NOVEL WEB Chapter 13
I was taken aback by the doctor’s words.
No, my mind is already clouded.
“What happens if I ignore the warning and dye my hair?”
“You’ll suffer greatly. Your head will swell, and you might have trouble opening your eyes. You’ll probably need to be readmitted.”
Hearing such a thing made even the thought of forcibly dyeing my hair slip away. No matter who I was, I didn’t want to deal with pain, an inability to live my daily life, and additional hospital bills. Ultimately, was wearing a wig or a hat the best option, as the doctor suggested?
“That hospital bill…”
“As you’ve heard, sudden gender transformation syndrome is a rare disease and isn’t covered by insurance. The amount is quite significant, but the state will provide some support, and we won’t collect payments from the patient right away. We’ll probably accept it in installments over several years. And there’s one more thing…”
“One more thing, what is it?”
“Would you be willing to provide byproducts from your body for research purposes? There’s a discount on the hospital bills. If any issues arise, additional treatments will be free.”
“…How much of a discount?”
The amount the doctor mentioned was substantial. I agreed without hesitation. In a situation where money was tight, I couldn’t reject such a proposal.
“Byproducts, you say?”
“We’ll collect them each time you undergo testing, so basically, it would be blood or hair, and possibly any tissue you might discharge while you’re asleep.”
“I discharged tissue?”
“The original body doesn’t just disappear because it transforms into this smaller form.”
It was somewhat unpleasant to hear, but since I had already agreed to it, I could not take it back. I didn’t have the luxury to do so.
“Anyway, if you live as you are now, there shouldn’t be any major issues, but if something does come up, please come straight to the hospital.”
“Do I have to come to this hospital?”
After receiving my smartphone, I had learned through searching that the hospital I was currently in was quite far from my home. It was somewhat inconvenient to come and go.
“If it’s a minor issue, it’s not necessary to come here. Any university hospital should be adequately equipped to treat you. However, depending on your condition, you might be transferred to our hospital, and if you feel it’s serious, you can come here directly. After all, I’m the only one in Korea specializing in sudden gender transformation syndrome.”
That was new information to me. Suddenly curious, I asked the doctor.
“Have you treated other patients with this condition before me?”
“Yes, that’s correct. I’ve been in charge.”
“How were they…?”
I was more curious about the experiences of other patients than about my own. How did they cope with what they went through? Were they even alive? The doctor gazed at the wall that blocked off the windows. The significance of those boarded-up windows seemed painfully obvious. After a moment of silence, the doctor spoke.
“I can’t share personal information about patients. However…”
“However?”
“I may not know, but asking someone from the National Intelligence Service might offer you some answers.”
After that statement, the doctor gave me a few reminders—mostly just reiterating precautions—and left. Only my assigned nurse and I were left in the hospital room. Now that I thought about it, I hadn’t really had an honest conversation with the nurse for several days. I hadn’t had the luxury or need for it. The nurse also didn’t seem particularly interested, so I didn’t bother to initiate conversation.
I turned my smartphone back on. When I opened Cocoa Talk, I saw that there hadn’t been a single message since I had last replied. It made me acutely aware of the thinness of my connections. Yet, the idea of messaging first felt like a blow to my pride. I could beg for mercy from a nonexistent god, but I couldn’t beg for greetings from acquaintances.
That said, I couldn’t dive into an ego search to ruin my mental state, so in the end, all that was left was reading. I thought about reading the web novel that Jae-Ah had recommended, but in this situation, I couldn’t really see the point of resuming tutoring. Jae-Ah hadn’t even sent me her own story. I doubted there was a need to read something like that when I wasn’t going to tutor.
However, browsing for another novel posed its own difficulties; finding something interesting was tough. Of course, there are plenty of good web novels out there. But with their facade, it’s hard to easily sift through them.
I looked at the recommended posts on web novel serialization sites, but nothing resonated with me. In the end, what I lacked was philosophy. It seemed a bit unreasonable for a mere novelist who hadn’t even graduated in philosophy to bring that up, but I nevertheless believed that there ought to be some philosophy in literature. Pursuing pure entertainment might actually be the epitome of pure literature.
However, that wasn’t my kind of literature.
Ultimately, I picked up a web novel called “The Girl Gamer” which Jae-Ah had recommended to me. To my surprise, it was a transformation story. I wondered if it was appropriate to read something like this given my current situation, but perhaps it might help in some way.
