The Legend of Lefty

“I think maybe it was a giant bug.” Lefty said to Ol Blu as the two of them rode on the back of a dark gray squirrel.

“It had big claw hands, like this.” he explained, as he lifted one of his own hands and made a pincer shape. “It was all like… CLACK CLACK” He said, clapping his thumb together with the rest of his fingers.

“So.. like a crab?” Asked Ol Blu, recognizing the obvious imitation.

Lefty just shrugged. He had never seen a crab before.

It has been several days since the lad had successfully emerged from the Drink Tabernacle, and the details of his solo adventure within its depths were still quite hazy. He had spent the first day just recovering from his head injuries, which were serious enough to require a doctor’s attention… but not so serious as to leave permanent damage. It’s likely the wounds would have healed on their own within a week, but fortunately the payment from Pedra had been enough to afford a few luxuries. This included some magical soup which had sped up the healing process significantly. The ugly purple swelling around his face was all but gone, just leaving a little bump on his head. They were also able to afford a new squirrel and enough supplies to reach The Capital, with a little pocket cash leftover once they arrived.

As for Pedra herself, she almost seemed… sad… to see Lefty go. Despite her excitement at finally being able to explore the Drink Tabernacle, she expressed some disappointment when the young man told her that he was leaving deepun territory for good. It barely showed on her face, just a brief little frown and a lowering of her voice, but it was so unusual for the cold, detached polymath that Ol Blu took notice. Perhaps she did care for the lad after all… in her own strange way.

Still, she didn’t argue with him or try to make him stay. She simply paid Lefty the cash she promised and wished him the best of luck. The two shared one last fist bump, and then they parted ways, Pedra heading back to her little laboratory in the God Dam, while Lefty and Blu rode off in the opposite direction.

It was a somber farewell, as farewells often are, but all in all the two adventurers were happy to be leaving. Life with the deepuns had its charms- Ol Blu would miss the comforts of the library and his historian friends for sure- but Lefty was ready to move on… and for better or worse, his kicken friend would be joining him.

Who knows. Perhaps one day he’d be able to return. But for now there was no place he’d rather have been than on the road with Lefty. Finally, the two of them would get a chance to chat.

Which is exactly what they were doing as they rode slowly along the wooden road that led back to The Capital. Lefty was sitting in the saddle, their scant few possessions strapped down behind him, while Ol Blu rode atop the creature's head, facing backwards so he could look his companion in the eye, The sun was just beginning to set behind the heavily forested treeline, and Lefty was trying, for the third time, to describe the giant beast he had battled with inside of the tabernacle.

“It had… big face dangles.” He said after a moment. “Do crabs have those?”

“What do you mean by… face dangles? Was it like a thulhan?” Ol Blu inquired.

“No no no, not like that. It was more like… a dangly thing.” Lefty explained. Poorly.

Ol Blu tilted his head in confusion, his frown deepening. Lefty let go of the squirrel's reins and brought both his hands up to his forehead, curling his index fingers into downward facing hooks.

“Like this, but longer, and more bendy.” He said. You know… like a bug… or a dangle.” A misstep from the squirrel suddenly caused them both to wobble. The young man quickly grabbed his steed’s reins once more and regained his balance.

“Those are called antennas.” Said Ol Blu, “And no, crabs don't usually have those. Or, they do, but I wouldn’t exactly call them… dangly.”

“Was it perhaps a… lobster?” he asked a second later, but the young man just shrugged again; he had never seen a lobster before either.

“An-ten-na.” He said, sounding out the word, “That’s a fun one. I'll have to remember that one.” He said with a grin. “Why hello there, would you like to see my An-ten-naaaa.” He chuckled to himself at the new word.

I feel like it's important here to reiterate that Lefty was not a complete idiot… even if he sometimes sounded like one. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like he was a genius savant either, far from it. But behind his dull inexpressive voice and inability to recognize common animals, there was a logically thinking man with a mind full of complex thoughts and emotions. It's just that, being nearly illiterate, and having experienced so little of the world, he had a rather small vocabulary with which to express himself. He simply didn’t know enough words to properly articulate his thoughts.

