The Human Saint is Bored, so I was Summoned to Another World

***One time at the Holy Chambers palace***

The Holy Palatial Gardens’ Head Maid, Lilyhaven Tamriel von Leese, stood by one palace window. Her eyes looked toward the gardens, though her mind was flying elsewhere.

“Haa…”

“That’s one melancholic sigh you got there, Lily.”

The Head Maid’s train of thought stopped. Turning around, she saw Her Holiness, the Saint of Chersea, standing behind her.

“Y-Your Holiness!” she almost jumped in surprise, “I didn’t notice you at all!”

“Indeed. I’ve been here since the start of the chapter and was looking for you before that.”

“Ha?”

“Don’t mind me.”

“M-My apologies, Y-Your Holiness!” the Head Maid bowed, “I made you wait for long.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” the Saint replied with a gentle smile. “Well, honestly, I was looking for you because I noticed something different lately, and I’d like to confirm my thoughts about it.”

The Head Maid fell silent.

“You know what I’m talking about, right, Princess Lily?”

“About him?”

“Yes,” the Saint nodded, “That guy from the otherworld, Kuro.”

The Head Maid sighed, “Well, I find him trustworthy…”

“Indeed, you are. You’re even willing to fight your fellow servants to protect him.”

“He has done nothing wrong.”

“I believe so too; I can read minds, remember?” Her Holiness hugged her friend, at which the Head Maid huddled up to her, “And I’m really glad you became lively once again.”

“T-thanks, Your Holiness!”

“Yes…however, you know very well that Kuro is a different person, right?” the Saint gently tapped the Head Maid’s shoulder, “That he won’t be a replacement for your older brother.”

“I understand that Your Holiness…” the Head Maid returned to staring outside as tears fell from her eyes, “However, I can’t help it. Mister Kuro reminds me of him, especially after that time when Mister Kuro pushed me out of harm’s way to save me.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save your brother back then.”

“Hm… it’s alright, Your Holiness,” the Head Maid wiped her tears, “I know you did everything you could. It’s just that, my brother gave up his life for me…”

----------

**Kuro**

Ahh…a new ‘day’ has arrived.

I’d been living a quiet life since that incident with the maids happened.

Maybe they realized I didn’t mean harm and stopped plotting against me?

That, I couldn’t say; their sharp stares and persistent grumbling remained the same, though. But there were no bullying incidents against me…at least in the meantime.

Now that I think about it, that happened about four days ago. Or a week?

Well, sorry about that; it seemed like I lost track of time. This world, Chersea, wasn’t like where I came from—Earth. If Earth had day and night, here at Chersea, it’s always light. According to what I read in the books, the only actual sign of the passing of time was when the people themselves age or the climate changes, similar to the seasonal cycles back in my old world.

“Hey!” I waved at a passing guard, “Can I know what season it is right now?”

“Hmm? Well, it’s the ‘Season of Sleep’,” she noted the flying butterflies, “That’s why you see a lot of these beautiful creatures around.”

“I see. Thanks!”

The ‘Season of Sleep’. According to the books, this was when the people of Chersea remembered their dead loved ones. The sign that it was already the ‘Season of Sleep’ was when the first butterflies appeared, which they believed to contain the souls of those who died.

“So, the people of Chersea also have a time for this, huh…” Somehow, a bittersweet and heavy feeling grew within my chest. It was as if I was missing something or someone, yet I couldn’t remember who it was. Perhaps this had something to do with my previous life back on Earth…

Well, I can’t say. My mind was empty anyway.

“Hm? Time for what?”

I almost jumped when I saw the Head Maid approaching me from behind.

“Sorry. Did I just startle you?”

Yeah, you just did. You’re going to kill me soon, you know! I wanted to say that, but well, I opted not to. It’s pretty trivial anyway, so I just greeted her with my usual line, “Err… what’s up?”

“Well, I just passed by.”

Yeah, she always says that.

“By the way, have you already taken your breakfast?” the Head Maid showed me a basket, “I brought some food from the kitchen. It seems the maids there made a little more than the usual.”

