

Honestly… I still felt embarrassed to show it to Hwa-won.

“…Could you keep that quiet?”

“Are you hiding it or something?”

“C’mon, my friend doesn’t know yet.”

“Ah, okay. I’ll be careful.”

“…So, what did you like about it?”

Of course, I had to listen to her impressions. As a writer, I thrive on attention. If a sparrow finds a mill, it naturally has to peck at the rice.

…Am I becoming a sparrow? No, perhaps just a little owl.

That doesn’t really matter. Anyway, Seo Yeon-seo lowered her voice and shared her thoughts, and honestly, it felt a bit embarrassing to hear.

“I really liked the part where Séne and Ivan, despite not being aware of their feelings for one another, express their deep emotions towards each other…! It was so sweet that I almost died of happiness. My heart raced, and I felt the fear and pain of those feelings so vividly. Séne loves Ivan but suffers from the inevitable sadness of an unfulfilled bond, and Ivan likes Séne but keeps denying those feelings to himself while still being unable to let go of her. I thought that was just so, so good. But it’s also a bit scary… Um, sorry to ask, but it seems like there are hints that they might end up as enemies? Is this really a happy ending?”

“Ah, well…”

“Oh, oh, I don’t want to know. I want to see it myself…! But if it’s possible, please let it be a happy ending! Got it?”

…I hope so too. I want that too. I’m wishing for it.

Even though it’s a story in a novel, one that I’m writing myself, I sincerely wished for that.

I gave Séne the chance to choose her destiny, even if it meant she couldn’t find happiness. I didn’t even know how the results of that choice would turn out, and I thought I could be satisfied since she chose it herself, but even now, I was wishing for Séne’s happiness.

But… Séne is ultimately not me.

For a moment, I glanced back into the room where Hwa-won was, but Hwa-won still seemed to be resting inside. There’s no way she heard it since I spoke in a small voice. As I thought earlier, I felt unnecessary anxiety.

“Um, now you should try talking to other people too. Well, it’s fine to play separately here, but there’s no harm in getting close. We’ll be having dinner together. Mira and Eun-a are both nice, so don’t be too scared.”

“Ah, okay!”

After leaving those words, I knocked on Hwa-won’s door. Knock knock. But there was no answer, so I opened the door and went in. There was Hwa-won lying sideways on the bed, asleep. I closed the door and sat down beside Hwa-won’s bed, looking at his face.

…He must really be asleep, right?

Just to check, I held my ear close to his face, but all I could hear was his steady breathing. Thank goodness. He really seems to be sleeping. Even the faint smell of smoke I caught earlier seemed to have faded.

Without knowing what was fortunate, I lay down next to Hwa-won and looked at his face. He was definitely handsome. He was good-looking, but honestly, I think I was more handsome before. The images are so opposite that it’s hard to give an objective assessment, but at least that’s how I feel. I’ve thought that way for a while.

Now it’s just meaningless talk. I mean, even if I say it like that, if you ask me to remember my old face, it feels a bit vague. If I concentrate, I can see it clearly again, but just a year has passed, and that face feels like someone else’s. It’s strange since all the elements of my body were reconstructed; perhaps I’m just someone who has the spirit and memories of Seol-guk.

The Ship of Theseus is an overused story by now. In the end, it’s a question we can’t answer or a problem we cannot know. But I’m not the Ship of Theseus. All the parts have been replaced in just a few days, so it’s more serious than that.

…Still, I was Seol-guk.

If it weren’t for that, I couldn’t be with Hwa-won any longer.

Because Hwa-won exists, I’m still able to remain as Seol-guk.

It’s contradictory.

“So I… I think I…”

Like you.

The moment I swallowed the sentence I could never finish, Hwa-won stirred.

Startled, I was shocked as if my heart had dropped, but I didn’t make a sound. Fortunately, it seems it was just a sleep murmur.

