The Elestar: Zero

Since the day I hit the river I have known how freezing and fast the water was.

The tide tore me across, swept me down. I fought with all my might to come out of the water and back to my mother. As if the river were itself pulling out every possible stop to thwart me.

Despite the strength of the flow, I forced my way up and managed to break through the surface, gasping for air. When I came up I looked straight in the direction my mother had been.

She still lay on the floor with the spear of the demon still immersed in her body.

The hounds that had driven us there were on her and had her by the bit, tearing off her; as if she were the plaything of an hour.

The river frothed around me, a deafening cacophony, and amid it all… I heard her scream.

Her scream sounded in my ears, across the water, my heart aching as it reached me.

And all I could do was cry.

I was powerless. The woman who raised me, loved me, nurtured me — was being ripped from me right before my eyes. And I could do nothing. Nothing to do but float away and observe.

I didn't even have words for that feeling. My mother shifted her head and looked at me.

I saw her too—our eyes met.

She screamed at the top of her lungs—even though it hurt her. "Stay alive! No matter what—live!"

Those words… They were supposed to empower me. But they also are the most painful words I have ever heard. I extended a hand to her, tears making it difficult to see her. "M-mother…!"

And, as I cried out, the river sucked me under once again. My tears flowed into the icy water and I was only cold.

I struggled back to the surface. This time when I turned to look back, I could see the demon towering over her.

The pain inside me boiled. I frantically started trying to swim toward the edge, but the current was too strong still.

I floated until I hit a rock. Holding on for dear life, I had to fight to avoid being carried off. But the rock was slick with generations of water and moss. I couldn't hold on long.

Groggily, the current then brought me to a wider, quieter part of the river. On all fours, I pulled myself to shore, wet and trembling, spent.

It was just starting to get light, pale in a morning sky.

And then the tears were back.

I hadn't even begun to accept that my mother was gone. But I had remembered… I had recalled what I'd seen. And I bent low, and cried, as loud as my lungs could bawl.

"MOTHER!!"

I screamed so loud, my throat caught fire. Still, the tears didn't stop. I stood thus a long time—until the slant of morning was on me ere I moved. I came to my senses to find my legs gear locked and I felt too weak to continue.

It was as if I had no energy left. But I stood up anyway. Every step was leaden—every breath a load that could not be lifted away.

I started walking upstream, in the direction of my village. I had to have drifted far downstream. I walked for over an hour before I spotted the farm in the distance. I broke into a run and dashed toward the spot as I neared it — The spot my mother had pushed me into the river at.

Part of me, I guess I hoped that she might still be alive. I didn't want to believe the truth, even though I knew that it was impossible.

I came and the ground was full of blood."

So much blood, in fact, that it had flowed to the river and begun to mix with the water. [Where is she? She should be here…]

I did so, not daring to believe she was gone. Acknowledging her death would mean acknowledging the greatest loss of my life.

I secretly prayed to whatever gods may listen: "Please… Let her be alive…"

But the truth was harsher even than I had hoped. As I searched, I saw it— Her right hand, jutting out from the tall grass.

The bracelet on her wrist was familiar to me. That was how I knew it was hers. I ran to it. I wanted to clear away the grass, to hug her, to hold her hand one last time.

But…

Only her hand remained. My breath caught. My heart collapsed. Before I knew it, I was on my knees.

[At least I have to put whatever's left in the ground.]

I ripped the shirt I was wearing, and I covered her hand with it. I sobbed, uncontrolled this time, my tears streaming down my face. Despite all my efforts to stop them, they came streaming out.

I sat there for some time, holding the last fragment of her that there was.

If I stood up now, it would mean that I acknowledged that she really wasn't there. Despite everything else, though — I still had to bury her. It was the least I could do for her.

I mustered what little strength I had remaining.

My first step felt like I was dragging my whole body, which was now stone.

Half-naked, I crossed the distance to the village, bearing the last of my mother.

[Hans… Hans will help me bury her.]

The hope was what powered me to go.

As I sauntered through the village, I began to see the eyes on me. And the more I closed in on him, the more heads I turned. Their eyes were eyes of fright and disquiet.

They stared at me, literally as if I was a devil. Then I saw him— Hans.

Despite one lost arm, he was aiding the villagers as they emerged from the night's horror. He saw me and ran straight toward me.

"Attu! Are you okay? What happened? Where's your mother?!"

I wanted to answer. To tell him everything. So that I could scream and cry and empty the pain in my heart. But the words wouldn't come. I didn't know how to explain.

Instead… I showed him. I began unfolding the bundle in my arms, displaying her hand—the bracelet, the fingers, the truth.

Hans understood. His face said it all. And then— A rock struck my forehead.

I dropped to the ground, still trying to hold my mother's hand. Blood streamed onto my face. Not a lot — just enough to blind me. Then a voice shouted from the crowd, a woman's voice. A woman's voice said from the crowd:

"This is all your fault! That demon came on your account! So many died because of you!"