The Ether Witch

Tam slid the door to the room shut behind himself, Eli had already stomped in ahead of him and was in the middle of removing her earrings as she did so.

The future duke didn’t say anything as he slipped the black silk coat from his shoulders, and started rolling up the sleeves of his white tunic. He knew Eli’s tenuous silence in the hackney ride home was born mostly out of her still reeling from the harried events of the night.

“Who was the man in red that was lurking around you?” Tam asked innocuously.

Eli whirled around. “Why? Why do you need to know that?”

Tam blinked and stared at her flatly. “Because I need to know everything that’s been going on since I’ve been stuck in a void.”

Eli huffed and turned back around to the dresser where she had put down her earrings, and proceeded to take off the rest of her jewelry as well.

Tam wondered fleetingly if she’d noticed she’d left the wedding ring on, but decided he didn’t want to point that out just yet.

“Did you really go out looking for me every night?”

Eli chucked the bracelet she had just removed from her wrist down onto the wooden top of the dresser with enough force it might’ve chipped the wood.

“Who told you that? Luca?”

Tam said nothing, but his frown did deepen. “Eli… is there something you’d like to say?”

Her hands flew to her hips as she stared up at him more intensely and unabashedly than she ever had before. Tam was suddenly finding it rather difficult to think coherently…

“You make complicated plans, and then disappear! You saved me, and then vanished into thin air! You… You kissed me! And have been gone for days! Everyone was counting on you, but I can’t be angry with you because it’s due to your magic that you can’t control!” Eli made a remarkable combination of a grunt and a hiss and then turned away from him.

“You’ve been nothing but angry since seeing me again,” Tam pointed out slowly.

Despite his cautious tone, his assistant still reacted explosively.

“HAVE YOU NOT BEEN LISTENING?!”

Tam was so shocked at her shout he stumbled back. He recovered swiftly, but he still couldn’t believe she was actually yelling at him…

He realized then and there, that there was nothing he could say or do, nothing but let her rage at him. He hoped that maybe he wasn’t too tired by the end of it to go find something to eat…

“You shouldn’t be here in Zinfera! You shouldn’t be doing anything important if you’re just going to disappear! You should be at home in Daxaria, with your books, and causing silly little rumors. You should be where you can be safe and just get over your damn pride about it! Because you cause problems when you try to do more! All kinds of problems, and now you have someone who needs you to be a father!”

Tam rescinded the notion that simply taking Eli’s furious words would be a matter of patience, and realized it’d be more a matter of whether or not he had the emotional fortitude to deal with it.

“Eli. I’m sorry you were placed in a-”

“Stop apologizing!” She breathed while whirling back toward the dresser.

“You’re a liability, my lord, and you have people who care about you. You can’t–” She looked at Tam as she began slipping the halter of her dress back over her neck, and she must’ve seen the look on his face because she stopped talking and moving at the same time.

The tension in the air mounted, and Tam wasn’t betraying a single thought in his face as he folded his arms over his chest, and leaned back against the door behind himself.

He stared at her expectantly.

But it wasn’t the same gentle, patient look he usually had… It was hard.

And while there wasn’t any sign of a ferocious argument like there could have been for another man getting torn apart by his assistant, there was a challenge in the set of his jaw and certainty in his eyes.

Tam wondered what she would continue to do. Berate him or undress.

Either way, he was doing everything he could to turn his insides into iron for her next decision.

Eli swallowed. He watched her do it.

“You… You can’t… You shouldn’t… Come and go… You have a job to do and-”

“The job is done. I came back in time, and I intend to explain things to Luca about how I might disappear from time to time and he shouldn’t worry.” Tam’s voice was even, and he noticed Eli draw herself straighter upon hearing it.

“He shouldn’t worry?” Eli’s voice rasped, and Tam could tell it was a sign of renewed rage sparking. “You dissolve into a void, and it terrifies you more than anything else in this world and you can’t find your way out. Of course he should worry! We all should!”

“I don’t think I’ve ever said it terrifies me more than-”

“You don’t have to!” Eli snapped.

Tam knew she was stubborn, and when it mixed with her exhaustion he knew he shouldn’t have been surprised that she’d explode at him.

Tam closed his eyes.

If he kept staring at her and her bare shoulders he wasn’t going to get a hold of his thoughts, even if he stood there the rest of the night.

He put himself in Eli’s position. His mother always said if you want to best help or hurt someone you had to see things from their perspective, and Tam was very firmly in the former category in that moment.

