The Gate of Shadows

The black feline by the door shifted her gaze towards me, swiftly jumping into the bed. Her blue eyes were radiant when I reached out to her. From her, I felt a familiar aura. It was…

“You’re still here.” I sobbed, touching her little wet nose.

She smiled before licking my fingers, tickling my senses before she nested herself on my slightly sore belly. Tears still trailed off my cheeks when I petted her, even though it hurt.

“I can’t keep calling you her or you. Now, can I?” I mumbled, attempting to think of a name.

One quickly popped into me, making me hum.

“Hm... Shade... Do you like it?” I giggled, receiving a powerful purr from her.

Before I could say anything, the same man in a coat entered the room. This time, though, his orbs met with mine, triggering them to open wide. They rushed out quickly upon spotting me awake. His eyes had dilated, pressing his lips before he bolted out.

Ah… he was…

I was left alone once again.

Is it truly my fault? I... It can’t be. I...

It wasn’t long before an armed group of men and women entered the room, followed by the female vampire I saw when there was chaos. This time, she wore an eye patch that covered her left eye. There were traces of claw wounds on her face.

Their hands trembled as they held onto their staffs, and the expressions on most of their faces told me all I had to know. Trying not to think, I stared at the female vampire as she approached me, clasping my hand.

She placed a black bracelet next to the one Fenris had given me. It had the same shimmering crystal that had brought me peace before for a charm. It was such a pretty purple color I couldn’t help but admire it.

She did the same to my other arm before grabbing my chin and checking my neck, releasing a sigh of relief.

“Lieutenant, are the inhibitors working?” asked one soldier, who gazed towards the door.

She nodded. “Yes, they seem to work for now.”

Picking up a chair, she sat next to me, building pressure within me.

“Do you remember anything?” she questioned, tapping her fingers on the rail keeping me on the bed.

I remained silent, knowing that whatever I said wouldn’t change what had happened.

“Can you tell us what happened to you?” she inquired, trying to piece everything together.

Again, not a word left my lips trembling lips. There was no point in answering her questions; my orbs stayed gazing towards the door, wishing for the impossible. Instead of giving up, she continued to try to get me to open up, but the result was the same.

However, it all changed the moment the door opened once again. There, I saw the face of who I wanted most to see.

Fenris...

Ben accompanied him and what I presumed to be Amelia, a white-haired female Lycan. She was beautiful, like the jasmines we grew in our gardens. Her hair was like snow, and her eyes reflected the sun.

The moment the silver boy’s gaze met mine, his eyes widened, and his pupils dilated, triggering him to shake his head before his eyes glossed.

“Fen—” His name wouldn’t leave my lips before he bolted away from the room, breaking me from within.

His expression caused my heart to shatter into a million pieces. Air was no longer easy to come by, hitching in every fill of my lungs.

Am I so detestable that you won’t look at me?

“I told you so!” Amelia yelled at Ben, running after the poor boy.

Unable to control the pain that swelled within, I clasped onto my face, trying to stop the tears streaking down my cheeks.

Am I…?

“Ah…” I wailed louder than when my mother died.

My light hates me!

The bracelets on me glowed, attempting to control the power swelling from within again. Sadly, it was quickly overloaded. Shade, who laid on me, doubled in size in seconds. Her piercing orbs quickly traveled towards me, placing her paws on my arm.

My emotions were in disarray without a single way to bring myself together.

"Tania, the tranquilizer!" Ben yelled, pointing towards the side.

She reached over towards the table where a ready syringe lay, jamming it into my neck. It sent me back into the abyss, where I prayed I would stay. A world where Fenris would gaze at me like that wasn’t worth living in.

I robbed him of his smile, something I couldn’t forgive. In my dreamless state, I stood in the darkness, wishing I would die, but I couldn’t let myself fall into the abyss—not if I wanted him to live.

The next time I opened my eyes, I felt hollow within. Shade lay on my stomach again, curled into a small ball. When Tania came in after being found awake again by a nurse, she explained that they had added another bracelet with another magical crystal.

This one was to prevent my feelings from going out of control. It was a Luxorite crystal, an eater of emotions, hoping to keep me from going over the edge. They prayed it would allow them to be safe around me, but that was a futile dream.

They tested the new addition by telling me everything that happened to Silverant. The destruction took half of the town, along with any innocent civilians on its path. They still didn’t know how many were missing, but probably over six hundred people were dead.

