The Comfort Of The Knife

“Nadia, your dad was forty,” Melissa said.

“So?” I asked.

Amber answered by reading, “While it can be argued what the ‘official’ beginning of the Changeover was, no one doubts that we had fully entered that era after the destruction of Capitol Hill. Thus why City Killer commonly appears in stories with the epithet, First Sword of the Changeover. Their appearance within and subsequent decimation of that Old power’s capitol had severed the head off a dragon that at the time had threatened the entirety of the world. While also consigning the world to a nearly instantaneous explosion of violence that tore away any illusions of the new normal we’d stepped into.”

“Oh, if this is dad then he’d be. . . a hundred?” I asked.

Melissa wobbled her hand. “Higher to be technical. It was about a hundred years from the Changeover’s start to today. So considering that unless there’s just a fetus in all that armor, City Killer would be a hundred-and-twenty. Like, minimum.”

“I mean, going up the Chain does make you live longer,” Amber said.

“No it doesn’t. It makes you age slower, but it doesn’t innately make you live longer.”

I asked, “Difference being?”

“Longer peak. But a steep drop-off into a grave when your time’s up,” Melissa said.

“Maybe it all changes at Sovereign?” I asked.

“Maybe,” she said, “but the Godtenders aren’t saying anything. Besides, how could a killer of cities be your dad? He built stuff all the time. Was so kind. And far as I know he never traveled. This person—because no one knows City Killer’s gender—got around constantly!”

“My dad has a personal suite on Every Train. She’s international and really damn fast.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. For one, your dad could be like a runaway heir to a collective,” she said.

Amber said, “Wow, junior, you’re just shooting everyone’s ideas down right now. That theory you just gave is romance novel nonsense.”

“You have a better one?”

“Sure. Every Train wasn’t covenant summoned until C.10. City Killer, however exists to ring in C. 0, so it’s an irrelevant factor to proving anything.”

I said, “Every Train gave me a photo album of her and my parents. Dad’s wearing that armor and has that weapon.”

That brought Amber and Melissa’s bickering to a close. Neither had known that, and stewed for a moment to avoid what felt like an inevitable truth.

Melissa offered, “Maybe he just inherited the role? Like, there’s always a City Killer and it gets passed down.”

“Really,” I asked, “why are you fighting this so hard?”

“Why aren’t you!”

“Because if he is then I have an answer!” I screamed. “I’ll get closer to knowing him even though I can’t know him anymore.”

Other patrons jolted and leaned from their pods to see what was happening. Amber, Melissa, and myself formed a small phalanx of declarative, keep your eyes on your own damn table. Even at odds we found it easier to fall together in the face of a problem. Once everyone had turned away I sat back down. Melissa guided me through a centering breath then spoke softly.

“Nadia, if he’s City Killer then it means. . .”

“It means what?”

Amber reached out for my hand. Held it firm so I couldn’t flee if I wanted to—and oh how I wanted to.

“He might be one of the worst monsters in the world, Temple.”

I “centering breath’d” my way through the fury that rose in my throat like bile. Groped about with my other hand for something to cling to—Melissa held that one for me.

“They can only prove the capitol one, right?” I asked.

Melissa read ahead and nodded. “Stories all agree he did the capitol one—technically the first capitol he was present for the destruction of—the rest he was present but no stories agree if he did it. That still means he murdered tens of thousands of people.”

“The stories all agree there was nothing but snakes in that capitol,” I hissed.

“Nadia!”

“Temple, be serious.” Amber said, “If you want your dad to be City Killer, then he is good and bad. Otherwise, maybe he just took the suit from the last guy. Choose what story you want, but accept what kind of story that gets you.”

I felt the world spin without spinning. My chair rotating in a reality separate from the one that the rest of the cafe was in. I’d wanted to think my parents were still heroes or at least half-decent, but tens of thousands? Trying to swallow it was like eating a sword, careful not to let the edge taste your tonsils. The room eventually stopped moving, and I didn’t pick a story. Instead I looked down and saw that at some point a secretary had given us three folders.

It was stupid, but I looked around alongside Melissa for any sign of secretaries. As if we’d catch one slinking out the door just then rather than realize one had lurked beside our pod—maybe in our pod—for as long as they wanted. What’d they hear? Amber wasn’t perturbed though and opened her folder. Melissa and I followed her lead.

