The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon

Bricks of gold flew through the air, crushing the skull and ribs of another skeleton. The neatly arranged stacks of gold were a memory of the past since necessity had transformed them into the most efficient available weapons. Initially, it seemed that the magical swords and daggers taken from the armory would do the job, but as Ulf and Amelia soon discovered, the weapons came with a limited number of charges, followed by a very long recharging period.

The first minute or so, things had been great with Amelia melting skeletons left and right. When that had ceased, though, the pair had been forced to rely on normal melee combat and gold tossing. The only positive was that the chamber with the cursed people of Rosewind was sealed off with a mountain of gold, allowing the pair to focus solely on the skeletons. Unfortunately, the pesky minions didn’t seem to end.

“Fire!” Amelia said, thrusting her sword in the direction of the approaching skeletons. Two of them were surrounded by flames while three more leaped away like cockroaches.

“Don’t waste it,” Ulf criticized. “Keep that for emergencies.”

“What do you call this?” The duke’s daughter leaped back, using her sword skills to fend off a skeletal husk that was upon her.

A gold bar flew into its skull, smashing it to pieces. Another soon followed, hitting one at the entrance.

“We’ll need to block that door,” Ulf grabbed two more bars, using them as close combat weapons as he cracked the ribs of the minions surrounding him. “Also, use shields. They’re more effective.”

“I’m not all muscles!” Amelia shouted back. The truth was that she relied on her sword skills too much. A lot of time and money had been put into that, mostly provided by her father. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that the woman was rather good. It could be argued whether she was at adventurer level, but she was definitely better than the vast majority of nobles.

“Back to back!” The large adventurer rushed to her. As the chamber filled with an increasing number of minions, fighting as one was their best bet. Hopefully, none of the skeletons would be smart enough to unblock the door with the cursed Rosewinders.

“Do you think Avid made it?” Amelia pierced a minion through the eyehole, then pulled off its skull and propelled it at the next approaching entity.

“No doubt about it. He’s pretty tough, despite his dopey looks. He’s used to train a lot when we were kids.” Ulf swung both bars he was gripping, snapping the necks of three skeletons. “His father was so strict back then, you won’t believe.”

“Earl Rosewind?”

“Yeah. He was very different when the lady was alive. Now, he’s mellowed out a lot.”

Three more skeletons were reduced to bones as the party destroyed their respective targets. A momentary pause was formed, which Ulf quickly took advantage of, tossing both of his gold bars and grabbing a pair of new ones.

“Follow me!” he rushed towards the door through which the minions were coming. As he passed two-thirds of the distance, the large adventurer stopped. “Back-to-back again.”

Almost on cue, a new wave of skeletons poured in.

“We move step by step. Keep calm and don’t use any magic. It’ll get a lot easier once we get to the door.”

“Isn’t it strange that they’re this weak?” Amelia asked.

“Complaining it’s too easy for you?”

“That’s not what I meant!” she snapped.

“I know what you meant.” Ulf swung at a skeleton.

This time, the entity avoided the blow, leaping back and counter attacking with its bone dagger. The attack wounded the man’s right hand, causing him to drop the gold bar. Ignoring the pain, Ulf immediately slammed the minion with his left, knocking the skill right off. Losing their integrity, the remaining bones scattered all over the floor.

“The strong ones are focusing on the baron. We’re dealing with the leftovers.”

As much as the explanation made sense, it also illustrated the skill difference. With this number of enemies, if only a few were a slightly greater challenge, there wouldn’t be a guarantee that the adventurers would be able to survive. Even now, they were experiencing difficulties. The wounds, although minor, were slowly stacking up. If they weren’t able to deal with the source of the problem and soon, they’d suffer the humiliation of being killed by the lowest of low-ranking minions.

A loud screech echoed in the room. The sound was quickly followed by a blur that emerged from the opposite side of the treasury. Preoccupied with the skeleton foes, neither Ulf nor Amelia could devote much attention to what was happening, though they were fairly sure that they could hear the sounds of wings flapping. Their suspicions were quickly confirmed as Octavian flew above them, allowing its rider to lend a helping hand to the fight.

Half a dozen skeletal minions became wrapped in lightning, quickly crumbling to the floor.

