The Shadows Within

Finn gazed at me, tugging away from me.

“Does that answer your questions?” he asked, sitting by the end of the bed.

Instantly, I launched myself into him before wrapping my arms around him and refusing to let go. It caused the demon to stiffen up. Tears stung my eyes as I soon found myself weeping for him. All the tears he didn’t shed, I would. Everything I saw was probably a second spent, yet I was hours in his memories, and all it did was make me more determined to help him.

“Finn… I’m so sorry!” I mumbled between my sobs.

He remained silent, making me hug him even tighter.

“I…” I trailed off, closing my eyes.

I love you. I’ll love you even if all you want to do is use me if you discard me later, as long as you're happy. There must be a way to free you without tying you to me. I just need to find it!

Words I couldn’t say unless I wanted to hurt him. Not after those memories. He wouldn’t believe me even if I said it.

“I’m here for you and accept everything about you.” I cried.

Perhaps I was a crybaby, but I'd rather be one than not feel. One thing I learned from them was that I needed to feel. Even if they didn’t believe it themselves, I wouldn’t stop trying to breathe life into this demon.

Even if it robs me of mine.

Finn cupped my cheeks into his palms, whipping my tears away.

“Sparky, I was a coward and naïve idiot who let his emotions destroy his family. How can you say you accept me?” Finn asked, eyes devoid of emotions.

Is that how you see yourself?! You big idiot!

Grabbing onto his hair, I drew his lips into mine lightly. When I kissed them tenderly, his radiant blue eyes were wide open. Everything that happened led him to me, just as everything I went through led me to him.

Old Gwen’s right.

She was always the wisest in my home world and the old man’s late wife.

Everything happens for a reason. Her words resonated with me.

Yes… everything led me to this moment with you.

My pain had to mean something, and so did his.

Tugging away from his lips, I shook my head, “Coward?! Are you insane?! Your reaction was normal! So, what if you hesitated?!” I cupped his cheeks, too.

What you lived through… everything you felt afterward… It all has to have a meaning! We have to mean something!

“After so much loss, so much pain, of course, you froze. Some people fight, others run, and some freeze. So, what if you froze? If you did anything, they would’ve killed you! No one that cares about you wants that!” I declared, letting go of his cheeks only to grab his hand.

It was the same one I had wanted to hold the whole time I was there. Instinctively, I pulled them up to my chest as tears refused to stop streaming down my cheeks.

“You know, I wanted to hold your hand through it all. No, I wanted to hold you so badly, and now I can.” I simpered, triggering him to place his hand on my cheek.

I saw a slimmer of life return to his eyes for the first time. The warmth of his hand filled my core.

Please, let me heal your wounds like you did mine. Yet I can’t let you know you’ve won. You’ll throw me away as soon as you use me, which won’t help you move on!

“I… don’t understand,” He whispered, caressing my cheeks.

“You don’t have to understand.” I smiled, leaning into his touch, “Though I could’ve done it without having to see you shove your tongue into another woman’s mouth. Geez, are you sure you want me to marry you?” I huffed.

His eyes shifted from me and towards Solas, who tilted his head.

“Sylvia… I don’t want to hide anything from you. Including why I...” He sighed, shaking his head.

“I know. I’m not angry.” A soft shrug came from me. “No, I just wish someone would love me as you did for her,” I mumbled, closing my eyes.

That would be… a dream.

The next moment, I was on the bed again as his hands entwined with mine. He was so close that it made my heart drum in my ears.

“I’m sorry. All I can promise is to be faithful to you alone.” Finn whispered.

His words stung my heart.

“What if you regret being me?” I mumbled, remembering what he felt for Lillia.

It was almost shocking to see how fast his love turned into hate.

Yet, who wouldn’t after experiencing that type of betrayal?

“Sparky, that’ll never happen.” He assured me, pressing his forehead against mine.

All I ever brought to my family was bring misfortune.

Why will it be any different for you? I don’t want to hurt you. Ever… Yet… I must remind you of her.

“You say that now.” I sighed, grabbing onto his shirt.

However, a knock came on the door before he could say anything.

“My lord, the generals are back,” Brielle announced.

It caused Finn to shake his head. “Perfect timing, as always.”

Grabbing onto him tighter, I didn’t want to let him go.

“Please stay,” I mumbled.

A soft chuckle erupted from Finn. “Oh, sweets. Eat and come back to your room to rest, okay? I’ll be back before you know it.”

Nothing I said would keep him with me, especially not after the attack that ended with me losing an arm. I nodded, triggering him to lean into me, kissing me lightly on my lips. A second later, he vanished, leaving me empty-handed.

There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but I didn’t know what would trigger him. Serah's image haunted me every time I closed my eyes. Those people were monsters.

No, psychopathic beasts with nothing but gain in their minds.

The thought of them alone made my blood boil, but I could do nothing about them. This wasn’t like the homeless guy I gave money to on the way home. No, this was something else. Getting up, I got ready for the day before leaving the room with Solas.

When I saw Nyla, I ran into her arms, giving her the biggest hug I could muster. She didn’t ask why I did that; instead, a soft hum left her lips as she held me back. This was something I’d do to everyone I saw today. Gael was the funniest reaction, though. I thought he would try to make a pass at me, but instead, he froze like a popsicle.

