The Quest of Words

“Come on, sweety. Wake up,” I said gently, tapping the side of Arx’s face.

At my touch, her mouth dropped open, exposing her sharp canines, and as she inhaled, a light snore vibrated its way into the air. Moaning contentedly, she nuzzled into my hand and gave it a flick of her tongue. Then, as her breathing had evened out again, it was apparent that she was still very much asleep.

I quirked an eyebrow. Once upon a time, I had been able to command my lilim awake, but I had given that up in exchange for enhanced persuasive abilities, amongst other things. And while it was, overall, a step up, it had not been a conscious choice. Literally. I had been asleep, at the time.

I was still bitter about it, too.

“Grab her by the horn, maybe,” Jax suggested from where she had draped herself over my shoulder.

I was trying very hard to ignore the sensation of her nakedness pressed against me. Partially because that would only encourage her and partially because I was also quite naked. Which is not to say that I did not like it. Quite the opposite, in fact. However, what happened when I did not ignore Jax’s rather constant provocations was the very reason that our other companion, and my newest lilim, was currently lying unconscious.

As to why the three of us were naked. Well… all I will say is that Dungeon running is hard on a person’s wardrobe.

“Do you think we went a little too far?” I asked, glancing back at her. “She’s barely a day old, after all.”

That was not precisely true, of course. It was more… metaphorical than anything. Arx had once been a Keltha, a race of large, gray-skinned people that resembled something like what I would think of as an orc. But not any more.

She was now a full lilim thanks to a spell I had cast. It was… complicated.

In any case, she looked nothing like she once had. Though her skin was still gray, she now sported the beginnings of horns and claws and the sharp, knife-like ears that seemed to be endemic to her kind. Of course, my sample size was rather limited.

“Nah,” Jax said dismissively. “She’d have run into this soon enough. ‘Sides. We had to break yon mirror, did we nay? Gave a good job of her, too.”

That final bit was accompanied by a suggestive waggle of her eyebrows. Interestingly, they did not match the red of her hair. Instead, they were pitch black, much like her claws and the curved ram horns that had curled their way around her ears. It was a pleasant, if striking combination.

“Yes, but we didn’t exactly have to do it right on top of her,” I argued. “Surely the proximity had something to do with it?”

“Meh. She gotta eat sometime,” Jax returned. “Now quit pussyfooting. Wake her proper.”

I grunted. For all that Jax was technically my lilim, and not the other way round, she still had quite the sharp tongue on her. And she was not one to blunt its edge.

With a long-suffering sigh, I reached beneath Arx’s head and lifted her up. Shaking her lightly, I called, “Arx? Come on, now. It’s time to leave.”

She just snored at me.

Twisting my lips to one side, I adjusted my grip, edging toward her newly budding horns. I had to be careful with them. I had been told that—though they were numb to the casual touch, rather like an overly large callus—for some reason, they were quite sensitive when I grabbed them. We had no idea why.

It was a theme around here.

Softly at first, I began to rub the tips of my fingers along their hard surface. Arx’s horns were the pearly white of nacre which set off the even lighter, snowy hue of her hair. Against her dark gray skin, she had the exotic, dangerous look of a drow elf, though, of course, elves were not a thing in this place. Or not in name. Here, they were called ‘Laoi’, though there were other differences. It was sort of like calling a vulcan an elf. Yes, they had pointy ears, but you probably should not go into a Star Trek convention with that comparison in mind.

Nerds can be touchy about that sort of thing. I would know.

Moaning softly, she began to lean into my hand, seeking, in her unconscious state, to deepen her contact with my fingers. I knew, intellectually, that this was not supposed to be a sexual thing. Rather, it had been described to me more like a really good massage. A relaxing, visceral experience that seemed to be unique to lilim. Still, when a girl—or rather, a person that looks an awful lot like a girl—is moaning in your arms, it can be hard to tell the difference. Again, it was complicated, and on this point, I really could not begin to explain.

Unintentionally firming my grasp, the pressure caused her to gasp and arch her back, pressing her chest against me. And on a whim, I decided to kiss her.

Yes, I know that kissing an unconscious person is bad form, but much like Jax, she was mine. She had given herself to me, fully and completely. And much like Jax, if you were to ask her, she would say much the same about me. Although, I was not sure whether she was going to be quite as homicidally territorial about the whole thing, just yet.

