The Spiritguard

We're on the training field for another hour or so after the spar with Natalia. Two distinct groups are forming - the 'good' people over by Natalia, who are sparring hard and fast. I'm not with that group, though - I'm leading my own group. The remedial course. 

When we finish up for the morning, it is time for lunch. Mira, Marc, and Kavella all join Kael and I this time, and our table is a little less lonely. I notice Kael is starting to open up to these people, which is definitely a good sign. Even though Kavella eats with us, she hardly says a word.

 Natalia, the blue-haired warrior, joins us as well. She asks all of us about ourselves, and we all give a brief introduction.

"You know me. Coolest swordsman in the STP."

"My name is Kavella."

"Omigosh! I'm Mira! Blah blah blah-"

"I'm Marc. It's a pleasure to meet you, miss Natalia."

But when Kael starts to speak, she suddenly seems enamored.

"My name's Kael," he says, sinking his head a little and blushing as he looks directly at the 'femme fatale'. "Sig here is my best friend, and I'm really glad to be here. You're really strong, Natalia! I hope I can learn some new things from you, too. That way I don't have to rely on Sigmund for everything..."

I can almost see the hearts in her eyes. I guess I know her type. Men she can dominate. Kael doesn't have much of a strong, assertive personality, and he's also physically weak. Marc has the whole 'nice guy' thing going for him, and let's face it, no woman like Natalia is ever going to control me. She sees Kael, though, and suddenly she's into weak, frail, and shy guys. If only she knew…

Once she takes an interest in him, they strike up a conversation and stick together for the whole day. Mira and Kavella go off with each other when we return to training, and I spar with Marc. 

I guess I'm feeling a little bit jealous of Natalia for the rest of the day because nobody gives me any attention and they're all hanging around her. Now that she and I are friends, I could easily go over there too, but instead, I stay off on my own with Marc.

There's another reason why I'm a bit jealous, and that's because I feel like she managed to steal my best friend in a matter of minutes. Then again, I can't blame him for that. I spent most of the morning with Kavella, even though I knew he needed help, and I let him go off and fend for himself. I'll have to apologize to him for that later.

On our way back to the barracks, I start talking to Marc. "Mira said your whole family is Spiritguards, huh?" I say. Personally, I thought that was a pretty interesting fact about him, and I'm curious to learn more about that.

 "Yeah, my one brother just graduated recently," Marc says. "I'm the youngest of five brothers, and they're all really into fighting."

"So…" I hope I don't offend him when I say this, "So you're not like the rest of your family, I'm guessing?"

Marc looks at me inquisitively. "What makes you say that?" he is calm when he addresses me.

"Well," I wonder what the best way to say this is. Do I come right out and say Marc is too nice and too weak to be a soldier? Or do I say something caring and sweet?

"You seem too nice to be a soldier. And you're not very athletic…" I totally don't sugarcoat that. And I realize the hypocrisy as the words leave my mouth. After all, is he so different than Kael?

Marc looks down when I say this. "I…I guess I know what you mean," he admits to himself. "I wouldn't have joined the Spiritguard if my family wasn't so…pushy about it. I don't feel like much of a fighter, and I'm not very good at it."

"You're better than most at this point," I lie. He was doing about as well as Kavella before she knew how to hold her sword, but I don't want to come right out and tell him that.

"Thanks," he says. I think he knows I lied, but he appreciates me trying to make him feel better. "My older brothers all told me that I had to join, and so did my parents. I didn't have a choice in the matter. When I turned fifteen, they were going to ship me off, whether I wanted to be a Spiritguard or not. And now here I am."

"Well…"

I don't know what to say to him to make him feel better, because personally all my life I've wanted to be a Spiritguard. It doesn't seem fair, though, that he wasn't the one who got to make that decision.

I see Marc as a nice, friendly, if not feminine type of guy. He seems like he'd rather be in a meadow smelling flowers than here at the Spiritguard barracks. Of course, I'd like to be in that meadow too…but only if there were an army of Spirits there for me to crush.

"Things will get better," I say. "This might not be exactly what you wanted out of life, but there's a lot of good people here that will make it enjoyable for you. And who knows? Maybe after a few months training here, you'll grow to love it."

"I hope so, but…" Marc looks over to me like he's about to confide a big secret. "You see, the thing is…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm afraid of dying."

We continue to walk, and I become quiet. I had not given it much consideration, honestly. I didn't think about how the thought of dying might be weighing on everyone right now, especially Marc. He didn't want to become a Spiritguard because he didn't want to die in battle. And now here he is…and the retirement rate for a Spiritguard isn't very high - I'll just put it that way.

Dying in the line of duty is a reality we will live with every day. We will all lose comrades. There are a million and one things that can go wrong at any moment. One missed attack, one blind eye…and you're dead. To me, wicked as it might sound...that is what will give my life purpose. Fighting battles, for others. I don't want to die in battle, but if I do, you can bet my enemy won't be walking away from that fight either.

I feel sorry for Marc, and I make a conscious note to myself to stick around him from now on. I'll be the friend he needs here.

After we all retire for the night, I notice there is one person still outside, training with his wooden sword. It is Lance.