The Fox Hole

Chapter 53: Guided Tour

– Haru –

I blinked a couple of times, trying to process what the hell just happened. Judging by the collective silence, everyone else in the gym was in the same situation as me.

Yep. Erina's clothes had just randomly exploded, and from the way her face had flushed and that… sound she made, she may or may not have had an orgasm from a single bite of my dragon steak tacos.

I always wanted people to enjoy my food, but not to that level.

"A-A-Awaawawa!" Asia Argento had turned a brilliant shade of red, clutching the hem of her skirt like she was trying to shrink into herself. Kunou wasn't any better, frozen in place with wide, horrified eyes.

Thankfully, Mom was there to handle things, immediately wrapping a pair of her fluffy tails around their faces to block their view. "No peeking, little ones," she murmured with amusement.

"Arara… this girl is quite bold…" Akeno smiled, her violet eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Is she trying to seduce Haru!?" Rias snapped, crossing her arms as her brow twitched in irritation. Right next to her, Alice stood with her arms crossed, glaring daggers at the barely-functioning Erina.

"I didn't sense any magic when her clothes exploded… how strange," Demiurge muttered, rubbing his chin in intrigue.

"Oh, for Maou's sake! Will you all stop gawking!?" Sona groaned and waved her hand, conjuring a thick blanket with her demonic power before tossing it over Erina.

It took another couple of seconds before Erina's brain caught up with reality. She suddenly gasped, clutching the blanket tightly around herself, her wide golden eyes brimming with sheer horror. Her lips trembled, and I could already tell she was about five seconds away from crying.

"Ara, is this the female version of post-nut clarity?" Akeno asked, barely holding back a giggle.

Senzaemon, who had somehow remained impressively stone-faced through the entire ordeal, finally moved. He let out a deep sigh before bowing his head to everyone in the gym. "I deeply apologize for what just transpired. However… given the circumstances, I believe it is best if we take our leave immediately." He turned toward me, his expression unreadable. "We concede to Kuoh Academy and the yokai chef, Haru."

And just like that, the entire Tōtsuki delegation filed out of the gym with the speed of people fleeing a crime scene.

I exhaled slowly, running a hand down my face. "Well… that was a thing."

"It certainly was," Akeno said with another laugh, clearly enjoying the fact that Rias was openly pouting.

"So… did we win?" Tsubaki asked, glancing around.

Rias snapped out of her glaring at the door where the humans had left and then smirked. "Hell yeah, we won! Kuoh Academy is now the best cooking school in the country! Suck it, Tōtsuki Academy!" she cheered.

"Well… at least we will be until tomorrow when I officially unenroll Haru from his classes," Sona pointed out before turning to me. "Are you ever actually planning on attending Kuoh?"

"Nope. Not at all." I shrugged. Schooling in my past life was enough, and having tutors in this one covered all the bases. No need to go through that all over again. I paused for a moment, scanning the room until my eyes landed on Yasaka, Sansa, and Kunou. "Thanks for coming to cheer me on… sorry it turned into whatever that was."

Mom unwrapped her tails from around Kunou and Asia's heads, giving me a small smile. "Ara, that was certainly interesting. But I'm always happy to cheer on my son."

"I've never heard of a cooking competition before," Sansa admitted, tilting her head. "It was quite interesting and entertaining to watch. I think I'll start hosting them in Winterfell."

I walked over to them, then turned back to Rias and the others. "I guess we can have a victory celebration back at my restaurant if everyone's interested." The gym still had cooking stations scattered around, but after what had just happened, the buzz had pretty much died.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea," Yasaka said before turning to Rias and Sona. Her voice was still gentle, but there was an unmistakable edge to it. "You two can also tell me why one of the Fallen Angel generals tried to attack you…" Yeah, Yasaka did not sound happy about that.

Sona and Rias stiffened slightly. They were in for some dramatic talks before they got to their celebrations.

…

I worked behind the counter. The sound of sizzling grilling meat filled the air, but it was nearly drowned out by Kunou's voice as she excitedly recounted everything that had happened—again—to anyone who would listen. Who at the moment was Asia Argento who seemed far too kind to point out to Kunou that everyone had been there to see everything first hand.

Over in the corner, Mom had Rias, Sona, and Demiurge in a booth across from her as she grilled them about why exactly Kokabiel had attacked them...

Not that he needed a reason of course. I knew the guy was just a crazy asshole but no one quite knew "how crazy" just yet. My ears twitched, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop but I couldn't really help it either.

"Do you realize how delicate these peace talks have been so far? How much work has gone into ensuring that all these factions even consider sitting at the same table? And now this happens?" she demanded.

Sona pushed her glasses up but still looked slightly uneasy. "We didn't anticipate an attack, Lady Yasaka. It's not as if we invited him to ruin everything."

Rias crossed her arms, visibly frustrated. "We handled it. He fucked around and he found out!"

Mom didn't look particularly satisfied with that answer, her tails twitching slightly. 

I turned my head and ears away from that conversation and focused on the two beautiful young women in front of me.