“Deal with things here!” Ulf shouted as he rushed towards the door.

Charging as a bear downhill, he slammed into it, shattering a skeleton in the process. A second minion became stuck, its body torso preventing the door from closing outright.

“Die, you piece of shit!” Ulf hissed, slamming it several times with the single bar of gold he had left.

The entity struggled a bit, waving its bony arms in a desperate attempt to survive. Despite its determination, its skull succumbed to the gold attacks. More bones scattered, allowing Ulf to slam the door completely shut, very much in a repeat of the reaction to the other room. This time, though, he had a slight advantage: Skeletons weren’t particularly strong and weighed a lot less.

“Finish them off fast!” he shouted, pushing against the door with his back. “Then help me barricade the door.”

With only five active skeletons left, the task wasn’t particularly difficult, especially since Avid’s weapon remained mostly charged.

“Did you find the baron?” Amelia asked the young Rosewind as she slashed the spinal column of an enemy in three spots.

“Yes,” Avid replied, reducing another minion to dust. “He told me what to do. We must see if there’s a mana gem and send it to his mansion.” He struck another skull with his blade. Sadly, this time, no lightning followed. Mostly managing to contain his panic, he instantly followed up with a standard attack, shoving the skeleton back. Right on cue, Octavian swooped down and grabbed the minion with his talons.

“Tell me you’re joking,” Ulf grunted, pressing against the door even harder.

“That’s what he said.” Avid thrust forward with his sword, yet his enemy twisted around at precisely the right time, jamming the adventurer’s sword into its ribs.

This time, it was Amelia who assisted by sending the minion away with a well-aimed kick.

“There is one, right?” Avid glanced at the large adventurer. “I said I saw one…”

With two skeletons, the situation was a lot more bearable. Taking advantage of their numerical advantage, Amelia pierced the skull of one skeleton, then immediately engaged the next. Avid also joined in, attracting the last enemy’s attention. Another thrust later, and the final enemy in the chamber had joined the rest of the bones on the floor.

“Bring the gold here!” Ulf ordered.

Without hesitation, the other two adventurers rushed to do just that. Gold bars piled at the door once more as the barricade slowly took form.

“There’s a mana gem alright,” Ulf said, once he was able to get a breath of air. “But it’s not in this room.”

Everyone froze.

“It’s in with the cursed,” the adventurer continued, lest there be any doubt. “All the way back. To get it, we must go through everyone in Rosewind…”

While the three adventurers—and their griffin—were pondering how to deal with the newly developed situation, Liandra was having troubles of her own. Having accomplished an impressive number of hero quests, she was certain that the abomination would pull a fast one right at the first moment. Unfortunately, that happened faster than she had been prepared for. The moment Theo had entered the chamber, a barrier of bone had emerged to separate the two.

The unpleasant surprises hadn’t ended there. No sooner had the wall formed than a multitude of massive skeletal hands emerged from the floor around her.

Leaping into the air, the heroine summoned her legendary sword, performing a full circle slash. One of the massive arms fell to the ground. The others, though, merged together, blocking the blade. Their fingers wrapped around it in an attempt to snatch the weapon away. Before that could happen, the glow surrounding the sword intensified, freezing the arms on the spot.

“See?” a female voice said. “I told you she’s not just any hero.”

A young girl of about fifteen had appeared in the air, wearing a rather stunning bone dress. Bones of various shapes and sizes had merged together, not only mimicking fabric but also adding a multitude of decorations, like embroideries on silk. It wasn’t the girl that worried Liandra, though, but the ruby ring on her left hand.

“I never doubted you for a moment, my dear.” Count Alvera also emerged with the golden monocle prominent on his face. Unlike his wife, he was clad in full bone armor with the head visible. “And she has a fine set of weapons as well.”

Liandra’s grip tightened.

“I want her,” the girl said with a menacing smile. “She’ll be the centerpiece of my new collection.”

“Of course, my dear. And her weapons will be part of mine.”

Massive upper parts of skeletal torsos emerged from the floor and walls, all reaching for the heroine. Fighting them wasn’t a particular challenge. Even with their unusually solid bones, they were enemies she had faced before. Each of their strikes was parried or evaded with little effort, after which the heroine engaged in a lightning counterattack, shopping off an arm or skull, before proceeding to the next.

