The Shadows Within

Petals blew into the sky and around us from the sudden gust of wind.

Finn gazed towards the side, chuckling nervously. "So, how did I do?" he asked, clenching his hands into fists.

Why are you avoiding looking at me?

"On the date?" I mumbled, tilting my head.

"Mhm." He nodded, refusing to gaze at me.

"I've never been on one, so I'm not the best judge," I informed him, taking a step toward him.

Even if I was, anything with you is a dream.

"Ah, well, neither have I. This is my first time out with anyone." He confessed, shocking me to my core.

For a moment, I stood there, unable to say a single word.

Especially since...

"But…" I trailed off, gazing towards the side.

Mentioning her wasn't the best idea, though he got the message.

"We only met in fleeting moments. Most of our interactions were through letters." He sighed, clasping his cloak.

Right… someone at the party said that. Wait… wait! Does this mean this is your first date ever?!

Realizing I got one of his first made me happier than I thought I would ever get. It was like a rush of excitement and ecstasy as my eyes sparkled.

Hey, Finn, how many more of those can I have?

Gazing straight at him, I waited until those blue orbs were on me again before I spoke.

"Well, if I have to rate it, then this day has been the best thing that has ever happened to me." I beamed.

His eyes widened, triggering him to grab onto his chest with one of his hands.

"I'm glad you had fun." He smiled, though it wasn't a genuine one.

No, it was one to hide the pain as his eyes glossed before he shook his head. I never knew words could turn the happiest moment of my life into a bittersweet experience. Before I could speak, he started.

"Sylvia, y-you have a choice to m-make right now." His voice quivered as he avoided my gaze again.

The sudden change made me anxious.

"What? What do you mean by a choice?" I asked, feeling knots form on my chest.

In an instant, all the warmth from before waned, unable to rid myself of the impending doom within me.

"Ah, you can stay here and have a normal life. You'll be able to find a man that'll adore you. One that can give you a better, happier life than I ever will." He began, biting onto his lip.

"What are you…" I trailed off, feeling my heart drop.

Ah… Are you tired of me, or am I too broken to be used anymore?

"I wanted to show you a different life. The world I walk in is ugly and full of horrors. It's nothing like these humans who aren't bound by blood lust." He sighed, shaking his head, "I won't make you happy. Fuck! I can't even promise I won't rip you apart."

My heart stung in ways I never thought it would.

You mean the same humans that were about to kill me before you saved me? The same ones who never did anything to help me. Hey… Finn.. Are you throwing me away? I thought you said we had a lifetime to figure everything out! Why are you going back on your word?!

"Finn…" I mumbled, trying to speak while holding the tears inside.

It was like a knot forming at the back of my throat, making every word bolder. This morning's moments were becoming darker, finding myself in unstable waters that threatened to consume me.

Ah… Did I do all that while you hated it? I thought… you wouldn't take me back to the humans. I thought… I was your hope. No… I'm…

Tears were stinging my eyes.

Is this how it feels to be dumped before it even starts? I must've screwed up somewhere.

"Sylvia, here, you can live a happy life. You won't owe anyone anything, and I'll leave you with more gold than you know what to do." He continued.

Every word was like a dagger to my heart. Soon enough, there wouldn't be anything left to shatter. I had to be strong, but I wasn't.

Not when it comes to you. I'm…

"What about the generals and you?" I asked, voice shaking.

Maybe… if you want to be rid of me… this is the best way. Yet my heart… it's so painful! My chest is an open void! I would've taken it if I had never known you, but now… Why ?!

I planted my eyes on the floor. Suddenly, it was like it sucked the color out of the scenery. What was once beautiful became dull, much like every walk I took back home. Something I was so used to when I was back in my world.

Sebastian's earlier words rang in my ears.

Ah… I've made a mistake. You're throwing me out because I'm nothing but a broken tool!

