Chapter 4 - Return 4
This world was as disgusting as it was boring. In no time, I realized I needed to find something to do, or I would go crazy.
I could try meeting new people. But I hated awkwardly having to explain who I was every time I met someone. Besides, none of it was true, and every time they asked me difficult questions, I had to come up with some lie.
On top of that, I couldn’t stand listening to everyone praising Eleanor’s group’s achievements.
Sure, they had done something remarkable, but for me, it was just memories I wanted to forget.
All their talk about kindness, good manners, and virtue just sounded hollow.
It’s not like I could stand in front of those people and explain to everyone the things those bitches had really done. In the end, I always ended up frustrated.
Finally, the place where I found refuge was the Imperial Library. It was a place forbidden to outsiders, and only those invited to the palace could enter.
I usually spent my days reading books filled with useless information, but I found them entertaining. There were also books about ancient heroes, which were at least passable reads.
But today, I encountered an unwelcome guest.
“There you are, Porter!”
It was the Saintess. I had been traveling with her for years, so I could recognize her voice just from the way she called me.
Even so, I didn’t want to respond. Just seeing her face would put me in a bad mood, so I decided not to look at her.
“You didn’t come to the celebration. I felt a little hurt, you know!”
“I was there.”
“You were? Hmm, I guess it would’ve been hard for a porter to be with us… But still, you worked hard.”
I couldn’t see her expression, but she was probably smiling brightly.
Now that I think about it, even when she annoyed me, her words were always sweet, unlike her actions.
When I raised my gaze a little, her white priestess robe caught my attention. No matter how exhausting the battle was, a single prayer would restore it to a pristine white. A truly mystical garment.
“Still, don’t you feel lonely in this place? Ah, I know! How about we all gather and eat something soon? Nerwen is still here, and if we tell Eleanor, I’m sure she’ll come too!”
“My presence would only make things more uncomfortable.”
“Oh, don’t be like that! No one thinks that way, really. Sure, they were a bit harsh on you sometimes, but deep down, they all appreciated you…”
“I’m uncomfortable.”
“Eh? Are you still not feeling well? Then I can cast a healing spell for you…”
“No. I mean I don’t want to be around you.”
I didn’t want to talk any further. I figured I’d made myself clear enough, so I turned my focus back to the book in front of me.
Yet, I didn’t hear the sound of her leaving.
“Why… why not?”
“…”
She saw firsthand what I went through. She was one of the perpetrators.
For someone who had witnessed and heard everything yet still didn’t understand, I felt no need to explain why I was hurting or why I hated them.
I closed the book and stood up. A brief glimpse of her face as I passed made her look like someone who truly didn’t know anything.
Unfortunately, this library did not allow borrowing books. Quietly, I placed the book back on the shelf.
“Even if you’re angry, wouldn’t it be better to talk it out…”
If this was something that could be solved with words, it would’ve been resolved years ago. I tried for years, and I failed.
“I-I’ll talk to Eleanor and try to make sure you get a fair reward for everything!”
I am someone destined to leave. If the empire had been ready, I wouldn’t have stayed a second longer in this shitty world.
Even if they handed me mountains of gold, beauties, and magical elixirs, none of it meant anything to me.
The fact that I didn’t attack her while she spoke was sufficient proof of how patient I have been all this time.
Leaving her behind, shouting something from afar in the library, I quietly returned to my room.
*****
In a mysterious place, where colorful lights shone beautifully through stained glass, a girl was praying.
It was the center of a grand cathedral in the capital—a place so sacred that commoners might visit only once or twice in their lifetime, and even high-ranking priests couldn’t come and go as they pleased.
This was the closest place to the goddess herself, where prayers offered were guaranteed to be heard by the divine.
But no one would stop this girl. After all, with the hero having defeated the Demon King, if anyone could claim closeness to the goddess now, it was undoubtedly her.
“Goddess…”
Saintess Celia knelt politely before the brilliantly glowing statue of the goddess, praying earnestly.
