The Legend of Lefty

After a long and angry walk across The Capital, Lefty and Blu found themselves standing in front of the extravagant three story building that served as Pluuthrchk's home and place of business. It was a quaint little structure… if you compared it to the plantation mansions outside the city’s walls. Inside the cramped capital it seemed absolutely massive, dwarfing all the other relatively large homes that were packed into the wealthy district it occupied.

The long rectangular building sat on a plot of land that was four times larger than its neighbors, almost half of which was occupied by an elegant garden. It wasn’t much to be honest; just a thin strip of grass with a few bushes, a stone walkway, a bench, and some assorted flowers… but considering how little greenery existed within the city walls, it was quite the luxury. Speaking of walls, the whole lot was encircled by a wall of its own. Eight hands high and made of wrought iron bars, it protected one of The Capital's largest homes… while also making sure everyone could see its grandeur. Men with actual swords patrolled the iron gates day and night, only allowing the wealthy elite and trusted servants to enter.

Lefty and Ol Blu were a strange exception to be sure. An old human servant was waiting for them. He ushered the adventurers onto the estate, as they waved goodbye to the helpful guards who had escorted them. Their elderly guide, a polite balding man in nice clothing, led them into Pluutharchk's home and on through to a grand study near the back. The soft spoken servant left them alone in front of a roaring fireplace, instructing them to wait patiently for his master to arrive.

As they waited, the two of them looked around at the opulence surrounding them. Tall bookcases lined the far wall, filled with hundreds of thick leather-bound tomes. Artisan furniture populated the room; tables, chairs, and couches all deck out in red and gold, looking untouched despite their obvious age. Their immaculate forms sat atop a thickly carpeted floor that didn’t hold so much as a speck of dirt or dust. Several of the more comfortable looking chairs taunted Lefty with their plush cushions. He had not slept in a proper bed for more than a week now, and he was extra tired from the previous night spent at Lady Pero’s. He longed to lounge, but he was far too stressed to give in to the temptation.

Instead the young man paced back and forth, Ol Blu sitting on his shoulder as they tried to sort out how the Clavis Imperium could have possibly been fakes. Had someone else taken the real keys and not told anyone? Was there something they missed? Some other hidden chamber in the tabernacles? And if they were fake, how did they fool Titus? The questions stumbled over each other again and again until finally, the jingling of the brass doorknob put an end to it. The door opened, and the two found them face to face with their famous thulhan host.

It was much taller than Lefty, as most thulhans were, it's face marked by the wrinkles and ravages that came with extreme age. Like the home they found themselves in, the jeweler made no attempt to hide it's wealth. Dark purple robes adorned it's sea green body, accented with a trim of gold and silver. The long, fingerless gloves that covered its hands were custom made from silk, and bore a tasteful stylized P on the back of the hand. Perhaps most notable though were the rings it wore on it's face tentacles. Most were simply ornate bands of colored metal, no different from the face jewelry that other thulhans chose to wear; but in addition to having far more rings than most, a few of them were clearly the real deal. Despite Scaevolus’s best efforts, some treasure had escaped his grasp… and Pluuthrchk was bold enough to wear it on his face, donning thin hoops of actual gold and silver which were embedded with tiny specks of precious stones.

The distinguished thulhan looked down at the two of them with ancient eyes full of knowledge and experience. It studied them deeply, taking in every detail of their appearance, as if it could read them like one of it’s books. Then, gathering itself up and taking a deep breath, the distinguished elder thulhan opened it's mouth to say something… and was immediately cut off by Lefty.

“What do you mean they're fake?! They can’t be fake… can they? Are they?! Are they really fake? How do you know they're fake?! They’re not fake…right??”

Pluuthrchk narrowed it's eyes as the questions began, and then sighed audibly when they continued. Before Lefty even finished his rant the jeweler started walking calmly over to the other side of the room, where a small chest stood on a little podium. Opening the chest revealed that it was filled mostly with small chunks of ice, out of which stuck an ornate metal flask, presumably filled with some kind of alcohol. The thulhan popped the top and was just about to take a drink when Lefty interrupted again.

