NOVEL WEB Chapter 18
Seo Jae-Ah replied immediately.
[Really? Then where are you right now?]
[I just got a new house. How did you know I moved?]
[An article came out saying your house was empty and that you’re getting a lot of attention right now.]
I knew that I was getting attention, but did it really get reported on like that? It made sense that Ham Yejin would advise to limit outings. Though I had already broken that advice within a day.
[Did it really get reported? I didn’t look it up separately.]
[Well, you’re basically the only person in Korea with TS Syndrome. Everyone else is said to have done identity laundering.]
[Did that get reported too? But TS Syndrome?]
[TS Syndrome is the name given to sudden gender dysphoria syndrome. It’s usually called that online.]
I could understand how the name originated.
[So what are you planning to do now?]
[For now, I’m planning to stay home.]
[What about tutoring?]
[I have a computer. Let’s do it over video calls.]
The world has really improved. Even from far away, we can tutor like this. Speaking of which, Jae-Ah still hadn’t sent the novel she was writing. I immediately brought it up.
[When are you going to send that novel? The one you’re working on, not the short story.]
[Ah, that…]
[If you’re embarrassed because it’s some kind of weird story, it’s okay. Just send it.]
But Jae-Ah remained silent.
[It’s really okay, you know?]
[I think I might need a little mental preparation.]
[You read the novel you recommended, and I gave it a pretty good evaluation. It’s fine if it’s not perfect; just send it.]
[Well…]
Why was she being so frustrating? There was nothing I could do without reading the text. It was troubling that she decided to continue tutoring but acted like this.
But what Jae-Ah said next… was a bit surprising. No, actually, a lot.
[Please promise you won’t say anything.]
[I promise.]
[Actually… I’ve already read it.]
Huh? What on earth did that mean?
The only novel I had read so far was just one.
A TS cute girl pro gamer novel.
[No, it’s not like that.]
[I just sent it without actually thinking you’d really read it.]
[Sorry for misleading you like that.]
I paused for a moment, trying to think of how to respond to Jae-Ah’s excuse. I was flustered. Was her decision to continue tutoring because of my praise? In any case, I needed some time to sort out my thoughts.
[Um… is it okay?]
During the brief silence, Jae-Ah sent another text. I couldn’t keep her waiting any longer. I decided to ask the thing I was most curious about.
[So what does “nonsense” mean?]
It took longer than expected for Jae-Ah to respond.
When I heard the answer, my expression was just a bit… well, like this.
[No, I swear that’s not my type or anything; it’s just that it’s pretty popular these days, both in terms of popularity and concept, so… it’s just trending right now.]
I didn’t know how to respond to Jae-Ah, who was desperately explaining herself. In the end, I could only send this text.
[Okay.]
That day, there was no response from Seo Jae-Ah.
~
It wasn’t particularly strange. If I were in her shoes, I would have been so embarrassed to have my writing exposed that I would have considered ending it all. After all, even the pen name of the author was quite fitting…
When I searched for related terms, I noticed some similar words coming up. Did they somehow know about my current situation? The leaked photos didn’t seem that visible, but…
Anyway, if I wanted to tutor, I needed to read the writing. I had read it once already, but at that time, I didn’t know it was Jae-Ah’s piece. Now that I knew Jae-Ah had written it, I felt a mix of emotions. She couldn’t really have that kind of preference, could she…?
But then I suddenly thought about the view count for this novel. As I had seen before, it had over three million views. I wasn’t well-versed in web novels, but wasn’t that an incredibly high number? There were over 200 chapters. If you break it down by the number of chapters, it should still be over ten thousand readers, right…?
I didn’t know what Jae-Ah’s aim was, but at this point, she could already be considered a successful author. What on earth was she trying to learn from me? Of course, this writing wasn’t perfect. The sentences were juvenile, the structure was flimsy, and the writing was messy.
But look at that view count. Three million. The fact that so many people had accumulated to view it meant that there was clearly some charm in this novel. I could feel that myself when I read it.
There was nothing I could teach her regarding those aspects. Rather, if anything, I might learn from her.
If there were a lack of basic skills, I could teach those. But that would mean tutoring would end quickly. It wasn’t like she was starting from scratch; she had already serialized over 200 chapters. If she had that kind of tenacity, it surely wouldn’t take that long.
By the way, I wondered why the serialization had stopped. Did she hit a block? Was she in a slump? Did it have anything to do with not going to school?
I had more questions now.
Sleepiness was starting to take over. Was my body becoming younger? Even though it wasn’t late at night, I felt drowsy. I felt my consciousness hazy as I lay down on the sofa. There was no bed in the room.