The pattern seemed chaotic, though easy to discern for an experienced heroine. Sliding through the strikes like a needle through cloth, she performed a vertical chop, slicing the large torso of a skeleton in two. As the bones separated, the woman rushed in the direction of the sealed chamber entrance. Five steps away, Count Alvare dropped in, blocking her path.

“Not so fast,” the monocle said. “Mother’s talking with the baron now. You’re here to play with us.”

The bone armor covering his arms transformed into swords as the count attacked. His skill was far better than Liandra expected—superior to most adventurers, though not quite at the level of a hero. She could see him causing trouble for a standard army, even without his necromancer skills, though he remained no match for her.

Parrying his left-hand attack, Liandra increased her force, slicing through his right blade. Using the momentum, she then aimed her sword at the enemy’s breastplate. As she did, the bones quickly rearranged, revealing the man’s unprotected chest. An inch away from its target, the heroine’s sword froze.

“Coward,” she hissed, pulling several steps back as a new cluster of skeleton torsos emerged from the floor.

“I’d call it clever,” the monocle said with glee, as the bone armor reformed. Above him, the girl controlled by the ruby ring giggled. So far, she hadn’t joined in the fight, but there was little doubt she would. The question was when.

“You’re fighting differently then before,” Liandra noted. “Why aren’t you using blood strands?”

“Mother needs that for her conversation with the baron,” Count Alvare said, his lips moving into a slight pout. “Until she’s finished, we can’t use any of her gifts.”

“Not that we need them,” the girl above said. “As you can see, we’re more than capable of dealing with you on our own. The last few times you simply caught us off guard.”

Internally, Liandra gritted her teeth. If she were to use any major heroic abilities, she could be done with them in moments. Her ultimate skill was more than enough to destroy such low-level necromancers. Winning that particular battle would cost her the war, though. As skilled as the baron was, he couldn’t defeat an abomination alone. The entity knew that, which was the reason for separating them. If one were to guess, it had sacrificed its “children” without them suspecting.

“In that case, let’s level the playing field.”

The heroine thrust the legendary sword into the floor. A circle of bright light formed around it, quickly growing in size. Like a flash, it swept through the floor, continuing along all surfaces as it climbed up the walls and along the ceiling. All animated skeletons instantly froze, as if transformed into plaster.

Minuscule fragments rose up into the air, as they evaporated. Within seconds, there was no trace of even a single bone in the chamber. Even the bone armor covering Count Alvera had dissolved, leaving nothing but his usual expensive clothes behind. However, before Liandra had time to make the slightest witty remark, dozens of bone shards shot out from the dress of the girl floating above. Eight rib-like bones extended from the bottom of her dress, creating a protective cage around the count.

“Thank you, my dear,” the monocle said.

Bone fragments appeared over the count’s clothes, dissolving soon after.

“You can use sanctify?” he asked, impressed. “You’re really special, aren’t you?”

“You should have seen my grandfather.” Liandra swung her blade, deflecting all the bone shards aimed at her. “He’d have put you to rest long before setting foot in your castle.”

“Oh my. It’s a good thing he isn’t here, then.”

“He’s not.” The heroine tightened her grip round the hilt of her sword. “But I am.”

“Indeed. Though not for long. In a few minutes, at most, Mother will make the baron an offer he can’t refuse. After that, it’ll be three against one.” The count smiled. The bone fragments constantly regrowing on his clothes were becoming larger and larger. “Technically, four to one, but it’s not like mother will bother with the likes if you.”

Liandra glanced at the floor. Bone hands were attempting to emerge from the floor as well. The effect of her sword’s heroic ability prevented that from happening, reducing the bone to cinders, yet one had to remember that this sanctified bubble was within a cursed estate. Necromantic powers were gnawing at its edges, weakening it by the second. In several minutes, at most, skeletons would go back to emerging from the floors and walls just as before.

“Theo will be fine,” the heroine said with the calm and certainty of a mountain chain. “Worry about yourselves.”

“Don’t bet on it.”