…Let’s leave him be. We’ll meet again shortly anyway.

I got up from my spot and exited Hwa-won’s room. From behind me, I could hear a little sound of him shifting.

It seems he’s quite a restless sleeper.

~

It didn’t take long for Hwa-won to wake up. Less than half an hour after I left, he came out with messy hair. Mira and Eun-a, and even Han Si-woo for some reason, were captivated by Hwa-won’s face.

Ji Kang-hyeon was just being his typical self, while Seo Yeon-seo didn’t seem interested at all, which was surprising. Is she head over heels for her boyfriend?

“Wow, amazing.”

“Um, hi. My name is Gang Hwa-won.”

“Oh, I’m Han Si-woo! Are you a model or something?”

“I’m a regular person. I was dragged here because they needed a driver.”

It’s not like that.

“Is she the girlfriend you were talking about?”

“Oh, yes! This is my girlfriend! This is Seo Yeon-seo.”

“Hello.”

Wow, it’s honestly quite interesting. I’ve never seen someone not blush or get flustered around Hwa-won, let alone showing interest. On the contrary, it looks like she’s annoyed by her boyfriend talking to Hwa-won, which is usually the opposite reaction.

Anyway, everyone has gathered together, and since it’s lunchtime, we decided to eat together and then play freely afterward. Naturally, I planned to stick with Hwa-won, and Mira seemed to have quickly gotten friendly with Seo Yeon-seo, so they decided to play together with all six of us. Our manager, Gong Hyeok-jin, said he would just lay under the parasol, so we should call him if there was any work.

I was beginning to feel like the breakfast I had earlier might wear off soon.

“What’s for lunch?”

“We have plenty prepared. There are BBQ meats, shrimp, clams, ingredients for stew, skewers, and all kinds of noodles. We can also order food from nearby restaurants. Like sashimi.”

“Manager, you really prepared well. But isn’t it a bit awkward to eat all of that for lunch?”

“Let’s just boil some ramen and play? If we eat too heavily for lunch, it’ll be uncomfortable to have fun. We’ll have dinner later.”

That was a surprisingly insightful comment for Ji Kang-hyeon. I didn’t care much since I wasn’t planning to jump in the sea or run around with the other kids, but other lively kids might think otherwise.

“Eek, I had ramen for breakfast.”

Eun-a complained about eating ramen at the rest stop earlier. Apart from that, I also had udon for breakfast, so eating more noodles felt a bit off.

“We have rice and kimchi, and condiments and seafood and clams too, so maybe we could make a seafood stew? You can add ramen to that.”

“That sounds good. I’ll help.”

Fortunately, our manager offered a decent plan, and Hwa-won volunteered to help. Hwa-won is pretty good at cooking, so he’d be helpful. But since the two adults were involved, I felt a bit awkward just sitting back, so I decided to pitch in.

“Hey, just go rest with the others. Why are you here if you can’t cook?”

“Why? I’ve been learning to cook these days. I can help out.”

“You cook? No way.”

Hwa-won seemed skeptical, which pricked my pride for no reason.

“…I can manage the simple stuff. I’m actually learning.”

“Yeah, sure. When you come here, the guys should cook. You should just do well at home.”

“I used to be a guy.”

“You’re not one anymore.”

…That’s true, but it still annoys me a bit. Is it because Hwa-won is rejecting me? Or is it that he’s treating me like an ordinary girl? Well, it’s such trivial annoyance that I guess it’s not worth getting mad over. I pulled a chair from the back and started glaring at Hwa-won.

“What are you doing?”

“Monitoring.”

“Really?”

“If you don’t do it right, you’ll get a penalty.”

“And what happens if I accumulate penalties?”

“Well… you have to listen to me all day.”

“Yes, ma’am, we will serve you.”

“Your posture is just perfect.”

While we were talking like that, I felt the manager’s eyes shift towards us with a somewhat forlorn look. What’s up with that?

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