"Fuck the generals. I'll ensure they never find you and don't worry about me. I'll be fine." He declared, leaving me feeling bitter.

Such a lair… the Saint will kill you. Then I'll also die, but that's a blessing. Damn it! I don't have a reason if you aren't there! But I can't kill myself if you and Solas are going with me too! I'm trapped!

"Why say all these things?" I was breaking as the tears finally broke away and ran down my cheeks.

The knot was slowly weakening, allowing my voice to go through.

Nothing matters.

"What?" he mumbled.

Clenching my hands into fists, I noticed my right hand was finally responding to me.

Ah… this is so pathetic. Now you want to work?! He's throwing me out already! Too fucking late!

Pulling my arm out of the sling, I gazed at the demon king. Darkness was coming from me. There, I saw those eyes wide open, wary of me.

Don't look so surprised. You're throwing me away. Of course, my emotions would go haywire.

"I thought you said you wouldn't do this. Are you throwing me away because I'm not useful to you?! Is that it?! If it's magic you need, I'll fucking cast it!" I declared, glaring at him.

I'll try harder! Please, just don't …

His head shook. "No, Sylvia, I want you to have a choice. A real one."

Choice… Death or life… I choose…

A burst of broken laughter soon left me.

"What kind of demon gives people a choice?! I never asked you for one!" I snarled soon after.

His eyes were wide open at the sharpness of my voice.

I guess I was being too docile, like Serena said. I can't believe I wished for you to lock me away. Damn it! A demon doesn't even want me! Why the hell am I even alive?

This hurt so much more than a broken bone because, at least then, I knew what caused it. On the other hand, it felt like my mind was fracturing in ways I never knew it could.

I never knew feeling hope could destroy me like this. Ah… I'm such a…

"Sylvia, listen—" he started; I wouldn't let him finish.

More shadows formed around us, alerting my emotions all over the place. My right arm was stinging, yet I didn't care if it fell off.

"Hey, is it your kink to get into someone's heart and then rip it apart?" I asked, tilting my head.

There was no way he would ever care for someone who represented the being that killed Serah.

I'm a fucking saint. The thing that ruined everyone's life in Fathal! Of course, you hate me! I'm nothing but a liability to you! Useless! I can't even do my job right!

I was such a fool for allowing him in. Everything I did this morning was so humiliating that my blood boiled. Yet getting high on that feeling that would never be reciprocated was my fault. He never once told me it was possible; even so, I…

"No, Sylvia, it isn't like that. You'll only see death with me. I might end up killing you, too. So, don't say I'm in your heart. I won't—" he tried to get a word in, but I wouldn't let him lie anymore.

This façade would end, but not in the way he wanted.

Ah… I should've made you mine at least once while you still tried to court me. At least I wouldn't have regrets about things I'll never experience with you. Eh… at least I got this night and the other moments.

It's better than nothing.

"Won't what? Love me?" I asked, silencing him right where he was.

He winced, "Sylvia—" I continued before he could say anything.

"Oh, don't feel bad. No one ever will. No one ever does." I broke, gripping onto my arms. "So, I fucking know you won't love me too. You've told me multiple times you won't, and I don't expect you to!"

Tears beamed down my cheeks, triggering me to clasp onto my shirt.

Ah, it hurts so much! You're no different from all the others. No one will ever love me. Why do I keep hoping for it?! I'm so stupid!

At that moment, it felt like my world was asunder, especially with all the fake moments he gave me.

This sweet angel is a devil in disguise.

I had let myself fall too deep without even realizing it.

Did I even try to stop it? No… I didn't. I fell right into it willingly. All while hoping to win your heart. One you told me I would never have. I'm such a fool.

"What's there to love about me? I don't have a redeeming quality! I'm useless to everyone! Not even a demon wants me! How pathetic can I be?!" I snapped, tugging on my dress with my right hand.

It caused the shadows to thicken around me before freezing where they were.