Fortunately, the novel I chose wasn’t poorly written at all. Since it was written by Jae-Ah, Professor Seo’s son, it had at least a minimum level of writing skill. It had about three million views.
The story wasn’t as difficult to read as I expected. It was easy to follow and flowed smoothly. At first, it felt like the narrative was mocking me for being in the position of a woman, but once I got past that irrational paranoia, the story itself had no flaws.
The protagonist, now a woman, easily accepted her situation, a trait I didn’t particularly like, but there were still helpful sections. In the part where she bought women’s clothing and underwear for the first time after becoming a woman, I began to get a sense of my own future.
The smoothly progressing narrative had the protagonist showcasing extraordinary talent in a game and streaming. Although I had read a little previously, the description of internet broadcasting helped even someone like me, who wasn’t familiar with the culture, to understand. Of course, there were still many things that made no sense at all.
Despite not being an avid gamer, I noticed something strange. As far as I knew, the most popular game right now, “League of Eternity” or Eloi, had no female characters. Yet, did becoming a woman really make someone better at the game? Wouldn’t it be more likely that they’d play worse?
The developments that followed weren’t too different from what I had seen before. The protagonist lived happily surrounded by people who loved her for no apparent reason (if her appearance counts as a reason, then it somehow makes sense), dealt with menstruation (this part I eventually skipped over), and all the characters who were jealous of her faced their comeuppance. The protagonist continued to thrive and later made her debut as a professional gamer, even hosting fan community meetings… and then…
The serialization was abruptly halted.
When I checked the time on my smartphone, I realized that five hours had already passed since I started reading. Had I really read straight for five hours? The pull of the story was undeniable. But then it suddenly stopped here? The serialization schedule showed that it had been consistently updated until one year ago.
It was a shocking revelation. While browsing similar genres, I found many stories that had concluded, but there were also several that had similarly been halted in the middle of their serialization.
I couldn’t understand how a writer could abandon their readers like this. It was irritating that a story I had been enjoying had been cut off.
And I was a bit surprised that I was even having such thoughts. To find enjoyment in a story like this, shouldn’t I rather be feeling disgust?
I averted my gaze to erase the unnecessary discomfort. I opened Cocoa Talk and texted Jae-Ah. Earlier, I had said I couldn’t ask for greetings without a reason, but now I had something to discuss, so it should be fine to talk.
[I read the TS girl gamer web novel you recommended.]
Just to clarify, that is indeed its title.
The reply didn’t come quickly. I waited for quite a while, rolling around before deciding to have dinner and then going for another check-up. After finishing the simple examination and returning, a reply had come.
[You read that?]
[It was more interesting than I expected.]
I shared my honest impressions. After a short time, a response arrived.
“I feel a bit awkward saying this, but how can you read something like that in your situation?”
“With nothing else to do all day in the hospital, and with everyone across the country criticizing me, it’s all I could manage to do.”
A little more time passed before Jae-Ah replied again.
[I’m sorry.]
[Why would you be sorry?]
The ones who deserved an apology were the garbage beyond the internet.
[I probably can’t live like the protagonist of that story. I can’t possibly, and the people of this world wouldn’t let me live that way.]
[It’ll be okay.]
[Honestly, when you recommended it, I had some strong reservations, but reading it in this situation has surprisingly calmed me down. Thank you.]
It was a funny thing, but reading that novel had unexpectedly put my mind at ease. I initially started reading simply to waste time. The story began in a situation completely opposite to mine, and unlike me, the protagonist was pleasant (at least she recognized that her own personality was bad) and surrounded by love from everyone; this difference in circumstances somehow felt comforting.
Is this why people read web novels? I didn’t exactly empathize with the protagonist, but watching her navigate through life without any hardships or challenges had its own kind of aesthetic.
Of course, when I shifted my gaze back, reality was a pitiful one. Everyone in the country recognized me, and everyone was criticizing me. I was tight on money due to hospital bills, and amidst all this, there wasn’t a single person to comfort me.
In such a situation, the ridiculously happy and kind story allowed me to escape reality, even if just for a moment. Though, when I turned my eyes back, all I saw was the grim reality.
If that’s the value of literature, then this too was certainly literature.
However, it didn’t mean I planned to write my own.