“Oh, actually I haven’t eaten yet.” Now that I remember it, I just woke up and hadn’t got to eat yet, “What have you got in there?”

“Well first, let’s head to the table over there.” We took the nearby vacant set of garden tables and chairs. Then, she brought out the basket’s contents, “Here’s some soup, there’s a bunch of bread too…”

A few moments later, various foods of all colors, shapes, and sizes filled the table, which was also covered with a fancy tablecloth, elegant drinking glasses, and cutlery. According to her, there was a bottle of sparkling wine that she said was an ‘excess’ from the Saint’s breakfast.

Uh, Head Maid, I think this was more like a full-course meal than something from the leftovers of the kitchen…

----------

Oh, and the Saint of Chersea allowed me to stay in her palace for a while. She said she wouldn’t mind if I prolong or take permanent residence in her home; the decision was up to me. However, out of modesty and ethics, I insisted that I would only stay here until I found a house outside the Palace walls.

“Ah, there you go, cleaning again!” After I finished breakfast with the Head Maid, I volunteered to take on some cleaning tasks. But the Head Maid won’t have me do anything else…

“…”

Yep, the Saint let me stay at this place. Complete with food and other essentials…

…all for nothing.

Well, I understood that Saint Maddie was a spontaneous person. But hell, this was torture! Imagine summoning me to a strange world out of boredom and letting me stay at her house for free.

Come on, I mean, it may sound appealing to many who wanted to laze around—and I was also guilty of that—but hey, spending your entire life doing nothing except eat, sleep, drink, bathe, then rinse and repeat was torture! And staying in someone else’s house doubles the awkward and useless feeling you get; as a human, it hurts my pride.

I don’t want to live and die like a free-loader. Now that I recall, even a free-loader had something to burn their days away, like playing online games forever…

So, when I adapted to this new setting, I immediately set out to find something to do, like cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, reading books, feeding the horses, or polishing the equipment of the palace guards.

Anything. As long as my hands were busy…

However, there was someone who kept on preventing me from being of use.

“Kuro!” the Head Maid was stomping her feet as she raised her voice, “Stop with the cleaning, washing the laundry, cooking, and anything else that you’re doing for a while; you’re taking over someone else’s job.”

I stared blankly at the Head Maid. Well, she has a point.

“So, what am I supposed to do?”

“Hmm…I don’t know. Look, I’m glad that you are of help, but please don’t interfere with our work here. The other servants are just pushing their work unto you and it hurts their discipline,” the Head Maid tried her best to control her tone, “Maybe if you’d like to, you can go to the library and read the books there?”

“Good lord, I finished all the books in there outside the ‘restricted’ section.”

“Oh…” She fell silent momentarily before continuing, “Well, I’m sure you’ll find something else to do.”

And then another round of awkward quiet ruled between us. I didn’t know what to say; I was too intimidated to speak lest I earn her anger again. However, after a long while, the Head Maid eventually broke the ice.

“By the way Kuro.”

“Hm?”

“I haven’t thanked you yet.”

“What for?”

“Well, I know that was an alibi you gave me back when you got attacked in your room,” she confessed, “And I hate liars.”

“Oh…” I forcefully laughed, “Sorry about that.”

“No, no! As I’ve said, I haven’t thanked you yet,” the Head Maid quickly countered my statement with a bow, “I’m not angry; well, just a little angry. But lately, I’ve realized why you did that.”

I was silent. I didn’t know what to say; she saw through my ruse.

“You considered the lives of those girls who hurt you. You don’t want them to lose their work, isn’t it?”

Err… aren’t you mistaking something, Head Maid?

But she continued, with a dreamy expression, “And you also considered my feelings. To be honest, I want nothing bad to happen to them; I mean, they only acted that way because of their love and respect for Her Holiness.”

Uh-huh…just like any girl. The Head Maid’s reading too much from what I did.

“And for that, thank you Kuro!”

