The Great Hero is a Schoolteacher

The city had a gate, but it was wide open and unmanned. We walked in, navigating through the crowd. Catalin gave me a side look as we walked.

“Who was that man, Al? I can’t believe he didn’t tell you his name!”

Her tail whipped the air as she talked. I wanted to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, but she dodged it.

“I told you I don’t like him either, but at least he got us here!” I tried to protest.

Chess sighed. “Don’t you understand how much he lied to you, ma’am? Magic, tanvarchs? He can’t be a simple mountain lord. I bet he’s a demon from Elkodunar.”

Catalin’s ears curled forward. “Could he be the Demon Lord himself?”

My heart sank. If they found out we’d gotten help from the man who was supposed to be my sworn enemy, and I’d tricked them into traveling with him, they’d never trust me again. Rightly so.

“That seems unlikely,” answered Chess.

Thank G… I mean, thank the Almighty for that. I will tell them everything when we’re all safe, but right now, it’s easier if they build their own explanation.

I kept silent, slightly ashamed, working on my poker face.

“But he’s so powerful!” protested Catalin.

Chess looked deep in thought for a moment, emerald eyes slightly glassy, looking into the distance.

“No,” they finally decided.

“Why not?”

“Because Demon Lord Faur can’t just leave his empire and travel this way, alone with a single coachman! He’s an emperor. He’s a tyrant. If he left like this, there’d likely be an uprising in Elkodunar. But you’re right, that man was powerful. He must be one of Faur’s lieutenants.”

Both my companions stared at me. I frowned.

“What? How could I guess? Before we found out his horses were actually tanvarchs, I mean?”

“There were clues, ma’am. Aren’t you afraid of what that man will tell Demon Lord Faur? The enemy you’re supposed to defeat?”

“I guess I should be, but I can worry about it later.” I shrugged. “I got fooled, but I must roll with it. By the time Faur gets a report, we’ll be gone. Right now, we have a dragon to free.”

The city of Malo was both lively and unmistakably poor. Food looked scarce on the main market, most people were emaciated, and yet, blacksmiths and stonemasons were hard at work. We only got the odd suspicious look as we walked along the streets.

The people here are used to seeing travelers, and they have no reason to be wary of us. There’s an ultimatum going on, but so far, Inabar’s not at war.

Local costumes were mostly made of wool, I noticed, and heavily codified. Heavily gendered, too. The color of the clothes seemed to indicate a person’s profession, but I couldn’t be sure. Men wore pants, sleeveless jackets and black caps, while women wore long skirts and red or yellow headscarves.

When I understood they weren’t speaking Brealian, I listened carefully, until my ears were accustomed to their language. What was it called? Inabarian, probably. Anyway, my gift for languages worked perfectly.

The castle had its own curtain walls, in slightly better state than the city’s. Through the open gate of the gatehouse, we saw the courtyard and the keep behind it. That stronghold was ancient. I could hardly believe Maitura Ordonbadet, who’d lived only a handful of generations before us, was the one who decided to build it all. The keep must have been existing when she settled in Malo. She probably had fortifications and commons added around it, though.

Anyway, this is where we’re supposed to go, and if there really is a cliff on the other side of the fortress, it means there’s no other way in. But we won’t get past this gatehouse easily.

Chess crossed their arms. “What do you suggest, ma’am?”

I looked around us.

“The stronghold is connected to the city, so it’s not like we’re trying to break a siege. People get in and out. Let’s observe them and find a suitable opportunity.”

As we found out by early afternoon, guards at the gatehouse changed every hour or so, but the only people who went in and out of the fortress at this time of day were women, bringing food inside or taking dirty laundry out. Some had green skirts, some had blue ones. If I trusted what they carried, green skirts were for cooks and blue skirts were for washerwomen. Heavily codified. Heavily gendered.

Two of us are women and Chess can pass as one. This is our best chance.