I could not say exactly when it was that she came awake, however I felt certain that it must have been somewhere around when she decided to shove her tongue in my mouth. Whether before or after was another matter. In any case, she quickly flung her arms around my neck and began to return my kiss with a desperate enthusiasm. I really do not know how they did it, but she, like my other lilim and wholly unlike myself, had absolutely no problem doing so and breathing quite normally.

Predictably, after some seconds of this, I began tapping her shoulder, signaling my need for air. And then tapping rather more urgently.

“Arx!” Jax barked from the side.

The lilim in question jerked at the sound, and while I was left gasping, she hissed at Jax, “Mine!”

Jax hissed right back, baring her own sharp fangs, “Mind yerself! Ye planning on making our Master faint, ye bawhead? Did ye nay feel his panic?”

She blanched, and taking a quick look at my pale face, she reached up to cup my cheek, “Oh, Maeve’s hand! I’m so sorry, Dearest. I… I didn’t realize! It was so good, though, and… I just… really liked… whatever it was? Before it… A-and I was trying to get it back.”

Jax’s expression softened at her stammering, “Aye, that be a fine flavor. Fine. But not to be forced. Leave off when ye taste it going sour.”

Arx nodded absently, still caressing my face.

“It’s alright,” I assured her after my breathing had evened out. It had been my own fault, after all. Glancing over at Jax, I asked, “What flavor?”

“What flavor, says he,” Jax repeated, smirking at me. “Funny thing to ask when it be yer own head it be coming from. Still, since yer asking… It ain’t me personal favorite, mind, but it be a close second. And harder to coax.”

“But what is it?” Arx asked as her eyes shifted between us uncertainly. “It’s tastes so… beautiful! And… and delicate!”

Jax’s grin only grew at that, “Oh, now… I think surely ye’d be able to suss it out. Given time.”

I grimaced, not particularly pleased at this little game. However, before I could say anything about it, the Lady of Power, Bline, decided to add her two cents.

<bing!>

I quirked an eyebrow. That was fast.

The last time I had seen this message, it had been about my other lilim. And she—or I suppose it would have been he at the time, if barely—had been doing something… rather different. And way more personal. That Arx would gain a preference over something as simple as a kiss was interesting. Still, a five percent loyalty bump was nice.

Speaking of, it occurred to me that I had yet to check on what it even was. I had been rather busy, after all.

Lady Bline, would you show me my status, please?

Despite the fact that the vast majority of our interactions had been like those between a computer and its user, I nevertheless understood them to be a manifestation of a Goddess of this realm. As such, I had decided some time ago to remain on polite standing with Her, and not at all because my impression of Her had seemed… testy.

I tapped my chin thoughtfully. Seventy-five percent, already?

I supposed that made a degree of sense. I had spent a fair amount of time getting to know the woman that Arx had been prior to binding her. So much so, in fact, that she had demanded that I do it, despite my own healthy dose of hesitation on the matter. Not that I regretted the decision or anything, however, Arx was certainly undergoing a fairly heavy adjustment period.

That said, when had Jax gotten five percent Devotion? And what I had I been doing at the time? I frowned, thinking back. A lot had happened since the last time I had looked at this.

Technically, I could turn on notifications about these things, and they would tell me exactly what I wanted to know. However, there had been some indication that there would be a penalty to pay for that, and I really did not want to risk it. After all, it did not really matter why my lilim were becoming more attached to me. If they felt like telling me, they could. I would not pry.

Well, whatever. Anything else I need to look at? I thought to myself, quickly scanning the notice. Hmm… Arx’s gain is off? Crap. It was a good thing I had checked on this before I started popping Gems of Power. Still, the question remained, what should I set hers at? We were a Stratum apart in Layer, after all.

“Um… Arx?” I began, interrupting the argument the two of them were having. Arx was also less than pleased over being kept in the dark about her personal tastes. I could sympathize. Sort of.

“What?!” she growled. However, the moment the word had escaped her lips, her face went ashen and she quickly reached for me, trembling apologetically, “I… I’m sorry, Dearest! I didn’t mean that! Please… please don’t…”

“It’s alright, Arx. Really, it is,” I reassured her gently, cupping her hands in my own. She was almost on the verge of tears. Uneasily, I glanced at Jax. She was the expert here.

Nodding sagely, Jax demurely folded her legs beneath her, sitting to one side of us, “I suppose it best I explain, though mind ye, I had no such benefit me ownself.”

