The Charismatic Glass Cannon

I woke up to a blinking notification. It said something about head trauma, but I wasn’t so sure, which probably confirmed the message. I had gotten pretty quick at going into my inventory, selecting the bottle, opening it, throwing a pill back, then putting the bottle back in my inventory. Even in my brain addled state, my body went on autopilot completing the task. I couldn’t have too many pills left. I needed to look next time I was safe. These pills were so valuable, having no potion toxicity.

As my vision cleared, I realized I was on my knees, with a robot on each side of me holding my shoulders keeping me upright. I looked around, I was on the bridge of a large ship. It looked like the bridge of a Star Destroyer from Star Wars. Before me stood a beautiful woman in a red dress, resembling the human looking-robot from the newer Battlestar Galactica. Next to her was a guy who looked a lot like Jayne from Firefly.

“I’ve never caught a captain before,” she said with amusement in her voice.

I didn’t know how I was going to get out of this one. I knew I had to lean on Charisma.

“I am no captain,” I said. “I, uh, I am here about an extended warranty opportunity,” I gulped. “Did you know this ship, the robots, the weapons, and all this gear all have warranties? Warranties that my records show are all about to expire. I think you should really look into extending your warranties. With warranties if anything happens to your robots, the ship, and everything else they will be replaced or repaired.”

“Warranties? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Who repairs them?” She said.

“They do, of course,” he said before I had to make something up.

“Yes, so I am here to see if you want to extend your warranties. This would extend coverage in case anything is broken or damaged. Like he said you give us a call and I send someone out who will get it back up and running. How many shards do you have?” I said quickly at the end to try and avoid any more questions.

“Shards? We’ve collected around 10,000 red shards from our recent raids. It has no meaning to us,” she said waving her hand dismissively.

“Good that is perfect. You guys look like a great couple of entrepreneurs. We have a secret special right now. Usually, it costs 25,000 red shards and that would only get you two additional years. But, right now, I can get you an additional five years at a discounted price if you act now. 10,000 red shards for five years. Just don't tell my boss about this great deal I'm giving you,” I said.

I saw the opaque cartoon bubble hearts floating over both of their heads. They were a much deeper color for him than for her, but hers still had some color.

“Sounds smart,” he said with a shrug nodding and relaxing.

“Don’t be so hasty you idiot. Maybe we can get a better price,” she said, whispering to him. “Would you take 8,000 red shards?” She said to me, a smile on her face.

“I’m sorry, I can’t go lower than 9,000,” I replied.

“You have a deal,” she said enthusiastically.

“Good. I’ll get those shards to the front office, and Janice will stop by shortly to drop off the new warranty. She is waiting for us at planet Xeroth. Can you get me there? Then we can get your extended warranties started.”

“Escort these two to the transport room. You two will go with him to ensure the paperwork goes through. Don’t give him payment until everything is complete,” she said.

“It’s been a pleasure doing business with you,” I said with a bow. “You won’t be disappointed. The peace of mind alone, knowing you are protected, will be a great weight lifted off you in coming raids.”

The two robots started pushing me out of the room. I could probably just lift my feet up, and they would just shoulder carry man handle me. I was led through zigzagging corridors until we entered a room. The room was empty besides the Stargate-looking circular device.

Are you kidding me with this shit? Did you hear the B-S coming out of your mouth? You should be being tortured right now. There was this automated thrusting machine. It’s a thing of beauty. All skipped for what? An extended warranty? But really man you gotta up your game. As a reminder, some of your charm ability is in your words. We might need an update to make it weighted even more with this bogus stuff you have been slinging. I’ll submit a ticket.

I hadn’t heard from my asshole interface in a while, and I didn’t want to admit it, but I missed it now in my solitude.

We stood in front of the massive device, with a desk holding an old-school computer. The text on the screen was green like in the matrix, but it wasn’t dramatically falling downward. A keyboard with strange symbols lay in front of the screen, with the keyboard buttons being pressed by an invisible force. A code sequence glowed on the screen in front of the device. After the seventh image was selected, a portal exploded out. I instinctively tried to duck, but the robots still had a death grip on my shoulders. The robots dragged me towards the shimmering water like portal.