I felt guilty about the sweet, innocent smile the Head Maid showed me. I should have corrected her before the misunderstanding increased…

“You know, Head Maid…” She was quiet, and her eyes never wavered as I explained why I saved her subordinates. Deep inside, I hoped she would understand me; I took care of the words I said.

“Oh, so that’s what you’ve been thinking, huh?” the Head Maid closed her eyes and nodded, “I see now, Kuro.”

Ah, I guess that’s fine if the Head Maid understood. At least ‘I won’t feel bad whenever that topic is brought up.

“You’re an honest person, huh?” she commented, her voice was strange and heavy. “I like that side of you; it reminds me of someone close to me…”

“Hm?”

“Err…n-nothing! Haha!”

“…”

I didn’t know why, but the atmosphere suddenly grew awkward. I need to change the topic…

“You know, I was wondering why the Saint summoned me if this world’s as peaceful as it is,” I sighed while muttering, “I mean, there’s not even a demon lord evil enough to make war against humans, beastfolk, dwarves, and elves like in the stories.”

“Ah, yeah. It’s too peaceful, it’s boring,” Lily replied, her eyes gazing far ahead of us.

“Eh? You want a war to erupt, huh?”

“Nah, don’t mind me,” she dismissed my comment with a chuckle, “I was just joking.”

I only stared blankly at her. This one’s a closet warmonger; I’ll remember that.

“Ah, you know, Her Holiness does what she thinks would make her happy—even if it’s just on a whim. But she’s still a good person deep inside; I’m sure the Saint will have a purpose for you soon because it is her will to summon you.”

“Yeah, I get it,” I couldn’t hide the disinterest in my voice. Honestly, I’ve had enough of hearing that. Observing the customs of those around me, I noticed that the phrase ‘Saint’s Holy Will’ was their excuse if something unfavorable happened in their lives.

After all, in this world, the ‘Saints’ are existences equated to deities.

“Oh yes, speaking of Her Holiness…” the Head Maid tapped my shoulder, “If you’re looking for something to do, you could bring her lunch if you wish. The food’s in the kitchen, and she’s in the courtyard attending to visiting patrons.”

“Alright. I’ll do just that then!”

----------

I went to the palace’s kitchen to help with Her Holiness’ lunch. The maids assigned to that section of the household had just finished their work and were preparing the fancy designs for the Saint’s plate and for her visitors.

When I arrived in the kitchen, I heard someone whisper, “Oh look, there’s the lust demon.”

“Err…the Head Maid has ordered me to bring Her Holiness’ lunch to the courtyard,” I tried to ignore the hostile looks and sharp comments, but the urge to hit their heads was getting intense.

“Well, if you’re eager to do our work as always, we’ll let you be.” It’s the head of the kitchen maids; she always had this scowl on her face every time she talked to me, “Just don’t touch Her Holiness’ utensils, or she might get p-p-p-p-”

“P-?” This maid wasn’t making any sense.

“Or she might get sullied,” I know she was about to say another word, but whatever; as long as I could understand her, I’d stay silent.

“I’ll just get the patrons’ portion,” I said as I approached the patrons’ plates, but then…

“!!!”

Someone tripped me, and I fell forward and face-down on the food. The maids laughed mockingly.

Or so they think.

“What?” Everyone got dumbfounded when they saw me do the ‘Moonwalk.’

Hah! Look at these servants’ dumb faces! I bet they didn’t even see that coming. Oh, and hey! I guess this could go down in Chersea’s history as the first ‘Moonwalk’ in this world! I could get famous here!

Thank you, Michael Jackson.

----------

Going from the kitchen to the courtyard was a long trip. I needed to pass through a winding maze of well-tended shrubs and fountains to reach that place. Of course, the plants and water itself pose no threat. However…

“…”

I felt those idiots from the kitchen hid the food cart and were planning to ambush me as I manually carried the patrons’ food to the courtyard. I mean, look—or imagine—this setting. This was like Vietnam, where you suddenly hear the trees and shrubs speak Vietnamese for a moment, and then a hail of bullets and explosions would follow a second after. Only this time, I might get a hail of flying leaves and droplets of water. If those fell into the food, it would get contaminated.

