The Female Bullies Eat Me Up

Two days had passed since I lost my virginity. The memory of it still made my groin throb. 

We continued filming after my second orgasm. The first two rounds weren't usable; being a virgin, I'd just been…well, used. There wasn't much artistry involved. 

From the third round onwards, I tried to be more aware of the camera. Having cum twice already, I was more relaxed, and it showed. By the last take, when I was on top of Juha, I actually felt a sense of…conquest. Seeing her beneath me, panting, her breasts heaving, erased some of the resentment I'd been carrying. 

And that was it. The first shoot was over. 

Having sex with Juha didn't change much. I was hyper-aware of it, but she acted like it was nothing. Like picking her nose. 

That evening, we ordered delivery to celebrate the shoot and my deflowering. Juha was probably the only person in the world who'd buy me food to celebrate losing my virginity to her. Crazy bitch. 

Since then, my emotions have been a rollercoaster. I'd be hit with flashbacks – the smell of her skin, the tang of sex, the feeling of being inside her – and get random erections throughout the day. Sometimes, I'd chuckle to myself, amused by the fact that I'd actually had sex with Lee Juha, that I wasn't a virgin anymore. Other times, I'd feel a hollow ache, knowing that my first time had been…so strange. I'd always imagined losing my virginity to someone I loved, in a romantic setting. 

"Fuck…" 

But it was done. Life went on. My daily routine as a freshman resumed. 

"That's all for today." 

"Thank you!" 

Damn it. I hadn't been able to focus for two days. All I could think about was that. 

And there were side effects. Now, I couldn't look at a girl without imagining her naked. What would she be like? And her? Fuck. I didn't want to imagine these things, but my brain wouldn't cooperate.

I figured I'd need to stay home and play video games for a few days before things went back to normal. It was spring, which didn't help. The girls were all wearing perfume, their hair freshly washed…and after years of seeing nothing but school uniforms, the variety of colorful clothes was a constant visual assault. I hadn't felt this way at the beginning of the semester. This was all Juha's fault. 

"Where should I go…" 

Losing my virginity hadn't changed my social life. I was still a loser, a friendless freshman. Everyone else seemed to have formed groups already. I recognized some classmates and we'd exchange nods, but that was it. No shared meals, no hanging out… What if I ended up going through college without making any friends? The anxiety gnawed at me, but I couldn't bring myself to approach anyone. Maybe things would change eventually… 

"What about lunch…" 

Eating alone was a chore. Hiding in a corner at the PC bang with instant ramen, or finding an empty classroom to scarf down a triangle kimbap… I was always on edge, terrified someone would walk in, especially someone from my department. Damn it…I thought escaping high school would mean escaping this loser life. 

"..." 

Maybe I should buy some new clothes? Were people avoiding me because I looked like a dork? In high school, it was easy to make friends. You'd ask someone what games they played, or get paired up for gym class, or share snacks during breaks. It wasn't that simple in college. Everyone seemed to be in pre-existing groups, and even if I wanted to talk to someone, there was always the next class looming… 

"Ugh…" 

I decided to grab a snack and eat a proper meal at home later. The memory of the delicious delivery of Samgyeopsa (dish) I'd shared with Juha two nights ago made my stomach rumble. I wanted a real meal. 

Trudge, trudge. 

I had a long break between classes, so I needed to kill time, either at the PC bang or the library. Even killing time was a chore. I hadn't realized how inconvenient a class schedule could be. My freshman year courses were mostly pre-selected, so I didn't have much control. 

"Damn it, they're short a player." 

As I was heading toward the library, I spotted a group of guys on the

athletic field. Guys from my department, along with some upperclassmen. 

Oh, shit. I didn't want to deal with the awkwardness of making eye contact. I subtly changed course, trying to slip past unnoticed. Just pretend you have class and walk fast! 

"Hey, it's Joon-hyung!" 

"Who?" 

"The guy walking over there." 

Damn it! I'd been trying to be all stealthy, but they'd spotted me. Their eyesight was too good. 

"Who's that? Is he in our department?" 

"Yeah, he's a freshman." 

"Hey, dude! Come over here!" 

Noooo!!! A loud shout echoed across the field, drawing everyone's attention to me. My face burned as I hurried over to the upperclassman. 

