The Great Adventure

After formally becoming allies of the Bear State, the gang was led to the King’s Hall (minus the king because he was imprisoned) to be given gifts. They were given a Bear Gift Basket, containing such exotic items as Bear Shampoo, Bear Cheese, Bear Silverware, and Bear Scented Markers.

For their mission to Kearth, planet of the pirates who stole artifacts from Smack-Smork, their ship was equipped with Bearmy laser guns. Additionally, their ship was also equipped with a Bear Phone. If they ever needed help, they could use the Bear Phone to call DeBear.

Now that all that was settled, their ship was aimed and launched out of Bear Fortress in the general direction of Kearth, out of the Bear Cannon, of course.

“Bear politics are so crazy,” said Plagiarize.

“Yeah,” agreed Bird. “I wonder who the next Bear King will be, yo. Hopefully someone less insane.”

Their journey to Kearth was relatively uneventful now that the Bearmy wasn’t after them. All was peaceful and nice for the first five days. Because on the sixth day, they arrived at Kearth.

Upon arriving at Kearth, it was immediately evident to anyone with eyes that this planet was rather unusual. It was pyramid-shaped, and made of some sort of dark material. It was definitely not naturally made.

“Alright, let’s stop staring and start going!” said Klumpkrump.

“Well certainly we can’t just, like, fly up to the planet and land?” said Mushpuff. “They probably have a ton of defenses since it’s a pirate planet!”

“Let’s find out!” said Klumpkrump, pressing the “BEAR LASER GUN” button that the bears installed on their ship. Their ship rapidly fired 6 laser shots, 3 from each side, towards Kearth. When the lasers approached the planet, they hit an energy shield and were destroyed.

“Huh,” said Klumpkrump.

Then, all of a sudden, two large pirate ships equipped with thrusters and guns beamed to their position from Kearth. Pirate ships as in they literally were water pirate ships, like the ones you’d find on Earth in, like, the 1600s.

“Huh!” said Klumpkrump.

“We demand the surrender of your goods,” said a very robotic voice coming out of the speakers in their ship that were connected to the messaging system. “Or else we’ll kill you and steal your goods anyway. And even if you give us your goods we’re still gonna imprison you. Because you’re IDIOTS.”

“Oh yeah?” shouted Klumpkrump back into the messaging system. “Well we have an Energy Cube! So if you try to imprison us we’re gonna DESTROY YOU! We just can’t use it right now because we’d have holes in our ship!!”

“OH YEAH??” the robot voice shouted back. “WELL WE HAVE AN ENERGY CUBE TOO!!!! And it’s attached to the center of our planet!! If you try any funny business, we can have it RIP YOU TO SHREDS in TWO SECONDS!!!”

“OOOOOHHHH YEEEAAAHHH??” shouted Klumpkrump. “Well… DARN!!!!”

The two pirate ships both shot chains out of cannons on their sides which wrapped all around the gang’s rock spaceship. As this was happening, Bird picked up the Bear Phone in their ship’s control room. It began to ring. As it rang, their ship was getting dragged back to Kearth by the pirate ships using the chains attached to them.

“Hola,” said DeBear when the phone finished ringing.

“Yo, we need help,” said Bird.

“Oy?” oy’d DeBear.

“Yeah, pirates from Kearth are kidnapping us, yo,” replied Bird. “Get the Bearmy over here.”

“The Bearmy is on their scheduled Bear Break.”

“When will it be over?”

“Two hours,” said DeBear.

“We don’t have two hours, yo!!”

“How much time do you have?” asked DeBear.

“Like, a minute,” said Bird.

“Well, unless you want to wait two hours, which you don’t, you’ll need to pay a fee that we will give to all the bears to bribe them to work during their break hours.”

“How much??” asked Bird.

“Hmm… let’s say that each bear will accept no more than 500 Cat Credits to work during their break,” began DeBear. Cat Credits, despite their name, were a universal currency used by everyone across the universe. “If you wished to recruit, say, five ships--”

“We need at least 10, yo,” said Bird.

“15, then!” said DeBear. “Or 20, even. Better safe than sorry. There are eight bears per ship, so that would make about… hmmm… about 160 bears. At 500 Cat Credits per bear, that’ll be… hold on… 80,000 Cat Credits.”

“But we can’t pay that much, yo!” said Bird.

“We have already subtracted it from your Bearnk Account,” said DeBear.

“Oh, I guess we did have enough money, then,” said Bird.

“...And you’re now in debt about 79,900 Cat Credits.”