She would’ve been scared about not being able to poison Lord Guk, and she would’ve been uncertain of her future if he should disappear for good. Of course she’d not trust that she’d be safe even though Bong and Jeong would vouch for what happened. She’d still be the subject of scrutiny, and the Coven of Wittica would most definitely reject her citizenship barring some very serious intervention from Finlay Ashowan and the new king.

Then she would also have to comfort Luca…

And of course there was the matter of him kissing her.

Not to mention the men following her saying that they were hired by–

“The man in red was your brother, wasn’t he?” Tam spoke before thinking.

He should have been working on how to best calm her down, but he found he was unable to stop himself.

Eli paled, and instantly Tam mentally cursed himself for being so careless.

He shook his head and tried to change the topic. “I learned more about my magic while I was in the void. I can manage to avoid it a bit better going forward. Though if I do get trapped there again, I can’t say for certain how long I’ll be gone. I’ll have to think about it more to get a better handle of things.”

He waited in the tense hush that followed to see if he was successful in negating any more rage from his assistant. When she didn’t shout or say anything else, he decided to press a little in a different direction.

“You should go to sleep.” Tam lifted his chin in the direction of the bed.

“What… Are…” Eli couldn’t fully speak.

Tam didn’t rush her, and thankfully he felt more in control of himself at that point. The quiet also helped him grasp what state his assistant was in after giving it some more thought.

Though he didn’t dare let himself broach the topic of how she may or may not feel about their kiss, because he had absolutely no idea, and he wasn’t sure he wanted an idea either.

However, Eli proceeded to exceed his non-fixed expectations as she frowned, and blinked…

Tears were gathering in her eyes for the second time that night, and his iron core started crumbling. He still managed to hold his tongue and not move, but his expression had turned pained, worried, and gentle once more.

Eli reached up and pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes as she then crouched to the ground and released a quiet, breathy sob.

Tam felt his heart rip itself apart.

He slowly walked over to Eli, then lowered himself down to a crouch. He clasped his own wrist, to stop himself from touching her in case it wasn’t something she wanted.

“You made me… count… on you,” Eli said brokenly between weak, shuddering breaths.

The lump that rose in Tam’s throat nearly choked him.

“And it’s my fault… You disappeared.”

Alarm rushed through Tam as he stared wide-eyed at her.

“Wh- No! No, no, no it was not your fault! Not for an instant!” Tam’s grip on his wrist tightened painfully.

“You… You saw those men following me… and-”

“Gods, Eli. No. Absolutely not. I disappear when I’m being a Godsdamn coward, not when I’m stressed.”

Eli lifted her bloodshot eyes to him, and Tam found his head start to ache from the effort it took not to reach out and touch her.

“I go to a place that is connected to everything and nothing. When I get overwhelmed, or I don’t want to be somewhere, or… Or maybe I want to make someone else disappear I suppose, that’s when… That’s when I disappear. You have done nothing wrong. I’m just going through a bit of a late in life growth spurt when it comes to interacting with the world.”

“I don’t… understand,” Eli whispered.

Tam gave a halfhearted smile. “It’s okay. The point is. It is no one’s fault but mine. You are right to be concerned, and angry. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I am sorry, Eli. I’m sorry I’m not a better or stronger person that you can count on properly.”

“You arse!” Eli’s voice rose a fraction. “You’re the best person I know, and…” she paused to swallow. “It isn’t fair to you that I started relying on you..”

Tam let out a frustrated breath of his own. “No. I want you to be able to count on me. I’m going to be better, I promise. I’m just terrible at personal relationships and… I’m am working it out. That’s why I’m always apologizing all the time. But I really do want you to feel you can trust me, Eli.”

“Why?” she asked while revealing her utter bafflement.

Tam smiled again, his eyes warming.

Gods help me how can she be so worldly and yet so clueless?

“Aside from the fact I think life has been far too unfair to you and you deserve better? That you deserve to have someone help you and not want anything in return? Well… I had kind of hoped I’d made myself clear when I kissed you.”

Tam watched Eli’s eyes go round and her breath stop. For a moment she allowed herself to react vulnerably to his words as her expression softened, but Tam didn’t let his hopes go up. And sure enough, he saw her walls erect themselves once more behind her eyes.

“You want to bed me.”

Tam gave a wearisome chuckle before rubbing his mouth and resting the side of his face in his palm. He’d have to be honest and direct with her if he wanted to resume building any kind of trust with her.