“Well?!” He asked, clearly upset at being ignored. The thulhan paused and glared at the young man with an expression that matched the blaze in the fireplace

“What a stupid question. You know they're real.” The thulhan said grumpily, before taking a deep swig from the flask, it's words making Lefty so happy that he didn’t even care that he’d been insulted.

“I knew it! You lied to the guards!” said Ol Blu triumphantly, which only seemed to make Pluuthrchk even more annoyed.

“Of course I did.” It said coolly as it returned it’s flask to the icy chest and then flipped the lid shut with a quick SNAP! that made Lefty flinch. “Do you have any idea of the pandemonium that would occur if the masses found out what you've done?”

The question hung in the air as the clearly agitated thulhan waited for a response. Neither Lefty nor Ol Blu had really thought about how their quest might impact other people though. It was difficult enough to plan their own uncertain futures without worrying about society at large.

“I've seen it all before. King Fever.” the thulhan said, it's face tensing up as if it had smelled something foul, despite its lack of a nose.

“Forgers will come out of the woodwork with a million false keys. The tabernacles will flood with the blood of desperate fools, and that's not even mentioning the politicians. If they find out about this every foolhardy opportunist in the city will be clambering for your attention. At best they'll leach off your fame to further their own careers. At worst, we'll have some power hungry charlatan trying to claim the throne in your name, citing royal authority for two keys!

“It will throw the whole city into chaos! Is that what you want!?”

“Uhhhh...” Lefty didn't know how to respond. He only understood about half of what Pluuthrchk had said, and the parts he did understand didn't seem like his problem.

Ol Blu, however, did understand. “With all due respect, Lord Pluutharchk, we can handle this ourselves. We understand the risks tha-”

“I'm sorry but are you just going to stand there and let that little fluffer talk for you?” Said Pluuthrchk, ignoring the kicken and speaking directly to Lefty.

“I. W-What?” said the young man, caught completely off guard. He looked nervously over at Blu on his shoulder and then back at the thulhan, as if he couldn't believe someone important was actually talking to him. The lad was so used to letting his friend speak in these kinds of situations that he had no idea how to respond.

The thulhan frowned, staring gruffly at Lefty. “You're the one who found the Clavis Imperium aren't you? The one who wants to be king? Then speak for yourself. Put your little recorder in it's cage and let's discuss this like proper lords.”

“What? No!” Said Lefty, somewhat bewildered at the idea.

“Me and Blu work together.” He said with certainty, bringing a smile to the kicken's face.

There was a short pause. Pluuthrchk's brow quivered in frustration, it's face tightening for a second, before loosening again with a sign.

“Look, Lefty, I know kickens are rare these day, so maybe you don't understand. There's a certain… etiquette to owning one.” The thulhan said as it strode over to the young man and placed it's hand on the human's unoccupied shoulder.

“It's like owning a squirrel. It's a faithful creature to be certain. You can enjoy riding it around all you want… but you don't just bring them into private meetings. My kickin is upstairs, in her cage, where it belongs... why don't you put yours up there as well, and then we can talk this out like professionals.”

Lefty frowned. He reached up, and slowly brushed the thulhan's hand off his shoulder, looking it right in the eyes as he said. “Ol Blu… is my friend. If you talk to me, you talk to him too.”

Pluuthrchk grimaced, glaring at Lefty for a moment before turning swiftly and heading back to the tiny chest of alcohol. It's firsts were clenched in frustration as it mumbled, perhaps a bit too loudly. “This is the one who got the keys. This... childish… little…”

The old jeweler grunted in frustration as it aggressively flipped the chest back open and grabbed the flask once again.

“I hope you're happy, Scaevolus. You mad fool with your foolish-” The thulhan let out a frustrated grunt and brought the flask to it's mouth as if to silence it's own angry words. It tilted it's head back and chugged the liquid down, gulping audibly before tossing the now-empty flask onto the floor, breathing heavily as it kept it's back to Lefty and Blu.

The kicken motioned towards the door with his wing, not wanting to say anything out loud, but wanting Lefty to leave the awkward situation as quickly as possible.

“We can't leave without the Clavis. Ask him where they are.” Whispered Lefty urgently.

“He won't listen to me lad, you'll have to do it.” responded Ol Blu.

Lefty took a deep breath. He was not good at being diplomatic… but he would try.