It's for this reason that I rarely subject you to exact conversations between Lefty and Ol Blu. The two of them talked all the time. It's why I have so much insight into Lefty's thoughts and dreams. But actually listening to those conversations would… border on torture to some. Plus it makes Lefty sound stupid, which is not something you want to do to a legendary figure.

Take this conversation as an example. It would later be determined by deepun explorers, including a very excited Pedra, that the creature laying dead in the center of the Drink Tabernacle was in fact, a crayfish, also known as a river lobster. Just like the chicken in the Food Tabernacle, it had been transformed into a giant terrifying version of its usual self, and placed in a chamber just in front of the Clavis Imperium. Likewise, an examination of its innards as well as the various bones littered around its lair, confirmed that it had devoured quite a few adventurers in its time.

Lefty had, of course, never seen a crayfish before, or anything like it, so he compared the beast to the closest thing he had seen… which was a bug. Poor comparisons like that were unfortunately common in his explanations, which is why it would be weeks before Ol Blu got the full story of what had happened.

You might imagine that Lefty's lack of vocabulary would grate on the wise old kicken… but it was actually quite the opposite. Ol Blu thoroughly enjoyed their conversations. He talked with the lad for hours upon hours, nearly every day. Part of this was because, Blu loved to teach, and Lefty was the perfect pupil; eternally eager to learn new things.

But even when the kicken was just listening, it was still enjoyable. There was a certain challenge in piecing together the truth from Lefty's simple words. At times it was almost like a fun party game. And that was helped by the fact that Lefty himself was one of the most friendly and jovial people Blu had ever met… which is really saying something considering how old the kicken was. He had lived for hundreds of years by that point, and in all that time, Lefty was only one of two people that treated him as an actual, genuine, friend.

(end previous paragraph more jovial, then go silent for an extended moment)

You know… it just occurred to me that in all my storytelling… I've probably not made it clear just how good of friends Lefty and Ol Blu were back then. Perhaps it's my fault for skipping over so many of their conversations but… well… it's just that history often wants to gloss over such things. Legends exist to highlight the important actions of great men. I’m supposed to tell you about the adventures he went on and the challenges he overcame… not the simple friendship he forged with an old man. People form friendships all the time. That’s not epic. That’s not exciting. It’s a mundane part of life. It’s something most people do. And you don’t need to understand it to understand the Legend of Lefty.

But * I * want you to know.

Lefty and I were friends back then. Truly we were. I would have done anything for the lad. And that’s why eventually I… well… (sigh) Nevermind.

Sorry. I got a little off track there.

My point is, they were friends. And it's because they were such good friends that Lefty's next words to Ol Blu came as such a shock. They had been riding in silence for a few minutes when suddenly he spoke up.

“You know the weirdest thing about… whatever it was in the tabernacle?… I didn't like killing it as much as I thought I would.”

Ol Blu spoke slowly, deep concern hanging on his words “Lefty... you're not supposed to enjoy killing things. Killing is something you have to do. It's not something you should like doing.”

“Huh.” said Lefty with a pondering expression, as if the thought had never occurred to him before. “I just figured, you know, it was really fun to hit those guys back at the Food Tabernacle, so... you know.”

“No. I don't know”, Said Ol Blu.

“Well I just thought that… if hurting someone was that fun, then killing someone would be even more fun.”

“That's... a terrible way to think, lad.” Ol Blu said, with just enough concern that Lefty took his eyes off the road and looked down at his friend.

“I mean… killing just for fun... that's pretty much the most evil thing you can do. I mean if you-”

“Well like I said, I didn't like it.” Lefty said quickly, cutting off Ol Blu, “I just thought I would, ya know?” He turned his eyes back to the road ahead of them, a frown etched on his face.

The two spent another moment in silence, both of them thinking intently about their sudden moral dilemma. Lefty was the first to break the silence.

“I did like hitting those guys with my shovel though.” He admitted, before looking down to Ol Blu with concern in his eyes.