I followed a group of three green-skirted women who left the castle. They chatted happily while heading to a group of buildings that reminded me of old British terraced houses from my native world.

When they reached one front door, I offered to hold the door for them. They accepted, got inside, and I stayed around, eavesdropping as much as I could.

Catalin and Chess joined me a minute later.

“Can you understand what they’re saying?”

I nodded. “I’m fluent in more languages than I can count. These women are cooks at the castle.”

Chess rolled their eyes. “I could tell as much. Green skirts. Cooks.”

“They’re having a break right now. They’ll be back in the afternoon to prepare dinner.”

“Is it so easy for them to get in and out?”

“It seems so. Why shouldn’t it?”

“What about safety, ma’am?”

True, it was a major security flaw, but it was also our chance. I shrugged.

“The castle isn’t huge. It probably holds more people than it used to, and there may not be enough rooms inside to accommodate all the personnel. I guess this whole row of houses is home to castle servants. It’s reasonably close, so it’s easy to come for someone if they’re needed. And in the event of an attack, they’ll be the ones running into the courtyard for protection, not the other way around.”

“Fair enough. Did you hear anything interesting?”

“I think I did. Learning about these cooks’ habits and personal lives gave me an idea.”

I waited for Catalin and Chess to give me the right look, the one people have when they await the rest of the story.

I’ve seen it in countless adventure movies. I never believed it was possible to pull the same trick here!

“We should replace them this afternoon. You know, borrow local clothes and talk our way into the castle, on time for cooking dinner. I already know these women’s names, so I can pretend we’re friends. We just need to make up a story: something happened, they asked us to step in for them…”

Chess raised a hand. “It’ll never work, ma’am. Nobody will believe us.”

“Except they will if we add special effects to make them buy the story!”

Catalin frowned. “Special… Do you mean magic?”

“Exactly. If we use all our respective assets, we’ll get in.”

Chess winced. “Do you mean I’ll have to disguise myself as a cook? A female cook?”

“I’m afraid so. Can you do it?”

They took a deep breath before deciding they’d survive the ordeal.

We sneaked into an empty house, then we went from backyard to backyard until we found enough clothes hanging on lines. Catalin hid her ears in a red headscarf, and her tail underneath a long full green skirt. Even Chess looked reasonably feminine in a shawl, with their sword tucked between skirt and petticoat.

They look miserable, though. I wish I didn’t have to put them through this.

“Sorry you have to do this, Chess. And thank you for your courage.”

I kept one of our traveling bags and Catalin carried the other, after emptying them of everything we didn’t need. The only things we brought, I hoped, were inconspicuous. After all, if things went according to plan, Kossi would be free by the end of the day, so we wouldn’t need much more luggage.

And if they didn’t, we’d all be dead.

I looked at the pile of clothes we’d left behind a log.

Someone will find dirty laundry today and wonder where it came from.

I kept my pants and white shirt underneath my woolen skirt and vest. I wanted to be able to remove the costume if I needed to run, and still be fairly decent.

“Can any of you lock the cooks inside their house? They’ll get out eventually, but it’ll buy us some time.”

Catalin put up her hand. “I can do this, Al!”

We went back to the three women’s house, and she cast a spell on the lock.

“Wait!” said Chess. “Remember, in the wizard’s house by Lake Mera? We had to ram a door because none of us was able to pick the lock. Why could you do this one here and not the other?”

Catalin looked down at her feet and spoke in an apologetic tone.

“I jammed it, actually. I’m not very good with metal, not yet. I’m only a freshman, Chess. There are many spells I’ll only learn during my next years at the University, if I can get back there and submit my final assignment.”

“No, it’s all right, I was just wondering…”

Chess’s cheeks flushed. I smiled at the two of them.

“Look, as far as I’m concerned, you’re both very good at what you can do. Now, Catalin, can you use your ball spells for something different than the usual? I remember you said you could sustain multiple ones if they were small enough.”