“Uh. Look. Plootork. I think we're done here. Just, you know, give me back the Clavis Imperium.” Lefty said with equal parts confidence and nervousness.

The thulhan turned to glare at him once more, causing Lefty to add in “I promise… we won't tell anyone else. If that's what you're really worried about, we’ll do this on our own… somehow.”

The old thulhan sighed loudly, bringing a hand to it’s face.

“No. Wait. I… apologize” it said as it took a deep breath and straightened its tentacles. When it looked back the anger was gone, the jeweler looking older than before, it's wrinkled face sagging in defeat.

“I feel like perhaps we got off on the wrong foot. I didn't bring you here to insult you or your... friend.” It said, glaring briefly at Ol Blu. “The reason I asked you to come here… is because I have an offer for you.”

“...Alright.” Said Lefty cautiously as he crossed his hands in front of his chest, “What's the offer?”

“I had a long talk with Titus earlier today, settling the debt you owe him. I know that you don't have anywhere to stay, or any equipment, or even a plan.” Said the thulhan.

“We have a plan.” said Lefty, obviously lying. Both Blu and Pluutrchk rolled their eyes.

“Well, I have a better plan.” the thulhan said, keeping calm despite Lefty's childishness. “As well as a spare room, and all the resources you could possibly require.” Lefty uncrossed his arms.

“I'm willing to support you” the elder continued “As a patron, just as Titus had, except better in every conceivable way.”

“Wait. What? But why?” asked Lefty.

“Because I love this country, this kingdom, and I want what’s best for it.” The thulhan said, its eyes drifting up, staring into the distance.

“Because, whether I like it or not, you're closer to being king than anyone in the last thirty years.” the thulhan’s voice seemed genuine and passionate for the first time since they had arrived.

“All I ask in return…. is that you allow me to educate you. If there's even the slightest chance that you will become our new king, then you need to understand what it means to be a strong and noble ruler. I've spent my life studying them, the monarchs of of Att's past, from Great Cthulhu, to El Allende, to Scaevolus himself. I know better than anyone else what it takes to create a stable and prosperous kingdom… and that's what I want!“

Pluuthrchk turned back to Lefty, its eyes soft, begging for the boy to listen. “Please, Sir Lefty, allow me to help you, to not only become king… but to be the best king who has ever ruled over this great land.”

Lefty stood there stoically, frowning in concentration, trying to keep calm and think clearly despite his rapidly beating heart. A few moments ago he had been prepared to march out angrily on the wealthy thulhan. Now he was being made the most exciting offer he could imagine. Not only was he very poor, but he loved to learn; so much so that others often found it annoying. And now, here was this person famous for being rich and knowledgeable, who was offering to both give him free stuff and teach him new things.

In any other circumstance, he would have agreed immediately… or rather, he would have urged Ol Blu to agree on his behalf. But now he was the one in charge. He needed to make a decision. And, not wanting to disappoint his friend with a poor showing of diplomacy, he felt like he had to haggle.

“Magic bread.” He said after a moment of silence, “and a bed for Ol Blu.” He added, giving the kicken a little nod.

“...What?” Said Pluuthrchk.

“Throw in some magic bread, and a bed for Ol Blu, and you got yourself a deal.” Said Lefty, making his terms clearer.

Pluuthrch resisted the urge to roll it's eyes again, only giving a little shudder as it said. “Certainly. Whatever you want Sir Lefty.”

Then it put it’s hands together and bowed to the young man. Ol Blu whispered to the lad, telling him to do the same if he wanted to seal the deal. Lefty did so, mirroring the historian jeweler.

Once he did the old thulhan sighed once again, but this time in relief, it’s tense body finally relaxing. Looking back up, it smiled for the first time since it had entered the room. “Excellent decision.” it said.

An hour later, the young human was shown to his new home, a room on the third floor of Pluuthrchk’s mansion. Walking through the door he was greeted with the fanciest bedroom he had ever seen. He marveled at the luxury, rubbing his hands over the first feather mattress he had ever encountered. He could not believe that something so soft actually existed.

A few moments later, he passed out on that bed, his exhaustion from the previous night and the excitement of this day finally catching up with him. For the first time in weeks he slept deeply and soundly, without a worry in the world. That night, he would dream again, but unlike last time, there would be no one to wake him up early.