Sansa sat at the counter next to Alice, who nursed a strong drink I had whipped up for her. Sansa, on the other hand, had opted for some light wine, swirling the glass slowly as she watched the scene with curiosity.

"An entire school only for cooking?" she asked with her cute brows furrowed. "Are all of those kids going to be chefs when they graduate? Are there even that many open positions in this country?"

I flipped a steak on the grill while I thought about that question. Assuming the academy pumped out around 100 graduates every single year, and most students worked for 30 to 40 years afterwards. And those students were also all prideful elite chefs and would demand to be the heads of any kitchen they worked in...

"Erm… not really. There would need to be something like 4000 five star restaurants operating at all times in Japan to constantly employ all those graduates. And Totsuki isn't the only cooking school in the country either, just the best."

"Second best!" Alice said with a small smirk pointed my way.

I smirked back at her. My tails couldn't help but wag a little bit proudly. That's right, they were second best...

"What happens to all those students then?" Sansa asked, still looking intrigued.

Alice downed another large portion of her drink before answering that one. "I'll tell you what happens to them! They end up getting corporate office jobs where they work twelve hours a day for a soulless company that cares nothing for their existence. And then, when they want to go home after a hard day's work, they can't because their bosses are all raging alcoholics who force their poor employees to go drinking with them since they have no friends. They end up getting so blackout drunk that they can't even make it home most nights, so they just crash back at work, only to wake up four hours later and do it all over again. They keep that up for a good few years before inevitably taking a swan dive off the highest rooftop or bridge they can find..." Alice listed off, all of that, in one breath.

…Sansa and I were openly gaping at Alice.

"Duh fuck, Alice?" I asked, staring at her blankly.

She just shrugged at me. "What? Japan has the highest suicide rates in the world for a reason."

I mean… fuck. She wasn't exactly wrong… but still. Now Sansa was going to get the wrong ideas about my home country. Judging by the horrified look on her face, she already had.

"Not all of them will turn out like that, Sansa…" I tried to reassure her. Just a lot of them… Yeah, the humans in this country really needed to get their shit together before it was too late. I was immensely glad to have been reborn as a yokai, where life was much less stressful.

"Whatever..." Alice added playfully before going back to her drink. I'm pretty sure she was just messing with us at this point. It turned out my zombie slaying girlfriend could be a bit of a troll when she was tipsy. 

I coughed politely and decided to change the subject with Sansa. Yasaka had told me on the way back from Kuoh that I needed to start paying more attention to the lands under my 'rule.'

While I technically had no legal rights to the North or the Riverlands unless I actually married Sansa and her mother, Yasaka insisted I should still be a bit more active in monitoring them.

Just a bit, though. The whole point of me running a restaurant was to avoid all that responsibility and dump it on Kunou when she grew up.

Oh, how the turns have tabled on me… I sighed internally.

Sansa smiled when I mentioned Winterfell, clearly happy that I was taking an interest in her home. "The castle is almost completely repaired. Soon, I'll be calling upon the still-loyal noble families to visit and formally swear fealty."

She hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Traditionally, women aren't allowed to rule in Westeros. But after my mother and I saw how much everyone respects your lady mother, Yasaka, we realized our methods are outdated."

I grinned and gave her a thumbs-up. "That's the spirit. I'd much rather be king-consort than an actual King of the North. The latter sounds like way too much effort."

Sansa chuckled at that but then looked at me more seriously. "Could you be there when the nobles arrive? It's time they learned about their future lady's lord husband and the changes I'm going to be implementing."

I gave her a small smile. "Yeah, I'll be there." I finished plating Sansa's hamburger and fries and placed them in front of her. "Here, eat up. You'll need your strength for all that ruling you're about to do." I gave her a cheeky grin.

…

…The next day. 

Early in the morning, I found myself walking into Enri's village. The place had definitely improved since the last time I'd been here, and everyone didn't look like they were starving or hadn't bathed in weeks anymore. Big improvements!

I promised my mom, Yasaka, I'd pay a visit to calm the villagers down about the whole "war" situation. They had every right to be nervous, but keeping them from outright panicking was part of my job now, apparently.

Meanwhile, Yasaka was handling negotiations with Fairy Tail. Now that we had a better grasp on the guild's actual strength, we realized that while they boasted about having a hundred members, only around twenty of them were actually worth a damn. The rest? Just a bunch of nobodies riding the coattails of a high-ranked guild. Instead of recruiting the whole lot, Yasaka planned to offer a premium to just the top members. We already had Irene's daughter and her friends on board, but four people and a flying cat didn't exactly scream overwhelming force. A few more capable hands would definitely help.

As Demiurge and I stepped into the village, I smirked at him. "You look like you've been up all night. Do I need to hide you from Serafall?"

Demiurge chuckled. "I did not besmirch Lady Sona's honor, if that is what you are asking. We simply talked long into the night. She is as intelligent as she is beautiful..." He trailed off, looking uncharacteristically unsure. "I hope the other guardians won't have an issue if I visit her again."