Arx’s lip curled up over her teeth. Despite how she might act toward me, she was clearly feeling rather short on patience.

“Uh huh… there it be,” Jax grinned smugly, having expected the response. “Aggression. I suppose it be natural while ye learn, but… Best to let it go. Such’ll hold ye back.”

“Stop talking in circles and tell me what I want!” Arx growled out.

“See now, that be it,” Jax replied lightly, waving an unconcerned hand through the air. “That is what ye be. Want. Yer a creature of want. And now as ye’ve scented yer want on the wind, that be all ye want. And the fact as ye ain’t got it right now? Pisses ye off. Don’t it?”

“Correct,” Arx replied, her gaze unblinking and rigid.

I glanced at Jax. She had best hurry up with this. I had a feeling that Arx was close to slipping.

Jax just smiled and leaned forward, “But now, see? Feel him. That ain’t yer want, now do it be? So clearly, anger ain’t how ye get it. Ye gotta be yer want, Arx.”

Arx inhaled sharply, “And how exactly am I supposed to—”

“Can’t say,” Jax interrupted, fully anticipating the question. “My want ain’t the same, so how am I to tell yer own how to be? Says I, play with him! Poke and prod. Watch his face. Listen to his words. Master is wise. Ye’ll get the feel of it.” So saying, Jax apparently felt that she had explained enough, and coming to her feet again, she walked toward the void that was currently occupying the space where the mirror had been.

Arx jumped to her feet, “’Snails and toes, Jax! That doesn’t explain anything! You see how I am right now. You can feel it. What if I hurt him?”

Jax paused mid-step. Turning back half-way, she looked at Arx as if she had gone fully insane. “Try it,” she said lightly.

There was a beat of silence as Arx clenched her fists and widened her stance slightly, “Your attributes aren’t much better than mine. Don’t think—”

“T’were no threat. I won’t stop ye,” Jax interrupted. Folding her arms, she grinned, “Go on. Try it.”

Arx glanced back at me briefly, unsure. I stared right back. What was Jax trying to pull here?

“I… I don’t…” Arx began uncertainly, “What do you—?”

“Ye got claws, do ye nay?” Jax cut in, once again. Holding up her hand by way of demonstration, she gently poked a finger with one of her own claws.

Arx shifted uneasily before turning to look down at me indecisively.

As the silence stretched, I exhaled slowly. I was not sure what the point of encouraging this was, other than as some sort of bizarre and deranged trust exercise. However, in that moment, I did get the sense that Arx needed my trust, if for no other reason than so that she might begin to trust herself. So, smiling softly, I offered up my hand.

Arx stared down at it for a tense few moments before jerking her gaze away, shaking her head and blinking as if she were trying to expunge some mental image. Her internal conflict apparently settled, she heaved a sigh before turning to haul me to my feet. Despite my heavy frame, I might as well have been a child in her hands. Her Core attributes may well have been halved from their former glory, but she was still powerfully muscled.

“I would never hurt you on purpose,” she whispered. Then more quietly, whether for my benefit or her own, she murmured, “But if I did… I don’t think I could forgive myself.”

I nodded in understanding. “Accidents happen.” I knew that all too well. Jax had wounded me about as deeply as a man can be during her own transition. It was just fortunate that I had a fairly good healing spell at my disposal, or I would still be walking bow-legged. “And if they do, then I’ll forgive you.”

She stared at my face searchingly for a while, I assumed to get a better understanding of what she was feeling from me, and I decided to wait her out in silence. I was not really all that aware of what emotions I was experiencing at the best of times, however her scrutiny made me self-conscious. What was I feeling? Patient? Curious? Calm, perhaps. Did calm have a flavor? I did not know, and not for the first time, I wondered what it would be like to experience the world like that.

Eventually, she gave a frustrated little snort and asked, “You had a question?”

I grimaced. “It seems silly to talk shop now. After all that?”

“I’m sorry, I…” she paused, giving a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel… ‘Snails, I don’t know. Like I’m going crazy.”

I nodded silently. It was not that I understood her, really. It was more a gesture of acknowledgment. Of being there.

After a moment, she waved her hand absently, as if to dismiss the awkwardness. “Ask your questions. Maybe it will help to think of something else.”