“Halt!” a voice from behind me yelled.

The voice sounded sinister, like a woman’s voice, accompanied by a high-pitched chittering.

I turned to see a frightening creature, an oh my god I just shit myself level of frightening creature. It stood at least 10 feet tall, with a carapace like an alien from the movie “Aliens,” having the same glossy black, but it was in the shape of a female form. From the neck down, her form was mostly human, except for a long, thick tail. Her, or it, or whatever I should call its head was a different story. It had a normal-shaped human head with the same glossy black carapace, but straight, pure white hair. If you put the hair on a human, it might look normal, maybe even cool. But on this head, it just added to the eerie white and black contrasts which leads me to its eyes. It had larger-than-normal pure white eyes that sat above a large mouth. And Jesus fucking Christ the mouth was frightening. Her mouth, and continuing to stare now I am officially landing on her, took up the bottom half of her face, with lips curled back to reveal rows and rows of gleaming white teeth, connected by thick strands of mucus.

I blurted out something involuntarily, a sound I don’t think I could even spell. I just stared at her. All instincts of flight or fight were replaced by a rabbit’s freeze.

“What is the meaning of this? Take this prisoner to the breeding chamber immediately,” she said the high-pitched chittering making the hairs on my neck stand up.

For a second, the robots didn’t move, and I thought for a fleeting moment that they would disobey her. The shimmering portal was within a few feet of me, but my struggles were useless. I thought about using a Light Orb, but I knew all too well from experience that they didn’t do anything to the robots. I needed to bide my time. Even before my decision was made, the robots were already leading me behind her. As she walked down the long hallway, her large tail swished behind her, drops of drool splashing on the floor. I was just happy she didn’t have acid spit.

I was led down zigzagging hallway after zig zagging hallway that I tried my best to keep track of so I could make it back to the room with the portal if I ever escaped. We finally slowed as we approached a door. Oddly enough, there was a sign that clearly labeled it as The Queens Breeding Chamber 74.

As we stood in the hall in front of the doorway, I heard the pattering of feet from down the hallway, catching everyone’s attention. It was the woman in the red dress from earlier who had just made a deal of a lifetime with me. She came running and fell onto her knees in front of the carapaced woman.

“Queen Xeno, we didn’t expect your arrival. I apologize for not greeting you myself,” she said, head down voice quavering. “The breeding chamber and all your regular accommodations should all be in clean working order.”

“You are a sad captain who doesn’t know who is on their ship. Not only who, but what,” she said, turning to look at me, the chittering all the worse as we made close eye contact.

“Him? He is no one. A run-of-the-mill-human,” she said, disdain in her voice.

“Silence! Can you not sense his power? His potential,” she said as she stretched. The chittering was so loud, I had trouble making out her words.

“I sense nothing, your excel-” she said cut off as Queen Xeno’s tail whipped out, slicing her head clean off.

Shit. I’m not going to be fucking with this lady. I’ve got to use my charisma. Oh, please don’t fail me now.

“My dear lady, I think there has been a great misunderstanding. I am here as a business partner to improve your efforts,” I said, looking at her expectantly, hoping to see hearts floating above her head as a sign that I had charmed her. The hearts appeared, but as they floated up, the opaque hearts cracked and broke in half before disappearing, turning solid black and dissolving into smoke.

Fuck. That was not good.

She laughed, a disgusting sound that was a mix of saliva in her throat and chittering.

“What a feeble attempt but with enough training, it may be a useful skill for my brood,” she said.

Did she just say brood? That did not sound good. I needed to get the fuck out of here and fast.

I was dragged into the room, my eyes racked with pain as they adjusted to the bright white LED lights in the ceiling, providing way more illumination than I thought necessary. The room looked similar to her carapace, but it was grey instead of black, with a wavy texture covering the walls from floor to ceiling. The only difference in the room was a purple rectangle set into a wall on the far side, opposite from where we entered.