"Sylvia, that isn't true. I—" Again, I wouldn't let Finn speak.

No… no more lies… no more hope… no nothing… I'm tired, Finn. Please, just… end my misery.

"What the fuck are you talking about?! Aren't you throwing me out?!" I questioned harshly.

"No, I—" he went on to argue again.

I wouldn't let him. His words would only hurt me more.

No… I'm done hoping for a future that will wither away at a whim.

"I don't want your luxury! Take back this bracelet and kill me! End my miserable existence once and for all! I'm done hoping for something better to come! It never does!" I declared, offering my left hand to him.

Those words alerted him to something other than what I intended.

"You know?" he mumbled, narrowing his eyes.

A soft, broken chuckle left me.

Of course, that's what you care about.

"The stupid goddess who gave me this fucking magic visited in my dreams last night. She spoiled me everything. How this world is fucked, and I'm some last-hope bullshit. I'm nothing. So, jokes on her." I answered, feeling hollow inside.

I made a fool of myself in front of her, too.

It wasn't like anything mattered anymore. A second later, Finn cupped my cheeks, leaving me a sobbing mess while I grabbed onto his wrists.

"Okay, enough, you don't even let me finish. So, hush and let me speak." He sighed, using his thumbs to wipe my tears away, but more replaced them.

"No! I don't want to hear anything!" I cried, shaking my head.

"Hey, I said a choice, right?" he simpered, calming me down for a moment.

"What? Why does it matter?!" I mumbled, trying to hold on to myself.

His warmth radiated into me, triggering the shadows to slowly dissipate and allowing the color to return to my world.

"Your second choice is to come back with me. I'll probably end up hurting you in more ways than you deserve." His voice broke a bit before tugging me closer. "Sylvia, you'll see me do ugly things and might even hate me." He continued, holding me close.

His grip was firm, yet I didn't want to run away. Instead, I held onto him for dear life.

"Even if you do come to hate me, I won't let you go. So, this is your last chance to run away from the fucking mess I am." His voice cracked, pulling me into his arms.

Holding me tightly, I felt his hands tremble while his heart was going a million beats per minute. Instantly, my tears were gone as the heavy fog that had settled in my heart lifted.

"If you don't push me away right now. I'm going to embrace you in this flower field." He warned.

Should that make me want to run away? Stupid demon…

Snuggling into his chest, I breathed, trying to get a better grip on myself. My answer was obvious, even to him.

"Fuck me… and never let me go, please?" I mumbled.

He held me tighter.

"Don't say I didn't give you a way out." Finn chuckled nervously.

It triggered me to meet with his blueish eyes to see his pupils narrowed again.

"I never wanted one," I assured him.

Once again, we were on the point of no return. This time, though, I was sealing my fate with his. Not that I wanted anything else. No, I welcomed this with my heart and soul and wasn't taking a no for an answer.

A soft smile rose on his lips. "You're more than a hope. Sylvia, you're the spark that set my dead heart to beat again. I care about you more than I thought I could."

Again, hope filled my heart, and it wasn't something I could stop—not when I wanted it so badly.

"Please… don't tell me something you don't feel." Tears stung my eyes.

My right shoulder ached, yet I held onto him, not wanting to let go.

"I don't know if this is love, but I've never felt it since I turned. You're becoming the most important jewel in my hoard." He simpered, trailing his hand down towards my waist.

The other was on my cheek, which I leaned into.

"Baby steps?" I mumbled, feeling bittersweet aches in my chest.

He nodded, leaning into me.

"Yeah, baby steps," Finn whispered, brushing his lips against mine.

I knew our future was filled with hardships, yet this moment would be one of the blissful ones we would have.

Ah… please, time stop at this moment…

Clasping onto his cheeks, I deepened the kiss, searching for more of his warmth. This demon was something I never wanted to let go of. He quickly responded by placing his cloak on me, and a second later, we fell into a space free of bushes.