But of course, I knew their plans. It’s as clear as the day!

And I prepared proper counter-measures.

“!!!”

I cautiously stepped into the war zone, watching my every move, tracking every moving branch, and making sure it was clear with every turn I made.

Duck for cover, if you must.

Give them hell if you want to survive.

Peel your eyes open if you want to prevail.

In Vietnam, as I remember from the movies I watched, the enemy was everywhere. And the moment you let your guard down was the moment you die. Of course, a proper Vietnam War theme song should go with it.

“Humhumhumhum…mmm…paint it black…”

----------

***Meanwhile, in the courtyard***

The Saint had just finished entertaining her visitors and was expecting lunch to be served. Her patrons had already taken their seats, some resting, while others took the break to marvel at the opulence of the Holy Palatial Gardens. Some kitchen staff had already arrived with food and served the guests.

“Mom, look!” a child of one patron called out to her mother and pointed at something towards the garden maze.

“…”

Everyone looked in the direction the child showed. It was Her Holiness who broke the deafening silence of her shocked visitors…

“What is that idiot doing?”

----------

**Kuro**

It’s been a while since I took a proper beating on the head.

“…”

Well, I made myself look like a moron back at the courtyard, doing those Vietnam War stunts…in the presence of the entire delegation of human and elvish patrons of Her Holiness.

It is idiotic!

And the Saint got embarrassed, too. She sent a book flying towards my head and hit it squarely. After that, the Head Maid told me to cool off somewhere inside the Holy Chambers.

“…”

Anyway, now that I have entered this place again, I remember how powerful and important Her Holiness was in this world. This palace is proof of her greatness, indeed.

Just look at those velvety carpets lying on the floor; those intricate designs were something. The lacquered side tables dotted the halls and corridors of the building; on the top were expensive-looking vases filled with strange flowers of different varieties. The tall, stained glass windows let in the light from the outside in its vividly colorful form. They even lined the bright white walls of the palace with golden borders.

“…”

Fascinated by the luxury of the Saint’s house, I kept walking down the long hallways and turning left or right whenever I wished. The sheer size of this residence wouldn’t bore me for a while, so I’d wander around in the meantime.

“!!!”

My train of thought was interrupted when I heard a loud crash. Quickly turning on a blind corner where the sound came, I saw a broken vase on the floor. It was suspicious, so I looked around for the culprit. After all, there’s no way the wind could knock that vase down since it’s pretty heavy.

“Hello?” I called the person out.

No answer.

Then I tried again, “Anyone here?”

There was a moment of silence. Then, I heard light footsteps in another corner of the hallway. I followed the sounds. The moment I reached the blind turn, I almost jumped in surprise.

Someone else is here.

“Whoa!” We both blurted out. The other guy quickly drew a dagger and pointed it at me.

“Don’t say a word,” he threatened, his eyes glared as if he was willing to kill, “Who are you?”

“Isn’t it I’m the one who should ask that?”

“Silence and just raise your hand.”

I did what he said, “Look, I have nothing in me that is of value to you.”

“Nah, I need nothing from you,” he explained while pushing the blade of his dagger on my side, “It’s just that you’re unlucky to have seen me.”

“Hm? Come on man, I won’t interfere with what you’re doing,” my voice was pleading, “So can you please put away your knife?”

“Heh, that won’t do kid,” the man grinned, “At least, be useful and help me sneak into the Saint’s room.”

Huh? I gave him a blank stare as my memories of the murderous maids floated back in my mind, “Err…what do you want from that place? Do you intend to die or something?”

The suspicious man stared at me with an ‘I-can’t-believe-you’re-asking-me-that,’ face before he spoke, “I know you also sneaked in here, kid; this place is a well-known all-female enclave. And you also don’t wear any holy garments. Don’t act innocent—you and I have the same goals here.”