Another explosive expansion shook the town of Rosewind. Already there had been three new patches of tunnels and buildings going beyond the town walls. The areas were surprisingly well designed with straight roads, adequately placed buildings—of various types—and even some garden-places. The issue was that they were empty, unwanted, and reduced Theo’s core point supply, bringing it to dangerously low levels.

“Far be it from accusing anyone,” Earl Rosewind began while running down one of the many letter-infested corridors, “but this doesn’t feel like a natural tremor.”

“The baron is experiencing some minor difficulties,” Spok replied casually, while maintaining a bubble of safety around the noble. It wasn’t lost on anyone that the letters were deliberately avoiding her, twisting to fly through the slits in the earl’s helmet.

“Of course, of course.” The man hurried along towards the door. “Understandable, considering the situation. I do hope the old boy is well.”

The spirit guide had a lot to say on the matter and none of it particularly flattering. Thus, she decided to remain silent while keeping the zombie letters away with her telekinesis. Still, the lack of questions coming from the dungeon concerned her. Normally, that was supposed to be a good thing—a long deserved moment of peace and quiet. Knowing Theo far too well, she could only think of two explanations for his sudden change in behavior: either he was engaged in a desperate fight or had made a massive mess of things. Given the trembling, she could safely assume that it was the latter.

“Please pause for a moment,” the earl said, moving closer to a masterfully drawn painting of a noblewoman. Discretely pressing a few elements along the frame, the man then stepped back, as the entire section of the wall sank in, revealing a hidden door.

Noticing his actions, the torrent of flying letters intensified, flowing towards the man like a torrent of paper. Their intensity was growing so fast that even Spok’s fire spells were beginning to prove ineffective.

“Not to rush you, Cedric, but—”

“Just a few moments longer,” the man took out a key from around his neck, then placed it into the hidden lock. A few clicks later, the door opened. “This way.” He drew the key out and hurried inside.

Stretching her telekinesis ability to the limit, Spok maintained an invisible wall between herself and the entrance. Then, she too, rushed into the secret passage and closed the door behind them. The sound of paper flapping against wood could be heard everywhere. Fortunately, none of the letters had found a way to pass through.

“That should hold them for a while.” The earl removed his helmet. “Much better. My grandfather really didn’t think things through when he made this design. It’s great for a few minutes, but anything more is unbearable.” He placed it on the passage floor. “Shall we?”

“Are you sure you’ll be alright without it?” Spok asked.

“At this point, I think we’re beyond helmet protection.”

The spirit guide had to agree. The zombie letters had grown a lot craftier. It was as if the increase in numbers had also boosted their intelligence. A day ago, they relied entirely on victims reading them. Now, not only did they chase after people, but had become very good at sneaking through any opening to achieve their goal.

“The passage leads directly to the meeting chamber, so we should be relatively safe.”

“Baron d’Argent mentioned there were many secret passages in your castle, but I didn’t think you’d have one leading there.”

“You can never have enough secret passages,” the earl noted. “You wouldn’t have an appropriate spell to light the way, would you?”

Getting the hint, Spok cast a simple glow orb, providing just enough light to prevent them from tripping or bumping into a wall. Several layers of dust covered the passage floor. By the looks of it, no one had set foot there for years at least.

For several minutes, the two followed the twists and turns of the passage. It was impossible to tell where it was leading precisely, but even the uninitiated could tell that it was a lot longer than needed. At their current pace, they should have circled the entire castle twice so far, and there was still no sign they were approaching anything similar to a door.

“That was a portrait of my wife, by the way,” the earl said after a while, choosing to engage in small talk.

“A beautiful woman.” Spok nodded.

“She was, wasn’t she? Passed away over a decade ago.”

“Oh. My apologies.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to burden you.” The earl looked over his shoulder. “I still miss her, but given enough time, one gets accustomed to any form of adversity. Avid was devastated when it happened, of course. One might say it might have made him a bit less active, but he managed to pull through.”

A glint of metal glistened in the distance. Soon, a steel door became visible.

Making his way there, the earl then pulled a series of levers on a nearby wall mechanism. Hidden gears sprang into action, after which the door opened.

“Here we are,” the earl said as the chamber came into view. Unlike the dark passage, dozens of candles on walls and chandeliers instantly lit up, presenting the chamber in all its glory.

