The Great

Evay Maver: My reflection stared back at me like a cursed, pale ghost as I sat in front of the bathroom mirror. I still wasn’t used to mirrors, or my new body, or really anything. I really wasn’t used to anything anymore….. My new toned muscles looked pretty good in the lamp light, my new lighter brown hair looked nice and stylish, and my new golden tinted eyes looked eerie and powerful. But it was all fucked, everything was so fucked…. I had killed a man, a pretty powerful man, a pretty important man. Sure he probably deserved to die, but I had killed him. This time it wasn’t an accident—I tried to kill him and I did. I wasn’t sad, nor was I regretful, nor was I numb, I was just…. confused. Nothing made sense. Why was I fighting random minor nobles? Why did I lie in order to start a grand war between the entire world? Why did I suddenly want to know where Amie was and how she was doing?

I put my head in my hands as I started to try and pull out my hair.

Was I going insane? Did Hiem do something to me? I was following his voice in my head but he had never told me anything about his future plans. Why was he making me do this?

I looked at myself in the mirror and spoke with a cold and frantic voice, “Hiem, we need to talk. Now.” My reflection shimmered and twisted inside of the mirror until it disappeared and was replaced by Hiem–who had his usual lazy, confident smile on his face. Our expressions couldn’t have been more different, our postures couldn’t have been more different, and our feelings at the present couldn’t have been any more different. I looked at him with wide, blank eyes and spoke in an eerily calm tone, “Tell me, Hiem, what the fuck is going on? What have you done to me?” He laughed and lazy leaned back in his cushy red velvet chair,

“Well I’m simply keeping you alive—that’s all. I know what you’re thinking—why did I make you lie? That’s a pretty good question but I think you know the answer.” I felt a hot pang of intense anger rise up in my heart as I shoved my face closer to the mirror with manically furious eyes,

“I really don’t actually—you have made me partly trigger the worst conflict in recent human history. Millions will die because of me and my friends will also have to put their lives on the line for my little lie. So if you would like to inform me, you great fucking symbol, why did you make me lie? What’s your grand answer? Don’t give me that, ‘search inside yourself’ bullshit—I had no part in that lie. Tell me, now.” My chest rose up and down as I tried to catch my breath. Hiem looked at me for a bit before snapping his fingers and summoning a glass of wine in his hands. He took a sip,

“You are wrong. You did have something to do with that lie, because I never told you to lie in the first place.” I smashed my fist into the mirror as cracks appeared across Hiem’s face,

“So I just have multiple voices in my head now? Who else but you can telepathically tell me to do things, huh? Does your blessing come with a room service feature where anybody can come into my brain? Stop lying to me—I literally heard you.” Hiem’s facial expressions remained eerily still before he broke out into soft laughter,

“Have you gotten so used to me thinking for you in times of need that you have forgotten the sound of your own voice? Have you not considered the fact that maybe that voice you heard was your own?” I lifted up my fist to smash the mirror again before I stopped myself.

He’s right.

Maybe I had gotten so used to Hiem thinking for me that I forgot I could think for myself. Maybe I didn’t want to die, to get punished for what I did, to be blamed… But none of that made sense either… When I was first interrogated by Jugo and put under the Curse of Order, why did I lie about a foreign nation attacking us during the tournament? It was almost like I wanted a war….. I didn’t want to save myself, I wanted to fight…. But at the same time I didn’t. I didn’t want to die and I didn’t want to see my friends die either. So why had I done that… What the fuck did I do…. I looked at Hiem and tried my best to keep my voice steady,

“So let’s say I did tell that lie—why would I have done it in a way that blames a foreign nation and triggers a war? I just want to save myself right? Why would I make a lie this elaborate?” Hiem chuckled a bit before putting down his drink,

“I’m not so sure you understand. There’s only one reason that you wanted to trigger this war, and that is because in reality you do want war.” Anger rose up in my heart once again as I prepared to smash the mirror into pieces,

“I DON’T! WHY WOULD I—“ all of the candles in the room went out as darkness enveloped me like a cold blanket. It was dark—way too dark—so dark that I couldn’t even see my own hands. Even if all the lights went out it wasn’t supposed to be this dark…. The temperature dropped until it was freezing and the air felt frigid and dry as I saw my breath turn to mist in the air. That same cold voice, the one who had told me to lie to Jugo in the interrogation room, spoke in my ear,

“Hiem is right, you do want war. Unlike Hiem I do know you—I know everything about you.” I looked around for the source of the voice but I couldn’t see anything, “I know what you will become, I know what you were, and I know what you really want. You’ve been distracted, Evay. You met a new girl, some new friends, you got some new powers, and suddenly you’ve forgotten everything and everyone in your past—is that right?” I cold and deep panic rose up in my chest as I desperately clawed at the dark,

“Shut up..” The voice scoffed,

“You want revenge—you’ve always wanted revenge against that noble Wyren right? It’s the entire reason you came here in the first place. But you just killed a minor noble pretty easily right?” I grabbed my hair and started to rock back and forth in order to shake the voice out of my head,

“Shut up…”

“You can do more–your victory over that minor noble proves it. Don’t you want more? Don’t you want to avenge your family and the ones you loved? The major nobles who took your land, the minor nobles who killed your family, and those spoiled warriors who made your friends and loved ones suffer fates worse than death–don’t you want them to suffer? Don’t you remember what they did to Amie? Or are you over her and onto a new girl?”

