Chapter 29: The Fall and the Follow Through
Standing in front of the doors to the house he was to stay in for the next approximate month or so, Tam stalled entering as he, at the very last moment, remembered the troubling awkward state of his relationship with Eli.
Gods… What the hell do I say to her? Do I say sorry I’m an idiot? Sorry I’m acting like a juvenile, hormonal child rather than a respectable employer? Do I just come out with it and say the reason I’m being an arsehat? No. Godsdamnit, no. ‘Hey Eli, remember how you were worried about misunderstanding me? Well, there isn’t a misunderstanding. You’re fantastic. And I’m having the best time of my life being here in Zinfera with you…’
Tam rubbed his eyes. “When… did I become such a twit?”
“Mr. Voll! Mr. Voll! Heeey! Mr. Voll!”
Turning exceedingly slowly toward the slurred shout that sounded down the street, Tam knew even without being able to see well in the darkness that Bong and Jeong were approaching.
He waited until they were beside him before asking in a murmur. “Did you find Lord Guk?”
“We did! He is very well known at three particular brothels. We introduced ourselves, and got invited to his party that is happening in three days at his home here in Junya,” Bong explained with a grin while he stumbled despite standing still.
“Mr. VOLL!” Jeong burst out unexpectedly.
Tam turned and stared at Jeong who, thanks to the lit torches by the front doors, he could see was alternatively closing each of his eyes as he struggled to see only one of Tam.
“Yes?”
“When’s the first incident supposed to be?” Jeong asked in a strained, loud, whisper.
Tam pursed his mouth, then looked at Bong, but Bong looked like he was falling asleep on his feet, so instead, Tam turned to the front doors and shoved them open. They could have that conversation when both the Ryu brothers were a little less sotted.
But the sight that greeted the trio of men as they took stock of the courtyard…?
Eli, Haewon, and two Zinferan women they’d never met before standing in the courtyard.
Eli stood wearing a white top with a dark emerald skirt, and a shawl around her shoulders despite the balmy temperature of the night.
One of the women that Tam didn’t know, who wore a rose colored shawl, gently elbowed Eli in the back.
Tam, frozen in confusion, watched Eli’s uncomfortable expression and her inability to meet his eyes.
“You… All… Are home late. And… You missed dinner.”
Tam blinked. He looked at the other women present, then back at Eli, who looked like she wanted the earth to open up and swallow her whole.
“Luca… missed you at bedtime…”
A loud hiccup sounded beside Tam from Jeong. “Mr. Voooooll! How could you?!” he slurred indignantly.
Tam’s lips flattened as he fought against a sigh.
“Yeah! Mr. Voll! Luca… is… a growing… boy!”
Tam turned to Bong who situated himself on Tam’s other side. His position wound up only being temporary however as he proceeded to faint face down in the courtyard.
Fin stared at Bong’s back long enough to ensure he was breathing and then looked back at Eli who was no less pained over the situation unfolding.
At the very least, the unhelpful interruptions from the Ryu men had bought Tam enough time to get the gist of what was happening.
The two women were neighbors who had shown up, and nosily wanted to meet himself, had insisted on staying until he was home. He guessed they kept telling Eli how furious she should be with a no good husband who kept his loving wife and son waiting.
The solution to the dilemma came to him a little too readily… but… he couldn’t quite fault the logic… though he would later admit it may have been biased.
Crossing the courtyard to Eli, he reached out and gently grasped her hands in his own, and ducked his head closer to her. That same heart stopping smell hit him of citrus and another sort of floral that he couldn’t quite pinpoint…
“I’m sorry I was late. You know how I get while studying, and then I happened to have tea with a kind lord who was curious about what had me so busy. I bought you some of the tea we had… Would you like to go inside and have some now?”
Eli had looked utterly mortified when Tam had initially grasped her hands, but at the mention of tea he saw the glint of interest take over her awkwardness.
“Pardon me, Ms. Haewon, and…?” Tam looked pointedly at the neighbor women then, the one in the rose colored shawl had her hand to her chest, while the other, who had a royal blue shawl, still scowled in his direction. Seeing this, Tam wasn’t surprised when she cleared her throat pointedly.
This managed to snap Eli out of her trance and she turned to Jeong. “You are drunk, go inside and stop making a scene.”
That much at least sounded natural coming from her, but then she stared back up at Tam and he damn near had to kiss her.
“These are our neighbors, Lu and Sosa.”
Tam nodded politely to the two women. The one with the blue shawl named Sosa raised an eyebrow at him, and the one in the pink named Lu was still eyeing him dazedly.
“It is lovely to meet you both. But if you wouldn’t mind, I would like to go inside with my wife and maybe check on our son.”
“You don’t look like a scholar,” Lu blurted suddenly.
Tam tilted his head, as he started to realize just what the older woman was getting at.
“Looks aren’t everything,” Sosa scoffed. “He shows up late, and tells his wife she should know how he is and should just put up with it! How is that right? Don’t you agree, Haewon?”
