The Secret of the Sivrils

I was shown the memory of what would have happened, if I had been sorted into Gryffindor.

I saw myself at eleven-years-old, the Sorting Hat on my head.

"Gryffindor!"the hat announced.

I took it off and got up. As I walked over to the Gryffindor Table, awkwardly, I heard whispers darting back and forth - about me.

"A Carrow in Gryffindor?"they were saying.

I didn't know where to sit, when I reached the table. My first instinct was towards the end, but there were a lot of older kids there, 6th or 7th Years, and I suddenly felt extremely nervous and lost.

Then I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to face an eleven-years-old Silas Warren. He introduced himself with a smile, and showed me over to the table, where I sat with the other 1st Years that had been sorted. Kenneth Brass, Patricia Finnigan and Richard Steel were already there, while a Gryffindor Prefect was just bringing over Danielle Turner, who had been sorted just after me.

Time rushed by me, as though it had been sped up. I was beginning my Second Year now. I watched Jared in the Sorting Ceremony as he was placed into Slytherin. I was unhappy about this (the complete opposite to how I felt in my real memories).

The other Gryffindors teased and taunted me about my family, and the fact that Jared and Dominic were both in Slytherin. Every time I did, or said something they didn't like, they would bring up things about my family and use it against me.

Time went on, I became more and more anxious and I was really self-conscious about being one of the 'good guys', and being on the 'right side'. I was ashamed of my roots and my family, and at school I became distant from them.

When Ed was sorted into Ravenclaw, I was relieved, but this relief was short-lived, as he spent a lot of time with Jared, he became 'suspicious' in the eyes of my 'friends'.

The 'friends' I had in Gryffindor were constantly making me change to be like them, and I so badly craved their acceptance that I was willing to change, even to the point of becoming distant from my own siblings, who, up until Hogwarts, had always been my closest friends.

I was afraid of looking bad, I didn't want to appear to be ok the 'Wrong Side'. I didn't want everyone to hate me and accuse me.

Silas Warren ended up being the friend I admired the most. I followed him around like a pet dog, desperate to earn his approval. Every time I stepped out of line with his followers, I would go to him for absolution. I always got it, though at a cost. I had to prove my loyalty, and that meant rejecting my family.

When Lotty was sorted into Gryffindor, I was happy, but the happiness was short-lived. Lotty was very outspoken. If she thought something was wrong, she didn't keep quiet like I did. This got her into a lot of trouble. She ignored threats and accusations. She didn't care about looking like the bad guy or appearing wrong. She stood up for what she believed in and stuck to it. This has always been a quality I have admired in her, but in these 'memories' I resented her for it. Because when she refused to submit, Silas and his followers took it out on me. I had lots of arguments with Lotty.

As I witnessed this, I couldn't understand how things could be so different, and I hated myself. Why was I so afraid of what people thought of me? Why did I so badly want to be accepted by these people who didn't even care about me? Why did I push away and ignore all of the people in my life that actually mattered?

We were kept propagandised by horror-stories revolving around worst-case scenarios involving the most extreme ends of Pureblood-supremacy. These scenarios were not discussed as speculation, they were taught as fact. That 'fact' being that if nothing was done about the 'impending danger' of Pureblood Slytherins and their families, these horror stories would become reality.

As I observed, it sounded as though Silas was knowingly giving a self-fulfilling prophecy; but to everyone listening in the moment it made perfect sense and the urgency was keenly felt.

Then Silas created APS/The Muggleborn Rebellion. He asked me if I wanted to join, and I did.

I didn't like the things they did in his gang, but I remained a member because I didn't want to be seen as opposing the idea of Muggleborn acceptance, and I was terrified of being labelled a Pureblood-supremacist; or as 'heartless, apathetic and selfish' - which was how they described every Gryffindor that declined the invitation to join. I knew Lotty hadn't even been asked, but I didn't care about that, I was annoyed at how her connection to me was causing trouble for me at school.

A lot of the time, I was unhappy and stressed, and this caused me to be a lot more bad-tempered than I usually am. Silas encouraged me to embrace my anger and turn it into hatred for those that opposed us. 'Stay angry'...

Antonius became one of my targets. I knew he was a Pureblood-supremacist and I was encouraged to torment him at every opportunity. His attitude towards me was completely different than in my real memories. He despised me as I despised him.

At the beginning of my 6th Year, I never inspired Anita to do the mermaid prank, and the Golden Sivril remained undiscovered.

Then I saw a 'memory' that didn't include me. So I wondered why I was shown it. It was the time Ed dropped his wand down the foxhole. I wasn't there, instead I was in the Great Hall at the Hallowe'en Feast with the Gryffindors. I didn't find the Foxhole Chamber, Lotty did. She wasn't able to tell the others about it, and she found that so disturbing that she just decided to forget about it.

Then Dominic called Max a 'Mudblood' in the Great Hall. Silas didn't tell me about the trial. Lotty told me. I followed her to the Courthouse, and there witnessed Dominic's punishment. Lotty tried to stop it. I stood back and did nothing. I didn't know what to do.

Afterwards, I went to speak to Silas. He told me the reason he hadn't informed me of the trial was because Dominic is my cousin, and he thought I wouldn't want to be involved. He also tried to justify what had happened by telling me people like Dominic need to be 'controlled', or they will go on to do terrible things in the future.