The opening document was a breakdown of the rules of the test. All of us were being assigned to a lab associated with one of the four major research groups we’d chosen. Seeing as the test was termed, “Information Retrieval & Protection,” it meant some of us would be retrieving and others would be protecting. The test itself was pass-fail. Retrievers pass by grabbing anything termed as “credible intel” such as documents, experiments, even a takeout menu. The intel would then be graded based on its severity and awarded extra points. Protectors pass by doing the exact opposite. They must keep any of the retrievers from absconding with any intel until sunrise. From there extra points are awarded based on how many attempts they pushed back and if they captured or killed any of the retrievers.

“Captured or killed?” Melissa asked. “It’s like the Lodgemaster wants us to murder each other.”

“She probably does,” Amber said.

We continued reading to find that the next page would tell us the details of our assignment.

“What if we’re on opposite sides?” I asked.

Melissa and Amber’s heads snapped up.

“More likely to be at different labs,” Amber said.

“But what if we are,” Melissa said. “On different sides.”

“Then we let Temple win,” Amber said. “We don’t want this. You need it.”

Melissa chuckled, “Yeah, I mean it’s not like being a Lodgemember is that helpful for me. Some collectives and universities actually reject you if you are. You can keep this.”

“Will you leave?” I asked.

Melissa smiled, “Not until you do. Now, let’s just turn this thing so we know what’s what.”

As one we turned the page. It read…

“Lab 447,” we said at once.

Then we turned the next page. At the top was the team list. The first name was…

“Nadia Temple,” we all read.

“Alls below, I didn’t want to lose to you,” Amber said with a heavy exhale.

Melissa nodded. “Yeah, universities ask for some serious contributions before you can even apply. Trading my Lodge membership saves me so much time.”

Amber added, “Do you know how hard intercontinental shipping is? The markup of any good alcohol is wild. The Lodge membership though, free cross continent travel on Every Train once a season as long as you can mark it off as official Lodge duties. I’ll finally get to have good soju again.”

“Thanks,” I said. “You really know how to pierce a moment.”

The humor of it all was good for us. Just lanced the tension and calmed our hearts as we avoided having to break the oath we’d only just made.

“We’re protecting,” Melissa read.

“Tch.” I clicked.

Retrieving would’ve justified everything better to Melissa and Amber without having to reveal anything. We’d even have extra points cause I found it hard to imagine that info on something like the White Womb wouldn’t be of high severity.

“If we’re protecting we at least have the cover of needing to cover ground,” Sphinx said within me.

Fair point, I thought. The White Wombs are high severity, so retrieval is incentivized to grab them. So we might as well be there to greet them.

“Who’s, Lupe of the Sunken Valley?” Amber asked.

“Our last teammate, apparently,” Melissa said.

“Here’s hoping she doesn’t suck,” I said.

* * *

When we arrived back at our residence, Amber pulled out three backpacks. They were slate gray with all kinds of airy netting and clinking carabiners to clip on who knows how many attachments. Amber explained that we’d find some basic medical supplies, water, and a flashlight. Then told us to grab anything else that’d be necessary.

The first thing I grabbed was Mother’s Last Smile. No reason not to have a conceptual weapon that can cut through a Baron when you’re going to the place that likely made said Baron. After I had my glaive I dropped into a crouch and pulled out the trunk beneath my bed. Popped the lid and laid my eyes on the crimson mask that had been my face last night. Sphinx stepped out of my body and circled the box. Drawing my eyes up from the mask.

“Nadia, leave it,” she said.

“No.”

I grabbed the mask and shoved it into my backpack. Sphinx darted around me to interpose herself between me and the door.

“Then tell me why we need it?”

I said, “It’s a stealth tool. Who knows what we’ll find that’ll make us wish I was wearing the mask that makes it harder to be remembered. It’s just a precaution.”

Sphinx stared me down but eventually acquiesced. She couldn’t deny that it did serve that purpose, but I couldn’t deny that it just felt nice to have it. My excuse to ‘let go’ if needed.

We assembled out front of the residence building where all the other protection teams were forming up their groups before heading off. The proctor had created over a dozen Alleys for each team to step through and arrive at their assigned lab. Most of them were hidden somewhere in the world. While a few—going by the smattering of secretaries in Undersuits—were in the Underside. Our lab though wasn’t some majorly hidden facility lurking on the side of reality. According to our dossier it was on the outskirts of town, and so we were waiting for the cable car to pick us up.

Amber said, “Alls below, this girl has to be an idiot. This car won’t come back until a good two hours after nightfall if she misses it.”

“If she misses it. The cable car isn’t even here yet anyways,” Melissa said.

I shrugged. “Hope they don’t suck.”

