The Ether Witch

Tam felt sweat drip down the side of his head as he continued to hold the red thread that had once again gone taut.

He had no idea how long it had been since he’d entered the void, but he could tell with great certainty that he had been there longer than he ever had been before.

Shouldn’t I have a limit to how long I can be in here?! I’m using magic, and all magic has limits…

Tam thought to himself as he had to readjust his grip on the thread again.

The magical line that was tied to something deep in his being had come and gone since he’d been in the void. He wondered about simply letting it drag him to wherever it was trying to take him, but he wanted to try and understand what the hell it was to begin with.

Lobahlans think that it is the hair of the Goddess when they see a red thread. That it is connecting them to their fate, and even Kat says she sees or senses something like this with her magic when she is bolstering people… But not a lone thread… She says there are several.

Though the devil apparently was tied to her with a red thread…

Am I tied to the devil?!

Tam grunted as his muscles strained, and he felt his grip weakening…

And then, just when he was about to allow himself to be yanked forward all over again, the thread disappeared yet again.

Collapsing to his knees, Tam panted heavily, his hands red and swollen from holding on for so long…

“Why am I still in here?!” he shouted upward desperately. “People need me out there!”

With his throat parched, Tam didn’t bother saying anything more as he dropped his chin to his chest and closed his eyes in frustration.

“Why do you think people need you?”

Tam jolted in shock.

A voice had come from behind him making him roll instinctively and face the newcomer.

Who appeared to be a simple, harmless, older man.

He was bald on top of his head, with a few short white hairs prickling the sides, with a droopy nose, and a long wrinkled chin. The man definitely didn’t appear threatening at a glance… He wasn’t very tall, and he wore humble clothes. A tattered tan vest, a white shirt, dark brown pants, a red kerchief around his neck. But his bright, ethereal shining blue eyes were something else entirely, and while they weren’t warm… or necessarily kind… they were sharp.

“Who are you?” the future duke rasped.

The man tilted his head, studying Tam interestedly. “I am a friend and enemy to all. You must be Tamlin Ashowan.”

Tam’s hands shook, and his legs felt weak as he was unable to take his eyes off the man in front of him.

“You’ve been here a while… That means you must’ve found them.”

“Found who?” Tam summoned the last vestiges of his strength and stood tall once more, which allowed him to stare down at the peculiar man.

The stranger did not answer, he only continued staring at Tam in that unnatural way, with a white light moving behind his eyes that instantly made Tam say:

“You’ve been to The Forest of the Afterlife. Your eyes are like my da’s.”

The man smiled, and it was the first glimpse of friendliness in him that he revealed; however, Tam still felt nothing but wary.

“Yes. I’ve met your father… He’s a funny sort. I look forward to seeing him again.”

Tam swallowed. “You aren’t… You aren’t human.”

The man shook his head in confirmation.

“Are you one of the Gods…?”

The man crossed his arms and stared at Tam patiently, though his smile from before faded away.

“In a way. Yes. I came into existence with them, and I will disappear one day with them as well.”

Tam knew who the man was. It was on the tip of his tongue, but the realization was making it harder to speak…

“I am death’s carriage driver. Or simply Death, if you will.”

Tam felt his face go pale. “Am I dying?”

The carriage driver shook his head. “Do you see my cart with me?”

Despite this affirmation, Tam did not feel all that calmed. “What are you doing here then…?”

“Do you know where ‘here’ is?” Death asked with a chuckle.

Tam’s hands moved to his pockets. “Not really.”

Death nodded knowingly. “This is a place of everything… and nothing. You’ve probably heard the noise and found some smells, as well as the feeling of things around you. And it is also a place where there is nothing. Nothing but you… and me presently.”

“Why does a place of nothing exist?” Tam wondered while feeling a swell of emotions rise within him as for the first time in his life, he was learning about this void that had haunted his dreams.

“Sometimes lost souls need time to rest in a nothing place. It is not unlike the Grove of Sorrows where those who lived a terrible life will spend time repenting their actions after dying.”

“I come here because of my magic… Is that my ability? To travel to a nothing place?”

“In a manner of speaking. There is more to it than that.” Death smiled again though it was more to himself than to Tam as he started to pace. “You’ve been struggling with your magic pulling you here for some time.”

Tam watched Death move, but remained rooted to his spot. “I have. It’s been hell.”

Death laughed at that. “You have no idea about hell.”

“Isn’t it reliving your own worst days over and over again until you understand what you did wrong? Isn’t that what happens in the Grove of Sorrows?” the future duke speculated with a frown.

“That is hell, yes… But you haven’t had to do that, have you? You simply rest here for a while.”

“Why do I get dragged here?” Tam could hear his heartbeat in his ears.

Was he really going to get all the answers to his magic? Without having to subject himself to testing and Gods knew what else…?

“If not here, where do you want to be?” Death returned instead of giving a direct answer.