"Hello, sunbae-nim! (Senior)" 

"Hey there. You're a freshman, right? Where are you headed?" 

"To…to the library." 

Dozens of blank stares from my classmates. The library? Why? What for? 

I hated this kind of attention. 

"Oh, you have a break? How long?" 

"Th-three hours." 

"Perfect!" 

Perfect for what? No…don't tell me… 

The upperclassman clapped his hands, grinning. 

"What was your name again? Joon-yuk? Joon-hyung?" 

"I-It's Lee Joon-hyung." 

"Right, Joon-hyung! You play soccer? Wanna join us? We're one man short!" 

"S-sounds good." 

It sounded like a death sentence. I reluctantly took off my backpack. I couldn't say no. To make matters worse, there were a few girls from my department sitting on the benches, watching. I was already sweating, and I hadn't even started playing. 

"Alright, we're full! Let's get ready!" 

"Yeah!" 

Fuck…I hated playing soccer, especially on a big field like this. 

I took the jersey a classmate handed me, trying not to cry. A Real Madrid number 7 jersey. Cristiano Ronaldo's number. Seriously? Out of all the jerseys, why this one? 

"Alright, let's figure out positions!" 

The teams were already divided, and I was placed on the white team. 

"Me, Joo-hwan, and Seung-yeop will be forwards. The rest of you, figure out midfield and defense." 

Thankfully, one of the upperclassmen volunteered to be goalie. At least that would minimize my humiliation. Getting hit by the ball, or flinching every time it came near me…that would be a disaster. 

The midfield positions were quickly filled by the athletic guys, the ones who clearly played regularly. Defense was left for the less skilled, the ones who wanted to take it easy. 

Naturally, I ended up in defense. Right back, to be precise. The most useless, invisible position in casual soccer. I was used to it. The problem was, the right back was closest to the benches, which meant I was under constant scrutiny from the girls. 

"Are you any good?" 

The center back, a guy with tanned skin and a slightly pockmarked face, spoke to me. He looked like he knew what he was doing. He was one of the better players, volunteering for defense to give the upperclassmen a chance to shine in midfield. Not all defenders were created equal. 

"Uh…no. I can kick the ball, I guess…" 

"That's all you need for defense." 

"I-I guess so." 

Wow…my first conversation in days. A precious exchange with a classmate. Who knew talking to people could be so hard? 

Tweet! 

The whistle blew. With shouts of "Let's go!", the forwards, midfielders, and center backs ran off. The goalie, the left back, and I were left standing awkwardly at the back. 

"..." 

"..." 

This was excruciatingly awkward. A wave of regret washed over me. I should have appreciated the solitude of the PC bang or the library. I'd never complain about being alone again. That was a goddamn privilege! 

"Go team!" 

Fortunately, or unfortunately, our team was doing well, so the ball rarely came near me. The girls were also focused on the action at the other end of the field, sparing me their attention. 

Grumble. 

My stomach growled. How long would this last? Probably not a full 90 minutes. Maybe 30-minute halves? 

"They're playing soccer again?" 

"Hi, sunbae-nim!" 

"Hey." 

More girls, including some upperclassmen, were arriving at the benches. Why? It wasn't like this was a professional match. 

I awkwardly shifted closer to the center back, trying to avoid being seen. The goalkeeper, bored, had already wandered past the halfway line. 

"Pass it! Pass it!" 

"Here it comes!" 

Shouts and cheers echoed from the other side of the field. Back here, it was peaceful. Blissfully peaceful. This was familiar territory. Just like high school. Killing time, watching the clouds drift by… The thought calmed me. 

"Man, I'm tired." 

"Yeah! Let's take a 10-minute break!" 

"Okay!" 

The first half ended without me having to do anything. The ball rarely came near me, and when it did, the midfielders would swoop in and steal it away. They were all trying to impress the upperclassmen. 

"Here's some water, sunbae-nim!" 

"Thanks!" 

Even breaks were awkward. I hadn't broken a sweat, so I didn't need water. And everyone was focused on the other players, leaving me standing there awkwardly. 

"..." 

"..." 

I made eye contact with the left back, who looked just as uncomfortable as I felt. We both quickly looked away. 

