The Demon Lord and his Hero

"Riha! We caught a penis fish!" Red shouted as they got closer to the manor. 

The phallus fish was wound around a long tree branch and tied to it with the broken fishing line. Rowan supported one end of the branch over his shoulder and Syryn the other end. 

Salem frowned at hearing Red shout out the word penis. Yes, they weren't exactly the most responsible of adults but he had to act like one sometimes when it came to Red. 

"I hope you don't use such words in front of other people," Salem chided the child. 

"Oh, so it's okay to say penis in front of you guys?" 

"No, but-" and Salem caught sight of the marvellous 'penis fish' carried over the shoulders of his friends. There was no other way to describe the abomination. 

"My God..." Salem declared. "Where did you get that thing?"

"You won't believe it!" Red said to the half-elf. "Syryn caught it at the lake. We have to ask Riha if he has seen this before and if he has, why hasn't he told us about it?!" 

"Maybe because it should have stayed at the bottom of the lake where it belongs," Rowan replied. He regretted the fishing trip. 

"Oh, I do believe it. But can we cook it?" Salem asked, intrigued. "Sometimes, it's the ugly and smelly ingredients that have secret properties."

"What's that? A dildo?" Alka's voice floated out of the house. 

"Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough," Red proudly replied. 

The others collectively groaned. Rowan even gave Alka a look. 

"What?" The plant mage mildly replied. "I didn't see the redheaded pipsqueak with you in the way."

Rowan was already disturbed by Salem suggesting they cook it but Alka had come in and made it worse. He was going to put the thing away before it really went into a cooking pot. 

"Someone call Riha," he instructed the others. "And Salem, can you test it for poisons? We won't be cooking it till we're sure that it won't kill us."

"What if eating it makes our dicks bigger?!" Red asked our aloud like he had discovered a shocking hidden secret. 

"No," Salem firmly denied him. "That's how all the fake enlargement goods get sold. Someone sees that it looks phallus-shaped and decides that it's a magical cure for small reproductive organs. It's unscientific. You eat mushrooms all the time but your thing hasn't grown bigger, has it?" Salem asked the child like he was a strict teacher. 

Red smirked. Seeing that, Rowan put the brakes on whatever the child was about to say. 

"Lucien, call Riha." 

"Why me?" He turned to the anti mage. 

"Just go," Rowan told him. "Fast, before Levia eats this thing." 

The redhead obeyed for once because he was very interested in the fish. He brought a sleepy-looking Riha out of his room. The selkie had been napping when Red had barged in and physically pulled him out of bed. 

"What's that?" The selkie asked, staring at the thing on the ground that everyone was crowded around. 

"We wanted to ask you about it," Rowan replied. "Syryn caught this at the lake." 

The selkie looked at the mage who was upset that it kept coming up. So what if he was the one who had caught it? Hadn't Red caught it first? Bottom lip jutting out in a petulant pout, the mage had his arms crossed. 

"Syryn, you have a penchant for attracting strange creatures to you," Riha dryly told him. "As for the... fish, I've never seen it before. I've taken many swims in the lake and would have probably noticed it since it's so strange." 

"So it means this creature is good at hiding," Alka supplied. 

"Or new to the lake," Red tacked on. 

"I say we cut it open," Salem added. 

Rowan nodded. "I'll leave it to you people," he looked at Salem, Alka, and Riha in turn. He then glanced at the redhead who was poking the fish's grey eyes with his forefinger. "As for you, Lucien, one with me." 

The redhead was crouched on his heels over the fish. Twisting around, he looked up at the anti mage. "Where to?" 

"The temple of Eos. I don't want to go alone." 

Rowan liked it when Red acted like a brat around people he didn't like.

"If you want someone to hold your hand while you get yelled at by the priests, then take an adult with you," the redhead seriously told the anti mage like Rowan should have been ashamed to ask something like that from a child. 

"Please? It has to be you." 

Red sighed. When Rowan asked like that, it was difficult to refuse the man. 

[Luci, when did I become one of his fans?]

(It was inevitable. Rowan is too handsome to refuse.)

A loud 'tsk' sound came out of the redhead's mouth. "Let's go. You owe me, Rowan." 

"I'll buy you a large box of the best chocolates from Fable's Sugar bites," Rowan responded. It had been the correct thing to say. The redhead's eyes lit up though he acted unaffected by it. It was Magnus' fault that Lucien, both of them, had become addicted to eating candies and chocolates.

"Fine, I'll do it this one time."

___

A while later, five people were standing around a table where the phallus fish was stretched out. 

"Not again, Syryn," Enkansh had said when he first caught sight of the fish. Now he was just as intrigued as the others. 

"Where do we start?" Syryn said to the others. 

"First, we do a proper physical examination of its body. Here," Salem pushed a set of writing implements towards Alka. "Note down everything I say." 

The plant mage mutely took the quill and parchment. Screwing open the lid of an inkwell, he dipped the quill inside and was poised to begin writing. 

Salem lifted the head of the fish and opened its mouth. His brows went up when he saw what was inside. 

"Look at that," he held up the fish to the others.