She giggled when I was done explaining my plan.

“I like it!” she exclaimed.

Chess shook their head. “I don’t. It’s gross.”

“Come on, Chess, you survived a dire bear’s bad breath and you think this is gross?”

They rolled their eyes, but they didn’t argue. Catalin cast the spell I’d asked for, and we headed to the castle.

The two guards at the gate immediately barred us from entering.

“Who are you? Get out!”

I tried my best to look self-assured. It’s time to put out my best bluff in Inabarian. Drown them in chatter until they give up.

“Didn’t Teya tell you?” These were my first words in the language, and yet, I felt as comfortable as a native speaker. “Oh no, of course she didn’t! She only felt sick when she got home. She has a terrible stomachache, and Silia and Demy aren’t feeling too well either, so they asked us to fill in for them at the kitchen.”

Of course, it didn’t work. I didn’t expect it to. Guards were supposed to be, if not always very clever, at least not too gullible. A spear was pointed at me.

“You’re lying. If they did, they’d be with you to confirm your story.”

Exactly! And this is why I have a prepared explanation for it.

I pointed in the direction of the terraced houses, which weren’t visible from the gatehouse.

“I told you, they can’t, they’re too busy puking! I bet there was something in their lunch. Isn’t it a pity to get food poisoning when you’re a cook? I hope you didn’t eat the same meal, because you know how these things work: when there’s something spoiled in a pot, the whole dish goes bad.”

I encouraged Catalin with a smile. She knew the sign: she cast tiny balls of fire inside the two guards’ stomachs, too small to seriously harm them, but hot enough to give them heartburn. She’d done the same to the three cooks before we left the terrace. She could only sustain one larger ball at a time, but these marble-sized ones consumed less energy.

I kept talking in the meantime. The guards had to be overwhelmed. I couldn’t give them time to think, or they’d figure out it was all a trick.

“Don’t worry, you’re not getting any of this with us. We’re very good at telling fresh ingredients from rotten ones! Hey, is something wrong?”

Both men had turned pale and could hardly hide their pain. I frowned as if I was actually worried. “Can I help you?”

The guards held up a hand. “No, no, you can’t, it’s just…”

Catalin’s face became more serious. She was focused on her spell, probably increasing its power.

“Urgh…” One of the guards ran along the inside of the crenellated wall, and we heard disgusting noises as he threw up. I felt bad for him, but we knew we couldn’t get inside the castle without harming anyone.

Nobody must die. Any life here has the same value as Kossi’s, and I refuse to kill if we can help it. But I can make a few people a little sick for a handful of hours.

The other guard was holding his stomach. Even though he didn’t complain out loud, his contorted face screamed his pain. The spear pointed at me began wobbling.

“Let me see those bags.”

He had sweat on his forehead and his paleness was beginning to look greenish. Catalin and I graciously let him search our bags, but it was clear he could hardly stand on his feet.

“Go ahead. We’ll discuss this with Teya later.”

I curtsied.

“Thank you. It’s our first time helping at the castle. Would you mind telling us where the kitchen is?”

He pointed to the keep. “Straight ahead, then left, and down the stairs. You’ll find it. And don’t you even try to go anywhere else. I’m watching you.”

“Of course. You’re very kind. We’ll be sure to prepare a proper supper that won’t make anyone sick, I promise!”

I smiled and walked across the courtyard, followed by my two friends.

“I’ll let the fire balls die down,” whispered Catalin. “Even when the spell’s gone, the heartburn will probably remain for a while.”

“Good. Don’t hesitate to strike other people, guards, servants, cooks, to make it look more like food poisoning.”

Chess cleared their throat. “I’m not saying it because I hate these clothes and everything they mean, but we’re quite literally in the wolf’s den, ma’am. Now that we’re in, we should be out as quick as possible.”

“I know. Let’s go.”

Hang on, Kossi, we’re coming, and I still have my daily call to Cherub to cope with emergencies!