The Northern Grand Duke’s Hamster

Life is a series of being stripped bare.

At first, it was my life that was taken. Then, just when I managed to survive, my dignity was stripped away. My routine, too, was stolen. And now, when there’s nothing left to take, even the single hidden shirt I had is gone.

Has a thief broken into my life? They’re robbing me clean.

I had hidden it well, checking multiple times in Sen’s hands to ensure I wouldn’t lose my way. The system assured me that since it was a position I could use Reload from, it had been saved…

[(・・= ・・)]

Yeah, I get it. It’s not your fault. It’s not like you turned me into a hamster because you wanted me naked, right?

And the ones who took my clothes were none other than the mages. At Kyle’s request, they had been searching for me, following the traces of mana. They found my hidden clothes in a place where faint remnants of magic lingered.

It seems the skill given to me by the system is perceived as a form of magic in this world. When Reload was canceled, the residual traces must have remained on the clothes I had been wearing.

Of course, the people who couldn’t even dream of the system’s existence simply believed that some deranged thief had broken into the Grand Duke’s bedroom…

“If only you could talk.”

Kyle gazed at me tenderly before letting out a deep sigh. He muttered as if talking to himself.

“Right. There’s no way a gentle, angelic little thing like you would leave for no reason. Did someone try to steal you? Or did you, being so clever and intelligent, chase after a lunatic thief who was trying to steal something—”

—Squeak. (What the hell are you talking about?)

Hey, dumbass, I can talk. And for the record, that lunatic thief was me.

And what’s with these ridiculously affectionate phrases scattered between your sentences? Is it really okay to attach such grand descriptions to a mere hamster?

“It must have been those thieves we first caught…!”

No, no. Sit down and calm yourself. If you go after the wrong people and beat them to a pulp, all you’re going to get are their screams, you know?

Anyway, my life just refuses to get better. I’m stuck with the Reload for today as well—except this time, I’m completely naked. Just thinking about it kills my appetite—or rather, my taste for walnuts.

I threw the walnut I had been nibbling with all my might. Thunk. It rolled down like a little slide and buried itself in the bedding.

“Cashew?”

Kyle, who had looked ready to storm into the dungeons and hang the three idiots who broke into my room yesterday upside down, rushed toward me.

He swiftly picked me up in his palm and gently stroked my forehead.

“Are you not hungry? Or do you not like walnuts? Shall I get you macadamias instead?”

He rummaged through a drawer with his free hand and pulled out a macadamia nut, pressing it firmly into my tiny paws.

I took it and nibbled a few bites out of courtesy. That made him smile as brightly as if he had just discovered a gold mine. But when I lost my appetite again and kicked the nut away, he gave me a look as if he carried the weight of the entire world on his shoulders.

“Are you feeling unwell? Why won’t you eat?”

Hey. Would you be able to eat in this situation? I said I wanted to become human, not run around stark naked. I’m not Adam, damn it.

“What can I do to make you happy? If I knew, I wouldn’t hesitate to give you anything.”

Damn. That devoted line, that gentle voice. And if you add in those honey-drenched eyes, it’s the perfect trifecta. If I weren’t a creature smaller than his palm, this scene would be at least a hundred times more romantic.

Still, I guess this isn’t the worst life.

The supposedly ice-cold Grand Duke of Blake was now stroking me with a touch that could melt glaciers. He kept calling my name in that warm voice of his. It had been so long since I’d received this kind of affection for no reason.

Unlike my surprisingly carefree self, he seemed deeply troubled.

“I don’t want to lose you…”

Kyle let out another deep sigh, while I curled up on his palm and glanced at the book on the desk.

《Demonic Beasts and Magic Stones》

When did he get that?

It seems that the fact that the mages couldn’t detect any mana from me yesterday had weighed heavily on his mind.

[During its growth, a demonic beast develops a magic stone in its heart. In some cases, the heart itself is replaced entirely by the stone. Once fully developed, this stone is referred to as the ‘core.’ A demonic beast that fails to properly form a core cannot survive for long. In severe cases, it may die prematurely during its growth phase.]

“Die? It’s that serious?”

[X_X]

“…Was it really like that?”

Of course, I’m just a normal hamster—or rather, a slightly unusual human. It’s only natural that I don’t develop a magic stone. But to someone who believes I’m a demonic beast, this must seem like a serious problem.

“Don’t worry. If we regularly infuse you with mana and train you in the wild before your growth phase ends, a core can still develop.”

What the hell are you saying? It won’t develop. Don’t shove weird things into me. There will be side effects.

“I’ll do my best. It’s too late to release you into the wild now, anyway…”

No shit. If I spent even twenty-three and a half hours in this hamster-sized body out in the wilderness, I’d end up as some other demonic beast’s snack.