“If I liked hurting those people… does that make me evil?” He asked with genuine curiosity in his voice.

“Well... not… necessarily.” Ol Blu said, “Context is a very important thing. If someone is trying to hurt you, or if someone has done something reprehensible, then it's usually acceptable to enjoy hurting them. That's half of what justice is, if we’re being honest. Most people like seeing criminals punished for their behavior.”

“Ohhh. Got it.” Lefty said, as if he had just been told the solution to a puzzle. “So that's why I didn't like it then. The big bug monster thing wasn't really dangerous or anything.”

“It wasn't? But I thought you said before that it tried to kill you.” Ol Blu asked, making reference to a conversation from the previous day.

“I mean, it tried to kill me… It just didn't do a very good job.” Lefty responded.

“It was really slow. And weak. I… probably could have ran past it if I tried. I just thought, you know, killing it would be better.” He said with a shrug.

“Hmm.” Ol Blu pondered the scenario. “Perhaps it was half starved, like the beast of the Food Tabernacle. Or perhaps you caught it while it was asleep?” Lefty just shrugged again. He had no idea.

Once more, this was a mystery that would not be settled right then, but weeks later by completely unrelated parties. Deepuns explorers who stumbled upon the lair of the giant crayfish noted that it had no problem obtaining food. The swift moving water that had trapped so many adventures had also trapped plenty of fish for it to feed upon. No, the problem this time was disease. The same waters that brought in food also brought in an awful lot of waste, and with all the rapids flowing into the beast's chambers, there was no way to get the waste out. While the creature was resistant to just about everything, decades of living in terribly unsanitary conditions had eventually taken their toll. In the end, a type of parasitic fungus, which was quite common in normal river lobsters, had managed to infect the giant creature, slowly but surely spreading through its body and eating away at its vital organs.

By the time Lefty found his way to the air pocket in the center of the tabernacle, which served as the beast's chamber, the giant crayfish was already on death's door. Had he waited the extra months that Pedra had wanted him to, the young man likely would have found another corpse in the tabernacle. Instead, he arrived just in time to put the poor thing out of its misery. The deepuns who came later found several slashing wounds in the creature's head, which Lefty had presumably inflicted with his metallic feathers.

But I digress. Back on the road to The Capital, Ol Blu had given up trying to solve the mystery for now, instead switching his attention to another mystery.

“So, if the “bug” didn't put up a fight, then how'd you get that huge bruise on your face?” he asked, pointing his little wing towards Lefty's forehead. The injury had all but healed thanks to the magic soup, but there was still a slight bump.

Lefty lifted one of his hands to the wound, as if he forgot about the injury, and then flinched as his fingers made contact.

“I ran into a wall.” He said with a grimace, “While trying to swim out of the tabernacle.”

“That was the hardest part. All the water tries to pull you in. You have to go really really fast and hit it in like, just the right way. Otherwise you just end up with the bug. That's why it took so long. I kept getting pushed back to the room with the air. I had to try like, a million times before I got it right. And when I finally did I was going so fast.. I smashed my face on the wall.” he said with a little shudder, remembering the impact.

By this time, it was almost completely dark. Normally, the two of them would have stopped to make camp by now, but they had gotten too wrapped up in their conversation to notice the setting sun. This was aided by the fact that Lefty's pointlight, which he was still wearing on his head, guided them in the darkness, making the night less intimidating than it had been previously.

Just as with the feathers before, Lefty had become attached to wearing his pointlight. Now that the object had helped to save his life, he began wearing it whenever he could, keeping it on just in case he ever suddenly found himself alone in the dark. He was likewise still wearing the squid shoes, even though he was nowhere near deep water. He had convinced Pedra to let him keep them, reasoning that he didn't know how to swim without them, and that he might need them to survive if he ever found himself plummeting into another lake.

This all seemed like silly paranoia to Ol Blu, and as far as the squid shoes were concerned it was; Lefty would never use them again despite wearing them constantly. But when it came to his pointlight, the young man's desire to wear it continually would prove to be quite the fortuitous decision. For you see, just as their conversation had come to its logical conclusion… two bandits suddenly stepped out of the woods in front of them.