However, it wasn’t long until he returned the simple act of affection. I even ran to Rizak, whom I had seen down the hall after my meal, before holding him, interrupting his time with a document he had in his feathers.

“Lady Sylvia? May I help you?” he asked, tilting his head.

Taking a deep breath, I gazed up at him.

After seeing what you’ve all been through…

“No, how can I help?” I asked, gazing at him straight on.

Those big red eyes of his widened upon hearing me. He quickly shook his head, shifting his eyes slightly away from me.

“Did Lord Finn tell you about what happened here?” Rizak asked as I nodded.

The demon king had shown me the horror, and I would do everything to wipe it clean, at least to do what I could.

“I see. Still, you should rest for this week before we do anything.” The white owl informed, closing his book.

“I’m fine.” I declared.

I’m no reason to delay anything.

He gazed towards my arm, reaching for it.

“No, sweety. The spell holding your arm is still unstable. Any magic that affects it may cause it to fall off.” Rizak sighed, tapping my arm.

It caused me to wince, thanks to an ache that arose with his touch.

“See, if we make you cast, anything can make it more. So, until you’re stable, you will have no magic lessons or practice it. Are we clear?” The owl quickly shut me down.

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed onto my numb arm. “It isn’t like my magic listens to me,” I mumbled.

Unlike Serah, I wasn’t as strong-willed as her. If what happened to her happened to me, I surely would’ve been like the mother.

No, I don’t resemble the queen, either.

My first choice was to jump out of this life without giving the new changes a chance.

Something has to change. No, something has changed. I didn’t notice it until now.

Since I reached Finn in that enraged state, my heart was filled with hope that my life could mean something.

Perhaps my mother had me, knowing I would achieve something.

Even if it wasn’t in our home, she knew I would break the cycle of death my father gave me.

At least… that’s why you had me, right? Please… let my life mean something.

“Then… tell me how I helped that demon. You called it a lost one. What is that?” I pressed on.

A soft sigh came from the owl. “Very well…”

The lost ones were demons who couldn’t recall their human part, reveling in their cardinal desires as their sense of reason was out of their reach. Most of them couldn’t talk or express any emotion other than their desire to kill and eat.

Most of the population in Fathal was like this; only a few thousand demons managed to regain their sanity. Sometimes, it didn’t matter if they were fed; the curse still held them, leaving Rizak to believe it was more than a good source of food that brought them back to reason.

These lost demons were why I would be swarmed if I ever left the castle alone. They were easy to control with higher-ranking demons, but even that sometimes didn’t work.

How they knew, probably, was because they experimented with everything before summoning me here.

A doctor, Maxwell, who lived in the town, experimented on them, trying to bring them back to their humanity. Sadly, nothing they did ever helped the lost. They sometimes made it worse as the demon turned hostile towards them.

However, the potion I made with the poisonous plans somehow brought one of them back. The owl didn’t notice it wasn’t his until the demon drank it, bringing clarity. Rizak tried to make an identical one with the plants I used since it was easy for him to identify with his magic.

However, my magic wasn’t something he could replicate. He let me be instead of asking me why I used those plants. No doubt in my mind, he knew I was clueless about how this happened. My magic was unpredictable, so producing the same results would take time.

After that quick lesson, Rizak excused himself, leaving me alone with Solas. Even though I was stuck, I wouldn’t stay still.

This castle… shouldn’t…

Something the little goblin said before resonated within me.

“Nyla… can you call Phoebe again?” I asked, shifting my gaze towards her.

She had been there the entire time Rizak was informing me.

“Yes, yes, Sylvia, I can. She’ll be here by tomorrow if I summon her.” The goblin assured.

“Thank you. Also, call any demons who are good at carving and restoring things. Heck, bring some painters, too. This castle shouldn’t look like a tomb anymore.” I announced, smiling at her.

“Yes! Are you finally becoming the lady of the castle?” Nyla questioned with the biggest grin on her lips.

Her eyes were full of hope, something that made me wince.

“No, nothing like that. You all don’t deserve to live in this condition, and if I can help, I will. I want to save my friends from their pain if I can.” I declared, trailing my hands down the walls.

They were still filled with dust and reminders of the horrors within these walls.

I won’t be Finn’s wife, but I’ll bring life into this place even though I don’t know where to start.

“We’re friends?” the little goblin asked, walking closer to me.

“Of course. All of you are. Gael, Rizak, you, Finn, and even that she-wolf that doesn’t like me. I’ll befriend all of you somehow.” I giggled, feeling hope fill me.

Yes… that has to be the reason I came here. I refuse to be like that other saint.

Unlike her, I had no one waiting for me back in my world.

No, this is my home now.

“Don’t forget me!” Solas whined, placing his snout on my shoulder.

“You’re more than a friend. You’re like my baby boy.” I tittered again, coiling my hand in his fur.

The severity of my words only hit me soon after I said them, marking my cheeks rosy. This pup had come from Finn and me.

Ah… don’t think that!

Unaware of the thoughts erupting in my head, Solas’s tail wagged, panting happily.

“I love you, Sylvia!” Solas howled, triggering me to continue simpered at him.

At least you’ll love me. I guess I can’t complain at all.

“We have a lot to do,” I smirked, feeling like I finally found my footing.

Yes… I’ll save them all. This nightmare will end even if it’s the last thing I do.