I rolled my eyes and clapped him so hard on the back that he stumbled a couple of steps forward. "Ainz is a good guy. He's not going to keep you away from a girl you like. It's not like Sona's a threat to Nazarick or anything."

Demiurge straightened, adjusting his glasses. "You are right. The other floor guardians have pointed out that I tend to overthink things, but I find that's my best quality."

"Nothing wrong with being brainy," I said. "You heading back home soon?"

"Soon," he confirmed. "But first, I would like to fly over the Katze Plains and properly observe the future battlefield myself."

I sighed. "Sorry that you guys are going to be fighting the bulk of the army." Not that I thought Nazarick would mind. Most of Ainz's forces were literal monsters, and killing thousands of humans probably didn't mean much to them. Still, I wondered if Ainz would be able to live with it… or, well, not live with it. Because, you know, he's already dead.

Demiurge smirked. "I am sure this was all part of Ainz-sama's plan from the start. Good luck in your own battle, Haru-sama!"

With that, wings sprouted from his back, and he launched himself into the sky, flying off toward the plains.

A few of Enri's villagers gasped at the sight, but not as many as I expected. Guess they were getting used to all the strange beings and yokai coming and going. 

Enri popped out of a small house, her eyes lighting up when she saw me. "Lord Haru!" she called excitedly, jogging over. "It's been a while! Would you like a tour of the village? And…" she hesitated slightly before continuing, "I'd like to finally introduce you to my parents. You've been my boss for a while now, but you've never properly met them."

I blinked at that. She wasn't wrong. Despite all the work she did for me, I had never actually sat down and met the people who raised her. "Yeah, sure," I said with a grin. "I'd like that."

…

The moment I stepped inside, her father immediately fixed me with a sharp gaze. "What are your intentions with my daughter?" he demanded.

I choked at the question, nearly losing my footing. "I—I don't have any intentions with Enri!" I stammered. "I just make sure she's safe and always has a steady paycheck!"

Her father dramatically pointed at me. "Is she pregnant!? Is that why you're showing up after all this time? You better take responsibility, young man! It doesn't matter if you're the lord of these lands or not—our daughter is a proper young lady!"

"Congratulations, sweetie!" her mother chimed in with a happy smile at her daughter.

"Yay! I'm going to be an auntie!" Nemu cheered, throwing her hands up without a care in the world.

Enri turned beet red, sputtering. "Mama! Papa! Nemu!" She pouted at all three of them and vehemently told them she was not pregnant. Then, to my horror, she glanced at me briefly, poking her fingers together as she mumbled something about "not minding if she was though..."

I facepalmed so hard...

Her mother let out an amused "Oh my!" when I grabbed Enri's hand and said, "Why don't we just take a tour of the village now instead?"

"That sounds like a good idea!" Enri blurted out quickly.

We practically rushed out of her house, and as we walked, she sighed. "I'm really sorry about that… My parents keep telling me it's time to get married now that I'm sixteen and an adult." Then she turned to me with a teasing smile. "What do you think about that, Lord Haru…?"

I choked again, my ears flattening on my head. "NOPE! I'm not touching that topic for at least two more years. Absolutely not!" I immediately shut it down.

She giggled at my reaction before launching into the tour, pointing out various village improvements. "This here is the magical greenhouse. It keeps out all the bugs and makes the plants inside grow ten times faster than normal, making our village almost self-sufficient." She gestured toward a well. "This well always pumps out clean water, and nobody has ever gotten sick after drinking it." Finally, she led me to the edge of the village, patting the sturdy structure. "And these are the new walls surrounding our village to keep out wolves and hungry goblins. None of this could have been accomplished without you or your people, Lord Haru. Thank you so much." She beamed at me brightly.

I reached over and patted her head. "Thanks for being such a great employee. Your people deserve to be safe and happy. I promise the army won't even get close to these new walls."

A villager on top of the wall suddenly called out to Enri and me, his voice carrying over the village. "Lady Enri! Lord Haru! A small group is approaching! Some of them have weapons and armor!"

I frowned at that. Without thinking, I scooped Enri up, earning a surprised "Eep!" from her, and in a single bound, I landed atop the 20-foot wall. Setting her down gently, I turned my focus toward the incoming figures.

Enri squinted her eyes before suddenly lighting up with excitement. "Oh my gosh, Haru! It's Nfirea! He's one of my best friends! I'm sure he'll love to meet you!" She waved eagerly before pausing and tilting her head. "And who's that with him?" She squinted again before suddenly letting out a squeak. "Oh my!" she exclaimed. "Those—those are the adamantium adventurers, the Blue Roses!" She pointed at the four women who flanked the wooden cart Nfirea rode toward the village.

XXX

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Here is the list of Current Advanced Chapters:

The Fallen Gamer ch 318-322

The Titan 27

The Fox Hole 58

The Blood Queen 35

The Fox Hole 57

Thunder and Black Wings 10

The Fox Hole 56

The Blood Queen 34

The Fox Hole 55

The Fox Hole 54

The Titan 26