Tam couldn’t even bring himself to answer for a while as the question incited outright fury in him. “Out in the world where my friends and family are! Where my son is! People are counting on me and– Godsdamnit I wanted to do things right! I wanted to be able to do things alone, and not have this happen for once!”

Death stared calmly up at Tam. “Do you really?”

“What?”

“Do you really want to be out there?”

“Of course I do! Of course I-”

Death held up his hand then continued his pacing. “Tell me, do you feel absolutely certain, without a shadow of a doubt, that you want to be back where you were?”

Tam opened his mouth to loose another long litany of reasons why he absolutely wanted to stay return to the normal world, but his voice died in his throat as realization dawned on him.

Everytime he struggled with his magic… was when he wanted to disappear.

To hide from people for one reason or another. Whether it be an awkward public event with his parents, or an uncomfortable one on one encounter… He would focus on the floor to stop feeling overwhelmed by everything around him.

The very first day he had disappeared into the void, he had been playing hide and seek with Kat, and she had always been able to find him, and as a result, she’d taunt him endlessly. Tam had wanted to disappear then. He hadn’t even wanted to play. He had just wanted to sit in the shade with a book and some snacks, and not be teased… And then he’d simply appeared in the void.

The only time he could say that he didn’t want to disappear had been this time. Right after he had scared off those men that were following Eli. His brows twitched to a frown.

“I really don’t want to be here right now. I want to be back with everyone…”

“Oh? You want to be back alone with the woman who seems to have rejected your advances? In the street after you saved her? After she saw your black eyes and would be forced to take care of you or pity you?”

An awful feeling spread through Tam’s chest.

“But… But Luca…”

“Ah. That child. That child you are afraid of loving because you worry what he may be, and yet you do all the same.”

Tam’s eyes snapped up. “Is Luca the devil?”

Death stopped pacing, but he didn’t turn around to look at Tam, whose gaze bore into Death’s frail back.

“That answer shouldn’t matter.”

Tam strode over and faced Death, his eyes flashing. “That’s ridiculous. The devil has tortured and hurt people. He has done horrible things, and might be plotting to do even worse. Wasn’t it the Gods who told my father that Kat or myself would help a being they care about?”

“They never said that being was the devil,” Death pointed out, unbothered by Tam’s impassioned questioning.

“Then is it the first witch? Or you?”

Death didn’t reply at first as he stared at Tam, his ethereal eyes unblinking. “Is there anything you aren’t afraid of?”

Tam chewed the side of his tongue before he looked away from Death. He could tell that he wasn’t going to get a straight answer.

“So I should just live impulsively like my sister? Love a child who could be the devil despite what might happen down the road?”

Again, Death did not offer a response.

“How do I get out of here? I just decide I don’t want to be?”

“That helps…. But have you decided where you would like to be?”

Tam paused. “How much time has passed outside of this void?”

Death shrugged ambiguously and Tam wanted to grab him by the lapels and shake him into being less infuriating, but knew this would be futile.

Instead he reached up and rubbed the back of his neck while letting out an aggravated breath.

“Why did I never see you in the void before? Or my own body?”

Death smiled, but said nothing. He then turned around, and started walking away from Tam.

“What am I supposed to do now?!”

“You’re a smart man, Tamlin Ashowan. You’ll figure it out.”

Taking two long steps with the intention of sprinting after Death, Tam found that he wasn’t able to, as at one point or another, he had blinked, and Death had disappeared in that short time as though nothing had happened, and he’d never been there at all.

“Damnit… Damnit… Damnit…” Tam grasped his face and doubled over.

After allowing himself to agonize over his situation for another few moments, however, he pushed himself back up straight.

“ Given what he told me, I need to want to be back with everyone. Completely…” Tam closed his eyes, and tried to envision the house he, Eli, Luca, Bong, and Jeong were staying in, but the instant he imagined it he felt anxiety gnaw at his gut.

He already had an inkling about what his assistant would say to him about their kiss. She had started to trust him, and she wanted to sleep beside him because she most likely had been living in unsafe places for years… She had been trying to say she felt safe with him, and he’d gone and betrayed her.

Knowing Eli, she wouldn’t even be angry with him. She’d merely apologize for not being able to return his feelings (when she most definitely did not need to), and that would be the end of it.

Tam instantly felt his insides recoil at the mere thought of facing such awful moment.

Giving his head a shake, he refocused his mind onto Luca. Luca who…

Was thoughtful, and kind… and who obviously idolized Tam when he shouldn’t. Luca who was just a little boy in a situation no child should have to be in…

Tam lowered himself onto the ground with a long breath out.

He was starting to understand that it was going to be a lot harder to sincerely convince himself how much he wanted to face his troubles. Even if he did want to be responsible, fair, and good… The part of him that wanted to scurry away and hide in a room with his books lingered.

“Gods… I really am such a coward.”