“The porter seems really angry. What should I do…”
At first, they had all been a cheerful group. Among them, the kindest in the Saintess eyes was undoubtedly the porter.
He silently carried out all the heavy tasks they asked of him without complaining even once. Although he contributed little to battles, just keeping up with the hero’s group as a non-combatant must have been exhausting.
At the beginning of the adventure, he never lost his smile. But as time went on, that changed, and it broke the Saintess heart to see him like that.
He carried her burdens and stood guard while she prayed. Wishing for everyone to be happy was only natural for her.
“I fought so hard… so we could all live happily together.”
Now that the battle against the Demon King was over, they could all finally be together. Nerwen, Eleanor, and Fasir were relaxed and enjoying the victory.
It was no longer necessary for anyone to stand guard, finally everyone could be together. Of course, he should have been there too, enjoying the banquet with them. However, he was not in sight; it was as if he had vanished into thin air.
“I saw him today, but… it seems like he hates the others. How can I make things right?”
The Saintess couldn’t think of any solution, and she felt uneasy.
“Please, answer me…”
It was rare to hear the goddess’s voice directly, but as a Saintess, she could sense even the faintest of the goddess’s emotions or intentions.
Her divine power flowed normally. In a sacred place like this, it was impossible for the goddess not to hear her.
Yet, the goddess gave her no answer and simply left her alone.
Thinking her sincerity must be lacking, the Saintess adjusted her posture and continued praying.
*******
Running into the Saintess at the library had left me in a foul mood.
It wasn’t dark outside yet, but my head throbbed, and my eyes felt heavy. I turned off the lights, crawled into bed, and lay down.
The soft blanket covering my eyes was different from the rough one I had used during the journey. The blanket was too comfortable.
“Why… am I still here…”
At first, I didn’t think I’d need to participate in the adventure.
But about a week after the hero set out, the emperor suddenly summoned me.
—You don’t need to fight directly, but at least open the doors. I didn’t expect it to come to this… but there’s no other way.
There were many strong people across the continent. To those people, a newly-started hero was nothing more than a nuisance they could wipe out in seconds—except for one detail:
The trials prepared by the goddess for the hero could not be overcome by anyone but the hero themselves.
The Demon King’s barriers, too, couldn’t be dispelled unless blessed by the goddess through the hero’s power.
Because of that, I was dragged around everywhere, opening doors.
When clearing dungeons near the empire, I didn’t have to follow the party. But soon enough, we ventured deep into the Demon King’s territory.
After that, I had to take care of all jobs for the party: cooking, cleaning, carrying supplies, and standing guard at night; all the minor tasks fell on me.
To some extent, it was a job I took on voluntarily. Doing nothing while they fought and just watching from a distance weighed on my conscience.
The work was manageable at first. The others even showed me some respect for taking on those tasks.
But as the battles grew fiercer and everyone was on edge from the fights, I was the first to be attacked.
The mage always chose the most “efficient” way, while the Saintess insisted on methods in line with the goddess’s teachings.
If I followed the Saintess orders, the mage called me a fool wasting time on nonsense. If I listened to the mage, the Saintess warned me of the goddess’s wrath.
The archer never liked my smell initially, but at least at first, she had the grace to express her dislike gently.
As the battles dragged on and the time we spent together grew longer, she started treating me like trash.
I disliked them. But they were the only people around me, so I had no choice but to endure.
At some point, the Saintess started waking me up during her watch to take her place so she could pray instead.
She needed to recover her divine power, and it wasn’t something I could easily refuse. The battles were tough, and if my efforts could help keep the group safe, I had no reason to say no.
But somewhere along the way, my sacrifice became expected. As if it were normal, everyone started forcing sacrifices onto me.
I could barely walk. Mistakes and lapses in concentration were inevitable.
If I was slow, the mage yelled. If I got scratched by a monster’s attack, the hero “trained” me by beating me.
And I endured it. Because that was the right thing to do, like always.
But now… I don’t know. I feel too tired to think about what’s right or wrong anymore.
Tonight, too, I couldn’t return to Earth.