“What? Don’t lump me with you!” I protested, but he was right. I didn’t have any holy garments with me. I was still wearing my old ‘Earth clothes.’ “I am just wandering around and admiring the place. It’s my first time coming here since the Saint brought me into her room.”

“You what?” the man’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, “The Saint brought you into her room?”

“Y-yeah?” I was about to explain how Her Holiness brought me in, but the man won’t listen. I guess I’ve struck a few strings. Oh boy, it looks like I know where this is heading… “But I don’t know my way back to her place. I mean, this palace is too big, after all.”

The man pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and waved it before me, “This is where this map comes in, boy. I don’t need your directions; I just want a lookout.”

“A lookout?” a sudden chill went through my spine, “Are you a criminal of sorts?”

“Look here, amateur,” the suspicious guy frowned and sighed, “If you don’t call trespassing and threatening a stranger at a knifepoint a criminal act, I don’t know what else to call it.”

Damn…first, getting chased by murderous maids, then being attacked inside my room. And now I have got involved in some shady people’s business.

Is there an end to my bad luck?

“Okay, kid,” the man sheathed his weapon. Since we’re kindred spirits here—trespassers, in particular—why don’t we join forces? You can be the lookout while I enter Her Holiness’ room.”

This is getting out of hand. I had better end this…if only a guard or a maid passed by. I had to stall this shady guy.

“What do you want from the Saint?” My mind raced with questions; it was the best I could do for now.

“Don’t make me go in circles, kid!” he was tapping his feet and getting restless, “Are you a man? What else do we sneak here other than to steal Her Holiness’ panties?”

I think my ears are defective. I’m hearing stupid things again.

----------

Panties. Underwear.

Ever since its invention, it has permeated the erotic fantasies of men. If I remember, there’s even a country back on Earth with a market for a fresh school girl’s underwear.

“…”

Uh, make that a freshly removed schoolgirl’s underwear. Complete with the authentic scent from that girl’s nether regions.

Disgusting.

Even though I am a man, I still have my sanity and common sense. Perversion flowed in my veins; it was in my blood, but I made sure it stayed in its proper place. I believe it’s what separates the ‘gentlemen’ from rabid perverts.

And speaking of perverts, it seems like even other worlds have them.

“Hey kid,” the perverted thief’s raspy voice brought me back to reality, “So what do you say? Do you know how valuable Her Holiness’ panties if we sell it to the highest bidder? You’ll be forever rich and I’ll become a legend if we’re successful!”

So, it goes to bidding, huh? Well, I was not that surprised. Even on Earth, some people will burn their precious earned money just for a tiny piece of cloth.

“They even say that Her Holiness’ panties have an aphrodisiac effect,” he added.

That is stupid.

I could only shake my head, “Sorry man, I don’t think we can be friends.”

“So you’re refusing to help me?” I noticed his hand was about to reach for his weapon. I knew what was bound to happen next, so I wasted no time. I immediately lunged and went for his arm to immobilize him.

“!!!” the man kicked my stomach, and I almost lost the air in my lungs. My mind was in chaos; I couldn’t think of anything else, save for keeping his hands off his dagger. In the ensuing struggle, we eventually fell on the floor.

Desperate, I shouted with all my might, hoping to attract someone’s attention, “Help! There’s a thief in here!”

“Oh, no you don’t!” the man began throwing punches on my head to stop me. I kept on shouting and tried to fight back. Our struggle lasted for quite a while. However, that pervert eventually got the upper hand.

Heck, repeatedly getting hit on the face can sap your strength the longer the fight ensues.

“Haa…haa…” Bruised and battered, I tried to gasp for air.

The thief then stood up and grabbed his knife, seeing that I couldn’t move anymore.

Haha…I guess if this were a light novel, the most fitting title would be ‘I Got Summoned to Another World and a Panty Thief Killed Me.’

Pretty appropriate, huh?

The thief then swung his dagger and was about to plant it on my neck when a powerful gust of wind blew and hit my would-be killer. He dropped his knife, and the next thing I knew, a bunch of armor-clad girls ganged him up.