The spirit guide could feel the substantial amount of magic that had gone into the construction of this single room. Given the discussions that took place here, it was probably appropriate. The earl hadn’t exaggerated when he had said that this was the safest place in Rosewind. They could very well weather the chaos outside, provided there was a town left standing by the time everything was over.

Once both of them were inside the council chamber, the secret door passage was quickly closed and locked.

“Well,” Earl Rosewind began with the calm of a cat in sunshine, “if we somehow manage to survive this, will you do me the pleasure of giving your hand in marriage?”

“Pardon?” Spok’s eyes widened a fraction, causing her glasses to slide slightly down.

Leave it to the earl to twist a phrase in such a way that it seemed like everyone else’s responsibility to deal with a request. Yet, it wasn’t the fashion in which the question was phrased that had taken Spok by surprise.

“Are you sure it’s appropriate? I’m—” There was a slight pause. Admitting that she was a dungeon’s spirit guide would have quickly ended the discussion, yet put the both of them in a very awkward situation. “—not nobility.” She chose to say.

“Nothing but mere guidelines,” the noble waved his hand. “You can cast spells, can’t you?”

“Yes, but—”

“So, it will be a union between a noble and a mage. Perfectly acceptable by even the greatest sticklers of etiquette, if that’s your actual concern.”

It definitely wasn’t. And yet, Spok would be lying if she said she didn’t consider the proposal. Having Theo as a dungeon had let her witness a lot of absurdly strange things, many of which would be considered impossible. This was on a whole different level, dwarfing all other experiences combined. It wasn’t enough to say that it was unprecedented; it had required a series of miracles and coincidences, leading to the greatest miracle of all. Never in the history of dungeons had anyone proposed to a spirit guide. The closest comparison was a hero falling in love with an autonomous dungeon minion, then engaging in a fierce battle with a dungeon to free her. As a result, a multitude of safeguards had been requested by reincarnating dungeons to ensure that no such catastrophes occurred in the future. Naturally, no one had ever conceived a world in which the same could happen to a formless spirit guide, so they had remained exempt.

“I… I don’t know what to say.” Spok looked away, adjusting her glasses.

“Saying something is the easiest thing in the world,” the earl pressed on. “Say yes, or say no. Personally, I would very much prefer it if it were the former rather than the latter, but it is for you to decide.”

“You have to admit that it’s a bit sudden.”

“Oh, it’s very sudden. Before today I doubt we've spoken longer than five and a half minutes at a time, and always in matters relating to the baron.”

That was a polite way of saying that she had been serving as Theo’s walking excuse, making decisions in his stead whenever he didn’t want to be bothered.

“You’re a fine lady. The entire town knows that. And not to speak ill of my good friend the baron, but he does have the tendency to take you and Sir Myk for granted. Especially you.” The earl gently took hold of Spok’s hand. “Would it be a surprise that I find you admirable?”

The spirit guide remained silent. Outside the council chamber, the sound of letters slamming into the door intensified.

“It’s very commendable of you, Cecil, but I’ll need to give it some thought.” Even as she said that, Spok didn’t hurry to pull her hand away. “You’re aware it will require considerable changes on all sides? I’ll need to get Baron d’Argent’s approval, and there’s the matter of Avid.”

“Of course, of course. Even rushed things mustn’t be rushed.” The earl agreed. “The baron’s a fine fellow. I’m sure he’ll be easily convinced.”

That was a pretty big ask. Then again, given that Earl Rosewind had managed to force the dungeon on not only one but three quests so far, nothing seemed impossible.

“As for my son. I believe it’s time for him to start facing life on his own. Within reason, of course,” he added with a slight smile. “That’s why I sent him off on a noble quest with the baron. Normally I’d say it takes more than a day for someone to become a man, but given the unusual situation we’ve encountered, I think that’s more than likely.”

“Thank you, Cecil, really.” The spirit guide slowly pulled her hand away.

Despite the absurdity of it, she was going to give the matter some serious consideration. After all, there was nothing wrong with spending several decades in the company of a sophisticated and caring person who admired her. For the moment, she’d have to focus on their survival, though. As the earl had said, that was a key requirement for the proposal. If this were to go forward, both Earl Rosewind and the dungeon had to survive.