The Last Damning of Remnant (or: How 2 OP idiots screwed the plot)

I flop over in a corner, groaning in exhaustion, and at all the chatter around me. Jonny plops down next to me. I watch, with amusement as Yang and Ruby talk to Blake, despite her not even showing up to talk to Weiss. I laugh as Ruby and Yang get into a fight. Weiss stomps up to them, and my heart skips a beat as I see how gorgeous Weiss looks with her hair down. "Alex, nahhh....nah! bro for real?! I thought it'd be Ruby...?" "Hell no! And...I-It's just...she looks hauntingly beautiful man..."

Weiss takes a breath and calms herself before speaking. "Could you two buffoons stop fighting?!" I groan as her voice hurts my ears, as I groan, and snarl her name. "Weiss." She flinches and looks over. "I'm tired. can you all just...pipe down? Please..."

She looks ashamed, and nods, politely. "Okay." I nod, as Blake blows out the candles, and I plop myself beside Jonny and fall asleep quickly.

I dream of being a child, and I recall memories of this life. I remember when I was 4, outside with my older brother, watching as the flames grew higher and consumed our home, while our father screamed our older sister's name, inside the collapsing building. Her name was-

"-morning! It's morning! It's morning! It's morning!" I groan as Nora wakes me up. I groan in sync with Jonny, as we get up. I head off to the bathroom, and Jonny walks over to the others. I gargle water, and freshen up my face, before walking out, passing Jonny as he looks depressed. "Fumble?" He whines as he nods. "Fumble..." I pat his back as I walk out. I walk over to Ruby as she unlocks her locker. "Hey. Good morning." Ruby perks up, before Ren walks past us while a skipping Nora follows, passing Ruby and Yang as they stop readying themselves. "Wonder what those two are so worked up about?"

Yang rolls her eyes. "Oh, who knows? So, you seem awfully chipper this morning!" Ruby grins and nods. "Yep! No more awkward small talk or "getting-to-know-you" stuff. Today, I get to let my sweetheart do the talking." She strokes Crescent Rose as she sighs happily. Yang laughs a bit. "Well, remember, Ruby, you're not the only one going through initiation. If you wanna grow up, you're gonna have to meet new people and learn to work together." Ruby sighs in frustration. "You sound like Dad!" She shoves her weapon into the locker. 

"Okay, first of all: What does meeting new people have to do with fighting? And secondly: I don't need people to help me grow up! I drink milk, Yang!" Yang looks at her, unimpressed. "But what about when we form teams?" Ruby becomes nervous suddenly. "Um, I don't know, I... I'll just be on your team or something..." Yang Brings her hair around her shoulder, smacking me in the face with it as she does, and starts stroking it. "Maybe you should try being on someone else's team?"

Ruby looks shocked and betrayed. "My dear sister Yang, are you implying that you do not wish to be on the same team as me?" Yang blinks, sweating. "What? No! Of course, I do! I just thought... I don't know, maybe it would help you... break out of your shell, or something." Ruby looks appalled. "What the-?! I don't need to 'break out of my shell'! That's absolutely-" "Ridiculous!" Jaune is suddenly walking in between the sisters, holding a map and looking lost. "There's no way I put my gear in locker 636 yesterday! I would've remembered having to count that high! Why does this have to happen today?" I promptly grab his shoulder, and point at the locker labeled 636. "there." "Oh FU-oh...you scared me! t-t-thanks, man, you're a lifesaver!"

I watch as the poor guy shakes as he opens his locker. I roll my eyes. "dude. I don't bite. Also, if you talk to Weiss or well...any girl...Don't (An: he said that while channeling all of his angst and edge) say something cringe or flirty. just...be you and be genuine." he nods nervously. I sigh, and- "Would all first-year students please report to Beacon Cliff for initiation? Again, all first-year students report to Beacon Cliff immediately!" I grin, walk over to the exit, and follow the others as we all line up.

Ozpin walks up and begins to speak. "For years, you have trained to become warriors-" Not us, we didn't. "-and today, your abilities will be evaluated in the Emerald Forest." Glynda continues for him. "Now, I'm sure many of you have heard rumors about the assignment of "teams." Well, allow us to put an end to your confusion. Each of you will be given teammates... today" Ruby freezes "What? Ohhh..." Ozpin continues, hiding his amusement. "These teammates will be with you for the rest of your time here at Beacon. So it is in your best interest to be paired with someone with whom you can work well." Ruby groans. "That being said, the first person you make eye contact with after landing will be your partner for the next four years." Ruby whimpers and screeches. "Whaaaat?!" 

Nora leans way over to whisper to Ren. "See? I told you-!" Ozpin continues. "After you've partnered up, make your way to the northern end of the forest. You will meet opposition along the way. Do not hesitate to destroy everything in your path... or you will die." Jaune laughs nervously and then gulps loudly. Ozpin speaks again...dude loves to YAP! "You will be monitored and graded through the duration of your initiation, but our instructors will not intervene. You will find an abandoned temple at the end of the path containing several relics. Each pair must choose one and return to the top of the cliff. We will regard that item, as well as your standing, and grade you appropriately. Are there any questions?" Jaune raises his hand. "Yeah, um, sir?" Ozpin snickers before speaking. "Good! Now, take your positions." Everyone strikes a pose on their tile. Nora crouches low, Ren wields his weapons, Yang raises her fists, Ruby readies her body, and Jaune is still raising his hand. "Uh, sir? I've got, um... a question." he misses the tile under Weiss rising up into a springboard, rocketing into the air and over the forest, as the platforms activate down the line. "So, this landing... strategy thing... Uh, wha-what is it? You're, like, dropping us off or something?" Ozpin smiles. "No. You will be falling." 

Jaune misses more students being thrown. "Oh, uh, I see... So, like, did you hand out parachutes for us?" Ozpin's lips twitch. "No. You will be using your own landing strategy." Jaune, still not seeing an excited Nora and Ren getting launched, speaks up "Uh-huh... Yeah." At her turn, Yang winks at her younger sister, puts on a pair of aviators, and flies off. "Wooooo-hoooo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" I frown as she steals my exclamations, and a second after this, Ruby joins her. "So, what exactly is a landing strategYYY! OHHHH CRAP!!" Jaune asks this part just when he finally has to get hurled with the cloud of students now making their way down into the forest below under the eyes of the teachers. Ozpin, for his part, simply takes a sip of his drink. "I love my job so fucking much..." I snicker, making Ozpin whirl around. "Right. you two...I know what you are.-" [Insert Homophobic dog meme here] "-And before you speak, I thank you for coming here, and not to...well, never mind that..." Jonny snickers, and I smile. "No. thank you...Ozma." I see his eyes widen comically, as we get launched. "JONNY! POWER UP THE BASS CANNON!!" I grin as Jonny uses combustion behind him, launching himself farther and more controlled, as I spin through the air like a throwing star.

"This is gonna be so fucking funny."

End of chapter.