One was thulhan… and the other was a hairless green deepun. Titus would have felt so vindicated. Both the bandits were broad shouldered and grimy, wearing the look of men who intimidated others for a living. The only thing clean about them were their short swords, each one holding a sharp blade that glimmered in the light of Lefty's headwear.

“Listen up dungbats!” The thulhan shouted at them “It's your valuables or your life. Hand over everything you got and you won't get hurt!

For half a moment Lefty simply stared at the duo in front of him. A range of emotions flashed across his face in quick succession. There was a hint of fear, followed by amusement, intense anger, and then concern. The young man looked down at Ol Blu for advice, his mouth opening as if he was about to say something… but he never did. Instead his eyes lit up and a wicked grin spread across his face, as he suddenly realized: these were bad people. Bandits! Who intended to hurt him and take his things!

Which meant he would probably enjoy killing them.

Without another thought Lefty dismounted his squirrel and grabbed his feathers from where they sat behind him.

The deepun bandit shouted. “H-Hey! What you doing? You wanna die boy?!” The criminal’s resolve seemed to falter as Lefty walked aggressively towards them. He said nothing, ignoring their threats as he stared with a look of eerie delight, the metallic feather practically gleaming in his hand.

For a split second, Panic consumed Ol Blu as he realized what his friend intended to do. He almost said something… but he knew that it would be useless. Lefty finally had a chance to fight someone who deserved it, someone who was unequivocally bad… and nothing Blu could say would stop him. If anything he would just distract the boy from the deadly foes in front of him… so the kicken stayed silent and watched, his lower lip quivering as Lefty strode up to the thulhan bandit, who loomed several hands taller than him.

The stoic green thug was not shaken like its deepun partner, who seemed just as worried as Blu. Being the larger of the two thugs, it instead stepped forward to meet Lefty, furrowing its hairless brow as it attempted to stare fiercely into the young man's eyes and intimidate him into submission. I say attempted because Lefty still had the pointlight strapped securely to his head, making it difficult for the bandit to see Lefty’s face, much less meet his eyes.

Still, the thulhan was not deterred. It continued forward, raising it’s sword, preparing to attack, and then right as it reached striking range… Lefty looked up into the bandit's face, and the bright beams of his pointlight shone directly into its eyes, blinding them just long enough for Lefty to strike first.

With one smooth swaying movement he brought his left hand across his body, and then swung with a vicious backhand. The feather caught the air unpredictably, dipping down for a second before curving up sharply and suddenly. The thulhan tried clumsily to block the wild blow, but the serrated edge of the feather glanced off it's blade and slashed sickening across its chest, slicing the criminal from belly to shoulder, sending a spray of gray thulhan blood into the air.

The bandit's deep bellowing cry echoed out into the woods as it recoiled in surprise, its free hand gripping the shallow chest wound as it stumbled back in pain. Still unable to see clearly and finally beginning to panic, the thulhan cursed in its native tongue and raised its sword again. With an angry shout it tried to bring the blade down on Lefty's head… not realizing that the young man was still holding his feather up high. There was a clash of metal as the two weapons struck, and the bandit's sword slid between two of the thin follicles that made up the feather’s edge.

For a few seconds the two struggled against each other, the massive thulhan bearing down with all it’s weight. This time Lefty stumbled back, the bandit almost knocking him off balance. Without thinking he quickly raised the other feather, crossing it with the first so that he could push back with both hands. A second ticked by, the two warriors grunting as they stayed locked like this, Lefty's arm strength proving an equal match for the injured bandit. The thulhan narrowed it's eyes, realizing brute force wouldn’t be able to break Lefty's strange weapon. It attempted to quickly withdraw its sword for a second strike… which would prove to be a fatal mistake.

It realized too late that it’s sword was actually stuck in the core of the feather, the blade refusing to budge when it pulled back. Lefty felt the weight lessen ever so lightly, and took the opportunity to surge forward, shouting like a madman as he heaved up and then swung his feathers in one aggressive movement.