The guards finally come!

“You sure created another mess here, Kuro,” a familiar voice said beside me; it was the Saint. “You always give me proper entertainment.”

And so ends the ‘Panty Thief Incident.’

Or so I think…

----------

I’m hungry.

I guess it’s been a while since I ate. Looking around, I noticed that this room had no windows, and the atmosphere was suffocating. If I may put it that way, this was a dungeon.

Wait. Why am I even here?

“It seems you caught a big fish here, Mister Kuro.”

It’s the first time that I saw that armor-clad girl. She had a dignified stature, and her face told me she hailed from the nobility.

“My name is Dusis Louisa, the Marquise of Monfort. I’m the head of Her Holiness’ Paladin Corps. Nice to meet you, Mister Kuro.”

“Err…”

“Well, I know it’s only now that we met,” the Marquise of Monfort pulled a nearby chair and sat down, “It’s because Her Holiness sent me on an errand and only got back just now.”

No, not that. I don’t intend to know that; what I want to know is why I am in the dungeon.

“Or you want to ask why are you here, at the dungeon?” the paladin chuckled, “Well, you’re under investigation.”

“Ha?” I couldn’t believe my ears, “Why am I under suspicion? Didn’t I help you capture that weird guy earlier?”

“Hmm? What did I just say?” the Marquise of Monfort paused and pondered.

“That I’m under investigation?”

“I…said that?”

“Well, yes!” I was getting annoyed and sarcastic.

The Marquise of Monfort then suddenly let out an awkward, forced laugh, “Haha…sorry bud! What I mean is, I’m investigating the incident so I’ll be questioning you. You’re not a suspect, let me be clear, so don’t worry!”

“Then why am I in the dungeon?”

“Oh, this is for ‘setting the mood’. Look!” the paladin pushed the hanging light, and it rocked back and forth, “If I do this, it looks like a legitimate interrogation.”

Yes…indeed, it looks like an interrogation scene from a movie. But wait a minute, do we even need this kind of atmosphere? This is just for questioning, right? And… I’m hungry…

“This is stupid,” I muttered.

“Do you want your hands to be tied at the back for added drama?” the Marquise of Monfort asked, pulling out a loop of rope from inside her armor.

“Uhh…can we go directly to the questions? I’m starving.”

“Oh, right,” the paladin clapped her hands, “You can eat while we—wait! Supposedly, this is an interrogation. The more starved you are, the better the tension! You can’t eat—guoh!”

I heard a loud ‘clang’ caused by a metal helmet that hit the Marquise’s head. Her eyes rolled white, and she fell unconscious. Behind her was another girl with an indifferent expression; on her hands was the helmet she used to silence the other paladin.

“Dame Sasha Atkins, vice-captain of Paladin Corps,” the new arrival gave me a tray of food, “Here, eat!”

Finally! A reasonable person appeared!

----------

The moment I finished eating was the time when Dame Atkins began her line of questions.

“Name?” she asked, with a pen and paper.

“Kuro.”

“What happened?”

“I was looking around the palace when I met that weird guy. Turns out he’s a thief. He threatened me with helping him with a knife. He says he wants to steal the…err…should I tell you?”

“Go on.”

“The Saint’s panties.”

“…” Dame Atkins fell silent. Her face was beet-red, though it remained indifferent.

“Ahem,” I faked my cough to break the ice.

“True,” she curtly replied. Does she have a lie-detecting device hidden somewhere?

“Err…is that all?”

“No.”

“Next question?”

“Yes.”

“Then what is it?”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“P-panties?”

“I don’t know,” Why do I feel this conversation is getting nowhere?

“You?”

“Me?”

“Yes.”

“Me what?”

“A man?”

“Hey, is that even a legitimate question?” What kind of interrogation is this?

“Answer.”

“Of course I am!”

“Then why?”

“Why what?”

“Didn’t help?”

“Who?”

“Thief.”

I think I’m talking to a retard. “I’m not like him. I put my urges in their proper place.”

“True.”