I was led to the purple rectangle, where the robots turned me around to face outwards. In seconds, they had torn off my clothing, even removing my necklace. I felt my body deflate as they pushed me in, to the purple material, which was cold and felt like Jello. It was even colder against my now naked body, previously warm and comfortable in clothes. Half of my body was sunk into the purple Jello from the neck down, it hardening and trapping my arms and hands. I had never been so stuck before. I couldn’t even twitch my fingers despite the mold only having a half slice of my appendages. I didn’t know what this stuff was, but the inventor should go on Shark Tank. I was relived to see my clothes on the floor intact, as I had feared they would be torn to shreds by the force with which the robots had removed them.

Another robot entered the room, holding a small metal bowl.

Everything was happening so fast.

The two robots already in the room held my head and jaw open, tilting it upwards. I could barely see as the new robot approached her, and she vomited into the bowl. The liquid was thick and amber-lookingThe robot wasted no time, and I really wished he would. He came over to me and started pouring the liquid down my throat. I coughed and sputtered, but eventually, the liquid started going down.

It looked like oil and tasted like what I would imagine motor oil to taste like. Oil straight from a beat-up car, flake of mysterious metallic dispersed in the liquid. It reminded me in this moment like the oil the Uruk-hai gave the Hobbits. Somehow, that brought me a brief bit of comfort, taking my mind away from what my body was going through.

Then, an unexpected biological function occurred. At first, I was embarrassed, my face flushing even in this setting. It was a male biological function that happens below the waist—need I say more. I assure you there was nothing erotic about what was happening to me.

I was drugged.

I started to break out in a cold sweat. I felt sick to my stomach as beads of sweat ran down my face. Then, a burning sensation begain in my loins, like a literal throbbing burn. It felt as though a miniature creature had been given a flamethrower and hired to roast my nuts.

I knew that whatever was going to happen next was going to be pretty fucked up.

She then approached, turned around, and bent over as her carapace slipped away, revealing a moist chamber, with thick mucus cobwebs connecting the two sides. Without warning, I was plunged inside her. She backed reapteadly, and I lost track of time. Eventually, despite my disgust, I finally climaxed. She vibrated and her whole body hummed making mine vibrate too. I was in shock, my body still trapped as she removed me from her. Her area retracted, covering the chamber with the carapace once more. Then, with a quick flick of her wrist, a quill ejected from her arm and struck me in the neck, causing my vision to go dark.

I woke up, feeling like it was much later, even though everything around me remained the same. The LED-esque lighting beat down, leaving no shadows in the room.

What the fuck just happened? I felt ashamed, physically sick, violated, and defeated. Was I just raped? Was I just raped by a weird creature that looked like the thing from Aliens?

This was it. I was going to die here.

Time passed as I numbly thought of nothing in particular until I heard the door open.

She walked back in, but this time her belly was swollen. Through her now translucent skin on her belly, I could see a baby. It had a body like a human baby, but its outline seemed thicker. It was definitely something different from a human.

Fuck me.

How long was I out for? That baby looked like it was ready to come out. At least seven or eight months of gestation for a human.

Fuck. Was this partially my kid?

She chittered then.

“My species can mate with any other living flesh being, but you are the first of your kind I have met. I can feel our daughter’s potential power,” she said, caressing her belly.

Did she just say daughter? And ours?

“I usually kill those whom I mate with. Good fuel for growth, but I can feel your potential power. I may want more. Yes, many more,” she continued chittering.

Shit. I needed to get out of here quick before the child support payments became unbearable. And this chick would want payment in blood. Or worse yet, what would happen when I was no longer interesting to her.

She was lurched with pain that sent her knees to the floor.

“It is time. She is coming,” she said.

Her carapace moved yet again, which was quickly followed by a splash as the baby, my daughter, splashed to the ground in a thick purple liquid, a large umbilical connecting to her. A notification popped up.

[Qui’lath has joined your party.]