Being down a person would be rough, but if they sucked then it wouldn’t usher in the second Changeover or anything so apocalyptic to not have them in the first place. As a result I let my disinterest cause me to slump over my backpack and closed my eyes to bank rest before I’d need it. Behind my eyes I saw it, the mask. Rust red, lips pulled back in a snarl over perfectly carved teeth that curved like beams on a pagoda—no, something rougher than that—like the tusks of a boar. A canine face with fishhooks for fangs the way they arced out of the mouth.

It was dripping blood. Drip, drip, drip. Then the winding breath of a rushing stream. The churning static of blood flowing over blood. Filling the backpack. Ruining the meds. Tainting my water. Staining my lap. Drip. Drip. Dri—

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” I heard a perfectly raspy voice say that roused me from my nap.

I turned back to spy my wolf girl—Lupe, apparently—come walking across the residential quad with her guitar slung across her back and wearing nothing but what looked like a glossy latex skinsuit with a cropped sleeveless tee over it. The suit clung to every curve and planar shift in the topography of her abs that were otherwise hidden from view this morning. I followed that river of muscle down to what was a lazily hidden bulge at her crotch. I threw my eyes toward anything else to look at as I tried to not leave the impression I would be a lecherous teammate.

“What are you wearing?” I asked.

“Oh, this, it’s just a conweave suit. Which, I’m noticing you all aren’t wearing,” Lupe said. Her rasp imbuing every word with this smoky flavor.

“Yeah, it’s expensive and hardly worth it unless it’s graded high enough,” Amber said. “Some suit rated for Barons isn’t doing shit to keep you alive.”

“Amber, come on. A suit’s better than no suit…right?” I asked.

Melissa nodded. “When it’s a good dense conweave then yeah. Will basically give you constant protection against any Sorcery coming your way.”

“And my suit’s rated for Earls actually,” Lupe said. “And it was handmade as a gift, so I can assure you it’s quality. You can touch if you don’t believe me.”

Amber sneered at the suggestion. “You got one thing wrong, junior, they don’t protect you against every Sorcery even if it’s below the rating. Like how I broke that field-spell a while back, there’s always a weak point.”

Lupe shrugged, “I can’t disagree there.”

“Does your mom make conweave?” I asked Melissa.

“Technically in that Undersuits are all made with a degree of conweave in them to protect from curses,” She said. “Besides that it’s too labor intensive to make those kind of suits without a buyer lined up. Let alone the fact that Mom’s not far enough up the Chain to make any that’d matter.”

We heard the whine of the cable car as it arrived then clambered inside. I entered first and claimed a window seat for myself. Behind me followed Lupe and then Amber. Lupe obviously noticed the nervous way Amber would peer from behind her to catch sight of me. Briefly stilling her muttered complaints about Lupe. So the math was simple when Lupe swung onto my bench stealing the only seat next to me. I glanced up to Amber with a, what can you do, kind of expression.

“You better not suck,” Amber hissed.

Lupe said, “And you better go get a seat so we can leave.”

She shook her head and took a bench way in the back. Melissa took a seat next to Amber so she wouldn’t be lonely.

I said, “Sorry about Amber. She’s perennially unimpressed with people. I mean, we all suck sometimes.”

Lupe asked, “Does that include you?”

Her voice wrapped around us like a boa of gentle smoke. My mouth went dry as I processed how to answer. I’d launched us into the innuendo, but was she committing or was her voice just that hot?

“Uh, no. Not really. I’m pretty good at this kind of thing.”

She smirked and leaned back into the seat.

“Shame.”

I tapped my head against the window of the cable car. Spotted the bay at sunset from the corner of my eye. The sun, a molten disc, descended down to the water for its daily dusk quench. It was there I found my vengeance waiting for me. Sun drizzling its molten self—and my feelings—out into the water. It was more sobering than a cold shower. What was I doing?

I asked everyone, “What’s the plan for tonight?”

Melissa said, “Whatever it is we need to cover four floors with four people.”

“Simple,” Amber said, “we each take a floor and leave it at that.”

Lupe hummed, “You sure? That’s a lot of lab for each person to cover alone.”

“Sure, but after this test we might not be allies again. If that’s the case, I’d rather cover a floor by myself in private than be forced to hold back so I don’t give away any secrets.”

“Fair enough,” Lupse said. “We all have something to hide. So, who’s taking what floor?”

“I’ll take the fourth,” I said. It was where the lab kept its records. No fancy experiments likely, but I wanted to get a full picture of whatever was going on.

After that Lupe claimed the third, Amber the second—she said it was to man the security room and monitor the cameras, and Melissa took the lobby. When we finally arrived, we stepped off of the cable car and onto a small hill on the far fringes of the city. Looking back you could barely see the bridge that Brightgate took its name after. The ancient edifice of an Old power dwarfed against the seniority of a grander universe.

