NOVEL WEB Chapter 8
“Thanks, KawaiiHorned! And thanks to everyone else for your support. I’m sorry my reaction to the donations isn’t that big. I really don’t know how to handle that kind of stuff…”
– “It’s fine, it’s fine.”
– “Why would you need a reaction when you soloed the Goblin Empire? LOL”
– “For real, LOL.”
– “I thought you were gonna die or something; I almost had a heart attack, but you made it look so easy?”
– “I feel like this is the first time I’ve seen Noona tackle a high-risk dungeon.”
“Well, I used to just do random hunts. But today, it’s all about that Goblin Head Soup… Oh right! I need to make soup!”
After responding to a bunch of donations, time flew by quickly.
We didn’t have much time left.
Someone mentioned earlier that a viewer reported me to the Hunter Association, right?
It would take at least two hours for them to arrive, so until then, I had to enjoy my Goblin Head Soup broadcast with the viewers.
Fortunately, the only things I lost were the eight servings of broth and the broken pot from an arrow.
I still had a lot of broth left. The cooking ingredients weren’t lacking either.
Alright, first, I’ll start the campfire again with Divine Power… surely, no one will interrupt this time, right?
Alright. I take a look around before starting to boil the broth.
“Okay! Now it’s time for… a happy! Fun! Goblin Head Soup cooking session… has arrived~!!”
– “Holy sh*t…”
– “Ewww.”
– “You were doing fine, then you said that.”
– “Noona…..”
– “Do you really have to eat that?”
– “What are you, some old-school variety show MC?”
– “I know that tone. My uncle used to chuckle while watching replays of old variety shows, and the MC spoke just like that.”
…These sharp-witted bastards…
What’s a guy to do?
It’s been decades since I returned to the original world, which is an eternity in pure time. Most of what I remember are old shows and programs.
Culture and trends have drastically changed during that time, so while it may seem like an outdated sentiment to the viewers, there’s nothing I can do about it.
“Shut up and clap.”
– “Hurry up and clap!”
– “Didn’t you hear the Lord’s command?”
– “The Lord LOL.”
– “LOL, I’m losing it.”
– “Are you actually going to eat that?”
– “But if it’s the Emperor Goblin, won’t its teeth and bones sell for a crazy price?”
– “Just sell them…;”
“Hmm, if it’s an Origin entity with an S-grade hazard level, it should sell for a decent price. I’m not proficient in market trends, so I can’t say for sure…”
[‘KawaiiHorned’ donated 10,000 won!]
– “S-grade monster magic stones or shards are worth whatever someone is willing to pay. Not just Hunters, even national organizations like power companies might buy them, so putting them up for auction would be worth watching. Even if you sold it to the Association, they’d probably pay you a lot, right?”
[‘CitrusFarmDead’ donated 5,000 won!]
– “I could afford a house in one go.”
“Oh, really? But I already have a house, so I’m fine.”
– “Hey Noona… wouldn’t it be much better to sell that and grill a bunch of delicious beef instead?”
“What are you talking about? Beef or pork are readily available meats in our society. But when are we ever going to eat Goblin meat? Especially the meat of an Emperor Goblin!”
– “But Noona wants to make soup with it, not grill it…”
– “LOL.”
– “You’re insane LOL.”
– “I know what that’s like. It’s like catching a Grunt Fish and frying it up; it feels similar.”
– “Grunt Fish fry, LOL.”
“Are you mocking the soup? Soup is the same. Grilling meat is the most basic, primitive method of cooking. But soup is the result of our university’s brilliant scholars’ research… it’s the epitome of cost-effective cooking of this era! Many people prefer eating soup over grilling meat, don’t they?”
– “So the streamer is a soup enthusiast?”
– “But scholars made the soup??”
– “Don’t know.”
– “Sounds like nonsense.”
– “Noona… just do what makes you happy…”
– “As long as Noona is happy, that’s good enough for me…”
“Excuse me, if you don’t know, just be quiet.”
