The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

Secrets refer to the act of hiding one’s ‘unacceptable’ preferences or actions from others.

These can stem from a moment of recklessness or perhaps be a place where embarrassing private stories or precious items are concealed.

However, more often than not, it becomes a Karma Mirror listing their flaws and sins. Desperately resisting and trying to hide that mirror may seem ridiculous to someone.

They say, “Please don’t laugh at me.”

“Don’t look at me with those eyes.”

“Why does everyone distance themselves from me?”

Unable to endure the gaze of once-close people looking at them with avoidance, they seek to hide their flaws from all knowledge.

Because it’s terrifying.

Being abandoned is frightening.

In the end, the secret is born from a heart that cherishes others just as much.

Yet, even if they try to hide it, the places to conceal secrets become increasingly limited. No matter how much they hide, the final place they will end up is inevitably their own heart.

—No matter how much they try to hide it where no one can find it, they are not allowed to run away from the secrets themselves.

How can this not be pitiful?

The sentiment of valuing others turns into a tool that harms oneself.

But in the end, even foolish ones who desperately want to keep secrets have a small wish.

A tiny desire they themselves may not even realize.

“I wish I had someone to share my secrets with.”

A precious person who would share their sins and flaws, facing them together.

A neighbor who, after learning embarrassing secrets, treats them as usual without a fuss.

Yeah.

They just need a companion who will stay by their side until the end.

“This is all for you, Elli?”

Therefore, I decided to delve into her secrets.

She’s probably wishing for it deep down.

Right? Unnie.

Even if a frog catches a flying fly, or an ant swept away by water on its way home, or a fledgling sparrow falls from a roof.

The world doesn’t care about their circumstances and keeps on spinning peacefully.

Thud.

“—Alice? Where are you?”

“Oh, Elli! I’m here!”

I turned around at the sound of someone calling me from behind while sitting by the window.

It was Elli, who had became inseparable from me.

She approached me and gently started to pat my head.

“You’re here again. I told you the window edge can be dangerous…”

“Hehe… But if you’re here, it’s not dangerous at all!”

“…Please don’t rely on me so much.”

The window sill bathed in warm sunlight had become my favorite spot.

The wide, rounded edge of the window sill was perfect for me to lean back and sit comfortably.

As my wounds were healing, and moving my body became easier, this place became my go-to spot.

My eyes could see nothing at the moment, and my sense of touch felt stifled as if I were wearing a full-body rubber suit. The only strong smells I could perceive were those of intense spices and the metallic tang of blood, so the only amusement I could find was this.

The sounds and temperatures, like warm sunlight and gentle breezes brushing against my body, felt great.

Well, my sight has long since healed, but she keeps it hidden from me.

Previously, when Elli told me that my body was almost healed, I asked if I could remove the bandages from my eyes.

‘Huh? Why? I want to see your face, Elli!’ ‘…….’

What did Elli say back then?

Oh, right.

Yeah,

‘Not yet.’

The always polite Elli, who worried for me was no longer there. Only a frail voice, trembling with anxiety, resonated in her words.

She added that it was not yet time to remove them. Not until she let me do it later.

Absolutely.

No matter what happens.

That look was so chilling, so scary—so pitiful.

A good-hearted little girl, lacking any medical knowledge or suspicion of others, could only believe her precious sister’s words as the truth.

So I complied, following her words.

Because I love my sister.

But Ellie, I will say it again, there’s no paradise in running away.

Eventually, unless she intends to permanently blind me with her own hands—

One day, I will have to peel away the veil covering my eyes and capture her within it.

Does she realize that fact?

“Ahh… This is refreshing..”

“Is lunch all prepared? Shall we go?”

“Yes! Carry me, Unnie~”

“….Alright, Alice.”

With a hug, Elli drew closer, wrapping her arms around me.

Her body was the perfect cool temperature to soothe my sun-heated one.

Though her tone sounded like she was dealing with a mischievous child, perhaps she didn’t mind it that much, as she slipped her hand under my armpit and embraced me.