Even though I didn't thoroughly agree with Silas' reasoning, I told myself over and over that he was doing all of this with good intentions. It was horrible and it seemed so extreme, but if it really did help prevent Dominic from becoming a Dark Wizard and hurting other people, then maybe, horrible as it was, it was necessary. All the same, I tried not to think about it.

Then I witnessed Antonius' trial. Antonius and I hated each other. As he was tortured and repeatedly defined Silas, I didn't know what to feel. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't feel the same admiration for him as I did in my real memories. I tried to numb myself to the horror of it.

Then Max stood up to Silas, he managed to stop the trial, even though the other APS members accused him of treason. To my horror, I watched as, however reluctantly, I joined in the chant of 'traitor!' at Max. I also noticed that Julia Brown was still with APS; but she didn't join in the chanting, she fought with Max and the Slytherins to end the trial, and she was being called a traitor too.

I left with the other Gryffindors, and in the memory, I was shown that it was Max and Dominic that took Antonius down from the stake and comforted him, and they helped him back to the castle.

I was disturbed and distressed by what had happened, but I buried these feelings. When members of Silas' gang talked about it, I said the opposite of what I felt, condoning what happened and agreeing with them, even though deep within me, I knew I was wrong.

I was a Gryffindor, and yet I was afraid. I was so terrified of being seen as the bad-guy that I was willing to become the bad-guy.

It was Silas Warren that asked me to the May Festival, and I went there with him.

When Max was put on trial, I didn't try to stop it like I did in my real memories. I told Silas I didn't want to go to it, and he let me stay behind in the Gryffindor Common Room when it happened.

Then Kenneth Brass was killed. This time Silas framed it on Dominic. He got Antonius to 'rescue' Dominic from the tower cell. Dominic ran into the Forbidden Forest. When he was accused of killing Kenneth Brass, I believed it.

Silas sacrificed Dominic in the ritual. When it was complete, Silas became possessed by the dark force. He returned to Hogwarts, not as himself, but as something different - inhuman. As soon as he was within the castle walls, he began to burn and destroy all in his path, killing indiscriminately, wreaking chaos and destruction.

Lotty pulled the Sword of Gryffindor from the Sorting Hat and went to fight him. He killed her in front of me.

I picked up the sword where she had dropped it, and with it, I ended Silas' rampage of destruction. We both fell to the floor, mortally wounded.

As I lay dying, choking on blood and smoke, I heard the screams of the wounded and the grief-stricken, the flames roaring around me, the horrified shouts of Aurors and ministry officials as they flooded into the castle.

Then it was over for me. The end of a tragic story. Silas was dead, but so was I, so was Lotty, and Max and a lot of other innocent victims.

Finally, the memory was over, and I was returned to reality. Solid, comforting, relieving reality! Very much assured I didn't belong in Gryffindor, but now very unsure about myself.

How could I have allowed myself to become that?

I realised that, as a Slytherin, I'm already seen as the 'bad guy'. Beyond hope - by the likes of Silas' gang. I'm not afraid of what they think of me, because I have nothing to lose. Also I'm with my fellow Slytherins. Even though I hate the idea of Pureblood-supremacy and hating Muggles and all of that stuff, being among people with those ideas reminds me that they are human beings; they're wrong, misguided, but they're still people. I have a connection with my fellow Slytherins, they're my people, my family and it's us against the world. It has given me more courage than I could have had on my own. I've ended up becoming more courageous as a Slytherin than I ever was in the Gryffindor scenario.

Then I realised the impact I'd had on the situation was far greater than I had ever imagined. It hadn't seemed like much at the time. I'd always considered my greatest achievement to have been slaying the Basilisk, but the Basilisk hadn't even featured in the 'memory' the Sivrils showed me. The extremely important role that I'd played had been discovering information, taking a stand against Silas, and supporting Max, Lotty and Julia. Also the relationship I had with Antonius played a major role in the outcome of the situation. I discovered Silas' plans for the ritual from Antonius, and I shared that information with the people that needed to know. This lead to Max being able to rescue him and stop the Ritual.

But I couldn't help feeling completely horrible and utterly disappointed in myself. Was I really that kind of person? I was a Gryffindor and yet I was a coward. I cowered away and hid - only at the very last moment did I do something, when it was already too late. I craved honour so badly that I lost every shred of it.

"Cathy?"I looked up, Lotty had spoken.

Of course. My siblings hadn't been able to follow me into this memory. As I threw my arms around my sister, hugging her tightly, I was vaguely aware of Anita and Jared asking me what I'd seen.

Eventually, I told them,"I saw what would have happened if I'd been sorted into Gryffindor."

"What happened?"Anita asked.

"It didn't end well,"I answered,"I wasn't able to stop Silas, and a lot of people died."

"Is that all?"Jared asked.

"Why are you crying? It's not real,"Anita said.

I wiped some tears from my face and answered,"it seemed really real..."

I've been questioning who I really am, and it is causing me misery, but now I have decided I'm going to learn from it. I am never going to forget this very important lesson that I've been taught, and I'm extremely grateful that things turned out the way they did in real life.