I took a breath, “Right…” Exhaling again as I collected my thoughts, I said, “Well, I need to open a channel between our Cores, so that we can share Power. However, since I’m in the First Stratum now, I need to know how strong to set it at. So, I guess… what I need to know is, how much more powerful are Rank Two Gems?”

The ridge between her brows crinkled as she considered the question. “I don’t know if I can give it a number. But… if I were to eat a Minor Rank Two, currently, it would fill my Core to the next Layer completely. It wouldn’t be gentle, though.”

“Would it hurt you?” I asked, concerned. Most of our Rank One stock had been depleted, and if I was going to get the two of them on par with myself, breaking into the more powerful Gems would be necessary. However, that was only if the cost was not too high. If it caused them pain, we would need to figure something else out.

“It’s not… pain, exactly,” she explained. “It’s more like… being overwhelmed. Like plunging your head in a river after a storm to drink. You can do it, but it isn’t fun. That’s only for Minor Gems, though. Anything more…” she shook her head.

I made a face, taking her meaning. Anything more meant letting the river carry you away. Still, what with our Cores being linked, we did split the gains, so maybe it would not be so bad.

“Would it still take ten of them for me?” I asked.

She nodded in affirmation. “As long as you are consuming Gems of the appropriate Rank, it always works the same.”

Hmm… Well, then. If that were the case, going off of what she had told me, I was pretty sure that I could think of them in terms of orders of magnitude. Ten Minors to fill your Core or only one for the Rank above you? It made sense. Of course, I also was aware that anything that was left over would be wasted, meaning that there was the possibility that the math did not work out perfectly, but here again, the fact that we were splitting this three ways should work to our advantage.

Currently, Jax and Arx were still in the Foundation Layers, at nine and one respectively, while I had just traversed the Boundary the night before last. So my goal was to get them even with myself. I frowned. Really, the first step should be to get Jax past the Boundary. There was no real reason to hold her back, and once she was on even footing with myself, that would make powering up Arx much more straightforward.

With that in mind, for now, I figured the best thing was to just split our gains evenly. Due to the magnitude difference, the two of them would progress rapidly while I would virtually stand still. Actually… if my math was right, even if I kept it at a three-way split the entire way, by the time I was ready to get to the next Layer, Arx would have already caught up with me.

Huh… Well, that’s easy, then! Giving myself a bit of a mental fist-bump, I pulled my status screen back up. Okay. First, we switch on Arx’s Gain…

There was a sharp intake of breath from beside me, and distracted, I glanced at her. Arx had her hand up between her breasts with a shocked expression on her face.

I pulled a face, “Sorry. Jax always said that she couldn’t feel that unless I closed it off, so I didn’t think to warn you.”

She shook her head, “It’s… It’s alright. I just felt…” She rolled her shoulders and twisted her body a little, as if adjusting to something. “I think… maybe because you’re past the Boundary, I can feel the difference? But definitely warn me before you make any more changes. That was… really… big.”

I blinked. Big?

Jax barked out a laugh from where she was squatting over by the void. She had been holding a broken shard of the now quite mundane mirror, examining her new face curiously. She did not deign to comment, however at my look, she glanced up and winked at me.

O…K…

“Well, then… fair warning,” I began before explaining what was about to happen.

“I nay like the sound of ye lessening yer connection to me, Master,” Jax said sulkily, after I had finished. Coming to her feet once more, she tossed the shard to the side. “But… fair is fair. And if ye put me to it, I guess we agreed to an even split.”

I nodded, and without deliberating on it any further, I adjusted the sliders for each of us to read an even thirty-three percent each. Technically, that did leave an extra percentage point floating around somewhere, but I assumed that my interface must have been truncating the decimals, because I could not bump any of them up to thirty-four without lowering something else first.

Meh… Good enough. Hitting the ‘Confirm’ button, I dismissed the box. “Well? Feel anything different?”

The both of them were sporting a speculative look, however, it was Arx that spoke up first, “I don’t… think so. But… I do feel a little more… grounded?”

“About the same for me,” Jax offered when I glanced at her. “But I feel Arx better now.”

“Really?” Maybe it was just because we were all standing next to one another, and everyone was feeling rather calm, however personally, I could not feel either one of them, at the moment. Though, that was to be expected. Whatever ability I had in that regard was not particularly sensitive, and I did not have the specialized organ to feel emotions like they did. Instead, mine seemed to operate exclusively through their connection with my Core. “Alright then. Let’s head out. I’m sure the ground crew is ready for us to leave.”

