The Loop

July 15th, 2024

“We’re coming to you live now with a special report. At around 8 a.m. today, several thousand small objects were detected entering earth’s atmosphere at points all around the globe. As far as we know, the objects were not picked by any satellites until they were closer to earth than the moon. So far, there’s been no word on whether or not any of the objects have survived passing through the atmosphere, and we’ve yet to receive any word from government officials on what they might be. We have with us Dr. Frederick Braun, an aerospace engineer and physicist working for NASA to discuss some of the latest developing theories. Dr. Braun, so good to have you with us.”

“Thank you for having me, Jen, and right off the bat I’d like to reassure the public that as of right now there’s absolutely no reason for any undue anxiety concerning these objects.”

“You say that with some degree of confidence, Dr. Braun, so tell me: what do you believe these objects to be?”

“Well our current best guess is some sort of meteor shower. Based on radar telemetry and what little satellite data we have to go on, the objects are all fairly small—maybe about the size of a human head—and there’s really no chance of an object that small surviving the descent through earth’s atmosphere. Not at the speeds they were traveling, anyway.”

“Well that is reassuring. But then tell me, Dr. Braun, is it common for a bunch of meteor showers to appear simultaneously all around the globe?”

“Is it common? No, not at all. I would wager that it’s never happened before in recorded history. But there’s an inherent flaw in using that point alone in arguing that this couldn’t happen.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, despite the fact that this planet has been here for billions of years, and humans have been around for hundreds of thousands, we’ve only had the written word for tens of thousands, and we’ve only had reliable historical documents for a fraction of that, and we’ve only had international cooperation in documenting global events for an even smaller fraction of that, and we’ve only had the ability to monitor our skies constantly for an infinitesimal fraction of that. All that to say, we haven’t been recording events like this long enough for recorded history to mean much of anything. Events like this one might happen every five hundred or thousand years, and it isn’t that much of a stretch to say we’ve just never recorded one before.”

———————

I shut off the T.V. This special report had cut into a documentary on the civil rights movement that I’d been wanting to watch, and I’d stayed tuned in with the slowly evaporating hope that the news broadcast would end quickly and they'd get back to it. But after forty minutes of listening to a bunch of talking heads discuss a bunch of meteors, I’d given up hope. No wonder no one paid for cable anymore, I thought.

It was a Saturday and I didn’t have to work until the dinner rush. It was a short shift, and that meant I might even have a chance of getting off early enough to do something after, and therefore not completely wasting another weekend. I had been dropping sly hints all week about a horror film festival that was happening in Claymore this weekend, hoping that Adam would ask me to go, but that boy was dense when it came to this shit. I had resolved to just ask him myself at work that night, until I saw on the schedule that he had switched shifts with Harper. So not only would I not have an opportunity to talk to him that evening, but I’d also have to put up with Harper, who, despite the fact that I was nothing but friendly to her, seemed to hate me for some reason I couldn’t fathom.

Well, actually, I knew exactly why she hated me: she had a crush on Adam. Little sis gets obsessed with her big brother’s best friend. It was a tale as old as time. It was cute, in its way, but meaningless.

Regardless of her reasoning, it didn’t really make sense for her to hate me. After all, Adam and I weren’t a thing. Her jealousy was misplaced. I didn’t think he even thought about me that way.

I shook off thoughts of Harper and her jealous attitude and refocused on Adam. If I wouldn't see him at work, and I couldn't count on him to pick up the hints I was dropping, I'd just have to take a more direct approach and text him.

Hey, big plans tonight? I see you gave away your shift haha.

Nope lol. Promised I’d drive Angie and her friends to the mall. Be a good big brother and all that. And then I'll hang out in the parking lot until they're ready to go and maybe someone could come by to shoot me? Idk lol.

I volunteer.

LOL don’t be an idiot. You can’t afford to go to jail. You have such a bright future. Send someone else.

I wouldn’t get caught. And anyway, if you just disappeared I’m not sure anyone would even report you missing.

I was getting drawn into some stupid friendly banter. While this was how our conversations ordinarily went, it wasn’t what I wanted. It was frustrating because it was what always happened anytime either of us was on the verge of saying anything meaningful. We’d been friends for a long, long time—it felt like forever—and maybe that was part of the problem. We were too comfortable being friends for either of us to risk messing it up. But I wasn’t going to be idle anymore.

In all other areas of my life I was assertive, I was in charge. I went after what I wanted and I didn’t get distracted. And that wasn’t just me saying that. I know a lot of people have self images that don’t line up with the way other people see them at all—I get that—but I also knew the way other people thought of me, and it wasn't far off from my own self image. Generally, they thought things like, ‘she’s a bitch,’ or, ‘she’s bossy,’ or, if they were being nice, ‘she’s disciplined.’ I didn’t disagree with any of these notions. And that was true in every part of my life except my fumbling attempts at building a relationship with Adam.

It was time to change that.

So do you actually have to hang out with them at the mall? Drive them home and everything?

No hahaha, thank God. Then I really would want someone to shoot me. Samira’s parents are picking them up.

So you’re free after you drop them off?

He didn’t respond right away. He had read my message, and the reply bubble kept popping up and disappearing, but it was probably a full minute before he actually said something.

Yes.

All that time for that? But I couldn't blame him. How long had I waited just to initiate this conversation.

Cool because there’s that film festival in Claymore I told you about and I thought it might be cool to go to?

Okay.

Okay like you want to go, or okay like okay?

I would like to go … lol.

Awesome. Pick me up after you drop your sis off?

Pick you up from work?

Yep. See you then.

Yeah. Okay. Cool. See you!