The housekeeper didn’t answer, nor did she emote in any way that could indicate what she thought on the matter, and Tam was rather grateful for the fact as he moved around Eli to face the two neighbors with his arm around her shoulders.
“While I appreciate you commenting on my shortcomings. I will ask that you please leave the premise for the evening as it is late, and I would like to hear from my wife herself what she has to say. Good evening.” Tam, once again grasp Eli’s hand, then proceeded into the house, not wanting to look back at her as he led her down the hall to their room.
He didn’t say a word until they were safely behind closed doors before he let go of her hand, and placed some distance between them.
“I apologize for the untoward touching,” he started bluntly, not quite able to meet her eyes as he wasn’t all that excited about what kind of angry or disappointed face she might’ve been making.
“It’s fine, my lord. As I said before, I understand what our jobs are, and that touching and comfortability is inevitable.”
Tam decided not to drag out the conversation. “I take it those neighbors are the local gossips?”
Eli sighed, and at last the future duke felt it safe to look up. “They are. Annoying, but informative. Apparently Lord Guk’s wife is adamant that Junya should become a capital again. Even though she isn’t here, she still is in constant communication with the household staff here.”
Tam straightened. “That is incredibly useful information, thank you.”
Eli cleared her throat in response. “You mentioned having tea with a lord, was it Kim?”
Tam nodded. “It was, and he invited both you and I to his tea house. I figured you wouldn’t mind,” he added with a grin.
Fidgeting, Eli busied her hands by starting to untie her white top while responding. “I don’t. But I care about more than just tea you know– Oh. I’m sorry, my lord.” She had just noticed that Tam had turned around so that his back was to her as she undressed.
“Eli… I have to ask, but… Just as you aren’t certain how I could father a child, I am equally as clueless as to how you did not reveal you were a woman for so long given that you keep casually undressing in front of me.”
There was a beat of silence, and with his back turned, Tam had no idea if his words had upset his assistant in any way…
But then he heard it.
The gentle, whimsical quiet laugh, and before he could stop himself, he turned around and saw her smiling. Her eyes were closed, her teeth flashed… She seemed to glow…
And that was when he knew.
That somehow, someway, he had gone and wound up in love.
Despite all his reasonings and best efforts.
He’d fallen for his assistant.
Completely.
*
Tam sat at the breakfast table the morning following his troublesome realization, sipping his coffee and avoiding looking in Eli’s direction while Haewon continued setting the table.
He had managed to escape sleeping in the same bed with Eli again by giving a barely coherent excuse that he’d sleep in the sitting room so that the their housekeeper Haewon and the local gossips would think Eli had given him an earful for his tardiness– Of course this was to ensure no one thought he was disrespectful of his wife or that she was a push over.
But he doubted he’d be able to keep avoiding sharing a bed with her for long.
A stack of papers appeared in front of Tam, forcing his mind back to the present where there was the morning light warming the dining room in a hazy gold hue as sounds from the street and birds singing drifted in through the open sliding door.
“What’s this?” Tam asked, looking over the papers with his eyebrows twitching toward a frown.
“The information on the tutors I looked into for Luca,” Eli retorted. There was a shortness to her tone that prompted Tam to spare a glance in her direction.
But she didn’t look at him.
Tam looked toward Haewon, but the woman didn’t let on a thing as she finished setting down the teapot.
So after she left the room, he took the opportunity to lean closer to Eli.
“Are you pretending to be angry with me because of yesterday…? Or are you actually angry with me?”
“I’m not angry, my lord.” Eli bit out, her eyes flying up to his face a little too sharply.
Tam leaned back in surprise.
All I did yesterday after making her laugh was go sleep out here… Did I do something else…?
The future duke was opening his mouth to ask more questions, when in stumbled Jeong, clutching his head, and moaning. “I should have said no to the sweet wine… Never say yes to the sweet wine,” he muttered nonsensically.
“Where’s Bong?” Tam wondered, though he already suspected the eldest Ryu brother was still unconscious.
“He’s outside meditating,” Jeong answered in a manner far grumpier than anything anyone had ever heard from him. “In three days we have the party at Lord Guk’s residence, which is the perfect place for the kind of… event… you were thinking of. Bong will take you shopping for a dress,” he added to Tam’s assistant.
“I can take her.” Tam cut in a little too quickly. “It’ll be better for us to be seen together.”
Jeong was too hungover to even bother teasing him.
“I can go on my own, my lord. I-” Eli’s firm insistence was interrupted by Luca entering the room, still yawning, that is until he saw Tam sitting in a white tunic and black pants, holding his coffee cup and perked up.
“Morning, dad!” he greeted sunnily.
Tam smiled back at him. “Good morning. How did you sleep?”
“I slept alright… It’s a bit hard because it’s a new place and… It’s weird having a room all to myself.”