There was a moment of silence then as the two of them stared at me blankly. However, eventually Arx’s eyes widened in comprehension, “Oh, you mean like after an arena event? Like a tournament or something?”

At my nod, we turned toward the waiting exit, the two of them chattering about the topic rather excitedly. Apparently, Jax being a former Bandit, she had never been to one. Legally, anyway. And as we crossed the yawning threshold, I resolved to take her to one as soon as I could. It was my responsibility, as her ‘Master’, to make certain that her life was as fulfilling as I could make it.

I just hoped it was not too expensive. I was not overly keen on ever returning to this place.

I had only been inside of the void once before. Then as now, it was an unending expanse of nothing. There was no feeling of wind. No sound. Just… emptiness. But that was not quite right. I could still breathe, after all.

Instinctively, I knew that I was alone here. I could feel my lilim, but they were… far. I could not say by how much. Only… very, very far.

But that was alright. I knew that soon, I would receive my ‘reward’, and we would be rejoined. I just had to… get through it. Again.

Internally, I steeled myself for the inevitable onslaught of sensation. Soon now, the light would come. Soon.

I began fidgeting impatiently. Strange. The last time, this had gone much faster. Scratching at my short beard idly, I tried to remember the specifics, but everything before the very end was a little fuzzy. Maybe I needed to walk forward? Try to find it, somehow? Had I needed to do that before?

I shrugged to myself. Nothing else for it. Either I would get there, or I would go nowhere.

I swung my foot forward to take the first step. It hung there for a moment, oddly like the world had slowed so as to focus all of its attention on that one solitary movement. And when it landed… I really cannot begin to describe the shock that overcame me.

After all, one does not usually expect a brass fanfare when one is standing in a mystical void.

Or, I say brass—and maybe it was something similar—however, the sounds I was hearing could not be directly mapped onto any specific instrument I was familiar with. I had to give props to the performers, though. Loud and bombastic as it was, this thing was… complex. Impressively so. There were at least seven distinct lines running counter to one another, each with their own rhythms and time signatures, yet even so, they managed to blend perfectly. Then the low brass entered like someone had detonated a nuclear weapon in the middle of it. I knew a few low brass players, too. They would have creamed their jeans at a part like that.

Low brass players were never ones for subtlety.

It was when the strings came in, though, that I started getting genuinely excited. This was awesome! I had never been party to a performance of this magnitude. It was like Ottorino Respighi had been resurrected and commissioned specifically for this one very weird moment. I could almost feel myself ascending into the heavens. For a moment, anyway.

I flinched slightly. Had that been a wrong note?

“STOP! FUCKING BALLS!” a woman’s voice roared, and the whole orchestra faltered, sputtering in fits as the various instruments trailed off into silence. “Fucking… seriously?!” the voice shouted again, and I heard a metallic crash. “We have been rehearsing this for weeks! WEEKS! Is the purpose of your life to shit disappointment back up my fucking ass?!”

To say that I was nonplussed would have been perhaps slightly… inadequate.

As the woman continued to rage in the pitch blackness of the void—apparently all to herself, for all the dead silence that responded to her—I just stood there helplessly. I did not know what was going on, but even so, I felt a degree of pity for… whomever it was. From the sound of it, this woman could berate a person into digging their own grave, jumping in, and filling it back up again.

And, I suddenly decided, it would probably be best if I were to leave. Silently.

Swiveling on my heel, I began tiptoeing my way toward wherever away from that voice would carry me.

“What?!” she said abruptly. “What do you mean, he’s escaping?”

I started running, then. I had no idea where I was going, or really what my goal even was. I just wanted to not be here anymore. Urgently.

However, I did not make it very far before an abrupt sense of weightlessness overcame me. I did not know whether I had unknowingly leapt off of some unseen cliff or if I had been sucked into space, or what. But my feet certainly were not on the ground anymore.

That was when the presence came.

Like I were a fly or an ant suddenly brought before the vast magnifying glass of an entomologist the size of a constellation. I just hoped that it was not intent on plucking my wings off. Or worse.

The woman’s voice chuckled, then. Much larger. And present. The sound vibrated through the whole of my body, such was its scope.

“Well, now… where do you think you’re going, little… Wait…?” The voice paused, and I could almost feel her gaze crawling over my skin.

“Who the fuck are you?”