The thulhan stepped back to avoid the full force of the swing, abandoning it's sword as it leaned away from Lefty. It's attempt at dodging almost proved successful, but as the glimmering feather glided in front of it's eyes, the tip caught onto one of it's thicker face tendrils. The fleshy tentacle slid between the follicles of the blade just as the thulhan's sword had a second earlier, and as Lefty completed the arc of his swing, his weapon took the tentacle with it, ripping the thing violently from the bandit's face, along with a rather sizable large chuck of flesh and skin, Needless to say, this created an intensely gory spectacle that stunned everyone involved.

The thulhan bandit's shouts pitched up disturbingly as it went from anger and pain, to just pure searing pain. The criminal stumbled back, clutching what was left of it's face with both hands as it cried out like a wounded animal. It walked in a little circle on unsteady legs, hunched over in agony, seeming as if it would collapse at any moment. And then, just as suddenly as it had appeared, the bandit bolted off the road and back into the woods, fleeing from the young human who had maimed it without so much as a word.

As one bandit ran screaming into the night, bleeding profusely from two horrible wounds, the other simply stood there dumbfounded. It was clear that the thulhan was the stronger, braver, and more experienced of the two, and seeing it so gravely wounded in such a quick and one-sided fight terrified him greatly. Lefty turned his attention to the deepun, his face now streaked with thulhan blood. He grinned even wider than before, making it clear he was up for a round two. Without a word the bandit dropped his sword and began sprinting down the road in the other direction.

Ol Blu couldn't have been happier.

“You did it Lad!” He shouted in celebration.

“That was amaze-” He began to say… but before he could, Lefty went running after the deepun bandit.

“Come back you clucker! I'll kill you in half!” He shouted, half laughing as he chased down the fleeing foe.

Ol Blu tried to yell after him, tried to tell him that he had already won, that he should just let it go… but it was no use.

For several long minutes Ol Blu just sat there in the dim moonlight, watching as the beams from Lefty's pointlights grew smaller and smaller. A pit of worry began to form once more in Ol Blu, as he listened to the distant sounds of a struggle, watching the tiny lights wiggle back and forth wildly as, somewhere down the road, his friend tried to murder someone.

Eventually the distant shouting stopped, and all he could hear was the droning sounds of insects. The kicken sat, waiting on the edge of his seat as he watched the distant twinkle of the pointlights go still for a bit, and then turn back towards him. The wise old man grimaced as he stared into the darkness, watching intently as the lights slowly grew larger and larger. He worried about what condition Lefty was in, hoping that he was uninjured, hoping that it was him still wearing the pointlights, and not the bandit.

His fears were put to rest when the silhouette of a human became visible behind the light, dragging his feathers on the ground behind him as he limped back down the road.

“Lefty! Are you alright?” Ol Blu shouted.

“Yeah...” Said Lefty, with a little groan that made it clear that he wasn't entirely alright, but that he was all right enough.

Ol Blu sighed in relief.

“He got away.” Lefty said as he got within talking distance, the disappointment present even in his monotone voice.

Ol Blu smiled. “That's fine lad. I'm sure he won't be bothering us anymore.” he said, even more relieved that his friend had not slaughtered an unarmed and fleeing adversary, even if it was a bandit. In the back of his mind, the kicken was still worried about Lefty's skewed morals; but that topic would have to wait for another time. For now, all that mattered to him was that they were safe.

“I almost had him too.” Lefty said with a wince as he finally got back to Blu, and leaned against their squirrel, which by now had laid down to rest after a long day of traveling.

“Got him across the back I think, but then he turned around and punched me right in the antenna.” He said with a groan.

“The.. antenna?” Ol Blu asked.

“Yeah. Didn't you say that's the right word for, you know, dangles?” Lefty asked, pointing at his sore crotch.

Ol Blu couldn't hold back the laughter that came next. He fell onto his side as he laughed louder and harder than he had in a long, long time.