These people have no idea how sacred and great soup is, do they?
Even before I became Mangja Seongnyeo, soup was a wonderfully cost-effective food, that simple hot and rich broth, meat, rice, and seasoning blend harmoniously to create the perfect combination of protein and carbohydrates.
And if it’s accompanied by delicious pickled radish, it’s a dish that could easily make anyone exclaim, “Damn Yes~!”
And the sanctity of soup hasn’t changed in this era.
People still search for it, and even at the time I returned, many stew restaurants remained.
Oh, holy soup…
“Alright, to make the Emperor Goblin soup, I need to start by preparing the meat, right?”
– “Wait, are you seriously going to cook this? LOL.”
– “Preparing the meat, LOL?”
– “I’ve seen a lot in my life, but a broadcast where they prepare Goblin meat, this is a first, LOL.”
– “Eww, Noona, please don’t…”
“Do you seriously think you can just tear into Goblin meat raw without preparing it? Beef, pork, even the recently recognized edible Taurus meat, and Goblin meat! All require meticulous butchering and disassembly! Isn’t this pure Goblin hate? These racist bastards! How could you say such horrendous things?!”
– “For real, LOL.”
– “Shut the f*ck up.”
– “F*ckery activated.”
– “F*ckery Saint active.”
– “LOL.”
The first step in cooking is washing your hands, but unfortunately, there wasn’t an appropriate spot to wash them here, so I used the drinking water I packed in my backpack.
“Well, anyway, butchering isn’t hard. First, I need to drain the blood. I need to cut the bones and flesh into pieces… but honestly, I’m not a skilled butcher. Let’s keep it simple.”
[Miracle – Purification]
Divine Power flowed through my hands, enveloping the Emperor Goblin’s body.
As if receiving a holy baptism, the Emperor Goblin’s body gleamed white, but this wasn’t a baptism; it was sterilization for slaughter.
The miracle of purification I just used cleansed everything dirty, including waste, poison, and all status ailments, including hallucinations.
“Alright, the meat is clean now. The germs or anything that could have contaminated it should be all purified.”
– “Drooling.”
[‘Tenryontenren’ donated 5,000 won!]
“But seriously, Noona, you look like a… old person.”
“………..”
– “Streamer? You should answer!”
– “Yeah, you need to respond!”
– “LOL.”
– “Looks like the streamer has gone mute from the honey.”
– “Can’t really lie being a Seongnyeo, huh? LOL.”
– “I can’t say it’s not true, LOL.”
“But since I’m a returnee, it’s reasonable to be older, right? LOL.”
“Ahem. Let’s see.”
Since there weren’t any decent butchering knives, I decided to rely on the tentacles’ strength from the flesh on my waist.
Though they may look odd, these are multifunctional tentacles that can even change into blade forms.
Even if I can see the Emperor Goblin’s body lay bare through the flesh, muscles, and innards, the viewers’ eyes probably filter most of it.
First, I cut off the head, which was the most important part.
The next steps are crucial.
As the flesh tentacles strip the bones and flesh, I need to carefully remove the heart, lungs, and various organs without bursting them.
Fortunately, the Emperor Goblin’s body was solid beyond comparison to a regular Goblin, so even though I might have messed up the pressure, nothing exploded.
Even though I used the purification miracle, there shouldn’t be any muck or germs on the Emperor Goblin’s body, but doesn’t a feeling count for anything?
Squish, squish!
The first part I focus on is the liver.
If you’ve ever had pork soup, you’ll know that a clear broth usually contains not just lean meat but also prepared innards, and obviously, Goblin meat also includes this… right?
Maybe….?
‘…Um, well… I don’t really know.’
Is there anyone else in this world who has butchered Goblin meat other than me?
If there is, I definitely want to learn proper recipes and butchering methods from that individual.