Despite my misgivings about most men—and most people in general, really—I never had any problem getting dates when I was away at school. I usually made it clear what I wanted, and the men made it clear what they wanted, and with that cleared up we did what people do. But somehow with Adam, all my directness and candid attitude went out the window; I talked around the point, I acted like a teenage girl with her first crush. I hadn’t acted like that even when I was a teenage girl with her first crush. It almost made me resent Adam. Almost …

“Hey, Chrissy, whatcha watching?'' asked my dad, peering in from the doorway. He had been out getting groceries and he had an uncanny ability to sneak in without being heard. It unnerved me, probably because it was completely different from the way I entered rooms. I was more like my mom had been; I made my presence known. My dad was more like Madi had been. Quiet, unobtrusive, there when you needed her and invisible otherwise. The thought of Madi got my blood up.

Anger was how I masked sadness.

“The screen is off, dad. Therefore, logic would dictate that I’m not watching anything.”

“Well, listen to Ms. College Degree over here. Oh wait! You haven’t graduated yet, so I guess that just makes you Ms. Nothing and Nobody for now. Sorry I didn’t realize it was in vogue to just sit and stare at blank television screens these days.”

I could hear the smile in his voice. The one thing my dad and I definitely had in common was our sarcastic sense of humor. Conversely, my mom had had no discernible sense of humor, and nor had my sister.

I turned around and smiled at my dad, and he smiled back.

“But seriously, why are you sitting here staring at a blank screen? Because you know that’s kind of a weird thing to do, right?”

“I just turned it off. It was just some dumb news thing about a meteor shower.”

“Oh, I heard about that on the radio on the way home. It’s all they’re talking about. A lot of people aren’t so sure that it even was a meteor shower, you know?” he said, his voice trailing off as he headed toward the kitchen.

“Who’s a lot of people, dad? Ms. Rothberg?”

Ms. Rothberg was our widowed neighbor whom my dad had been spending a lot of time with just lately.

“… No,” he said, slowly, pointedly. “The people on the radio. Lots of different theories swirling around right now. They said the objects were too small to survive entry into our atmosphere, but there are various reports already of people finding what they think might be those objects. And they don't sound like any meteor I've ever heard of. Too many rumors right now to sort out what’s what. But they’ll figure it out. They always do. Anyway, lunch in fifteen, kiddo.”

“All right. I look forward to whatever luxurious spread you have prepared for me.”

“Of course, your highness,” he responded, chuckling.

The luxurious spread turned out to be white bread, bologna, mayonnaise, and tomato. It was a classic lunch in our household. It made me feel equal parts nostalgia and revulsion.

I had three sandwiches and only barely mustered the willpower to keep myself from a fourth.

———————

At the end of my shift, I waited outside by the curb for the telltale clunking sound that would herald the arrival of Adam’s car coming over the hill at the end of the road. Such was my level of agitation and nervous anticipation that I jumped when I heard a loud crashing sound on the other side of the building, but it was probably just someone throwing a bag in the dumpster. Get it together, I thought. I found my hands strangely sweaty, and my pulse oddly quickened. I worked with Adam almost every day, and normally kept it together around him the same as I always had. I never acted any differently toward him than I ever had, and our relationship hadn't changed or evolved much since we met, back when we were both in high school and just slinging pizzas on two school nights and one weekend shift each week.

We had, right from the start, the sort of intimate rapport that takes most close friends years to cultivate, and we had always taken that for granted. I’m not sure at what point my feelings of familiarity and comfort around him had shifted into what I was feeling now, but it might actually have been during the school year, during the time when we weren’t seeing each other every day. It might have taken realizing that I didn’t usually make friends that easily to understand just how much of an outlier Adam was. And still I had come back to this town and to this job, and he had done the same, and we had picked up our friendship right where it had been left off, with no hint of romantic overtures or awkward flirting.

We were buddies. We were pals. And secretly, I might have been falling in love. I was of the opinion that love was some bullshit, but my brain was no more impervious to its chemical impulses than anyone else’s. And now that I was at the point that this thing had a shot of becoming real, my nervous system was reacting in exactly the same way as the nervous systems of every young person in love since time immemorial.

I hated it. I hated not being in control of myself, of the situation, of my body. And yet I was also thrilled by it. I was scared. I was excited. I hoped he’d turn the car around as soon as it came over the hill and saw me. I hoped he’d crash on the way here. I hoped he’d forget about the whole thing and drop his sister off and go home and fall asleep watching Youtube on his phone and wake up tomorrow and remember we had a date and feel terrible but never bring it up again and we’d both act like nothing had ever happened and everything would go back to normal. I hoped one of these mysterious objects from the sky would fall on my head and end the debilitating indecisiveness once and for all.

I heard the telltale clunking and looked up to see his car cresting the hill. My heartrate redoubled.

———————

A few hours later, sitting outside the theater at a picnic bench between films—Saw and Pet Sematary—I became aware that, in spite of my near panic as I had waited for Adam to pick me up, we had quickly fallen back into our comfortable rhythm. My worries had been baseless. We clicked together too well for anything to interrupt our flow for long. But then I thought that perhaps the reason why we were interacting so comfortably and normally was because, as far as Adam knew, this was just two friends hanging out. I had thought of it as a date since the start, but I hadn’t really been clear about that. This thought threatened to induce a panic in me again. I turned to Adam and looked him in the eyes.

“Adam—”

He interrupted me with a kiss, and I pushed him away reflexively.

“Oh, God, Chris. Sorry. I thought … I wasn’t trying to. I just thought that—”

I leaned in and kissed him again, then pulled away and caressed his face gently.

“You thought right,” I said.

Above us, dozens of shooting stars darted and criss crossed across the night sky, tails of orange and red streaked out behind them. We didn’t see any of them. We never looked up.

If we had, we might have been intrigued by the sheer number of them.

If we had, we might have noticed the ones that seemed to be crashing to earth, some of them not too far away.