The other guys were chatting lively about games, classes, group blind dates, food, current events…the topics changed so fast I could barely keep up. 

Well…at least the time was passing. I hovered on the edge of the group, listening in. I even picked up a few useful tips about classes and professors. So this was the benefit of hanging out with upperclassmen. 

"That textbook? Don't buy it. I'll let you copy mine." 

"Thanks!" 

I might take him up on that offer… 

The break ended, and the game resumed. I tried to ignore the occasional curious glances from the girls. I wasn't paying tuition to be humiliated. 

"Let's go! Let's get some energy!" 

"Yeah!" 

Despite the fierce competition, the score remained 0-0. I was starting to worry we'd go into overtime. 

The only good news was that we were all going out for lunch afterward. Or was it good news? I mean, it saved me money, but I was worried about choking from nervousness during the meal. 

"Pass! Pass the ball!" 

"S-sorry!" 

The second half was different. The ball started coming towards me more frequently. Everyone was tired, and their passes were getting sloppy. 

Please, please, don't let the ball come near me! 

I was back to praying again. At least, being right back, the ball usually went towards the left side. And even when the center was breached, I could get away with just making a half-hearted attempt to intercept. I was doing okay. 

Everyone looked exhausted, so it seemed like we were heading for a penalty shootout rather than overtime. 

"Oh!" 

Suddenly, a cross from the opposing team's left wing went wide, arcing towards the empty space on the right side of the field. Right in front of me. 

"Joon-yuk! Run!" 

It's Joon-hyung! And of course, the spotlight had to find me right at the end of the game. 

I gritted my teeth and sprinted, the wind whipping through my hair. My forehead looked so ugly! 

"Go! Go! Keep going!" 

"Ha…ha…" 

I'd meant to stop and pass, but everyone was bunched up in the center. The upperclassman's booming voice propelled me forward. 

"Keep going! All the way!" 

Aaaaagh! I was going to end up running off the field! I dribbled the ball, running as fast as I could. He probably wanted me to cross it. But I sucked at crossing! 

I almost tripped, which would have been utterly humiliating. I would have had to drop out of school. I focused, steadying myself. 

"Cross it! Cross it!" 

Eek! I had terrible aim! 

But I didn't have time to hesitate. An opposing defender was charging towards me, a ferocious look on his face. 

Oh shit! I couldn't just lose the ball. My three years of experience as a bread shuttle told me that if I messed this up, my social life in college was over. 

"Screw it!" 

My history of kicking like a three-legged donkey… Whenever I had to kick the ball any distance, it always went in the opposite direction of where I intended. If I aimed left, it went right. If I aimed right, it curved left. And if I really messed up, it would sail out of bounds. 

I prayed. God, Buddha, Professor, Ronaldo, please, just this once, let me do this! 

I can do this! 

I could do this. Today, I could. I wasn't a virgin anymore. I'd had sex with Lee Juha. I was the ultimate loser turned champion! 

I focused, kicking the ball with all my might. 

Yes! 

I knew it. The miracle cross that happened only once every three years of high school soccer. The miracle shot even a three-legged donkey could make. 

Thwack! 

The ball soared into the air. A perfect cross. A cross that would make Ronaldo proud. The rest was up to the forwards. 

I stumbled, landing awkwardly on the ground. Please, score! 

"Haa!" 

One of the upperclassmen forwards leaped into the air, meeting my perfect cross with his head. …Was he Messi? 

Thump! 

"Whoa!" 

"Goal!" 

The net rippled, like Juha's breasts…firm and yielding. 

The crowd cheered, running towards the center of the field. I felt a pang of secondhand embarrassment. And I was the one who'd made the cross…why weren't they running towards me? 

"You guys are buying lunch! You guys!" 

"No way! That wasn't a bet!" 

"Yes, it was! It totally was!" 

The excited upperclassmen argued amongst themselves. I brushed myself off and stood up. 

"!" 

The forwards finally noticed me and came running over, their large figures looming over me. They were kind of scary. 

"Hey, Lee Joon-yuk! Number 7!" 

"You get to order the most expensive thing on the menu!" 

It's Joon-hyung… 

My heart pounded as I forced a smile. It was exhilarating. Almost like losing my virginity.