Anyway, I should do it similarly to when I cooked Hobgoblin… The Emperor Goblin may look different from a Hobgoblin and have different bone and fat distributions, but they’re still the same ‘species’ of Goblin, so there should be some similarities.
“For now, the weight of the Emperor Goblin’s liver seems to be about 1 kg.”
Looking at how heavy just the inner organs are, it’s clear it’s packed with protein and fat.
If I were at home, I’d soak it in cold water to remove the blood and briefly boil it, but right now, time is of the essence.
Squish, squeeze!
“First, we have to apply pressure from the top to remove blood and unwanted fat. It’s just like how livestock traders press meat with a machine. By applying pressure like this, we can squeeze out blood as well as parasites and inner fat, which is essential. Probably…?”
– “Are you seriously cooking right now without any jokes?!?!”
– “If you didn’t mention the Emperor Goblin, it just looks like meat.”
– “But I can’t eat that, LOL.”
– “Even if we’re filtered, the streamer is seeing that disgusting thing for real while butchering it, LOL.”
No idea how strong a press machine is, but with my strength, it should be enough.
All inner meats are like this, but the fresher they are, the more flavor they’ll have.
Especially with the liver, since it has a lot of blood, it’ll start losing its freshness immediately after removal, so it’s best to prepare and eat it as quickly as possible.
“Ah, the blood has all drained away. It looks quite clean overall. Do you see?”
– “Yeah, I see.”
– “Isn’t that a pig liver?”
– “It looks exactly the same.”
– “It’s probably tasty.”
– “If it’s good, it’ll be legendary.”
I showed the liver, which had ended up being squeezed, to the drone camera.
The Emperor Goblin’s liver reminded me of a type of blood pudding.
It was soft yet red as blood, plenty enough to stimulate appetite.
“The scent… hmm! Good. Fresh! If I cook it this way, it’ll be perfect.”
– “Wait, can you differentiate by the smell?”
– “LOL. I don’t think this is the first time the streamer has done something like this.”
“But my tentacles disassemble the remaining flesh and bones, and then I chop the liver into small pieces to throw into the pot.”
The crucial part, the Emperor Goblin’s head, was already cooking in the pot.
Taking into account the viewers’ comments, I had previously removed the eyes of the Emperor Goblin.
I was going for a clear broth soup, and if the eyes were floating on top, the viewers would probably be disgusted.
“Looks like I used up all the seasoning earlier, huh? That’s okay. I can make something here.”
I opened my backpack and looked at the available ingredients.
Soy sauce, syrup, sugar, cooking wine, garlic, onion, ginger, pepper, anchovy fish sauce… well, while it might not be enough, I can make a decent temporary seasoning.
Normally, it would be good to add pear juice or apple juice, but I’ll boil the water first…
Mixing the ingredients roughly to taste produced quite a nice flavor.
Hmm, good, good.
“I’ve prepped the liver and added it. The head of the Emperor Goblin is also in there, so now all we have to do is wait for it to boil.”
The aromas wafting between the pot made my mouth water.
Ah. I’m getting happy.
Yeah, this is it….
“Ah… the smell is great….”
– “That isn’t smoke, is it, streamer?”
– “That’s real.”
– “Just look at your face LOL. How could that be smoke? LOL.”
“Honestly, while clearing dungeons, I get to work out my body and sit in front of a warm campfire enjoying the smell of aromatic Goblin soup… maybe everyone should try it!”
[‘Tenryontenren’ donated 10,000 won!]
– “Nah, I’m good.”
– “LOL.”
– “Direct response, LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “LOL.”
Eventually, I closed my eyes with a smirk as the viewers started chatting amongst themselves, totally ignoring me.
In truth, I wasn’t asleep.
It was just a bit tiring, and with the campfire by my side, I felt a little drowsy.
“… Darn…!”
Yeah, I wasn’t asleep…
“Shia Noona!!!”
“…?”
Hearing a voice from the side, I abruptly rose.
Not an illusion. Someone actually came.
