The Priest Wants to Retire

〈 Episode 37 〉 Virgin and Maiden

*

It felt like I was delivering holy scripture.

There was no doubt that the awe in the eyes of those looking at the sublime light emanating from my grasp was glimmering with admiration.

But the clearer their emotions became, the darker the shadow of shame loomed over my heart.

”Wow…”

Even in broad daylight, the dazzling brilliance raised the brightness around it, and genuine admiration erupted from those nearby.

The brightness of the magical artifact ‘The Crest of Purity’ corresponds to the user’s purity.

The legend of a devout sister who had never been with a man using the Crest of Purity to bring light back to a city that the sun had turned its back on is often recounted as a prime example when teaching novice clergy the importance of purity.

And that symbolism remained even now, as this holy artifact had transformed from a testament of nobility to a tainted item that determines the purity of first experiences.

Except when it comes to women.

”Pffft.”

Waiter! A punch to the gut for the guy who just laughed out loud.

The value of virginity and maidenhood is definitely not equal.

How could the value of a lock never opened possibly be the same as a key that can’t open anything?

A woman’s purity is an achievement worthy of praise, while a man’s purity would be considered a blemish on life, lucky if it doesn’t get ridiculed.

That’s why the middle-aged bachelors lurking all around this system don’t dare go near the Crest of Purity.

Therefore.

To see a strapping adult man holding the Crest of Purity while dazzling the world with light was akin to shouting, “I’m a virgin!” as loud as possible—certainly an embarrassing act.

Since I started shining, the voices of disdain and disgust stemming from a small misunderstanding had faded, which was a blessing in disguise.

However, the void was filled with sighs brimming with pity and sympathy, which made my heart heavy nonetheless.

Even without looking in a mirror, I could easily guess what my face looked like.

Surely, I’d be as red as an embarrassed apple.

”So, my innocence has been proven now, right? Apis?”

”Uh, uh… b-but… uh?”

Carefully setting the Crest of Purity on the broken table, I spoke to Apis in a somewhat prickly tone.

Apis, looking like a baffled deer caught in headlights, with her eyes blinking, was a stark contrast to the clear and sturdy Apis I remembered, making for quite an amusing spectacle.

But I couldn’t just sit here forever. I decided to bring her consciousness back from wherever it had wandered off to.

”Ebi.”

I gently tossed the Crest of Purity towards Apis.

This was a slight revenge I wanted to pay back, as a means to articulate my shame that I had vowed to never show to anyone but my future wife.

According to Apis, who claimed to be a ‘seductive elf’ that had engaged with countless men in the last 400 years, it was certain that if the Crest of Purity ended up in her hands, it wouldn’t shine but instead turn black, sensing her impurity. I thought this would be quite a fitting revenge.

Let’s see how embarrassed you’d feel.

”Uh, uh! Wait a minute!”

Just as the Crest of Purity safely landed in Apis’s hands, a fierce burst of light erupted.

A holy beam of light that could not even be compared to my insignificant glow tangled with my retina.

Its brightness was so extraordinary that one would be hard-pressed to argue against it being akin to the sun momentarily descending upon us.

”Wow…”

It was like witnessing a rare spectacle, and everyone’s attention was abruptly drawn to that blinding light, to Apis.

There were some who whistled lewdly, some shedding tears of joy with clasped hands, and even the owner of the establishment, who slowly shook his head in disbelief, absentmindedly clapping his hands.

The holy silence resembled a morning worship at a monastery.

Ka-Pow!

With a clear rupture sound, the Crest of Purity cracked in two, and right after, the colorful lights swirling in the shop met a glorious death.

It was a scene reminiscent of a battle power meter exploding due to exceeding calculation capacity—somewhat oddly familiar.

‘No way! The scouter must be broken!’

As that iconic line replayed in my head automatically, I heard,

”Hii, hic…!”

The first sound from the place where the light had expired was a frail voice choked with tears.

I finally opened my heavy eyelids to see Apis, whose face was beet red, almost as red as a tomato, trembling her lips as if she was about to burst into tears.

Perhaps due to the shock of the magic tool breaking, her red ears were slightly visible, but Apis didn’t seem to notice the change.

Her delicate hands, having wandered in the air for some time, ultimately landed on her pale thighs, with drops falling one by one, clearly expressing her tumultuous emotional state.

”What?! So she’s an elf! Wow~! I’d actually see a virgin elf in person! This is something to see after living so long!”

Apis, blushing from the attention around her, hurriedly bowed her head.

Despite being said that elves live long, they still possess physiological needs, so it’s said their first experiences aren’t drastically different from humans.

At the earliest, 20 years old. And I’ve heard the new generation of elves in the city tend to finish their first experiences by around 50.

I vividly remembered the scene when Dawna had asked Apis about the truth of such rumors, and she jovially affirmed them.

“Of course! After engaging with so many men for the past 400 years, I can make them submit just by reaching out!”

”Got it, but please don’t say it so loudly… my goodness, that’s immoral…”

”Wow! Amazing! Apis! You can bring someone down just by reaching out? That technique! Please teach it to me! But what do you mean by ‘engaging’?!”

At that moment, I hadn’t even considered that to be a lie.

Apis’s confidence didn’t seem like someone who was lying, plus it was easy to believe given her beauty.

”Uh…”

In this situation, saying something silly like, “Wow! So Apis was a virgin! I’m also a virgin!” could very well be my last words.

I desperately racked my brain, trying to find a way to survive this encounter.

Using the Crest of Purity to prove my virginity had taken me a step closer to clearing the accusation of being a male prostitute.

Yet, this unnecessary blunder spawned another creatively hazardous situation for myself.

Just then.

”Excuse me, the lovely elf lady sitting over there. If you have time, would you care to join me for a cozy encounter tonight?”

”…what?”

A man clad in flashy but impractical armor, likely just a middle-tier adventurer, casually tossed compliments towards Apis as he dramatically swept his hair back.

It was like sticking your hand into a box full of dynamite to approach Apis right now—he had unwittingly closed the distance to her.

Then—

”I’m not sure what quarrel you had with the gentleman here, but it is best to heal wounds caused by encounters with another encounter. Furthermore, to doubt the purity of such a noble lady and hastily hand her the Crest of Purity—disgraceful for a man…”

”Thunder…”

Knowing that without some kind of measure, everything in this establishment would turn to ashes in just a few seconds, I instinctively grasped the man’s hand reaching towards Apis, blurting out words without processing them through my brain.

”T-Take your hands off my woman.”

*