Tam perked up, this was exactly the excuse he needed to sleep in a different room than Eli!
However, Jeong clapped a hand on Luca’s shoulder as the boy sat down beside him and said,
“You can bunk with Bong and myself. He usually can’t sleep anyway, so I’m alone in the room often while he sits outside or reads elsewhere.”
Luca nodded, looking more than a little disappointed, as though he, too, had hoped Tam would be sleeping in the same room as him.
“As I was saying, my lord, I can go alone-”
Eli was cut off yet again by the return of Haewon who placed a plate in front of Luca before quietly leaving the room again.
“You need to stop calling me ‘my lord’,” Tam whispered seriously. “Just call me Joe– that’s what I’m going to tell people once we get to a first name basis seeing as Tam is too notable a name given my mixed heritage.”
“Actually you should call him a pet name. Like ‘dear’, or ‘love’, or ‘my everything’,” Jeong added, though without his usual buoyancy as he reached for the rice on the table.
Eli didn’t say anything.
Her mouth remained screwed shut, but Tam could see by the way her jaw moved that she was angry as hell.
And so when she stood up from the low table abruptly and stalked out of the dining room, it didn’t take Tam long to follow.
He failed to see Jeong shoot Luca a knowing smile before he left– which was most likely for the better.
Tam managed to catch up to Eli just before their room, without any kind of plan, but he tapped her on her shoulder and made her swing around so quickly that it caught him off guard.
She stared at him expectantly, her head tilted, and her nostrils flaring ever so slightly.
“Why’re you angry…?” Tam managed once he overcame the astonishment of seeing her so enraged.
“I’m not angry, my lord, I-”
“Stop.” Tam waved his hand, his expression hardening. “And I said to stop calling me ‘my lord’. I said it back in Daxaria, too, come to think of it.”
Tam noted the way her right hand fidgeted, then gripped her burgundy skirt.
“Is it because Jeong took the teasing too far…? You seemed upset before he got there, so was it something I did?”
“No!” Eli exclaimed, though her volume had risen which told Tam he was on to something…
“So I have done something…? Was it because I forgot to give you the tea I said I bought? I have it just in the other room if you-”
Eli turned around and started walking away again, but Tam grasped her arm.
“Eli, you know I’m sinfully awkward. I’m not going to know unless you tell me.”
“Nothing. Is. Wrong. You are just being irritating!”
Eli tried to leave again, but this time Tam took three steps and his arm shot out in front of her stopping her. He also happened to be quite close to her as he was doing this…
“Yes. I am irritating. And I am terrible at pretending you are not a woman, I’ve apologized and I’ve stayed away from you to try and be more considerate and distant so I make less errors. Is there anything else I can be doing for you?”
Eli leaned back against the wooden panel behind her, not all that far from where Tam’s hand was. Her cheeks were pink and she couldn’t seem to lift her eyes to meet his.
Tam felt himself starting a losing battle in that moment…
“Eli, please? Can you look at me and tell me what I did?” Tam’s voice had quieted, and he found himself physically struggling to stop himself getting any closer to her.
“You didn’t sleep beside me. And you’re avoiding me, and you’re just… You’re not… You just…” she stammered as she became more and more frustrated.
But her words had sent a mind numbing rush through Tam and his self resolve was crumbling.
“You want me to sleep beside you?” His voice was hoarse.
Eli’s fidgeting worsened and she licked her lips while seemingly trying to figure out how to explain what she meant, little did she know she was destroying any hope of coherent thought from her employer.
“I just… I’ve actually been sleeping well with you beside me, and I… And I haven’t slept… I have never slept well. Not since I was a child, and I don’t know why. I hate that I trust you. I don’t trust you, I mean, but I-I-I find you reasonable, and-”
Tam lowered his face to hers, and at last her eyes raised to his, only they widened in surprise when she saw the intensity of the look he was giving her. His dark gaze was steady, too steady.
Tam noticed a small breath leave her mouth.
“Eli… Do you know why I might not be sleeping beside you any more?” While Tam’s tone may have sounded patient, the tension in his body betrayed the fact that he most definitely was not feeling particularly easy going.
“You… You don’t find me appealing like that, and… You don’t want me-”
Tam kissed her.
His hand against the wall flexed, while his other found her waist and he relished in the heady sensation he experienced from kissing the particular, grumpy woman he’d fallen for. There were no thoughts, and despite the voracity of his emotions, his magic was silent in his being.
He pressed into her, and could feel her hands gripping the bottom of his tunic and he found himself thinking how near their room was, when she made a small sound.
He stopped kissing her, his breath rough, as he stared down into her eyes, his arm, still braced beside her, quivered.
“Eli, I need you to tell me to stop or keep going, but whichever it is, have mercy and say it quickly.”
She swallowed, and her lips parted, but no sound came out, and Tam decided then and there the woman was a bloody master of torture.
But he waited… He waited and hoped to the Gods he hadn’t gone and just made a terrible arse of himself.