I screamed, “SHUT UP!” The voice laughed,

“You want to kill everything—not just noble Wyren—you want to kill them all. I see that little flame which burns white hot starting to blossom inside you. Recently, that flame of hate has been going out–it’s almost been extinguished–but I can see it! I can see it slowly growing in you–I can see it start to envelope you and start to consume you. All the nobles, all of those big figures in the Taegan Empire government, all of those warriors who got to do whatever they wanted to you, and all of those people who detest you and your peasant ancestors—you want to kill them don’t you? You want to make them all suffer.” I grit my teeth and began to feel an eerie calm blossom in my heart. I slowly stopped rocking back and forth and the room slowly began to lighten up,

“I do want to make them suffer…. All of them… They should all die, but…but..” The voice began to laugh,

“Yes, you’re finally realizing yourself! Those powerful people who harmed you will now go to die at the hands of their enemies and you are the one who sent them there! You—and your war—will cleanse those people who violated you and you’ll get to watch their demise. But I think you should search a little deeper—or maybe just wait a little—because you can do so much more with this war than you could have ever imagined.” The room began to regain visibility as a small smile appeared on my face,

“You’re my voice right? Are you my consciousness?” The voice laughed as I felt it slowly slip away,

“I guess you could call me that.” The candles in the room lit back up again as Hiem appeared in the mirror—unchanged from before the darkness. I looked at Hiem with a face full of shock and confusion,

“Did you wait long?” He looked at me with confusion,

“What do you mean?” A sudden realization dawned on me—he didn’t see what had just happened…. The voice in my head wasn’t controlled by Hiem….. I’d split my consciousness into two and now Hiem and I weren’t on the same page. What that voice had said was right. I hated them… I fucking hated them. All of the nobles, the warriors, the kings and imperial officials, I hated them all. For what they had done to my land, what they had done to our family, for how they treated us, and how they detested us. They hated us for being born our way, for being different from them, and they blamed us for everything that afflicted them. We were no different than livestock to them—all because we didn’t have abilities of our own. All because we got sick a little easier, because we needed to take their scraps to die, because we couldn’t do as much as they did…. I wanted them to die, I wanted them to suffer. If we went to war and everyone was sent to die, that would achieve my goal… All the high born who had ever wronged me could waste their lives away on the battlefield. In other words, my consciousness, my hatred, my inner alter-ego had started a war just to kill everyone who had ever wronged me. It wasn’t what I wanted, it wasn’t even a good plan, but at the same time… it made my heart race. They could all die, all of them, and all I had to do was sit back and watch those fucking nobles and their forces get slaughtered by the world. At the same time, my friends, my people, and the familles of my people would have to pay the price. I looked in the mirror with cold and emotionless eyes. I didn’t want to put them through this, I didn’t want them to get hurt, I didn’t want them to die because of me. It’s not what I wanted–

That same cold and eerie voice popped up in my head again, “Fuck that–you’ve been paying the price of the shitty side of life for all your living years. They can suffer for a bit–it’ll make everything even. Don’t you remember what I said to you? No matter how hard it is you have to keep going,” I put my head in my lap as I tried to squeeze the voice out of my mind. I rocked back and forth and fell onto the floor as I writhed around in panic and pain,

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD,” the voice spoke with a sadistic tone,

“Trouble? They’re your friends right? So how come you haven’t told them about where you really come from?” I stopped dead in my tracks and froze like a statue. The voice spoke with amusement, “Did that hit home? What do you think they’re going to say to you when you tell them you’re a peasant? Do you think that they will welcome you with open arms and love you like they did before? Even your friends are filthy, high born, snobby, powerful warriors who will eventually become like the nobles.” I spoke with a whisper,

“They won’t..” the voice laughed again,

“Really? If they’re so loving of your people and they will accept you then how come you haven’t just told them? I think you and I both know that they will never accept you. They will leave you in the end as well. Are you really willing to fight for those people?” I grabbed my hair and tried to claw it off my scalp, “Fight. Use this war, use these battles, wipe them out, and do not dare try to undo your actions.” I tried to crawl back to the mirror, “Do not forget why you are here, Evay, do not forget who you are. Do not go back to the people who will never accept you and trust this process we have created. Keep going, keep fighting, keep living,” I reached the mirror and clawed at it with desperation as the voice seemingly amplified in my head, “you will get to change the world Evay, you will become great.”

The voice finally left my head as I dropped down to the floor–limp from exhaustion. I looked at Hiem as he stared back at me and, for once, had doubt in his eyes. My voice shivered and waved from fear and weariness as I tried my best to speak.”

“Hiem, I did it–I caused the war. I can use it to kill all the nobles but everyone will die… I…. I… I think.. I think this is my revenge.” Hiem looked at me with concern in his eyes. I gave him a blank stare which held a million emotions behind the mask I called a face,”You know why?” I weakly slapped my hand up against the mirror,

“Because I sent them—I sent them all to die.”