Waaah. I’m a baby.

“I’m not very skilled at this…”

“But I love it when you hold me!”

“I’ll hold you for life.”

Totally love it.

Holding me tightly so I wouldn’t fall, Elli began to walk slowly towards the kitchen.

Swish swish, with clumsy movements, she stroked my hair as she carried me.

In return, I gave her a small kiss on her neck.

Her steps momentarily halted, and the warmth of her body turned bright red—so cute!

“Hehe~”

“Seriously… That’s too much of a joke, Alice.”

Even though I can’t see now, I could visualize the structure of the house in my mind.

Even while being carried, I could tell exactly where we were in the house.

I soon felt the humidity in the air signaling we must have reached the kitchen.

Today’s menu was pumpkin soup, something I mentioned wanting for breakfast.

I took my seat, and with my familiar hand movements, I received the spoon and began to eat.

One bite, two bites.

“Sweet~!”

“There’s plenty left, so if you want more, just say so.”

“Yes, yes!”

Slurp, warm and thick liquid filled my mouth. While I couldn’t discern the taste and aroma well, the inviting heat and smooth thickness confirmed it was well-cooked.

A soup slowly simmered just for me.

Feeling the care put into it made my heart swell.

Our relationship would soon reach half a year.

From the day Elli named me, it had been a little over four months.

The wounds on my abdomen began to heal, and the holes on my palm were almost mended after a long time.

The scar by my eye, formed from striking a large rock, had healed perfectly.

—Yet, I still can’t remove the bandage covering my eyes.

Elli is hiding something.

I suspect it pertains to her essence.

The scent of blood she brings home after heading out in the early morning grows stronger every few days.

My wounds heal at an unnatural pace due to her strange treatments.

Her behavior trying to keep my eyes blind from seeing her no matter what is undeniable.

Truly, Unnie is terrible at hiding things.

Well, that innocent side of her is nice.

Slurp.

The bowl of soup was completely empty.

In truth, I didn’t want to go this far.

Initially, I intended to wait until Elli would unveil her secrets. I was willing to accept everything about her, no matter what it was.

Even if she wanted my life, I’d gladly give it.

I believed that taking a step forward would lead to mental growth. Especially, it seemed she lacked experience in relationships.

But she couldn’t do it.

She merely enjoyed this false peace, gradually putting off the moment the truth needs to be unveiled.

Though every day she seemed joyous, I found her too pitiful.

A sandcastle that could collapse with the slightest touch.

Yeah. It’s unavoidable. Growth isn’t something easily obtained.

Secrets.

In fact, they aren’t that grand. Shameful secrets worth risking one’s life are often nothing more than ordinary occurrences that anyone could face.

Once, just let it all out.

Prepare to take some insults and speak boldly.

Then with a relieved mind, you’ll start to reflect on why you’ve been troubled all this time.

At the same time, you’ll realize.

What seemed like a divider threatening to separate you both is actually what will strengthen the bridge between you.

So, Elli.

You need to brace yourself and clash.

Like in Hermann Hesse’s novel, break the egg and soar into the world!

“—Good night, Alice.”

But was it because she was too fragile?

No matter how much I waited, during those six months, there were no signs of her acting.

Another day has passed, and another day will flow by.

The false peace has no visible end.

“Yes! You should sleep well too, Elli!”

“…Of course.”

Tick tock, time ticks by.

If the chick can’t break through its shell on time, it will ultimately die inside.

Struggling for breath, flailing about.

But Elli won’t even tap on the shell; she just wishes to spend her comfortable moments within it. Unaware that her breath is getting constrained inside.

If this goes on, her brightness will dull.

A beautiful bloom must not wither without even unfolding.

A raw stone containing jewels should not remain undiscovered by people and turn into graphite.

This is something that must be prevented.

And it’s something I excel at the most.

“Hehehe.”

Crack.

A chick unable to break its shell.

—Then, I’ll just have to break the shell for her from the outside.

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