“It’s strange… I, who once dominated the North, sweeping through thousands of demonic beasts, am now completely at a loss over a single baby beast.”

Tell me about it. I can’t get used to this either. What kind of Grand Duke takes such meticulous care of a hamster?

But considering that I didn’t exactly hate seeing him like this, I must have grown attached to this guy.

I was getting tired of handling everything on my own. And now, someone had appeared out of nowhere, treating me well for no reason at all—how could I not feel drawn to that?

“You haven’t had any water all night, and you have no appetite… Hm?”

Kyle tapped my nose lightly. He probably wanted to smother me with kisses right then and there, but he seemed to be holding back, not wanting to add more stress to my already exhausted state.

Yeah. Keep it to ten kisses a day, max. Any more, and it’s too much.

But the whole “not drinking water” thing is a misunderstanding. It’s not that I didn’t drink—it’s that I couldn’t. After running around all day yesterday, I was parched… but the moment I returned to my hamster house, I absentmindedly dipped my front paws into the water bowl to wash them.

There was no way I was drinking that water after I had washed my feet in it. That would be like licking the floor.

Since I refused to answer and just stared at him blankly, Kyle seemed to ponder something before calling a knight over and instructing him to fetch Sen.

“On the way, find out what other foods are suitable for rodent-type beasts besides nuts.”

A new diet? Sounds good. I look forward to the wise and excellent advice of Lady Serena. Please say something nice.

Beef? Ah, maybe that’s too ambitious? Fine, pork. Actually, duck or chicken wouldn’t be bad either. What else is there? Lamb? Goat? Maybe even shrimp or shellfish… Whatever it is, I don’t care, as long as it’s delicious.

It’s about time someone realized that the reason I’m still this tiny is malnutrition.

So, protein.

Bring me protein.

***

“Mealworms would be ideal, Your Highness.”

…Wait a second! No. No way!

“If not, how about crickets? If you’re planning to train it in the wild, it’s best if they’re still alive, even if they’re a bit sluggish. That would be the best for hamsters, so wouldn’t it be the same for Cashew Nut?”

“Hmm.”

Don’t take that seriously, you lunatic.

Sen, adjusting her glasses with a serious expression, handed Kyle a dietary plan. And the bastard actually took the report with an impressed look, as if he had just made the discovery of the century.

What the hell are you two doing right now?

“Nuts alone won’t do. You should also include fruit, and since it’s in its growth phase, a good amount of protein is necessary as well.”

“That makes sense. I’ll entrust you with full authority—only prepare the highest quality. Can you do that?”

No, it doesn’t make sense.

You crazy bastards. Mealworms? Crickets?! No! Absolutely not! I refuse! If you try to make me eat that, I’ll scream and pass out!

“The festival officially starts tonight, so it’ll be a bit hectic… Would it be alright if I go now? If I hurry, I should be back before dinner.”

Kyle, without hesitation, handed over a pouch filled with money.

“Spare no expense. Anything left over is your reward.”

Sen went even further.

“I will bring back so much that you’ll think this money isn’t enough, Your Highness. It’s a bit hard to find in the North, but since it’s festival season, I should be able to get some fruit as well…”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary. I’ll ask the head chef to prepare some.”

…These two are really having fun, huh? Maybe they should just go outside and enjoy themselves so I don’t have to watch this nonsense.

[Miracle Value has increased!]

[Current Miracle Value: 7.0%]

I guess the Miracle Value must have gone up because their relationship, which had hit rock bottom in the original story, was improving.

Yeah. Kyle needs to stay alive for my Miracle Value to rise. If things play out like in the original, with Serena trying to stab him to death, that’s going to be a problem.

Whatever happens, just get along. Seriously.

And don’t bring back any mealworms.

***

—Squeak! (Get rid of it!)

Did you strap wheels to your feet or something? How the hell did you get hamster food this fast?! You said you’d bring back only the highest quality! Shouldn’t that have taken at least a few days?!

I jumped back in horror at the sight of the bowl, piled high with squirming bugs.

“Look at that. It seems to love it, doesn’t it?”

Kyle’s face lit up at Sen’s words.

You idiot, it’s the complete opposite! Are you not going to get rid of it? Do you want to get smacked with mealworms?! And stop looking at me with those expectant eyes!

I frantically tried to escape. I buried my face into the slide and refused to look. Then, Kyle picked up a cricket with a pair of long tongs and brought it closer to me.

Y-You insane bastard! Don’t put that near my butt! It’s still alive! Ah! Stop it!

—Squeak! (Do you want to die!? Get rid of it!!)

Save me, hamster gods!

You bastards… just wait and see.

When I turn back into a human, I will have my revenge.