The number was bound to grow with time. Tania also tested my capacity by telling me how Fenris was found. One creature attacked where he was, killing his mother the moment it went for him. She tried to shield him from the beast.

The boy was unharmed by the event. Instead, it dragged him towards the middle of the disaster. He was found just a couple of lengths away from the crater, traumatized by the entire thing. My desire to see him made the creatures hunt him down and bring him towards me.

My desire to see him had ruined everything for him, leaving the last test I had to pass was Fenris, an obvious trigger for me. Amelia fought them, of course, yelling louder than ever before. But eventually, they brought the traumatized boy back into the room with me.

His eyes glossed, and he shook his head upon seeing me again. My obsession with him took away everything he loved. For a moment, just a slight moment, I felt a hole open up in my chest after knowing everything I had caused the poor pup.

Then, nothing; it was as if something temporarily turned off my emotions. When I didn’t lose control, everyone was overjoyed, something Fenris didn’t share. Tears were rolling down his cheeks, watching what I had become.

Everyone else had avoided an apocalyptic scenario, but simultaneously, they killed off my ability to feel. The only one who resembled Fenris was Ben. His nose was wrinkled, eyes scrunched up, and lips curled downward.

“This isn’t right.” Ben winced, shifting his gaze towards his little brother, who clung to him.

The cheering from the others drowned his voice, while Fenris refused to gaze towards me.

Is it the fact I had made you an orphan? I didn’t blame you for not wanting to see me. I’m sorry…

A couple of weeks passed when Ben finally got Fenris to come into the room to visit me daily. I was his charge for life. His duty was to care for me, though he never spoke to me directly. The only thing that came to mind was the anger he was probably holding against me.

I would avoid his gaze, too, hoping to lessen his pain. Ben usually tried to create chatter, but I would never talk back at those times. I had lost the right to address Fenris directly. The elder brother became my guardian, so he officially made choices for me—until Fenris came of age.

The silver pup was still too young for that responsibility. Even though Ben wanted to remove the crystal, making me an emotionless doll, he couldn’t overrule the Cerberus Order’s will. I wasn’t free. No, I was their prisoner, even though they tried to hide it behind fancy words.

This was nothing but a cage—one where I trapped my light in, too. Ben was a fresh breath of air but was way over his head with me. There was no doubt I was a monster, yet he insisted on treating me like a child.

The same kid who took his arm and ability to walk normally. He would have a permanent limp after the event, and his arm couldn’t regrow. Lycans were powerful and could heal almost anything, but missing ligaments and limbs weren’t part of it.

Weeks turned into months when the day arrived for the first time; Fenris came in alone into my room with a gift. Placing it on my lap, he avoided my orbs. Not knowing what he wanted, I picked it up and opened it.

Inside was a piece of bread decorated with pink powder and another small box. Opening that one, I found a red collar with a golden bell attached to it. Confused, I shifted my orbs towards him to see him fidgeting with his shirt.

“It’s for your... Whatever it is...” The little wolf tried to start a conversation with me, making the warmest sensation rise within me.

It was almost like butterflies invaded my tummy. Yet, I couldn’t get ahead of myself. This didn’t change what had happened.

“Thank you. Shade says she loves it.” I simpered, feeling the same hole that always opened up in my chest.

It triggered the inhibitor to turn on.

“You don’t have to say that to me,” Fenris mumbled, biting his lip.

I nodded, offering my right hand to him. This was the perfect chance for him to…

“I don’t deserve this bracelet. Please take it back,” I whispered.

Part of me didn’t understand how I wasn’t locked up for life. The silver wolf shifted towards me, orbs glossy, before glancing down towards the floor.

“No, you do.” Fenris clasped onto the hand I offered to comfort me.

I didn’t know what he meant by what he said back then. But at least I saw a glimmer of hope for the friendship I wished to have with him. I never allowed myself to be deluded by his kindness, though.

How he gazed at me would never be the same as it once was. They would never forgive me for what had occurred the day of the fall. That was something I never allowed myself to forget as weeks passed before my wounds healed enough to be discharged from the hospital.

After being let out, I was sent to live with Ben and Fenris in Cerberus’ new headquarters, where my new limited life began. With each year that passed, Fenris warmed up to me again. After all, I was his life’s charge—his burden.

But would that be all I would ever be?