In any case, my body was small enough that lying on the sofa was comfortable. I covered myself with a thin blanket, rested my head against the armrest, and held my smartphone as I tried to fall asleep.
The smartphone didn’t ring anymore.
The notification of a message from Gang Hwa-won didn’t go away.
I fell asleep while holding my smartphone.
~
Fortunately, this time I was able to sleep deeply without having any dreams. Upon waking up, I felt my hair hanging down. It was uncomfortable, and I wanted to cut it quickly. Should I just cut it myself? But if I did, it would be a complete mess.
But then, what problem would it be if it ended up messy? I wouldn’t be going out or meeting anyone. Even if I did meet someone, there was no reason for me to groom myself neatly. I wasn’t the type to dress up like a woman myself.
In the end, I decided to go ahead with my intentions. I grabbed scissors and cut my hair short. It went from waist-length to shoulder-length. It looked jagged and awkward, but who cared. It would be a bit easier to hide under a hat.
I tossed the cut hair straight into the trash. It felt a bit creepy to see white strands falling off like that.
After cutting my hair, I washed my face and brushed my teeth before picking up my smartphone again. I checked Cocoa Talk, but nothing had come in yet; perhaps because it was morning.
Gang Hwa-won wasn’t the type to check his smartphone often. I thought that while looking at the still unchanging number 1. Despite his carefree appearance, he was quite a loyal guy.
Of course, that wasn’t all that mattered. He wouldn’t be the type to break ties over something as trivial as me becoming a woman.
Mu Ha-neul hadn’t contacted me since our last conversation. Well, that was eventually how things went. Connections with women can be so thin-skinned. My uncomfortable feelings were annoying. But just as I thought this, my smartphone rang.
It was Mu Ha-neul.
[You got discharged, right, senior?]
How on earth did she find out? The only people I had told about my discharge were Seo Jae-Ah and Gang Hwa-won. And Gang Hwa-won hadn’t even read it.
Then there was only one answer left.
[Did you hear it from Jae-Ah?]
[Yes. Why didn’t you tell me?]
She was more talkative than I had expected. Were they in touch?
I pondered how to respond to Mu Ha-neul’s question. The reason I hadn’t contacted her was simply owing to the assumption that Mu Ha-neul didn’t care about me, but I couldn’t just say that outright. Didn’t it make me seem like I cared about Mu Ha-neul?
[I just forgot.]
[So where are you right now?]
[I’m just renting a small house; I just moved in yesterday.]
[Would it be okay to ask for your address?]
[Why?]
[It feels a bit like a housewarming party? Anyway, you moved.]
I hesitated at Mu Ha-neul’s ridiculous excuse. I didn’t know where Mu Ha-neul lived, but considering the university’s location, it was probably quite nearby. Was she planning to come visit? But even Ham Yejin advised not to reveal addresses to acquaintances too easily.
That was probably said because she thought there was a chance her acquaintances might sell my address somewhere.
I didn’t trust women. I didn’t trust Mu Ha-neul either.
But that didn’t mean I had to hide my address entirely; that felt a bit off. It was akin to directly stating, “I can’t trust you.” I was somewhat reluctant to say that. Had it been the old me, I would have bluntly said I couldn’t tell her. Was this kind of reluctance also due to hormones?
Of course, objectively speaking, it was ridiculous for Mu Ha-neul to sell my address. It wasn’t that I trusted her, but simply believed she wouldn’t have a reason or the smarts to do something like that. Mu Ha-neul wasn’t clever enough to benefit from that.
And if Mu Ha-neul knew my address, she could have me order something I urgently needed. That would actually be quite beneficial for me. Shipping from the internet usually took quite a long time.
So providing my address wasn’t influenced by hormones in any way. It was purely a rational decision.
[I’ll tell you my address, but if you come, I have one request.]
[What request?]
[Could you pick up some things for me? I’ll pay you back later.]
I quickly organized the list of urgent items I had thought about while looking at the house yesterday: pillows, non-disposable cutlery, mosquito spray, etc…
To my surprise, Mu Ha-neul readily agreed. Once I gave her the address, she immediately said she would go.
[What about school?]
[I have a free period today.]
Come to think of it, wasn’t today Thursday? Since I had only been at the hospital, I had lost track of the days.
After finishing the conversation, I questioned myself. Why had I given my address to Mu Ha-neul? I had given many excuses for it, but once the conversation ended, I realized that those were merely excuses.
Why had I done that?
Perhaps deep down, I was also longing for someone’s warmth.
Sometimes, there are moments when warmth is needed.