We crossed the soft clover lawn into the building itself. Lab 447 was a squat ugly thing of brick that you’d be all to ready to dispose of from your memory once you had the chance. Whatever paint had been used to gussy it up just left the exterior looking like someone had mauled the white hide of some creature. While flecks of paint-flesh were torn away by the greedy hands of time. Once inside the building our opinion turned.

The interior was larger than the boxy exterior implied. With beautiful wooden floors and what Dad referred to as a mid-century sort of design. The lobby was an open floor plan with only a few columns for support of the ceiling. As well as a small upper section of the ground floor that was held up by smaller columns which formed a sort of alcove where the elevators hid.

Melissa slowed me down a half-step on the way to the elevators.

“Nadia,” Melissa said, “be careful okay?”

“I’m always careful,” I said.

“The day you’re careful is the day I’m sure Sphinx has taken over your mind. But, seriously, they keep saying and pushing it, and I just worry…”

“That someone’s going to kill me?” I asked.

“A little bit, but I’m more worried that you’ll kill people.”

“You know—”

“I know, the tests are pushing this on us, but that doesn’t mean we have to let them. Aim for capture or just make them run. We only have to pass.”

I stopped and pulled Melissa into a hug. Held her head against me so I wouldn’t have to lie to her face.

“If I kill anyone,” I began.

“Nadia.”

“No, listen, if I kill anyone it’s because they tried to harm you. If I kill for anyone it’ll be you.”

“I don’t want that on me,” Melissa mumbled. “Just, wait for them to cross that line first. Let it just be you putting down an animal rather than killing a man.”

“I can do that,” I said. It was the least I could—and would—do.

She then pushed me away, and smiled. Formed her hand-spell and Mutated into her chimeric form. Let a purr rumble in chest down her arm and into my chest. Playing its song on ribs. I blushed and joined Amber and Lupe in the elevator.

“How much of that was true, Temple?” Amber asked.

“All of it,” I said.

“Alls below, you make a lady jealous.”

Lupe said, “Still, you going to try and capture them first? It’s harder that way.”

“I don’t mind it when it’s hard,” I said. Lupe chuckled at my own innuendo.

“More power to you. A lot of the summoners trying to join the Lodge are animals. Why not thin the herd? We might make this whole test a little less lethal along the way.”

Ding. We’d hit the second floor—technically the first basement—and Amber crouched around me, almost curving like a snake. Her eyes narrowed and blazing.

“Even if you’re trying to capture them. Don’t hold back. Let them earn your mercy before they exploit it. Got it?”

“I do,” I said.

“Good girl,” she said, and kissed me.

It was as brief and hot as sticking your fingers into a candle. Her teeth teased my lips. When she pulled away I noticed her eyes flick to a blushing Lupe whose face is pointed downward at the elevator’s buttons. A smirk of confidence filled Amber’s face as she exited the elevator.

“Why’re you blushing?” I asked.

Lupe said, “Who wouldn’t after seeing that? She might as well be yelling at me to keep my hands off of you.”

“You can see? I thought…” I trailed off.

Lupe waves the question, “Eh, it’s not a secret. I lost my vision as a kid, and once I became a summoner I found a way to fill the gap.”

“Seeing eye entity?”

“Better,” Lupe said. “I made this bracelet using a few phonemes I learned early on. Hooks into my spiritual musculature to project a field of Morning constantly. It’s not a real field-spell at all, so interfering with it is harder than it’d seem. All the energy does is hit stuff creating a kind of “shadow map” around me in a sphere. The denser the spirit of whatever my light bounces off of the clearer the map. With some things, like most walls, not being dense enough to keep my light from moving through them.”

“So, you saw Amber kiss me then?”

“I did. Though it was more like two bright human-ish silhouettes pushing against each other. Neither of you are far enough up the Chain to be more distinct. Though you were some sexy silhouettes.”

“I’m sexy then?”

“Don’t go fishing for compliments,” Lupe said. “Still, you are what you are. Sexy and so unsubtle when ogling a girl. Made me feel great that morning.”

“I was so subtle,” I said.

Lupe laughed, “Then chalk it up to a vision-issue. You have to turn your head to really look at something. Me, I could face a wall and still be drinking in your figure. Anyways, this is me.”

Ding.

“See you on the other side,” she said.

The doors shut behind her. In the barely reflective steel of the elevator doors, I watched as Sphinx exited my body.

“It’s only us now,” she said. “How it’ll be in the end.”

I laid my hand atop Sphinx’s head and gave her a few scritches that pulled soft purrs from her. The two of us hurtled down toward the final floor where answers and our test awaited us.

Ding.