“I want to do that, yes. But it’s because I happen to be in love with you.”

Tam watched as the shock of his words froze Eli’s face and made her eyes go round.

“I don’t expect anything from you. You don’t have to return anything to me, and I know I’m a big enough arse for feeling this way as your employer.” Tam paused to sigh then smile . “If you didn’t keep trying to take your clothes off in front of me I’d keep it to myself, but you’ve left me with no choice. You need to know everything if we are going to work well together.”

Silence hung in the air between them. Tam dropped his hand from his face and waited patiently for whatever his assistant’s reaction would be. He also resolved to spare her and change the topic if the quiet dragged on too long.

Though thanks to his rushing heartbeat he wasn’t sure he had a great grasp of time…

“You… You really… Don’t want anything from me?” Eli looked like the idea was more than a little foreign to her.

The briefest flicker of violent urges drifted through the back of Tam’s mind as he considered who would have made such a notion strange to her.

“All I want, Eli? Is what you are willing to give.”

“What if I don’t feel the same and never will?”

“I never expected you would.”

“But you kissed me.”

Tam winced and looked at the ceiling. “I did. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

“You aren’t going to ask me how I feel… About you? Or about the kiss?” Eli asked carefully.

“Do you want me to?”

Eli paused and considered this question. “I liked it.”

It was Tam’s turn to be stunned. He blinked and his lips twitched as voracious joy tingled and rushed through his blood.

“But I don’t like anything else.”

Tam didn’t bother hiding his look of incredulousness. “Holy antlers, Eli. You really aren’t afraid of torturing a person.”

The assistant made a grumbling noise of frustration that sounded much more like herself.

“I… I like things to be fair–”

“I know you do.”

“Shush…. My lord,” she added after snapping before she continued on. “I am… No one. With nothing but problems, and I would feel like I am submitting everything to you if I were to entertain the idea of…”

Tam raised his eyebrows and smiled roguishly at her, daring her to finish the thought. Even though his insides were a mess of screaming and awkward excited nerves he was trying to settle.

“The idea of something more. If you tired of me, you would hold even more power over me than you already do.”

“I understand… But I don’t think you do.”

Eli blinked.

“You have far more power over me than I do of you. You see, I know you don’t feel quite the same way.”

The assistant opened her mouth but Tam raised his hand to request he be able to finish.

“If I’m getting this right, you do like me, but you don’t know in what way yet.That said, if you continue to take that stunning dress off in my presence, I may interpret it to mean you want to bed me.”

Eli blushed scarlet.

“I sincerely predicted an outright rejection of my feelings, but you’ve decided to play an even more dangerous game and give me a bit of hope. So, here is what I will say. If you want more? You will have to say so. I’ve made it somewhat clear what I want, and however much you are or aren’t willing to give, you are going to have to be the one to initiate or communicate that.”

Tam dropped his hand, signaling he was finished speaking.

Fidgeting, Eli dropped her eyes to her lap. “You have terrible taste in women, my lord.”

The future duke laughed. “I don’t know about that. Pretty, capable, and prefers a quiet night with some tea and books? You seem like the ideal woman.”

Eli couldn’t meet his eyes, and Tam struggled against the urge to reach over and wipe the tears from her cheeks.

“Will you sleep in bed with me tonight?”

Tam’s heart stopped.

Eli lifted her watery gaze to him at last. “I still… Feel safer and sleep better when… When you’re there.”

Unable to speak thanks to all of his blood rushing away from his brain, Tam cleared his throat, and leaned closer to his assistant.

“I will, but… Eli?”

“Yes… my lord?”

“You better build one hell of a barrier between us in that bed if all you want is my presence.”

Finally catching on to what her words had hinted at, Eli managed a faint, “Oh.”

Her lips stayed parted and waves of powerful urges flooded through Tam, but he did his best to battle them back.

“Do you need me to leave while you finish taking off that dress?” Tam heard himself ask, his voice gravelly.

So much for controlling himself.

“U-Um… Yes? Yes.”

Tam cleared his throat, cast another tightlipped but adoring smile at Eli, and then pushed himself back up to standing even though it physically pained him.

He then turned and strode out of the room while doing his utmost to redirect his thoughts to the less dangerous matter of food while praying to the Gods that he would be able to manage himself better in the coming months.

Even though he knew that would entirely depend on whether or not Eli decided to torment him into utter madness.