What’s with this speed? Who could it be?
“Shia Noona!! Are you okay?”
“Uh… um?”
“No way, Noona! Are you insane?! You can’t just rush into an S-grade dungeon without any preparations and without notifying the Association about the Goblin Empire!! What were you thinking?!”
Turning my gaze, a flash of blue hair immediately caught my gaze.
Hair as icy blue as the sky, but her lively and bright smile was quite the contrast.
She looked young, probably in her mid-twenties or so.
Hunter name: Icicle Nine.
Real name: Yeonhwa.
Nickname: Aina.
Also known as the Snow Flower Hero of South Korea, she was the one I first formed a connection with after returning to this world.
Her ability was ice, but her personality was much closer to that of a golden retriever.
“…What brings you here, Ice Clown?”
To me, she was just that—an Ice Clown.
Of course, she pouted, frowning at the mention of Ice Clown.
“It’s not Ice Clown! I’m Icicle Nine! Just call me Aina or even my real name will do!”
Icicle = Ice
Nine = Clown
Aren’t you an Ice Clown?
– “??????”
– “Yeonhwa is here!”
– “Wow! There are two Noonas!”
– “What?! LOL.”
– “Why is Icicle Nine here?”
– “Streamer, do you know Icicle Nine?”
– “What? Are you serious?”
– “Looks like our Noona is a much more impressive Noona than expected…”
– “But what’s this Ice Clown? LOL.”
– “Isn’t that a forbidden word? LOL.”
The broadcast didn’t stop, and since it was still live, the chat exploded at Ice Clown’s sudden appearance.
“I just happened to be watching your stream when I heard a report to the Association and rushed here. The Association is in total emergency mode! A Hunter was reported to be in the Goblin Empire, and they were making such a fuss…”
“Oh really?”
“Phew, but I had no idea the broadcast was yours, Noona…”
– “Streamer, clarify this!”
– “Clarify, clarify, clarify!”
“What for?”
– “So you knew Yeonhwa before?”
– “Is it real? Is it a concept?”
– “Doesn’t seem like a guest?”
– “Since a guest wouldn’t know this in the Goblin Empire, LOL.”
“Um…”
The fact that being an S-grade Hunter was significant and popular is obvious.
But for me, with the chatting bastards going off about Ice Clown, it was a total mess…
Ah, fine, I’ll clear this up.
“Ahem, so let me formally introduce… No, clarify. I’ve known Ice Clown… I mean, S-grade Hunter Yeonhwa for a while now. She helped process my return and provided proof of my identity.”
“Oh, um. I apologize to the viewers for interrupting the broadcast. But as you know, the Goblin Empire has been assessed with an S-grade hazard level, causing the Association to pay close attention…”
“Are the recovery teams being deployed?”
“Uh, yeah… I’m sorry, Noona. The Association has set up a dedicated team for the Goblin Empire, so there’s no way around it. By now, they should all be arriving. And it seems the higher-ups are also quite agitated about you soloing the Empire.”
“Looks like they’re watching my broadcast too.”
“They asked me to write a statement later. Is that alright?”
“Sure, a statement is nothing…”
Hearing this, Yeonhwa let out a sigh of relief.
I did expect to be monitored. It was within reason.
“Anyway, sorry guys. I have to end the broadcast here. It seems Ice Clown… no, Yeonhwa here is worried and managed to bring the Association with her.”
– “It’s already over?”
– “No, don’t go!”
– “But I already saw enough for the day.”
– “Watching you solo the Goblin Empire is more than enough, LOL.”
– “Boo, boo, boo.”
“Um, by the way… Noona.”
“What?”
“Just in case, did you notify anyone about entering the dungeon?”
“…Huh? Why’s that?”
Hunters are required to report to the Management Bureau or Association when entering a dungeon.
If any Hunters are unresponsive for any lengthy periods, rescue teams or emergency squads are dispatched; this has recently become standard procedure to prevent crimes occurring in dungeons.