“What?”

“What?”

“What what?”

“You know I’m having fun watching you guys talk,” was the comment of the Marquise of Monfort. She finally recovered after being hit in the head by her subordinate, “You both look stupid!”

Oh yeah? Like you’re one to talk!

“Ah anyway, Dame Atkins, I’ll take charge here,” the Marquise of Monfort told her, “Continue writing Mister Kuro’s responses.”

Dame Atkins gave a silent nod and backed down.

“So yeah, as I was saying earlier, you caught a big fish,” the Marquise began.

“Big fish?” I wanted an elaborate answer to what she just told me.

“Yeah. That thief you fought is the Duke Millshawn. He’s a well-known underwear thief in all of Chersea and a dedicated pervert whose stated goal in life is to grab hold of at least one of Her Holiness’ panties.”

“That’s…quite a mission, huh?” This world is weird.

“His alias: ‘The Great Sneaker’.”

And even their naming convention is twisted. “Legend has it that there hasn’t been a girl’s panty in this land that is safe from the Duke’s hand. That’s why we took extra measures to ensure the security of this place. But alas, he still slipped past the guards.”

Well, for something that should be ‘extra secure,’ for a pervert to sneak past the security is something, huh?

“Fortunately, the Saint has willed…”

Oh boy, here we go again…

“…a great soul to aid her faithful paladins in the defense of her underwear!”

I wouldn’t say I like where this is heading.

The Marquise of Monfort was serious in her monologue, “And this great soul is even willing to sacrifice his life to safeguard the nether regions of Her Holiness…”

She said it!

“So, from this day forward, allow me—the humble servant of Her Holiness, Dusis Louisa, the Marquise of Monfort—to give upon you the honorable title of ‘Defender of Her Holiness’ Nether Regions’—guoh!”

I immediately spat the water out straight into the paladin’s face. Dame Atkins began clapping her hands emotionlessly.

----------

“You never cease to entertain me, Kuro, the Defender of my Nether Regions,” the Saint gave me an amused look once I emerged from that silly ‘interrogation’ unscathed. She was waiting for me in the courtyard, along with some maids serving her tea.

“T-thank you, Your H-holiness. But can you please omit that stupid title?”

“Oh why, oh why?” Her Holiness displayed a mockingly worried expression, “Don’t you like the honor, Mister Defender?”

Haha…yep, I thought Her Holiness was still angry about that embarrassing Vietnam War stunt I did earlier.

“Oh yes. Do that again in front of my patrons, and I will incinerate you,” the gentle, smiling face of Saint Madelaine didn’t match her words, but yes, I’d remember that. Fortunately, I could get away from that scene with just a bump on my head, courtesy of Her Holiness herself.

“But my patrons aside, you are something. Not only did you make them laugh, but you also caught that pervert trying to sneak in my room.” I didn’t know if she praised me or what, but I guess I’d just let her speak her mind. “Well, at least, please do that ‘Vietnam War’ stunt when we don’t have visitors. I’m sure the rest of the household also would enjoy watching you like that.”

“Oh, indeed they are,” I said sarcastically, but the Saint didn’t mind.

“Ah anyway, please come here,” she tapped on her lap. Is she telling me to place my head there?

“Of course, I am.” Oh…she read my mind.

Err…wouldn’t it be awkward for her? Or what about the maids? They might mistake that gesture for something perverted once again.

“Kuro, a beautiful girl is already offering you a lap pillow. I don’t see any reason you’ll refuse the invitation, can you?”

“Err…” From the corners of my eyes, I could feel the death stares of the maids watching my every move.

“Kuro, I just wanted to heal your head injuries; that pervert thief gave you a lot of nasty bruises after all. What’s keeping you?” The Saint’s face changed from gentle to threatening. Her servants’ deadly stares immediately vanished. I did what she told me, and she began chanting the healing spell.

She may be forceful, but Her Holiness is a kind soul, huh?

“I’m glad you think of me that way, Kuro. Thank you!”

Fuck, she read my mind for the third time.