I did notify them, stating I was entering a dungeon rated as a C-grade level.
“But… this is a Mimetic Dungeon, right, Noona?”
“Yep, that’s right.”
“So whether it’s the Goblin Empire or not, you must submit an additional report to enter a Mimetic Dungeon…”
And obviously, I didn’t submit an additional report.
I charged in right at the chance to make soup from the Emperor Goblin’s head.
– “That’s right! You just charged in without any report!”
– “What happens if you don’t report? Is it a big deal?”
– “Not particularly will it cause penalties or serious problems.”
– “If you were to lose your way in the dungeon, no one would know, so no rescue team would be sent, but…”
“Uh, I’m sorry. I forgot to report. Did that put you in a tough spot?”
“Not really… but Noona, if you don’t report when entering a dungeon, anything that happens in there gets treated as a natural disaster or accidental death… and…”
“And?”
Yeonhwa turns her gaze towards the boiling pot.
“…And all monster byproducts from a dungeon that weren’t reported become state property. The Emperor Goblin you captured also falls under this rule…”
“………..?”
What?
“As a rule, even if a Hunter didn’t report beforehand, it’s recognized if they captured it. But since the Emperor Goblin is an Origin entity…”
What did she just say?
– “Huh? Wait, what?”
– “What!!!??”
– “Is the Association trying to take what the streamer caught?!”
– “Wow, that’s bold of them.”
– “LOL, right on the air, trying to take the rewards of the hunt?!”
– “The Association has really crossed the line, LOL.”
“No, no! Not like that!”
At the chat’s reaction, Yeonhwa panicked and shouted.
“The Emperor Goblin is the only Origin entity! Its research value is high, and it should be used for training and research material for the next generation of Hunters! Besides, if Noona discovered a Mimetic Dungeon and reported it to the Association before entering, it’d be different, but you charged into a Mimetic Dungeon without notifying anyone, so…”
– “Ah, if that’s what it is, then it’s legal and will hold up, LOL.”
– “That’s definitely the standard.”
– “Yeonhwa is loyal, loyal.”
– “But think about it, that means the streamer illegally hunted, huh?”
– “Illegal hunting, LOL.”
Illegal hunting.
Yeah, that word suits the situation perfectly.
However, it sent a shiver down my spine.
“….So, what about my soup…?”
“I’m sorry, but of course, all of it needs to be confiscated… The Emperor Goblin is of immense value for its bones, meat, and inside organs… but don’t worry! The Association stated they’d give you full compensation…”
What?
– “Look at the streamer’s expression! LOL.”
– “Despair incarnate! LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “Streamer can’t eat soup! LOL.”
– “Even in anger, we’d let it slide, LOL.”
– “LOL.”
…Oh.
Suddenly I felt dizzy.
Where’s my soup! Give it back!
Do you have any idea how hard I worked to make that?!
My, my, my made… the Emperor Goblin Head Soup I made….!
“Y-Yeonhwa! I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! Honestly, I am! I’m really sorry! I’ll apologize to the Association instead! But I can’t help it! Instead, I’ll buy you as much beef… no, I’ll treat you to all the delicious food you want!!!”
“….Anything expensive…”
“Yes, yes! I’ll even rent out a whole meat restaurant for the day! I’m really really sorry! So please don’t cry!”
“…I’m not crying….”
– “LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “That face is priceless! LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “I’m dying over here! LOL.”
– “LOL, from now on, Noona is the illegal hunter saint.”
– “LOL, Illegal Saint!”
…Yeah, I guess I might as well just eat beef.
“Alright, everyone, today’s broadcast… will end here………….”
– “LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “LOL.”
– “LOL.”
[‘KawaiiHorned’ donated 100,000 won!]
“Don’t forget to have soda with your beef!”
What a bastard!
I pressed the broadcast end button, filled with anger and sadness.
Emperor Goblin Head Soup Outcome – Failed (亡)